let's matriarchy

Turn based sex. Take as long as you need to think of a strategy.

HINT: his pussy is weak to fire magic.

Pepper spray his pussy

Do not.

Please respect my privacy

my deepest apologies

I forgive you

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

We were incredibly boring. We played "murder ball" which was just Capture the Flag over the whole school grounds (outdoors only) and violence was permitted using the ball.

[staggering to my feet and wiping a single perfect drip of blood from my mouth] i have to get back on my bullshit. no matter the cost

The enemy's parasociality vs our diva worship

Romcom about Achilles and Medea courting each other in the afterlife via increasingly questionable demonstrations of violence while the B-plot consists of Patroclus frantically coaching Jason into being a good husband just so Medea will take him back

depressive episode with hype moments and aura

Oh man I can't believe I forgot. You know that post that was like "tell me what clothes you've bought because of a character" or whatever. I searched for ages to find an adequate white cable knit sweater because of Ransom's in knives out.

I don't knit but that's hilarious because this looks like such a complicated pattern for a beginner

Oh it is. There's at least three different styles of cabling. And more advanced cabling at that. That sweater would take me like a year to finish.

All the cabling is done the same way. You just need to read your knitting and keep track of which row you're on

You sound like me telling a beginner crocheter "nah the alligator stitch is easy for a beginner, it's all just double crochets!" (a real thing I have said to people picking up a crochet hook for the first time). I'm not saying you can't start with a complicated stitch I'm saying it's very funny when people do.

i’m just saying aragorn son of arathorn oh im sorry STRIDER (one of them rangers what his right name is i never heard etc etc) didn’t need to be that sexy at the prancing pony. like ostensibly he’s trying to lay low but even dipshit little [relatively] eighteen y/o frodo is like hey what’s the deal with that extremely ostentatiously sexy man in the corner

“you draw far too much attention to yourself ‘mister underhill’” if i were frodo i wouldve snapped. jesus christ. i can’t help that i’m two feet shorter than everyone else in this definitely definitely 100% a gay bar but at least i didn’t lurk in a sexy corner making eyes at everybody from under my cloak at least im TRYING to pretend i’m not a protagonist you fine ass idiot. i KNOW i’m being pursued by the black riders which is why i didn’t SERVE CUNT from the SHADOWS. the fellowship of the nerve of this bitch

i love the phrase "which could mean nothing" i think its my favorite thing to come out of the internet ever i love saying it. it could mean nothing but we all know better. we know the truth.