Love...

Day 3 Cleaned my room today and watched netflix until after noon. Spend the rest of the day waiting for you to wake up so we could continue our talk from the morning. I love you.

Day 2 Went to University today, after I spoke to you at 5 am on the phone. Smelled a few hundred times the sweater you left me, until my eyes teared up at the memory of your smell. Now you arrived at your destiny and I feel like I lost mine. I miss you.

Day 1 Broke down in the car and started crying uncontrollably. Wanted to call you, but remembered that you were already in the plane. Constantly checking my phone for a message from you, before I remember. I never craved a hug from you so much and never were you further away from me.

Let me tell you a story. A story about a girl, who fell in love. He was sitting next to her, utterly drunk and going on about some thing she can’t remember. As he spoke, looking at the night sky, watching the fireworks go off, laughing about something silly, she knew it. She knew that this was the guy she’s been dreaming about. And it was not about his handsome face or perfect body touching hers. It was about the way his eyes caught the colours of the exploding lights, making his them shine brighter than the stars above them. It was about the way his laugh filled her heart with warmth and she couldn’t help but laugh with him. And as they sat next to each other, looking at the night sky, they made the first step into a future, none of them saw coming.

I feel so stupid. How could I really think that you changed your mind? Now, months since you ended it, I an broken once over again.

How did you smile, when you were about to kiss me? How did you look at me? Where did you place your hands? How did your lips feel on mine? I don't remember But I miss it.

I wish I would have paid more attention to the moments you kissed me. How your green eyes looked at me, how you moved your body closer, how your hands touched my waist and how you laid your soft lips on mine. How it felt. But I didn't know that it was our last kiss. And now, I am left with nothing, not even the memory of it. But this is just how it goes, right? We take things for granted and only start to really appreciate them when they're gone. When it's too late.

You know what annoys me the most? That you didn't even try. You ended everything, before it even was anything. Maybe we wouldn't have worked out. But what if? You didn't even try and now this "what if" will haunt me through eternity.

I am addicted to you. I am addicted to talking to you, texting you, laughing, hugging and loving you. And I tell myself that I have to stop, because this way I will never get over you. Forget you. Stop loving you. But everytime I try to stay away from you, I get so unbelievably sad. As long as we are talking I can forget that you left me, that you will never love me and that we will never be together. But the minute we stop, reality breaks in and I have to deal with feelings I don't want to have. So tell me, how am I supposed to get over you?

In one minute you talk about how you want to hook up with someone soon, and in the next you tell me you drink so much, because you have to think about me. Why are you doing this to me?

You know what the sickest part is? That after all you've done to me, I still take pieces of myself to try to fix the holes in you, even if i am more broken, than you could ever be.

You know, actually I am Fine. Really Fine. Most of the times. But then comes a little something around, something that makes everything break and fall apart and suddenly old scares open again And I bleed