@feministontinder

asking a feminist to quickly summarize everything they’ve ever said on the topic of feminism because you’re “thinking of becoming a feminist” is belittling and entitled.

it undermines the fact that I deliberately publish my thoughts on social media to provide informed insight into my perspectives on feminism on a platform that encourages informed, intelligent discussion.

not to mention it’s as offensively reductionist as the ‘meninists’ who comment ‘NAME ONE SINGLE RIGHT MEN HAVE THAT WOMEN DONT!!!1’ ignoring the fact that ten seconds of research would demonstrate that the need for feminism is way beyond government enforced laws and regulations and extends to a much broader concept of cultural treatment and perception based on a history of trivializing and marginalizing the strength and capabilities of women and girls.

you have to put in the leg work of curiosity-based learning and come back to me with informed, research based inquiries.

this question is especially insulting if you retort with a defensive comment that could basically translate to ‘your unwillingness to reduce 25 years of experience to a few sentences shows that you’re not a true feminist, and I will therefore be joining the anti-feminist club because you were sort of rude to me when I ask a broad strokes question that I was too lazy to realize you have answered 200+ times before.’

I DO want to help educate people on the need for feminism in our current culture. That’s literally why I publish my thoughts on Instagram, Twitter, and tumblr on a DAILY BASIS.

I DO want to have important and intelligent conversations about new perspectives in feminism and the evolution of the movement in the 21st century.

I DO want feminism to feel like a club that everyone is invited to, provided we check our privileges at the door and understand whose voices are most relevant in which discussions.

What I DON’T want is to be insulted, belittled, or otherwise harassed for not dropping whatever I’m doing to regurgitate opinions I’ve expressed hundreds of times to someone who feels entitled to a synopsis of my life’s passion without having done a shred of personal investigation.

Like for fucks sake you are asking me these questions on AN INTERNET MACHINE! Literally a world of knowledge at your actual fingertips.

would you ask JK Rowling 'I’m thinking of becoming a Harry Potter fan, what are the books about?’

would you ask a mechanic 'I’m thinking of building a car from scratch, how do you do it?’

would you ask MLK 'I heard you had a dream, what was it?’

(and if you would- I guess you have bigger entitlement issues than I give you credit for)

I’m not saying this to sound rude, I’m saying this because you have an incredible opportunity to become involved in a community of love, support, equality, and empowerment, and I don’t want to take that away from you by reducing the meaning of this community to a paragraph or two in the comments section on a blog post somewhere.

Not enough men and boys know how to deal with rejection well. Far too often, men and boys who are rejected result to violence, angry outbursts, name calling, and threats. A scroll through the Instagram account @feminist_tinder will prove as much. Margaret Atwood is attributed as saying that “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” And doesn’t that speak volumes? How often can a man say that he is afraid to reject a woman’s advances for fear she may kill him?

Rejection doesn’t feel good, but that doesn’t give someone the right or justification to be predatory, vicious, a dick, or menacing. Newsflash: women are autonomous beings. They have a right to say no and to be free from any shitty reactions afterwards. So, to that end, I’ve compiled a guide to explain (to guys) how a guy should react to various types of rejection.

Scenario 1: You build up the nerve to ask a gal out. She says “No.” Her “no” can be followed by any reason she chooses, whether that reason is her real reason or not. Her reason is not important. Her “no” is. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. Thank you for your honesty. Hope you have a lovely day.” Your ego is bruised, but you’ll get over it. The rejection sucks, but do you know what sucks more? Degrading or threatening or hurting a woman because she told you “no.”

Scenario 2: You’ve been on multiple dates with someone and she texts you to call things off. Maybe it’s “We’re not at the same point in life” or “We’re too different,” or “I met someone else.” The reason, again, is irrelevant. What’s relevant is that she said she’s ending it, which is her right. You don’t own her and she hardly owes you an explanation. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. I enjoyed getting to know you. I wish you all the best in your search for the right partner.” You’re out time and maybe money, but you get to dignify someone else’s choice. And that is huge. Don’t be the guy that clings on after a few dates. If she wants out, she gets to leave. No questions asked.

Scenario 3: You’ve been dating for quite some time and feel quite connected to your girlfriend. But, she meets with you to end your relationship. Again, any reason she gives she is entitled to give, and you have to accept that. It will be a bitter pill, but life goes on. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say). “Ok. I loved our time together. I learned a lot about myself. I wish you the best going forward.” See the pattern yet? She says some variation of “I’m not interested” and your reply conveys complete and utter acceptance and support for her decision. This is called “being a fucking adult who respects the autonomy of other human beings and supports their growth.” Your girlfriend breaks up with you, but you’re not a dick, so you’ll reflect and grow (as oppose to threaten and shrivel).

Scenario 4: You both swipe right on Tinder, but after you say hi she tells you she is not interested. So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “Ok. Thanks for your honesty.” Matching on Tinder isn’t a golden ticket to romance or sex. You still have to be a decent human being, which means acknowledging that people can change their minds for any reason and don’t owe you an explanation.

Scenario 5: You both swipe right on Tinder, but you lead with something sexist like “Sup sexy. Hot pics.” She replies “I have a name and it’s not ‘sexy.’ You should use it if you want women to reply.” So, in reply, this is what you get to say (and this is the only thing you get to say): “You’re exactly right. My sincerest apologies. I was wrong to objectify you. You probably get that a lot. Sorry to have added to the pile. I’ll stop saying that. Good luck on here.” This reply = mature adult who learns from mistakes. Other possible replies (seriously, go read @feminist_tinder on Instagram) that rely on belittling, degrading, making threats, etc., reveal that you are not an adult but a child, one that sees a woman as a toy to play with instead of a human to get to know. You want control of your possessions, so when your “toy” says “no” and leaves you with no control, you lash out. If you saw her as a person with feelings, one to be cared for and not controlled, you wouldn’t respond like this. You’d have empathy and grow.

When men resort to violence, anger, name calling, or threats, they are not acting out of any kind of love. Instead, they are acting out of a selfish need for control or power. You claim to adore someone then threaten to hurt her for “breaking your heart?” That’s not love, that’s abuse. That’s attacking her human autonomy. That’s cowardice.

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“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” - Margaret Atwood

black-ish made television history last night

“I can’t wait for the day when ‘diversity’ isn’t just the hot topic of the moment, but a true reality that is reflected on screen,” the actress and producer said in a news release for the Brown Ribbon Campaign, which is promoting the hashtags #BrownRibbonCampaign and #HollywoodBrownout.

Though Latinos are about 17 percent of the U.S. population – and 32 percent of regular moviegoers – they make up only 4.9 percent of speaking roles in movies by major studios, according to an analysis from the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. And anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock for the past few decades knows there aren’t many big Latino-centric movies. In fact, even when movies are about real Latinos, or other people of color, studios often go ahead and just cast white people anyway.

And the problem isn’t just onscreen. A Columbia University study of the 10 highest-grossing movies domestically between 2010 and 2013 found that Latinos made up only 6 percent of writers, 2.3 percent of directors and 2.2 percent of producers.

“The issue of diversity in entertainment can no longer be a black–white dialogue,” Alex Nogales, president of the NHMC, said in a statement. “It has to include Latinos, Asian-Americans, Native Americans, and women. Every community has its creatives and we gather at the Impact Awards to honor ours and inspire more.”