300 dollars

goes on my 30 minute lunch break and i come back with a full boob job

ran out of oat milk for my breakfast smoothie so i put a chocolate buzzball in it instead

the worst part about summer humidity is that my onion powder has rehydrated back into a whole onion

its 2026 if you're not doing erp with the boys what's even the point

if you use social media with light mode turned on you a terrorist

I THOUGHT MY NEW SHINY ROBO PENIS WOULD GIVE ME THE CONFIDENCE BOOST I NEEDED, BUT IT ONLY MADE ELIGIBLE TO BE DRAFTED INTO THE CYBORG WAR

the year is 2034. spotify is made a widget for your brain that tracks every song you hear in the wild and adds it to your streams for your spotify wrapped. it also sells a 24/7 live recording of your entire life to israel. you can't remove it.

nooo dont shave your bush. its like joni mitchell said. they shave paradise and put up a parking lot

life is short buy a chameleon on uber eats

both of them are about to fall off a cliff who you grabbing first montreal steak seasoning or yo bitch

do you think you could destabilize the entire world if you went back in time and invented pizza somewhere else

just watched the odyssey. christopher nolan is deaf and takes his anger out on people who can hear

Trying to make those biceps bigger for your summer bod? Consider trying jerking off girls

the perfect coworker relationship is one where you both send each other albums to listen to and neither of you does

fallout new vegas is getting a remaster and i am making an early prediction that they're gonna change a random guy npc into a woman. what better way to pay homage to new vegas fans

*drinks a coffee that triggers my acid reflux a little too hard* this is white erasure

home alone for the week you know what that means. yup. hurt my throat doing louis armstrong impression