I may have lost a lot of people i once loved, and secondary school has never been a good place for me. I dont think I will ever miss any of it. The education system, the people, the drama, the feeling of being in a place i knew i never belongs and just having to tell myself since day 1 that id just head on and get it over with. It wasnt easy but im honestly proud that I stuck up for it this long. Its the very end of school forever, heading off to college finally. and although im celebrating and will never miss it, not even a bit, i realised how proud i am for just keeping who I am. People ignore me, make fun of me or act like im invisible throughout school. And for a long time i took this personally, tried to please them or just really overthought it. But looking back at all these pictures and how whole it felt to just be so connected to who i really am instead of making meaningless connections im really proud of the way that I never lost myself or turned into anyone i wasnt meant to be. Ireland is a place of gossip, drama, mockery and rumors, and once I finish college I plan on moving back to the US where most of my family are from. But right now im just celebrating the way I fought through this, endless days of often sitting alone and overhearing girls talk about parties and fun. I always thought why do they not talk to me, we both like makeup and girly things and just because im slightly different they dont? Yet looking back knowing ill never see any of these people again and ill never be back to my town im insanely proud of how powerful i was to just stay true to myself throughout the hardest days and i made a strong realisation that i dont need any of these people to prove anything about me. People often use friends as anchors to be able to show something off or to prove that they are worth something. Frienship is beautiful but something I couldn’t find when everyone I had met had this mindset. I didnt make many friends in my home town because i genuinely never agreed eith the majority of these peoples mindset. My favourite person I connected with is lochie, ive been through rough friendships or relationships in the past but he is someone who really made me realise im not alone and we share a really strong bond, stronger than anyone else ive ever met. I had bad mental health often yet i took it upon myself to heal those parts of me due to my alone time and how much i knew myself thanks to this isolation. It was hard but i look back on it with gratitude. I dont regret the isolation or loneliness because it taught me most things i now know which id never know with a fake group of friends. I did get caught up in drama often when i did make friends which i had tried to avoid. Ive been alone, been bullied, or simply ignored and seen a lot of things throughout secondary school and my time in this place. Ive learned so much about society and social stuff and how different people act different ways based off their mental health. After a while of being alone you really see through people and see them for what they are going through and not what they are saying to you. Ive really matured throughout all this and through all isolation im proud of what ive learned. So did i enjoy the secondary school environment and experience? Hell no, id never go back anr when i see people hugging each other and crying of sadness that they are leaving it gives me a weird sense of what could have been. Yet that being said, id never ever change anything. Everything worked out for me in the end and i feel i would have lost myself if i had taken other opportunities that were given to me. Im proud of who i am and what ive become, i certainly have my regrets and things i was involved in that i wouldnt now, yet when i look back these were all lessons to teach me important things i now know.
