I think a lot about the impact I have on people. I think of what you feel when my presence is simply a ghost of what it used to be. Do you shiver because it's unsettling that I was once there? Or is it the fact that you can still feel me despite me being long gone? I wonder if I leave a mark on you forever or like your hoodie does on your face after a hard nap- it's there, and everyone knows what happened, but give it time, and it's like it never happened. Did you grieve me? Did you stay up on late nights and, too, wonder what conversation we'd be having at that moment instead? I dream of people I used to know hovering over my contact, debating if they should call. I think about whether I made you happy. Did you giggle at my jokes? Was my face enough for you to break out of your shell? That feeling vibrating in your bones, what that because of me? Did you hppe I'd text and call you first? Was there rage when you heard my name? Was there warmth when I placed my hand against your hands? Were you soft, with me?
I wonder not just because the confirmation of such things makes me feel like I really do exist in a meaningful way, but because I felt that for you too. That's my favorite part. I felt.
