A Far off Memory is like a Scattered Dream

I am so so glad my gyno suggested I get back into therapy to deal with the trauma of week 1 of my hysterectomy healing, and my major phobia of dying. I haven't gotten to sleep before 3am in weeks (my normal bedtime is more like 11:30-Midnight) and I'm exhausted. Restarting therapy soon, therapist and I are now hammering out the times. I feel like the mental health aspects of healing from a major surgery are really overlooked. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, I have the means to get back into therapy with the same therapist I had before, and my System functions mostly an internal support system (my gods is Remi working overtime telling me I'm not dying every five fucking seconds someone give that bat a raise), I have incredibly supportive and helpful lovers and we are in a good financial place (even with the house process which has hit the slowdown of Paperwork Time) and I'm still feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly fearful. Every pain, every time I spot a little blood when I wipe, every time my chest feels heavy I go into a panic spiral that sadly my spouse is struggling to talk me down from. I can't wait to talk to my therepist again. I really need it. This has been so hard- and I can't imagine how much harder it is for people with complications (I have had none since the withdrawls from the nausea meds thank FUCK its just all been my phobia of death)