Fingularity

On the drive home from the Jenazah Workshop, I turned to RS, "You know, I couldn't watch them put on the burial shroud for you without tears in my eyes. I had to look away. I can't imagine if you're really gone, habibty" RS let out a small chuckle, "But Kak Fad, when they were putting the shroud on me, all I wanted was for it to be real. I cannot explain the feeling, but I wish I was really returning to Him" Every living soul will taste death - but the taste of death itself varies from person to person, as according to her relationship with her Rabb. A person who loves the dunya and all that is in it - including her wealth, status, family etc -, will find death an immensely terrifying affair for it is a cause of separation between her and that which she loves. A person who on the other hand, loves Allāh and His Messenger ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam, will find death - as painful an experience as it still is - a happy affair for it is the last barrier to be removed, one that has been preventing her from meeting with her beloved. May we be of the people who embrace death when it knocks on our door. May we be of the people who are granted a good end. May we be of the people whose souls the Angels are eager to present to their Rabb. May we be of the people whose deeds are sincere and accepted. May we be of the people to whom Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala says, "O soul at rest, return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing to Him. Enter then with my true servants, enter then to My Paradise." Ameen! #NurazZahraSG #sambutlahpulangku #SurabayawithUstazahZ

"The people of La ilaaha illa Allāh are those who are so madly in love with the remembrance of their Rabb that others call them mad. People like Sayyidina Abu Bakr as-Siddique who gave up all his wealth for His Messenger leaving nothing behind even for his children. People like Sayyidina Uways al-Qarni who allowed children to throw pellets of rocks at him in the name of play, only asking that they don't hit his knees so that he can perform his beloved night prayers. And people like Sayyidina Dhul Bijadain who spent all his time in the prophet's masjid so engrossed in zikrullah, that people began to accuse him of being riya'. But Rasulullah, Rasulullah would tell them that he was no mura'y (show off), but a muhibb (lover) of Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala and His Messenger ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam! How are we compared to the people of La ilaaha illa Allāh?" - Ustazah Zulaikha. Currently in Johor with my beloved Ustazah Zulaikha and Ustazah Fatimah Alkaff. InshaAllah they'll be in Singapore tmr till Sunday :) DM if you want the details 💕 #NurazZahraSG #SurabayawithUstazahZ #JohorwithUstazahZ #EverywherewithAO #sambutlahpulangku (at Batu Pahat)

A lot of what this spiritual journey sends us cannot be explained by the rational mind. Dreaming of a person or a place that you've never known about and later discovering that he is a Shaykh and that place is a spiritual center. Sitting in a majlis and having the Hubabah look at you eye to eye and telling you something, only realizing later that no one else heard it but you. Having a whisper that crossed your heart for a split second related back to you a month later, word by word, as per your intentions. Shaykh Ebrahim once said that the purpose of life is to keep you in awe and amazement at the Grandeur of Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala. To render you silent. In the best of conversations with friends on the amazing things we stumble upon on our journey, the conversations always, always end hanging. Eyes glazed, tears formed, heart humbled by the immensity of Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala. May we always find ourselves in such a state; one that sees ourselves as nothing, and He, as everything. Ameen. (at Yayasan Al-Fachriyah- Habib Novel bin Salim Jindan..)

Whenever I have a moment where my brain leaves me and I think I have done enough for Allāh wa Rasulullah ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam, I just have to be reminded of my teachers, and my sense quickly returns to me. How my asatizah at Rubat Singapura teach without any remuneration, how the asatizah of Nur Az-Zahra and Al-Wafa that I work with do so much for the community for nothing, how the asatizah I've met in Indonesia spend literally all of their time spreading the Deen and doing countless good works without asking for anything in return. Sleepless nights, exhausted bodies, tears worrying for our well-being. Sacrificing their self for Him, for the Beloved ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam, for us. What are we without our teachers? May Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala accept all of their deeds and efforts, make ease their affairs, and grant them His Presence and the company of Rasulullah ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam and all the people they love in the best of gatherings in dunya wa akhirah. Ameen! 💕 #RubatSingapura #NurazZahraSG #SurabayawithUstazahZ #JakartawithTheJindans #AlWafa (at Yayasan Al-Fachriyah- Habib Novel bin Salim Jindan..)

Ya Allāh Ya Rabb, Yang mengerti resahku, Akankah gundahku, Terbasahi rahmatMu / Ya Allāh Ya Rabb, Pengubat pedihku, Sayangi jauhku, Sambutlah pulangku / Ya Allāh Ya Rabb, Pandanglah kotorku, Akankah hinaku, Kau obati CintaMu / Ya Allāh Ya Rabb, Ya 'alim bi haaliy, (Yang mengenali diriku) Ighfirli dzunubi, (Ampunilah dosa-dosaku) Waslih liya haaliy. (Dan perbaikilah keadaanku) #JakartawithTheJindans #ustazahamirahsqasidah #nextnzeventwesingk #topicbaikpasaltaubat #olehUstazahZulaikhah (at Yayasan Al-Fachriyah- Habib Novel bin Salim Jindan..)

"In these gatherings we have, when you sit at the very first row, it may be that someone put you there, or that you yourself placed yourself there," Ustazah Amirah Jindan pointed out, her gaze following each of us sitting in the first few rows. I looked down, ashamed, unable to look at her directly. The past few days we have been treated like VIPs, sitting knee to knee with various hubabahs and asatizahs, and sharing meals with MashaAllah women, whilst hundreds of attendees sat behind us. Ustazah Amirah continued, "And so it is as such as well in our society and in our workplaces; people get to the top by either forcing their way up there, or by others placing them there. But know, o women, that on the Day of Judgment, it may very be that the master finds his slave ruling over him. 'Aren't you my slave?' He asks, only to realize that on that Day, it is not him who decides who is master and who is slave. It is Allāh. It is Allāh who decides who sits where in the Ultimate Gathering. It is Allāh who decides who sits in front with His Beloved. It is Allāh who decides who stands at the back, unable to see even anything at all. And so if you sit here, today, thinking you're something just because you're sitting in front, know that on the only gathering that matters, this seat is not reserved for you. This seat is reserved for those who are beloved to Him. There is no use in lying to yourself, or in deceiving others, to get a place in His Gathering, for He knows you. He knows the reality of your Self, and by that Truth is where you will find yourself with Him." 😭 #JakartawithTheJindans #paraphrased #kitatakdepape #selawatterus (at Shohibul Maqam Cikini)

"Do you realize, Kak Fad, how so many of our hajats are answered in the trip?" AO reflected as we did a post-mortem. I smiled, "I noticed, Alhamdulillah. Like getting to visit Habib Munzir? That was totally not in the plan, but Alhamdulillah Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala heard the whispers in our hearts." AO then added, "And not to forget all the different food that each of us wanted to eat, and allllll of us got what we wanted without having to say it!" The two of us erupted in laughter, thinking about all the A&Ws we consumed the last week. During the conversation it struck me how Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala truly answers all our du'as. In one of the majlis, Ustazah Fatimah al-Kaff (Ustazah Zulaikhah's mentee) mentioned that our du'as are like arrows to a target - our arrows will meet its target, but the time of which it meets it depends on (amongst other things) our distance from the target, and how many veils there are between us and it. That is why the du'as of the awliya and the soliheen are quick to become reality - for what distance is there between a lover and his Beloved? AO broke my train of thoughts, "May Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala grant our big hajats as well, Kak Fad." I smiled, my chest both tightening and expanding at once, pushing tears to surface. My thoughts trailed back to that evening, sitting at the feet of the Sultan al-Qulub, Habib Munzir. Birds chirping, azkar in the distance, and Ustazah Sofia reciting Imam al-Haddad's qasidah, "O Seer of the secrets of my heart, it is enough for me that You look at me. Wipe away my sins with Your Forgiveness, and set my intentions and actions aright" Ameen, Ya Rabb, Ameen 💕 #JakartawithTheJindans #SurabayawithUstazahZ (at Maqam Al Habib Ahmad Bin Alwi Al Haddad ( Habib Kuncung ) Kalibata)

I loved watching the children of The Jindan family throughout the trip. Like how Ustazah Amirah's daughter quietly hid herself between the students of the pesantren during Mawlid, until someone forced her to sit upfront with the asatizah. Like how Ustazah Fachriyyah's 7 and 8 year old daughters have already khatam-ed twice and thrice respectively. Like how Habib Jindan's young son would automatically lower his gaze when we passed by him. Like how all them would straight away get up and salaam the elders during majalees. And the list goes on and on. MashaAllah. Of course, they are children and children do act like children. But what a difference having the right tarbiyyah makes! Case in point: We were playing with Ustazah Fachriyyah's daughters in her office when someone came up asking to pass something to another person. Her 7 year old initially refused to do it as she was enjoying herself with us. "But this is an amanah, right?," her teacher reminded, "And we always have to fulfill our Amanah as soon as possible in case anything happens to us." Hearing this, the 7 year old promptly left everything and went off to do what was asked of her. Zein, yes? 😍 May Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala make us and grant us children who are coolness to the eyes. Ameen! #JakartawithTheJindans (at Cilandak , Jakarta Selatan)

Your age, marital status, and occupation matters not one bit when your Paths are one and the same. It's only been a year since Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala introduced us to one another, but I've already lost count of the number of times we've travelled together seeking the love of al-Mustafa. May He Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala gift us love for each other for His sake, plant True Love in our hearts for His Beloved ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam, and gather us with those we love and those beloved to Him in the hereafter. Ameen. Love you lillah habibtys. Jazakumullah khayr for still accepting me even after traveling with me hehe🌹 P/s. Yes I'm home Alhamdulillah. So many reflections to share inshaAllah! Stay tuned for #JakartawithTheJindans 😜

Salam alaik :) I'll be away for the next week inshaAllah with very little internet access. Will reply all emails and DMs when I return biidhnillah 😘

"Ustazah, afwan but I have to pack my bags now," I typed whilst scanning my room for the things I needed to bring. My flight leaves later today; the only thing already kept in my bag was my passport. My phone beeped: "I'm sure you wouldn't take too much time. You're always traveling right?" I laughed. Fingers on keypad: "True! To tell you the truth, my heart broke when I learnt that it is haraam for a woman to travel alone without a valid reason. I've always imagined I would travel alone to explore the world" I could almost see Ustazah smiling when she replied, "Right? But in truth Islam wants to protect us women. We are like pearls, precious. We think we are oppressed, but in truth, we are loved" I grinned, recalling a different conversation I had with the same Ustazah on how we may plan something, but end up not getting to do it because Allāh knows best. I remember many years ago, how angry I was when my mother forced me to go classes, or prevented me from doing certain things. I thought I knew better, I thought I knew myself. I thought my mother was just being controlling... oppressive. Looking back, I am so thankful my mother made me go for classes; at least I knew how to read the Qur'an, at least I knew the basics of prayer, at least I knew I have a God, and I have a Prophet ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam. And how regretful I am for all the times I transgressed the rules my mother laid down for me. I couldn't it see then. I couldn't see how she did all she did out of love for me. To protect me from harm. To push me towards the better alternative. I was too immature, too caught up with my own dialogue, too blinded by my wants, that my clouded judgment perceived her love as a form of oppression on me. And that is perhaps, how we are with God - with His obligations, His prohibitions, with His plans. For everything that we find ourselves stubbornly questioning and unaccepting, it is only because we are too immature spiritually to understand and see His love manifest. The awliya are always at ease, happy and accepting, because they know firmly within them that Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala does everything out of His Love. Iftah qulubana, Ya Wadud! 💕

Everyone is introduced into your life for a reason. Some people are the means to which Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala teaches you a life lesson. They may stay a long while, or they may leave in minutes, but their purpose of presence - whether they know it or not - is to teach you, so that you may grow. Some people on the other hand, are the conduits by which you are able to stand in awe in the witnessing of His Jamal and His Jallal. Being with them - but not necessarily because of them - allows you to see God in your life, to see the Hand that arranges all of your affairs. While others, others are introduced to you for all of the above, but also because there is a purpose that Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala wants the both of you to fulfill. In this partnership, there is no I, and there is no you; there is only Him and what He seeks from the both of you. And what fruits from this relationship if the both of you respond to His call as He asks, is nothing short of Magical. Like sailing full-speed ahead in the open sea, sun on your cheeks, wind in your hair, and the view... MashaaAllah the view. Whichever the reason, for all the wonderful (and the not so wonderful) people He has introduced into our lives, Alhamdulillah. And thank you - you who are reading this - thank for being a part of my life. We might not have met in real life, but our souls, our souls must have met before, for you and I, our hearts beat the same :)

The thing is, my friends, my stories, while they originate from my experiences, are never about me. I write simply because I am a writer, and I have been trained as a journalist. I chose not to work for the media because I do not want to preserve some political film, or some personal drama that will make the 7 o'clock news. Instead, I need my writings to preserve something I truly, deeply believe in. I want to carve words that matter, that changes people's lives for the better. Allāh swt has given all of us innumerable gifts, and the only way of showing syukr towards these gifts are by using them for Him. And this is why I preserve my beautiful experiences with pure souls through my writings. Because these souls - these souls who are hidden like pearls in the bottom of the ocean blue - these souls are reflections of God's Love and Mercy, of Rasulullah's selflessness and tenderness ṣalla Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam. And these reflections are more worthy to be preserved than all else. I write what I write, because I truly believe that when our soul stands witness to souls that are closer to Him, the declaration we made to our Rabb before we entered this world echoes in our chest - Yes, Ya Rabb, You are our Lord! I am not "MashaAllah". Far from it. You don't think the journalist as a genius when she writes a story about a prodigy. The subject of the story - that's who the true genius is. I am but a writer, a storyteller. Someone who - purely by God's Grace - stumbled upon pearls whilst diving in the ocean, swims back up, and calls people to jump in and see these pearls for themselves. Hoping - even though I may never be like pearls in the ocean - that I'll be around them so much in my work, that they too will ask of me when the day comes that I am unable to make that dive again. May He Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala gather us all with the ones that we love, and the ones beloved to Him. Ameen.

My publisher account just got approved Alhamdulillah. So... I'm officially offering book cover design + typesetting as part of my services now 😊 Bismillah 🌹 List of titles 2016: 1) Women & Motherhood at the End of Times, Hubabah Huda (Available now for free download at nurazzahra.sg/souq) 2) Kepentingan Berwasiat, Habib Muhammad al-Haddar. Malay translation by Ustazah Nur Huraidah Jumat (To launch when Ustazah Z is in SG) 3) Untaian Permata (Iqdul Lul): Sejarah Sayyidatina Fatimah. Malay Translation by Ustazah Halimah and edited by Ustazah Huraidah (To launch end March inshaAllah) 4) Selawat Basyaraat, Hubabah Huda. English Translation by Ustaz Hamdan and edited by Ustaz Saiful Adli (Currently editing) And more, inshaAllah... So if you need any websites developed, posters, logos or covers designed, articles written, or books typeset, you know who to look for hehe.

"I'm sorry I keep disturbing you all the time with all these Nur Az-Zahra' works. Next time we'll set working hours k?" She said, apologetic for intruding her friend's weekend. Confirmation had just arrived for Ustazah Z's upcoming workshop in Singapore. Schedules had to be confirmed, lodging sorted, posters designed. It was 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. Her friend smiled, "Please don't say that. Why put a limit to the time we invest in His way? Nur Az-Zahra' is my investment for the hereafter, I have nothing else to present to Him" They both chuckled. "How true," the first friend responded, "I was just thinking last night that it is not the organizations we volunteer in, or the people we help, or the causes we contribute to that are in need of us. Instead, it is us who are in need of them" #projectpesantren2015 #surabayawithustazahz

Perched on a feeble twig, a dove cooed in the dead of the night, While I was fast asleep, and slumber was my plight, By God, I lied, because if I had truly been in love, How could I be surpassed in wailing by the dove? I claim to be besides myself with ardent love of God, But beasts are shedding tears, and my eyes shed them not. Unknown poet [Ayyuhal Walad]

Sometimes, the cure to your broken heart, is to reach out and heal another's. May Allāh Subḥānahu Wa Ta'Ala ease all our affairs, expand our constricted chests, and gift us the determination and grit to seek His Redha in all our decisions.