Riley Sol

To be honest, Silver expected a lot more resistance towards his idea and was genuinely surprised that it never happened; but he wasn’t going to protest the opportunity when he created it, so he went along with it, climbing on Riley’s back and holding on tight, head resting on top of his. It felt almost instinctive, an echo of a moment in the cold of the night when he actually felt warm for the first time in a while; he gave it quite a lot of thought even, trying to make out any details from the blurred shapes of his memory in those spare seconds when he believed it was a good idea - just so in the next moment become convinced that it wasn’t so great at all. It was a ridiculous rollercoaster of emotions, one that he only managed to slow down once they were out on the open road; and one couldn’t have cared less about right now when it felt like certain pieces were finally falling in their place.

“Aaaand you just made me wish I chose truth instead.” He said with a small laugh, not too serious about that statement; although he was fairly sure that the game steered away from being serious too, what he actually didn’t mind that much. Seriousness felt like it was reserved for Asphodel strictly; if he gave it a proper thought at any time, he’d probably realize that he cleaned his act up only after moving there, let go of a bunch of self-destructive habits he didn’t even realize he had before - but it was one of those things once again that were easier to push back to some darner of his mind, rather than being properly analyzed through.

Realizing that he zoned out again, he quickly shook those thoughts off though; and very reluctantly got off Riley’s back, one hand brushing lightly against his neck as he pulled it back. Only then he decided to have a proper look around, trying to assess how much company they had just scattered around the beach; maybe he was paranoid, but he didn’t really want to end up being charged for public indecency after miraculously managing to maneuver his way out of it last time - and to be fair, he also didn’t want to start off his police record with this ( not that he’d want a police record at all, but if was meant to happen, at least it could a speeding ticket or something… ). “Well that’s one way to get my clothes off, I guess…” He muttered under his breath, only slightly embarrassed that he actually said it out loud; if just spitting out whatever nonsense was on his mind at the given moment was a new habit that he picked up unsubconsciously, he wasn’t sure that he liked it - but he had yet to figure out how bad of a case he was, or was that just a one-time slip up that he let happen by sheer accident. “But okay, let’s do this.” He concluded, glancing over at Riley with a small smile as he started taking off his clothes, making just the slightest attempt to make it look good, ( just in case, because that would make sense, right? ); and to be fair, if there was something he was really good at, it was dragging out time for no apparent reason, which he was sure he already proved at some point earlier.

♚

Riley thought it would be more awkward, imagining a clumsy mess of long limbs and probably tripping over his own feet at some point, but a dare was a dare and it was one of the few rules he felt bound to follow. But instead he had Silver curving almost too naturally around him, his head resting on his, hands gripping him tightly, and he found warmth sinking into his back as hazy memories hovered closer. Bits and pieces of a drunken night that didn’t feel quite so far away for a moment, so much more carrying over into daylight that he thought would get pushed aside and relegated to liquor and shadows. It was a surprise he was doing his best to dwell on, not wanting to question too much or too loudly why Silver had agreed to any of this, why he’d handed over car keys and climbed in with him without more argument. It was enough that he had, and Riley hefted him higher with hands gripping his thighs as he headed across the sands. Feeling it sink between his toes, and if it made it that much harder to walk, he wasn’t in any hurry.

A quiet laugh escaped him at the trace of regret, but he’d quickly decided that his companion’s complaints weren’t nearly as sincere as the way he held onto Lee while he carried him closer to the water.  “Too late,” he said, and if it was a little too cheerfully it wasn’t anything he tried to hide.

But then there was a hand lingering against the back of his neck and he found quickly that it was harder to maintain something cocky and uncaring when he could be distracted so quickly, something so casually affectionate that it left Riley momentarily quieter, watching him while he scanned the rest of the beach. But despite his joke from the car, a quick laugh escaped him when Silver started peeling his clothes off. Surprised all over again, because he hadn’t expected that much shamelessness, wondering briefly if he was stripping off each piece intentionally slowly because it caught his attention as much as he was sure it was supposed to, and if indecent exposure wasn’t on his rap sheet he considered adding it now. His laughter settling into a lazy smile as he watched him, stirring up more memories of skin beneath his hands, of waking up next to him the morning after. 

“Hey, I said it was entirely up to you. If you wanna get naked in front of me, that’s your call.” A slight shrug of his shoulders, like he could ever really feign innocence, something too teasing about the smile he couldn’t shed and barely tried to. “Not that I’m gonna argue."

“And to be honest, I’d do that again.” He answered with a small laugh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear; while he wasn’t necessarily eager to continue this game of truth or dare, he didn’t feel as anxious about it anymore as earlier. Being far from Asphodel definitely helped with easing up the restraints that he usually kept on himself; maybe that’s why deep down he longed for leaving - or just starting over in a more honest manner than he was doing it now. That was definitely something for him to reflect on at a later time; for the time being he felt just too eager to finally get out of the car and feel the ocean breeze on his skin.

To be honest, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw the ocean; it must’ve been at some point during his childhood before his mother packed up his days with dozens of extracurriculars and confined him to the empty hallways and rooms of their house. The realization, that because of that he missed out on way too many things, sunk in faster than he would’ve preferred it to; and he felt just the slightest pang of jealousy at the thought that Riley probably never had to go through that, that he had the chance to experience all that freedom that Silver was never given. But it was just a passing feeling, a thought that went away just as quickly as it came; the past didn’t matter anymore. Not at that moment.

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” He shook his head with a small smirk; it was a potentially misplaced assumption, but it just seemed to him that Riley was someone who enjoyed being at places where he wasn’t supposed to be - and he even managed to talk Silver into a makeshift break-in, what was definitely something he never expected to happen. He was never the one to give in to the temptation of breaking the rules; nor did he know how to not doubt this newfound freedom now, the doubts piling up in his head that he simply did not deserve all the good things that were offered to him.

“I mean, I… uhh…” As much as he wanted though, he had no reasonable explanation; it would’ve been a shortcut to hide behind his past and the anxiety related to it, but by doing that he’d just circle back to something they agreed to not touch on anymore today, so… That was an obvious no-go. Embarrassed and unable to meet Riley’s gaze, he opted for deflecting instead, maybe once again; gaze turning towards the ocean, he stretched out like a lazy cat, trying to mask his uncertainty with a laugh that turned out maybe a bit too nervous than it should’ve been. “Anyway, why aren’t we down there yet? Come on, let’s go!”

♚

The words just made Riley smile, that for as much as he might have protested, he wasn’t just giving Silver a list of regrets to look back on later. Maybe offering something better, something like freedom, an urge to break others chains as much as he wanted to shatter his own, even if they were gold gilded ones. He was aware that it was occasionally a childish one, potentially ungrateful, but in moments like this it felt like a kindness. A freedom that his father had given him to figure out who he was, and if there were plenty of ways he wished he could emulate Charlie Sol, that was one he didn’t imagine most would ascribe to the man.

His tone still turned teasing in the next moment, a quiet scoff escaping him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to imply about me, but I’m sure it’s rude.” Said with as much seriousness as he could manage, which wasn’t much, even on his worst days. And this wasn’t one of them, a smile replacing his best attempt at acting offended. Little that fell under that category to start, and whatever the exact implication was, some commentary on an intentional disregard for rules whenever possible or a penchant for finding himself places he wasn’t supposed to be, those were both things he was comfortable with. 

“You... can’t think of anything either? Perfect.” He was sure that wasn’t the explanation Silver was searching for, just as sure that there wasn’t a genuine answer for it that he was going to accept. Questions of what someone deserved were better left in Asphodel, and didn’t have much bearing on anything except complicated questions of power and rank.

If he wanted to, Silver could’ve argued that actually there were many arguments against getting a piano - starting at the price and finishing on how much space those took up; the tiniest part of him, the one that ever so enthusiastically doubted everything good that was offered to him, considered starting this conversation, as well as talking Riley out of this idea - just in case, if he’d came to regret later that he’d even offered it up. It should’ve been a lot easier to refuse a favor like this, especially that he knew he’d never be able to repay it; and the reasoning behind why he didn’t do it was inherently selfish - and had very little to do with his love for music.

…just like the deliberate choice he made when deciding on a playlist; as a matter of fact, he never took it into account that he would have to also sing said song - which derailed his thought process a bit and left him wondering if he didn’t go one step too far with the fairly bold decisions he was making. But at least he wasn’t terrible, what he considered a success - or at least half of it. “Don’t you dare make me sing along to the whole playlist though; I swear I’ll leave you here if you do that.” He even tried putting on a serious face to support his words, but failed miserably at it; with his attention being almost completely claimed by the view of the ocean, he immediately forgot the whole faux threatening - firstly, thinking that he could be incapable of just leaving his companion behind like that, and second, that he’d probably have a hard time leaving the place behind, too.

“This place is beautiful… How did you find it?” He could probably safely assume that the key was leaving Asphodel once in a while - what left him wondering on how many other things he missed out by confining himself to the town; but he also knew that he probably wouldn’t enjoy discovering all those places alone - nor would he decide on leaving Asphodel, for that matter. Somewhere deep down he knew that it was ridiculous in a certain way: relying on others to get him out of his comfort zone constantly; he had no reasons either to hope that this could be more than a one-time occurrence - but the thought made home in his head anyway, alongside many others that had the potential to hurt him in the long run. He pushed that thought back though, not wanting to rush head first into hypotheticals, even if they were sort of worth getting hurt over. “You’re really spoiling me today… But what did I actually do to deserve this?”

♚

Riley laughed at the threat, never really considering there was any truth behind it, even if that immediately made it a tempting challenge to follow through on. Wanting to do something, too often simply because he was told not to, a flaw that he hadn’t shed himself of yet and hadn’t really tried. But this time he didn’t press, regardless of whether he’d enjoyed his singing or not, he didn’t want to push him into uncomfortable. Just into forgetting an obvious restraint that he showed every signs of wanting to be free of, and Lee was all too willing to help. Shrugging at the words as he put the car in park, turning his head to flash him a quick smile afterwards. “Don’t blame me. You picked dare.” 

A game that had been half forgotten and he wasn’t in any rush to continue, momentarily just as happy as his passenger to finally reach their destination. If there was something tempting about driving until Asphodel was nothing but a fleck in his rearview mirror, it was the same reason why he’d always loved the ocean too. The same reason why California had been his first, last, and only choice, one of the ones he hadn’t wanted to come home so quickly. As if he’d found the end of the world, nothing but water on the horizon and an illusion that it was all that was left.

It kept him distracted for a moment even as he climbed out of the car, but the question brought him back down to earth, a memory of a bonfire raging on the beach, too many strangers, and too much vodka making it that much hazier in his mind’s eye. “Went to a party out here in high school. Dunno if we were supposed to be here, but we didn’t get caught so who cares?” 

Which might have summed up too much of his life experiences, but he didn’t dwell on it. Shutting the door behind him, but not in any rush, taking it all in for a long moment, a slow inhalation and the taste of salt on the air. And he thought it was beautiful, but he didn’t think anything of sharing it until Silver asked why he would, finally drawing his gaze back to him, brow furrowing slightly. “Why would you have to do anything?” Confusion present in his tone that he didn’t try at all to obscure when it sounded like a strange thing to ask. “It just sounded fun.” 

“Wait, really?” He immediately perked up, unable to contain his excitement; even though the piano wasn’t his instrument of choice, but it was a very close second - and to be honest, he really just wanted to play music again. He didn’t even realize how much he missed it until the chance was once again in his reach - as well as the motivation to get back to it; and while usually he wasn’t the one to indulge in hypotheticals, he allowed himself a longer moment to think about this idea at all. Truth be told, he only ever played to his mother and her whole entourage who rarely ever cared what he played, as long as it was dull enough to not bother them; but the last thing he wanted was to present from that side, especially if he wanted to impress. And maybe he wanted to do that, even if just in the slightest bit.

But, well, first he’d have to have a piano for that - and to be fair, he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know how Riley planned to get one. Whether it was by legal ways or not-so-legal ones, he’d be indebted either way; and that was something that would certainly bring down his mood if he decided to dwell on it - so instead he let it go for the time being, to worry about it at a later point when it wouldn’t be a hypothetical anymore.

But at least the dare he feared so much turned out to be a not so terrible one; but it had him shaking his head anyway, nervous chuckle escaping his lips as he reached for his phone to switch back to said song. He had to bite back a self-deprecating comment too, even if it was the shortest way to get rid of at least part of the nervousness he felt; partially because of the singing itself, but also the lyrics, which once again spoke more of his thoughts than he wanted to reveal. But it was just something that came with playing truth or dare, right? Some things just had to be revealed.

And with this thought he started the song, turning the volume up a little bit so he could sing along; starting off quiet, almost anxious about the words he said out loud. A stray thought of maybe having to ask beforehand if Lee knew any Chinese at all; yet he kept glancing over at him at the more meaningful parts, only half-aware that it was probably the most obvious way to give himself away with the few scattered thoughts he had and couldn’t make sense of in any reasonable way. And he felt only partially relieved when the song ended, heartbeat rushing a mile a minute; “ugh, never make me do that again, thanks”, he said with a small chuckle, gaze shifting towards the window, suddenly feeling too anxious to look at his companion. “So, are we there yet? As much as I enjoy this ride with you, I’d also love to see this mystery location…”

♚

“Sure. Why not?” The blatant enthusiasm only brightened his smile, certain that he could acquire one and just as certain that there would be few, if any, arguments about it. With a history of rapidly shifting hobbies and interests it was nothing his father or anyone else who knew Lee wasn’t used to by now.  Even if it had been a few years, but with that came the strange consideration that he’d only touched on in fleeting glances. A question of how long he was staying, if this was him settling in, or if he could still turn around and leave a week from now. It wasn’t anything he had an answer to, the reason it kept getting pushed to the back of his thoughts, and after the briefest moment he decided the offer didn’t really change that.

Either way he went quiet when he started to sing, listening with a half smile on his lips. A vague curiosity for what the words were when half of it was in a language he could recognize with a distant familiarity but didn’t understand. Close in form to the Korean his father had taught him but too far away to derive any meaning from it. But the parts he did recognize had his smile settling into something more affectionate, even if he purposefully kept his eyes on the road. A difference between forced encouragement and the embarrassment of intent study. But it left him wondering if he should be reading into something so simple, or if he should separate himself from how dangerously personal it felt. After all, Silver had already qualified it, he just loved the song, it might not have anything to do with the man behind the wheel of his car. 

A quiet laugh escaped him when he was finished, shaking his head at the words. “What?” he pressed.  "It was good. Besides, those are the rules.”

He still thought it was one of the gentler dares he could’ve given him, or had given in the past, but he’d still blame that on the car they sat in rather than anything holding him back. A drive that they were quickly reaching the end of, and it made him smile when the question came, encouragement enough not to follow that idle thought of simply disappearing onto roadways. Slowing down to take the next turn, the trees opening up in front of them. A manicured patch of green lining the parking lot, but beyond it were tall grasses and then the moment where sand overtook it all, stretching down to where it met the water.  Wooden stairs leading up to a covered dock that stretched out into the ocean. 

“I guess? I mean, it’s been like 300 years since then, and Tartini’s work is now largely forgotten… Well, except for ‘The Devil’s Trill’, so he could as well just sell his soul for this one piece to live on?” When he thought about it, it was sort of a fair deal - as long as a deal with the Devil itself could go; if he was in a similar position, he’d probably also go for it just to secure his name in the cruel world of classic music - except that he never really got a go at it. It was just another one of those dreams he had to give up on - and maybe the one he regretted the most; but it was so long ago anyway, so did it even matter anymore? 

But he shook that thought away quickly, glancing over at Lee with an eyebrow raised curiously; shaking his head slightly over the fact that he chose to ignore that part where he admitted to never learning that piece, wondering why he did that. If it was to motivate Silver to step out of that comfort zone he created for himself with all those shattered dreams scattered around him, it was working pretty good - well, except for one tiny detail. “I guess I could try… If we find a piano somewhere, that is.” Although he wasn’t sure that there was a complete score for it, considering that according to the legend the Devil doesn’t play the piano; but that was a matter for some other time.

And with the car speeding up, he could feel his heartbeat accelerate too; the slightest fear of crashing the car mixing into the excitement of rushing down the road towards their destination - and he could almost feel all his worries being carried away by the wind rushing past them, like they never existed. Was that how freedom felt like? If so, he wanted to hold on to this feeling the longest possible. “Yeah, I should be fine.” He answered with a chuckle; well, if there was still anything that counted as unexpected, this idea was certainly one of those - and while he didn’t mind it the surprise the slightest bit, anxiety still settled in the back of his mind, self-doubt clawing at him once again. He kind of wished that daylight and being sober wouldn’t change much; but then again, could the universe be that generous to him? 

“Dare.” It was only fair to choose that after picking truth first, right? And he was genuinely curious about what would Lee come up with for this one; and he couldn’t just play it safe all the time. He had to shake off those shackles holding him back, and if there was anyone he wanted to do it with… Well, maybe he was getting ahead of himself a little bit. Maybe a bit more than he wanted to admit yet. 

♚

“Then I bet he did.” An assessment based on nothing except his own feeling like that was how the story was supposed to end, because that was how bargains with the Devil always ended. In blood, or in emptiness, something lost even if they got some shiny, cursed thing in return. It didn’t make him any less curious about what that kind of piece might sound like, a shrug of his shoulders at the only argument his passenger could put out there. “I’m sure I could acquire one.” 

A confidence that had little to do with his father or the privileges that came with being his son, even if those things were too close to the forefront of his mind these days. Everything to do with how he’d lived his life in LA, figuring out ways to get what he wanted even if it was through theft or simply thrift stores, and he couldn’t help but wonder how easy it might be to steal a piano. A thought he didn’t follow much farther, at least not at the moment, a laugh escaping him at the answer he got instead.

Silver was full of pleasant surprises, Riley not expecting him to agree to skinny dipping or to go for a dare next. It still left him grinning, smile already bright from that rush of adrenaline, still feeling as though the wind were rushing over his skin. It was entirely too tempting to simply keep going, to take the next turn instead of continue heading down the road towards the beach. To take off down the highway with genuinely no idea where he was going and see what happened. If it didn’t feel so much like running away, if he hadn’t just gotten done telling Silver that he had a home and a makeshift family waiting for him in Asphodel, then maybe he would have. But it was something he wanted him to have, not to take it away. What he offering now was simpler, a brief, bright escape for both of them.

“Hmm.” He took their turn while he considered it, trying to think of something dare worthy that he could still pull off in a car. "Okay. That song you started to sing along with before. Do it again, start to finish, no making fun of yourself.” 

“Oh boy…” He couldn’t help but let out a nervous chuckle, free hand rushing through his hair in a slightly anxious manner; to be honest, he always had a hard time with all those games, always having too much to hide and too little to offer, fearing that he’d reveal something that was better left unmentioned. Except that this time he didn’t really have anything to hide anymore - the worst thing he could do was to eventually embarrass himself, but… that he probably managed to do already, so it couldn’t really be worse, right? “I guess I should go first.. I mean, I still owe you a truth for that question I never answered earlier.”

“Yeah, that’s a good start.” He barked out a small laugh, lips stretching into an amused smile; as obvious as it seemed, it was still nice to hear it said out loud. He lowkey knew that it was ridiculous that he needed this reassurance; be he didn’t want to dwell on the whys and hows of it, or at least not now. 

Not when he got caught red-handed at being terrible at acting like he knew anything about their destination; it bruised his ego just a tiny bit that he had to admit defeat, shaking his head slightly. “No, never… So the surprise’s not ruined, don’t worry.”

♚ 

“Does that mean you’re picking truth?” He smiled when he said it, and if there was mischief tugging at the corner of his lips, this time he didn’t indulge in any deeper curiosities. Staying true to the only rule Silver had put down, even if it was to a different game. Nothing too heavy, nothing that might drag both of their moods down with memories they both seemed to be running from. Instead something that carried just as much interest for him, the playlist still running in the background a mix of familiar and unfamiliar. “’Cause if you are, it’s still a music question. How about favorite song? Points if you tell me why.”

Jumping the gun in the next moment, volunteering before Lee made him even ask for it. “And before you ask me what I pick, it’s dare.” Which he didn’t think should surprise either one of them, but he wondered if it did, some narcissistic curiosity just what Silver did think of him. Not a thought he lingered on, because he liked to pretend no one’s opinion of him mattered all that much. Even if it was someone he liked, his partner from some great getaway.  

“You know, I’m willing to share anything with you but… how about we make it interesting?” He tilted his head slightly, lips curling up in a small smile as he looked over at Lee; thoughts straying far from everything that’s been said before, wanting to leave everything serious behind just as they left Asphodel. “Twenty questions? No heavy stuff though, I think we got enough of that for a while.”

Although he knew that those old wounds had to be scratched open again at some point, especially if he wanted to go the honest way in the long run too; but that was a concern for some other time, a hypothetical that could’ve been as well unfounded - hence he pushed it away to the back of his mind, focusing his attention back on his company. “Wow, we have so much in common…” He barked out a small laugh at the familiarity of the situation, the words of agreement echoing in his thoughts from a night before; he found it slightly amusing how they circled back to the things they touched on then, even if he did it completely unintentionally, considering how his memories were still blurry in a huge part, no matter how hard he tried to remember.

“Wait, you’re really going to tell?” He let out a small, surprised gasp even; but the answer was just as helpful as no answer would’ve been, since he had honestly no idea where the said place was - but he accepted it with a small nod anyway, curiosity sated for the time being. “I thought you’d keep me in the dark until we got there…”

♚

Riley gave a brief hum in contemplation of the game Silver presented him with, and while he qualified it with no heavy stuff, there was still a flicker of anxiety at that. Something Lee thought would be easier for him to follow than it would be for his companion, because he’d already laid out where a lot of those lines were. Family was a hard subject, home, death and undeath. All the things that had made him run, but for all the honesty he’d gotten, Lee had hedged around anything that had too much power to hurt him kind, allusions to moments that he’d rather not relive and memories he was good at drowning out. 

“I’ve got a better game,” he said after a moment. A wicked smile curving his lips as he looked over at him. “Truth or dare. If you want, you can even go first.” And he thought that would be telling too, plenty he could learn about his passenger by which option he chose and what kind of options he might present Lee with. Dares had always been his preference, and maybe that was one of his problems. Too impulsive, too ready to abandon rules just to see where he ended up.

“Hey, good to know that neither of us want the other to die. That’s always a good sign.” He couldn’t maintain anything serious in his tone for more than a moment, laughing at it even if it seemed like a given.  

“Touché.” For a second he considered pointing out that those things only increased the chance of them getting introduced in a more official setting; but that was a hypothetical that was already long gone, and one he also didn’t want to dwell too much on. He definitely preferred things the way they were now - with Lee behind the wheel of his car, taking him into the so-called great unknown, far away from whatever concerns weighed them both down back in Asphodel.

“Nope, already told you all my secrets.” He shook his head with a small laugh, free hand brushing a stray lock of hair behind his ear; from a technical point of view, there were a few more things that he could admit to, but not a single one of those seemed worth the time to mention them at that moment - being mostly small, insignificant things. “So there’s nothing else to confess to for now.” 

And he knew that those words meant as a joke didn’t necessarily sound like one, but he really did mean them to be at least slightly amusing; it was the stupid specifics of his sense of humor, always being a bit darker than it should’ve been. He preferred the more light-hearted approach to those things, even if it was just a faux façade sometimes, a half-hearted attempt at pushing back the demons of the past haunting him in a daily basis.

“I really hope that it’s not where this is going… I kind of prefer myself alive, you know.” He glanced over at Lee, lips curling up in a small smile; now that he knew that he wasn’t going to get unalived and left behind in the bushes, his curiosity peaked again, both at where they and where this was headed. “But if curiosity ends me first, I’ll haunt the hell out of you, picked up a few annoying haunting techniques here and there.”

♚

“Maybe. Maybe not.” His eyes narrowed in quiet contemplation, even if it was entirely playful this time. No real urge to keep trying to dig open old wounds that didn’t sound like they’d healed quite right, at least not at the moment. Not when he thought today was supposed to be about escape, for both of them. “You didn’t tell me what lyrics, so right there, that’s a secret.” 

Because for his own eclectic taste in music, he didn’t know a lot of what Silver was playing for him, even if it was easy to let himself get caught up in the beat of it. Wishing he had the attention span to really catch more of the words, but there was too much around him right now demanding more from him, not the least of which was his passenger, light glancing off that silver hair in a way that made him smile quietly to himself.

A thing that spread a little bit wider at the comment, a snort of amusement before he agreed with it. “Hey, me too.” The words sounding faintly familiar, one more echo from a drunken night that still managed to reflect so much in the light of day. He hadn’t known whether or not to expect it or even hope for it, alcohol stripping away restraints that plenty held up as a shield. But he didn’t press on it further, because he didn’t have the gifts required to either raise the dead or speak to them. He could speak to something worse, if he wanted to, but he didn’t, and that was a train of thought he immediately slammed the door on. 

“Guess it’s about to stop being a secret.” He gave a quiet sigh, even if it was a minimal amount of real disappointment. But a breath told him the air was starting to smell of salt, the winds ripping past their windows bringing the scent of the ocean with it.  “We’re going to Fontainebleau.” And he left it at that, without explanation.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I understand.” He shook his head with a small smile; although he could already take wild guesses how it would be, being in a similar situation, he suspected that he’d do the same way and would try to keep it a secret too. If he was to eventually go back to Vietnam… No, he didn’t want to think about it; just the thought being too uncomfortable, too scary to indulge in. “And honestly, if you told me that at the very beginning, I’m not sure if I would’ve believed you… I mean, what were the odds, really?” He let out a small laugh, thinking back to the beginning of their night at the bar; if he found out then, he probably would’ve left hastily, throwing some makeshift excuse on the table and then eventually regretted it later after the initial shock passed, so maybe it was truly for the better that he was finding out only now.

“Still though…” It was a fairly good start - well, at least it would’ve been if he knew how to continue; but he wasn’t good enough with his words to say anything that would be suitable, nor had he any good memories involving his own mother, so maybe it was for the best that he had nothing to say further. Maybe it was the right thing to do: to change the way he was thinking about the whole incident with his mother, to take away the selfish parts of it and just think about it as a way that was supposed to fix things. Or maybe he just wanted to believe those words because they came from Lee.

“Like… wait, no, wait a sec.” Even though he had an answer for that, one that immediately came to his mind when he heard the question, he decided to back out of it in the end; it would’ve been easy to just quote a few lines in Chinese and then eventually offer a low effort translation for them, maybe even a fake one just to look a little less obvious about certain things - as if that really even mattered at this point. It was a ridiculous rollercoaster between those quick moments of boldness and his usual attempts at being subtle - a trait that slowly started to annoy him too; but then again, could he really make it any more complicated? “Are you trying to get me to confess to anything now?”

The answer he got had him shaking his head in disbelief though; to be fair, he even liked surprises, but it was still hard to push his curiosity back. The trees and bushes didn’t look familiar at all - but to be fair, he didn’t leave Asphodel that frequently either to know any places around it. “I hope it’s not a surprise murder though… Those bushes look good enough to hide a body in them.” Which was a really awkward thing to say, considering the things said before, but… whoops. 

♚

“I mean... pretty good. It’s a small town. And we’re in the same House.” Maybe lower odds of meeting him before Silver could find out who he was, and he’d found that turned out to be preferable, for a number of reasons. Not the least of which because it left him sitting in the car next to him now, and he wasn’t sure that would’ve happened if it had been under more professional circumstances first. It was a pointless hypothetical to wonder on, because then maybe nothing would’ve happened at all, incapable of predicting how Silver would’ve treated him if he’d simply been the Heir, or Charlie’s son, or whatever role was decided by the truth of him.  

It just left him humming quietly at the broken off words, nothing better to follow it up with, advice that might just be patronizing. He hoped not, the best intentions at least, and a desire in him now to help Silver break whatever chains might still be holding him back. A fear and a restraint that he wanted to help shatter, even if it was just for his own satisfaction. It was the same reason for the question he dodged away from.

“Yes. Your taste in music.” He said it with all the mock seriousness that it deserved before he tilted his head to look over at Silver. “Why, do you have something else you wanna confess to?” And if there was plenty he’d already shared, whatever the quick defensiveness was about, he thought it was something a little bit lighter than the dead woman he’d raised from the dirt. At least, he hoped so, not wanting to keep driving that ghost around with them when he thought they both wanted some kind of escape. Maybe he couldn’t offer the best words, nothing as reassuring as he deserved or even as comforting, but he could offer this; a long stretch of road, the hope of something brighter at the end of it, and no regard for anything they left behind them.

Judging just by the reaction he got, he already knew that the words he chose weren’t the right ones, and it caused his smile to fade quickly too; his only regrets being about blabbering mindlessly until he pushed down both of them on some kind of a messed up memory lane. He only wished he could’ve offered something more comforting than just the gentle brush of his thumb against Lee’s palm; anxiety rising slightly at the words that followed, even though he had the faint idea of what the continuation might be.

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow curiously, head tilted lightly in a questioning manner; if this was really about what he thought it was, he was already over the initial shock and the few doubts he had - leaving him only with all the what ifs that he didn’t want to indulge yet. He would’ve definitely been lying if he said he had no doubts whether continuing whatever it was that they had going on was the right thing to do - fuck, he had more of those than he could count up, ever since he let his curiosity win over the voice of reason and typed in that google search; but it had little to do with house hierarchy and a lot with him being convinced about simply not being… good enough, even though that thought barely made any sense when placed in a wider context. “I… kind of suspected, actually? I mean, I’m pretty sure one of my coworkers almost went into cardiac arrest when you came in, and they were talking about you since the beginning of our shift, so…” 

And even though he really wanted to say that he didn’t mind, that it wouldn’t change anything, he quickly realized that it would be just empty words, that he should prove it in a more meaningful way. To be fair, he wasn’t even sure if there were any right words to offer any consolation, if there was anything better to say than what he opted for; “I’m really sorry about your mom… I’m sure she was amazing though”, with the brief thought following that maybe her spirit could still be lingering somewhere around - but he pushed that back quickly, as chasing ghosts probably wasn’t something that would serve anyone’s interest. Certain things were better left in the past, especially when there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t come with pain; and he knew that spirits frequently carried a lot of that with them.

Hence he was grateful for the distraction when it finally came; even if his Chinese was awfully unpolished after not using it for years, even if he was convinced that he was a mediocre singer at best, it was still a split moment of freedom, letting go. “Her name’s Lexie; found her by accident and some of her lyrics really resonated with me, so…” He shrugged, slightly embarrassed with his own excitement over a few songs; “I mean, she said a lot of things in her songs I could never word properly, so… Yeah.” Not sure how to finish it, he decided to just shrug it off again, gaze shifting to the unfamiliar landscapes they were passing; his curiosity sparking up again over the destination of their little road trip. “Anyway, where are we headed again? I’m not sure I recognize this road anymore…?” And if it was a weak attempt at distraction, he’d own up to it later; after all, maybe it was better to just leave the previous serious things behind, let them be carried away the slight breeze rushing by. Maybe. Eventually.

♚

“Ah, fuck.” A laugh still followed the curse, some small relief in that at least. If there was still a measure of awkwardness, like some claim to self importance he didn’t really feel, it was eased slightly by the thought that Silver already knew. Stripping away any shock, and no real sign of resentment for it. If it was tempting to follow with something more selfish, a question of exactly what his coworkers were saying about him, it was one he quickly decided he didn’t want to indulge. Likely better off not knowing. “Sorry for not leading with that, it’s just... weird being back.” 

Words he’d already said, enough probably given in that explanation outside the Witches’ Brew that he would be content if it simply got put aside. One more thing he didn’t have to worry about, a secret he didn’t have to put any real effort into keeping. Shaking his head at the apology that followed, a loss so old that it had long sense healed over. If anything he regretted a poor attempt at trying to relate, when he didn’t know that he really could. The closest would’ve been watching Helena die, and even then it was different, no real idea what Silver’s relationship with his mom had been like. “Oh, hey, no, don’t even worry about it. Like I said, I don’t even remember her. Hard to grieve someone you never knew, you know?” He shrugged it off, a quick squeeze of his hand, finding he wasn’t anxious to pull it back. “I’m just saying... don’t feel bad for trying to fix it.”

Something he was sure was easier said than done, just as sure there was little that really could be done at all about it. Silver had run, and it made it seem stupid to even ask what things might look like now, if his father was still alive, if his mother was still above the ground instead of in it, or if the mockery of life had gotten to be too much. The consideration feeling all too morbid even with the house he’d grown up in, so he let it go, instead smiling at the explanation he got. Trying to listen a little closer to the song he’d chosen, like it might grant some better insight into Silver himself. “Like what?” he pressed, no effort placed in hiding his own curiosity.

“Fake it ‘til you make it, baby.” He said with a laugh, one that wasn’t forced in the slightest bit; although he could feel that something wasn’t entirely right, that the must’ve been something that caused his smile to fade - but he wasn’t sure how to approach that matter, so he decided to hold back on asking about it. It definitely was something he shouldn’t be snooping on; it would’ve also felt like stepping down to the level of those rumor-fueled coworkers he had at the coffee shop, and that was something he really wanted to avoid.

He was ready to apologize again, this time for saying sorry, but he bit his tongue instead; it was another internalized behavior of his, another one of the remnants of his mother’s upbringing that he just couldn’t get rid of. He felt bad about it too - about that ridiculous need of apologizing for existing sometimes; but even if he regretted many things in life, being honest in that moment wasn’t one of those, even if he didn’t know yet how to come back from steering the conversation into that somber ground.

“No, actually… You’re right. Maybe I just never thought of the whole thing as a mistake made in good will, and that’s why I feel about that this way.” Maybe it was really the way to go about it; after all, under his own, selfish reasons, a tiny part of him really wanted to help his father get his wife back. Maybe all he needed to heal up from this whole incident was a different mindset; and he was grateful to Lee for giving him a different point of view on everything that he could think about later. “Hey, uh… Thank you for listening though. It means a lot.”

If there was anything else he wanted to say, that quickly got forgotten when the playlist skipped to the next song, one he entirely forgot that it was there; the temporary excitement of that accidental finding momentarily distracting him from everything serious they touched on. “Oh! i love this song!” He even tried singing along, at least until he stumbled on one of the words in the Chinese part of the lyrics; and he gave up with a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Okay, nevermind, my Chinese is terrible, so we’re gonna pretend that never happened.”

♚

If he’d been trying to find the humor in it, Lee quickly found he couldn’t, despite an attempt to smile at the words. Joking as it was, fake it until you make it was fair advice, the kind he’d always followed, doing his best to simply carry himself with confidence wherever he went. But he already knew it couldn’t change what either one of them were, gifts that carried a higher cost than most. He’d brought something onto this side of the veil once too, and it hadn’t ended well. Maybe it would help him to hear it, maybe it would be selfish indulgence in a pain that Lee wasn’t anxious to revisit, now or ever, but there was at least one truth he should probably have admitted to already. Sitting up a little straighter before he glanced briefly at him and then back away.

“I haven’t been... totally honest with you either,” he said. Mostly honest, but he didn’t know where crimes of omission fell. Though any nerves that might’ve made him hesitate weren’t from the thought of how Silver might respond to the thought that he’d held things back, and more for exactly what they were. If he had any concerns about house hierarchy, because as much as Lee wanted to hear that it didn’t change anything, he worried it might. “My full name’s Riley. Sol. I don’t know if you knew that already but... if not, there it is.” 

He shrugged his shoulders before he continued. “I didn’t even really know my  mom. I was so young when she died I don’t even have any memories of her. But I think if that had been one of my gifts, I probably would’ve tried too.” It wasn’t a comparison he should be making by any means, a stark difference between a stranger he only had pictures of, and a woman that had raised him. It left him incapable of saying whether the words counted for anything or not, but he did his best to try and settle a smile back in place. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” 

☾ 

“I meant both.” He noted quickly, shrugging with a small smile; and he really wished they could’ve stayed on this topic, have a nice and casual conversation about music and Hollywood and road trips… Or just pretty much anything that wouldn’t have to touch on serious topics like that. He couldn’t exactly explain where that sudden surge of honesty came from either - or why now, when earlier he was more than fine with keeping everyone in the dark about certain things.

“I was.” He shook his head with a faint smile; he knew it wasn’t that easy, that it wasn’t something he could scratch out of his life just by denying it - although he wished he could do that. He spent almost his whole life being defined by this one word, ‘prime’, and he despised it with his whole being - after all everyone saw him as just his gifts and the potential that came with them, but never as an actual person who wanted to do… Different things. He frequently wondered if things were different if his view on primes wasn’t so twisted; if maybe then he could live in peace with who he was without all those lies that he was telling not only others, but himself too. 

But as the silence stretched out between them, he became almost convinced that it was a mistake to talk about it; it was probably the shortest of shortcuts to wreck the mood, regrets gathering up in him as he observed his companion, wondering what might be going through his head at that moment. Did he think that Silver was a cruel individual? That he deserved nothing else but to be condemned and shamed for the things he did? Was that the end to whatever they started over those kamikaze shots that blurred quite a bit of his memories? 

And the words, even if they were true, offered little consolation, even though he really wanted to believe them; so he held on to Lee’s hand instead, lacing their fingers together, seeking comfort in the warmth of his hand. “…but I didn’t make anything better. I just made a mess and then left it for someone else to clean up.” He let out a resigned sigh, lips curling up in an apologetic smile. “I probably shouldn’t have brought that up either. I’m… sorry.” 

♚

Lee smiled briefly at the words, but if music would’ve been a nice distraction, it wasn’t one he could focus on with that new confession sitting between them. Something that felt heavier than both of them at the moment, little of the weight eased even by an open window and a breeze rushing by. And if Silver seemed calm, the words said too casually, forced smile on his lips every time Lee looked over, he didn’t believe either of those things were true. Necromancy wasn’t one of his gifts, but it was one he’d seen in action enough times to know the results were varied and often terrifying. More often than not, the dead were better left dead, and it was what had brought him home instead of dwelling on someone he’d lost.

“Pretty sure you can’t just stop being a Prime.” He did his best to make the words something more playful than he felt, as if he didn’t tell himself the same lies. It kept the smile from lasting, fading in a moment as his teeth tore at the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper.

The apology had him shaking his head, feeling more like a clue for him to offer something better than he had been. “Don’t be sorry,” he told him. Squeezing his hand along with the words, like that might provide some better punctuation on it. He didn’t want apologies, he didn’t want him to regret his honesty, even if he couldn’t say why he’d decided Lee was deserving of it. “Doesn’t mean you didn’t try. Doesn’t mean you’re some kind of monster for it. Everybody makes mistakes, and some of them you can’t take back, or, or fix. You just have to live with it. And it sucks.”

He winced at himself, at words that sounded dismal and pointless, because that was what Silver was doing already, and he was sure it didn’t make any of it easier. His own mother, turned into something all too inhuman, but he didn’t blame him for running from it. What was left at that point? To kill her again? “Which I know sounds... really shitty and unhelpful, but I swear it gets better. After a while... it gets better.” 

He knew that the reasonable thing to do would’ve been to not get his hopes high - but he couldn’t help feeling hopeful of the way things were going, especially when Lee was looking at him like this; and he wanted to believe that there was an ever slight chance of things going in a good direction, that neither of them would end up with their heart being broken. Maybe it was too early for that, but he already believed that it was the right decision to let him in, to not run away at the first chance he had; after all how could he say no to someone who made him feel free in a way he never felt felt before? It was liberating - and Silver definitely wasn’t ready to let go of this feeling yet.

“Classy.“ He let out a small laugh, wondering for a moment what could’ve been the inspiration behind that name; not that he knew anything about naming a band, since he spent the majority of his life being hooked on classics, only taking interest in different things when he left home. His mother was always strict about the music she let in her house, so even if he ever had dreams of starting a band, he gave up on them quickly; but then again, she shattered his dreams of being part of an orchestra too and there was no point in dwelling on that now. “What were you playing?” Although he was also interested in that long list of things too, he decided to not ask about that yet; but made a quick mental note of asking about them later, just to fulfill his curiosity. There couldn’t have been any harm in asking, right?

He wanted to say something, show any kind of an appreciation for the reassurance, but he choked on his words for a second; it was easier to believe those words when they came from Lee, and it just gave him the necessary reassurance that he was doing the right trying by telling him the truth. “About my gifts, for starters.”, he sighed, gaze dropping to the floor of the car. “I’m also a necromancer… which I didn’t tell anyone since I ran away from home.” It was a lot easier to say that out loud than he initially expected; but his hands were shaking nonetheless as he nervously fidgeted with a stray lock of his hair, thinking about how to word the full story to keep it vague but descriptive enough to serve as a proper explanation. It still felt uncomfortable, thinking about it after all those years, the images flashing before his eyes being still too vivid. “A while before I left, my mother had an accident… Crashed her car into a tree at full speed. My father got out with a few scratches, but she…” He swallowed hard, choking back the tears that he felt coming; the faint pain of his nails digging into his palm didn’t help to distract him either - and if that would’ve been the right moment to stop, he decided to not do it. “…he was so broken without her, so I thought that if I brought her back… only that thing wasn’t her anymore, and I didn’t know how to undo it, and it just kept looking at me with those dead eyes, and… I just didn’t know what to do anymore so I ran away and tried to forget. Never told anyone about it either.”

He slowly straightened out his fingers, looking at the drops of blood his nails drew from his palm; even if it felt horrible to think back to that evening, he could still feel the weight of a secret kept for years getting lifted from his shoulders. He just wasn’t sure in what light that put him - but tried to shrug it off, letting out an awkward chuckle as he took a quick glance at Lee. “And if you think now that I’m a monster… You’re probably right. I wanted to just… come clean about it, I guess? And if you wanna ditch me on a curb now, I won’t be mad about it, I promise.”

♚

The response earned a short laugh, little offense taken when he wasn’t the one who’d picked the name. A friend of a friend needed someone to fill in, and it had ended up with him on a stage, a moment that felt like he could add rock star to his resume, if only for a second. “Mostly post hardco- you mean instrument.” He gave another laugh, this time entirely at himself. The words trailing off, too quick to shift to genre than the obvious. “Guitar. Rhythm.” 

But any consideration of music or anything shallower faded when Silver started to answer him, words he hadn’t expected by any means. “Hold up; you’re a prime?” There was no hiding his surprise, losing his grip on that fine line between paying attention to his passenger and keeping his eyes on the road. Flicking back towards him, the nervous tics that were hard to miss when he was so obviously uncomfortable. Lee cleared his throat before he pushed forward, because if that was unexpected, it wasn’t damning by any means. He couldn’t remember if he’d volunteered that fact about himself either, because he rarely mentioned anything but the alchemy. If anything it seemed odd he’d keep it a secret, because prime meant he could be and do anything he wanted. “I mean that’s not...”

He didn’t get to finish, the words too stilted, trailing off before the rest of it came, a clearer image of his history, a reason why he’d kept running. Very literal ghosts in his past, one haunting the corpse of a parent, and for a moment he didn’t know how to respond. A more distant thought, an awful and selfish pride that he’d chosen Lee to tell any of this to, but it didn’t last.

Because it was equally as selfish, the way the words resonated, for a moment his stillness having little to do with Silver and everything to do with himself. Memories he’d blocked out because he didn’t want them, a gift he refused to touch, too much blood on a child’s hands. They came in quick succession before he swallowed them back down, because it didn’t matter, because there was nothing to be gained for either one of them by sharing those things in turn. Less important than who was sitting next to him right now, too aware that he hadn’t said anything yet, and he needed to, because it was important and painful and something he knew he needed to handle with gentler hands.  

“Just so you know…” He lifted his gaze from the screen of his phone just for a second, but that was enough to catch his gaze; that had his lips curl up in a coy smile, and his thoughts wandering away for a longer moment before he continued. “…I’m not opposed to the idea of repeating that.” Maybe except the getting shitfaced part beforehand; and maybe he was stepping out of line by being so open about that, but he was willing to take that risk. His gaze lingered for while even after Lee turned back to the road; and even if he wanted to add something more, he decided to keep it to himself in the end, instead turning back to the window, watching the trees pass by on the side of the road.

And he listened with the most honest curiosity, observing Lee from the corner of his eye; he seemed happier, and that made Silver slightly happier too. He tried to convince himself that it had nothing to do with personal interests, it was just a nice thing to do, to care about the interests of others - and this whole train of thought even ran smoothly for a while, at least until his attention focused on the cakes he was holding all this time. He picked a strawberry off one of them, letting out a small sigh when he bit into it; well, the start was promising, that’s for sure. “Wait, you were in a band? That’s pretty cool.”

The follow-up caused his smile to fade though; he was sure it wasn’t a thing reserved only for Hollywood, he met similar kind of people pretty much everywhere he went during his travels - the French were pompous, the Polish self-absorbed, and others just looked down on him for no apparent reason. It was a chain of low end jobs, from one to another - except that he never wanted to make it big, he preferred to lay low, stay under under the radar as long as he could; and he was always slightly jealous of those who had the courage to reach for their dreams, to fight for the things they wanted instead of going going with whatever that got thrown in their way. “Hey, I… I’m sure you don’t need my validation, but if that means anything… I don’t think you’re a piece of shit.” He shifted in his seat so he could properly look at Lee as he offered a small smile alongside with his words - one that was way too apologetic and cracked, one that he couldn’t hide behind as he thought his next words over again and again. “Because that would mean I am one too, for faking pretty much my whole life since I left Vietnam, and also… for not being entirely honest with you since the very beginning.” 

He let out a tired sigh, his own words weighing way too heavy on his shoulders; he knew that it was a risky ground to thread on, the aftermath of confessing to being a fraud being a way too scary prospect - after all it could’ve ruined everything, but maybe it was best to get this out of the way this early on before there’d be more to wreck. “But please, don’t take it personally… that’s entirely on me and I’m… kind of trying to fix that now? Let me know if it’s not working though.”

♚

“Good to know.” The words were softer than some offhand comment, smile a little bit too sincere with that sudden hope of just how today might go. It was better to keep expectations low, especially when their knowledge of each other consisted primarily around one drunken night, but it was hard not to wonder if he should be looking at this like it could be something more. Especially when he was sitting behind the wheel of Silver’s car, driving him off wherever he wanted without him asking too many questions. Just a blind faith that wherever they ended up might be better than the coffee shop left somewhere in the dust. 

“Briefly. Frankenstein in Pieces.” He flashed a quick smile, amused and appreciative of the band name all at once. One that hadn’t lasted more than a few months, and it was hard to say how much of its presence still remained anywhere. A fight he hadn’t been involved in fracturing the group and Lee too willing to step away because he wasn’t interested in something when it stopped being fun. “But honestly it’s a stupidly long list of things I was briefly.” Which was too honest and probably one of the reasons he could call himself a piece of shit with little hesitation. It was still nice to be argued, even more appreciation for the look Silver gave him alongside it.

“Well I don’t think you’re a piece of shit either.” It felt so blatantly obvious that the words shouldn’t have even been necessary, an impression of Silver so far that hadn’t allowed room for any truly awful flaws. The worst ones he could see were summed up by the fact that he had to correct him at all, too many comments slipping past his lips that pointed to a lack of self-confidence, uncertainty where he stood in the world and what his worth was. He was sure it was born from fear, the one that had sent him running in the first place, but not one he thought was deserved.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it.” He felt just a little bit bad about how terrible this joke was; but the whole situation felt all too familiar, he could remember it even with his memories being just a bit too blurry around the edges. Thinking back to it had him smiling softly, lost in his thoughts for a longer moment as he tried to recall the words he said back then; but it was probably for the better that he couldn’t remember the awful pun he said when drunk. “But I’ll make it up to you.”

“Well, you’re free to take me anywhere then.” And he honestly meant it; at that moment he would’ve gone to the edge of the world even, just to feel free at least for that one day - and sitting in the car with Lee exactly felt like that, like the freedom he was chasing for the last few years, free from all those demons from the past, the responsibilities that weighed him down on a daily basis. 

“It might be.” He said with a small laugh, biting down on his lower lip when he caught Lee’s gaze; for a moment the thought of behaving like a teenager with a first crush crossed his mind, but he quickly shook it away, after all it was a ridiculous one - it must’ve been just the thrill of breaking his own rules, this whole getaway, nothing serious, right? “Let me guess: a lot? I mean, I’ve heard that Hollywood is the best place to start off your ‘big american dream’, so…” He shrugged, reaching for his phone to scroll through the playlist again, searching for another song. “…is it really, though? You were there, you probably know better than me.”

♚

The words had him humming, some half forgotten memory sitting in the part of his brain that had been drowned in too much alcohol to make the edges of it clearer. Still, there was enough of it that stuck out in his mind to have a more teasing smile settling on his lips, tipping his head to the side to look over at Silver. “I feel like I’ve heard those words before, and I’m pretty sure it ended with us making out.” A moment spent trying to catch his eyes to see just how likely that might be this time, before he forced his attention back tot he road. Asphodel quickly and assuredly becoming just a shadow in the rearview mirror.

The question made him laugh despite himself, but it had nothing to do with Silver and everything to do with that particular cliché. “Sometimes,” he admitted. “If you’re lucky. Most people aren’t. But let me tell you about Hollywood." 

He sat up slightly, some eagerness shining through just for the opportunity to talk about his life there in more than just passing glances. “The problem is that everybody thinks that’s where you go for the American dream. And it is. Especially for the music scene, because it’s easy to find someone to join your band if you’re one short, it’s easy to find some place to play, even if it’s just a shit little dive bar. I even played a couple.” Which was a fond memory, the smile playing on his lips reflecting that for a moment before he got to the other side of that coin. 

“And the problem, is the same thing. Everybody thinks that. Everybody’s looking to make it big, everybody thinks they’re unique or brilliant or special. Half the people you meet there are just... the absolute fakest pieces of shit you’ll ever meet in your life. And everybody thinks they’re better than they are, even if they’re working shitty little jobs as baristas or waiters or bartenders. And yes, I’ve done all of the above, and yes, I’m probably a piece of shit too.” Which was probably true, and even if it wasn’t, keeping expectations low was a habit he hadn’t put any effort into breaking.  

☾ 

“Aw fuck, you have a point there.” He stated with a theatrical sigh. “I guess you’re just gonna go another day without being… ghosted.” If his hands wasn’t occupied, he’d probably thrown in some finger guns too; and he probably enjoyed that low level pun a lot more than he should’ve been, biting on his lower lip to refrain from laughing. He tried distracting himself with imagining how would being haunted look like - a thing he came to regret a few seconds later as he could feel his face heat up at the thought of being observed by a ghost all the time, which was just… No, scratch that thought.

He also wished he could throw away the other one his brain threw at him, one that he reminded him about not being entirely honest about his gifts; and he had to bite his tongue before he admitted to potentially being able to bring him back from the dead - after all he did that once, and the memory of it had the blood run cold in his veins for a longer moment before he turned his attention to the landscapes behind the window.

“Oh, so now you’re kidnapping me?” He raised an eyebrow curiously, only taking a quick glance at him before he’d turn back to look at the passing buildings on the side of the road; it was the same route he usually took, at every failed attempt when he tried to leave town even just for a few hours. There was some ever so slight thrill in the thought that this time they’d probably wouldn’t stop at the last road sign; he quickly noted that he should thank for it later, for getting him out of there, even if it was just for a short time - after all, he didn’t set foot outside of the town since he arrived, so… It felt all new again in a way. 

“Had a playlist saved… Mostly Chase Atlantic.” It was as brief of a description as it could be; but he decided not to elaborate, in hope that maybe then he won’t have to explain the reasoning behind this choice. In the worst case he could always just pass up being the assigned DJ, right? “Everything else I’d have to skip through before you’d assume I have an obscure music taste.” A short laugh following, as he turned away from the window finally, attention focused solely on his companion now; he briefly even thought that this car suited Lee better than him ever would, that he could get used to… To what? that was a question he had no answer to and he wasn’t sure he even wanted one.

♚

The pun made him groan aloud, his head tipping back for a moment and voice caught somewhere between amusement and genuine pain. “Why?” Lee asked, shaking his head before he pressed against his own chest. “Have I hurt you somehow?” His fingers curled briefly into his shirt, a feigned image of genuinely wounded, but it didn’t last long, eventually broken apart by a laugh. 

“Only if you don’t wanna be here.” Said with an easy confidence that promised he already knew the answer to that one. Because he hadn’t had to push that hard to get Silver to bail on work for the day, and he hadn’t had to ask at all to have him offering out his keys to Lee. It left him feeling sure of that at least, even if there was so much else that was still new and still uncertain, fully believing that if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be. 

Any nerves that might’ve been present and lingering were killed by those few things alone, relaxing into the driver’s seat as the trees blurred around them. Something closer to gratitude settling in his chest instead, because simply being here in Silver’s car while he sat next to him, he felt a little bit more like who he’d been in LA. Someone that felt a little bit more like himself than the creature full of self doubt and uncertainty that he’d turned into setting foot back in this town. That sensation of pressure on his shoulders falling off him like the slip stream the car glided through. 

Humming briefly at the description, it turned into a snort at the comment that followed it.  "You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He cast a quick glance at his passenger before letting his gaze shift back to the road, a growing awareness that his opinion of himself didn’t seemed discordant with Lee’s opinion of him. “I don’t mind obscure. Do you know how many obscure or shiny new bands I’ve seen play in West Hollywood? Trust me, you can throw whatever you wanna listen to at me.”