a fine piece of ass

I feel like everyone worships avocado and I’m struggling because it just tastes like compressed wet grass lump but nobody will listen and I’m all alone in this world

The moral of Rudolph the Red nose reindeer is that no one likes you unless you’re useful.

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer as capitalist propaganda: discuss

rudolph was already exactly as useful as the other reindeer. the moral is deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable

one thing i really like about myself is how im the greatest person alive

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”

[me, covered in 20 blankets,] before you ask, yes, i do require all of these,

*wakes up from a nap i took on accident* what the FUCK

I hate when I text someone because it’s been a while since we have talked and I’m like “hey we haven’t talked in a while” and they’re like “oh you don’t hmu anymore” like excuse you a conversation goes both ways you could have said something first and if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t have been talking right now

All of the orgasms in fic are so violent. His orgasm came like a punch to the gut. It hit him like a mack truck. It knifed him in a fucking alley. What these orgasms need is a good education.

the orgasm tapped him on the shoulder politely because it wasn’t raised in a goddamn barn

By the time he came back to himself, the orgasm had washed the dishes, vacuumed the living room, and retrieved his lost house key from under the chaise lounge.

does anyone have like ten thousand dollars they don’t want

*pats math on the head* you’re adorable, but we have no idea what the fuck you’re saying, little buddy

Things will work out when they work out. If they don’t work out the way you intend, don’t fret. It is probably a reminder that something needs change or attention. It’s another experience under your belt. It’s another lesson learned. Even the best fall down sometimes…don’t be so hard on yourself. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

“I got you this rose because it reminds me of you.” “Aw thank you so much.” “It’s cheap. And fake. Like you.”

His accent jut a makes it funnier