felix sinclair.

the smoke is suffocating, even with a rag tied across his face, the fumes seep through and make his weary bones ache with fatigue. as he drags out the next body, a soldier he’s spent countless hours with on patrol, his hands begin to shake. it could be nerves. knowing gil’s scratched, while not infected made, could still have caught a spec of the wrong blood. but the more likely option is the lack of alcohol in his system, tremors making it hard to keep a good grip on the heavier lives lost. 

he’s lost track of the number of bodies he’s thrown into the fire now. he’s lost track of how long it’s been since the last tortured scream. half an hour? an hour? two? nik wonders if by the end of the quarantine, he’ll be throwing gil’s body into the same pit, mourning him for a second time. that thought makes him nauseous. or is it the fumes? 

a voice calls to him, one that he can’t claim is all to familiar. but when the face comes into view, he recognises the young man who arrived with teddy quijadas. felix. nik only offers a grunt in acknowledgement, forever a man of few words, and takes a deep breath before bending down to grab the legs of the body felix stands next to. nik wonders if mara and teddy have felix in on their little plan, he wonders what type of parents they are. do they keep secrets like he has done? 

as the pair haul the body off the floor, nik watches the other closely. in an ideal world, he’d have whispered words of fealty already. but this wold is far from it, and his name is tained with the blood of maniacs and innocents alike. “felix, right?” at least i can be friendly. “teddy’s kid.” he doesn’t diminish their relationship on the lack of blood ties. if he did, then daiyu would be nothing but a niece. they toss the body into the pile, and nik wipes his hands on his trousers to mask the tremors. “appreciate the help,” he mumbles. 

.

Felix utters a soft thanks when the other man pauses in whatever he's doing to help him out, but the fact that he lingers after they transfer the body to the burn pile is something that Felix hadn't expected.

Neither is the inquiry in relation to his dad. He has to bite his tongue, in a rare moment of wariness of his words, when he wants to immediately respond and add: and Mara's. He knows the cat's kind of out of the bag already since the Water Treatment Plant, takes pride in finally being able to own up to variations of the sentence: Yeah, that’s my mom and dad. Hell, he'd even confirmed it to Daiyu Volkova of all people, but Felix knew less of this man. As friendly as one could sound in the midst of their grim task, Nikolai Volkov was still a Volkov. And Felix didn't know enough about his character to make that kind of gut decision like he had with Daiyu. His opinion of this man was still somewhat yet to be determined.  If there was a chance he didn't have the information yet... and it wasn't something they wanted him to know, he didn't want to put his foot in his mouth.

"Yeah. That's me," he says instead. And then there's the thanks. Unexpected. "Yeah... no problem. Just helping out where I can," this, at least, is something he doesn't feel like he needs to filter with omissions, despite the fact that it was grim work. 

It’s a sad reality: Daiyu is losing some of her strength. The past weeks – no, months even – have taken their toll on her body, limited food ( in her case sooner because of a lost appetite than small rations ) and stress leaving her more wiry than before. She managed, sure, in the mall — but there’s a certain exhaustion that comes faster. So of course she’s here now, unable to accept the feeling of weakness that sneaks up on her. And of course she’s alone, the aftermath of her father’s announcements making her retreat.

It’s unwise, but so are most things she does. When a by now somewhat familiar voice pipes up as Daiyu lies on her back, pressing weights, she moves her head slightly to look. Her gaze drifts back to the ceiling.

“Well, there was no one around, so you know.” This is where she would shrug, if she wasn’t bench pressing. She rests the barbell, lifts her head a little. “But now there is, so feel free.” Felix has, thus far, proven himself to be good enough company. “I’ll spot you after.”

.

Being inside a gym felt a little unnatural to Felix, who for most of his life had built up what muscle he had through walking and running miles upon miles with a fifty-pound rucksack and building up enough strength in his shoulders and back to pull the weight of his bow. Strength was simply built through labors. Lifting for the sake of lifting was never really something that Felix considered a priority, when he was of the belief that endurance could get you out of a spot of trouble more than brute strength. It had served him well on more than one occasion. Building up strength through the leisure of equipment dedicated to it was something of a novelty to him. 

“Sounds good to me,” he smiled at Daiyu’s acquiescence, and cross the room, taking the moment to eye the rest of the contents of the room before he settled behind her bench. “Gotta say, this gym is a far cry better than some of the ones I’ve seen before. I’m honestly surprised what some of these look like in one piece and not covered in rust and who knows what else.”

where: an old picnic table outside the hotel

when: 13 July 2044

The plans that his parents have let him in on sit at the back of Felix’s mind not only with a fledgling sense of purpose, but also with an unexpected sense of nostalgia that harks back to the days in Boston, many years ago now. It’s different this time around, where Mara and Teddy’s acts of rebellion had once simply just occurred around him, a fact that he didn’t hold against them in the slightest. Children shouldn’t be instruments of rebellion, certainly not Alexei Volkov’s vision of Idaho Falls. This time around though, Felix was no longer a child, and capable of more than being his parent’s little shadow. 

He trudged along a small footpath that wove along the edges of a plot that had once held carefully tended produce. The storm from several weeks prior had all but obliterated it all, save for a few stubborn sprouts here and there. There was an old picnic table under the shade of a tree, and in the heat of summer, being outside was something that Felix found much preferable to the muggy interior of the hotel that was still somewhat waterlogged with stubborn moisture. Sure, being inside was somewhat more sheltered from the direct heat of the sun, but he’d take it over the humidity--and hey, maybe he’d get lucky enough with a gentle breeze at some point. 

The table he had in mind, however, already had the presence of another person. Thankfully, however, it was someone he recognized and shared a number of patrols with. 

— 🩹 —

After days trapped within the hotel followed by an endless stream of patients and cleanup, Gabriel was happy to have a moment away from it all. The warm sunshine reflecting off the water, the rushing of the river over rocks creating a melody of it’s own - it could almost take one’s mind off the reality of their world. A reminder of the beauty that once had been and seemed so far and few between now.

He’s not paying much attention as he steps alongside the riverbank. It’s foolish, he’s sure, that his mind is so far away, yet he can’t seem to bring it back down to reality. It had always been easier as of late, living up in his head rather than down to Earth. So when Felix calls out to him he startles just a bit, a hand brushing through his hair and a sheepish smile crossing his lips. Felix, alive and well - that was good. At least he didn’t have to mourn another face. Not yet.

“Hey - ah…I wasn’t expecting anyone…Was just kind of needing a breath of fresh air, I guess.” He pauses, looking over the array of clothing spread out on warm rocks and gesturing with a hand as he steps closer to where Felix has found a place to sit on the rocks. “You’ve made quite a home for yourself out here, haven’t you?”

.

Felix laughed and patted the empty rock next to him. "Sure have, come take a seat, can't have a guest in my home just standing around, that's poor manners apparently. And I need company a little more verbose than the drying humor of laundry," he said with a grin. It was good to see the medic out of infirmary and out and about in some actual sunshine. Felix was of the mind that anyone stuck inside the mall was in dire need of some time outdoors. The mere concept of being stuck inside for so long in general was something that unnerved Felix to begin with.

”’Fraid I don’t got much in the way of refreshments. Just er, water? Nice and cold and refreshing, though. Perhaps mildly soapy or muddy depending what area you get your drink from.” Felix couldn’t help but chuckle at his own joke and kicked a foot out of the water with a small splash. “Lovely water, mountain fresh even.”  

where: the gym

when: 6 July 2044

Most early mornings found Felix off for a run within the walls of Idaho Falls, but recently it had come to his attention that there was a gym in the very building he lived in. He hadn't been to a gym in a long while; it wasn't like there were many cared for to a state of safe use on the road, so the fact that there was one was an intriguing bit of information that Felix couldn't help but investigate. He stepped out of a stairwell to the floor the gym was supposedly held, and distantly he could hear a soft rhythmic clink of metal.

Felix poked his head into the room, and was surprised to find not only a familiar face, but that Daiyu was doing bench, alone. He frowned and walked further into the room, making a point to make a little noise as he did so so he wouldn't startle her.

"You know I'm pretty sure you're supposed to have a spot when you're doing this kind of stuff," Felix said amicably, hoping she'd take the silent offer for what it was.

where: along the river

when: 5 july 2044

Laundry. A task that Felix had been putting off, but given that he'd gone through just about every article of clothing he owned over the course of the past week or so, save for the ones he wore currently, he really didn't have a choice. With everything that was going on, the pile had simply grown quicker than usual (some things even tossed into a fire), he was certainly a bit more grateful that the week's weather was holding to typical July standards and not some freak blizzard like there'd been just weeks ago.

His newly cleaned clothes were spread out flat across some choice rocks along the river that were getting plenty of sun. He'd rolled up his denims to his knees, though despite his efforts the water had still dampened both the denim and also a decent portion of his t-shirt as he had washed the rest.

He couldn't bring himself to care too much though. It was just water after all, and the sunshine felt good and would dry it up soon enough. He'd reclined along the edge of a rock next to his laundry, backpack tucked beneath his head and bare feet dangling over the edge if the rock to dip into the cool water. Felix was somewhat torn between taking a nap or going with the impulse of an idea to go for a swim. Who knew if the weather would hold?

His meandering thoughts were derailed slightly, hearing the sounds of foot steps on stone. Felix turned, squinting through the sunlight, and grinned when he saw who it was. "Hey, fancy seeing you here; laundry day too?" 

where: the mall

when: 07.02.2044 early am

Felix had to say, the result of the outbreak at the mall was exactly one of the reasons that he and his dad had avoided heavily populated areas in all their years on the road. They were powder kegs waiting to explode, and for all that some had brushed off their paranoia, absolute faith in their walls and fences; their paranoia was well justified. Yeah, there was safety in numbers, but it worked against you just as well.

Felix eyed the latest body before him that he'd been tasked with transporting to a burn pile in the parking lot. Cleaning up the mall was a task with many hands needed. And while most avoided this particular task, enduring the unpleasantness was a duty Felix didn't mind so much in the sense that he had little emotional attachment to most of the victims. There were people here who'd spent lives growing up beside the dead, and if Felix could spare them this particular brand of pain, he'd do the work. He would have to do so much laundry after this to get rid of the smells.

He frowned behind the bandana he'd fixed tightly to his face. He’d managed just fine so far... but this one was definitely not one that Felix felt he could handle by himself. He sighed and looked up, glancing around his immediate surroundings for anyone with free hands that didn't look like they'd keel over at the prospect of moving a body. He didn't have to look for long, because someone he vaguely recognizes as an enforcer approaches him. "Can you spare a mo?" Felix asked with a slight gesture towards the body.

—  🩹  —

An eyebrow hikes upwards in skepticism over whether or not Felix’s words ring true. There had been at least a few times Gabriel could recall of Felix and the others getting themselves into messes that weren’t so simple to navigate out of. But perhaps Gabe didn’t know everything, either. “If you say so,” he lightly teases.

His hand stills in his search for supplies when Felix speaks on Gabe’s departure from the Boston QZ. It was something that had haunted his nightmares time and again, the echoing clicks that bounced off the walls, the screams and cries of the others while he sat by and did nothing. If that wasn’t deserting, turning his back on the people that were supposed to be his people, on FEDRA as a whole…well, he wasn’t really sure what was. Maybe he wasn’t dead, but the rest of them were - and being the last one standing wasn’t an honor. “Yeah, I just…maybe I could’ve helped them. Or…something. I - I don’t know.” He’d never been much of a solider. If the rest of them couldn’t make it through, there was little reason to think he would’ve made a difference. But still - there was guilt there, something familiar that weighed heavily for so very long.

Boston hadn’t been on his mind in years. It hadn’t ever been the same - not after his parents…not after FEDRA. But there had still been plenty of good there, too. Boston was special, it had been home once upon a time. That was a long time ago.

“That’s different -” he shook his head, chewing the inside of his cheek. Felix and Mara - they’d run from the QZ like so many others seeking something better, a new life. They’d been just like the people Gabe and the rest of the soldiers had been chasing that night, to drag back to the QZ by the collar. They were on opposite ends of the spectrum. It took bravery to stand up against the QZ like that. It had only been cowardice that had kept Gabe alive.

“I’m glad. Truly. I’m glad you got out of there. That you’re here, still causing trouble.”

.

Felix couldn’t help but wince inwardly as he listened to Gabe stumble through his words. ...Maybe that wasn’t the right topic of conversation to to push for. “Hey,” he said softly. “I’m sorry to bring it up. Didn’t mean to poke at a difficult topic.” He still disagreed with the man on the guilt that seemed to linger even after all these years, but he figured that he probably should continue to nag at a clearly difficult topic. Especially since the other was supposed to go at his face with a needle shortly. 

“Yeah, I’m a professional trouble maker,” he said with a small grin that only pulled at the loosened stitches with a minute twinge. “I’ll do my best to keep you on your toes.” 

“We can talk about something else while you poke at my stitches, if you want. What’d you end up doing after Boston? I doubt mom was the only one to contribute to enough medical know-how to end up with you working in medical,” he said, hoping that the topic would be somewhat less of a volatile one. he was curious where the road had taken Gabriel over the years, and what had lead him to stumble onto Alexei Volkov's territory beaten and bloody. But his curiosity could stuff it. Would have to for the time being.

The world at present is filled with startling things, from infested that hunger after the meat on their bones to the storm that has closed them in to the tyrant that calls himself her father and the knives her companions might hide under their coats. But what startles her most is this kindness, so simple and easy, offered with the insistence that she takes more of the precious food. Daiyu has little interest in martyrdom, but she does know that she is undeserving, does know that the other want this too. And yet she reaches forward, taking two pieces of dried fruit and another nut.

“There.” Demonstratively, she pops one of them in her mouth and she tries not to make it seem like an attack, like she is on the offense even if she isn’t sure how not to be. It makes the hair in her neck stand upright, this kindness, and she tries to meet it at face value. “I’ll help. Good to get the muscles moving, anyway, you know, to warm up.”

Felix, right. “Felix.” Repeat it out loud too, to make sure she’ll remember. Head cocks. “Sinclair, as in Mara? Or —” Surely there were people with the same name out there, even if she had never met another Daiyu or Volkov. “She’s cool.” She is. Daiyu flicks at the fire with her finger, the flames and her hand moving too fast to really engage in damaging actions. “Sure thing. These bad boys are real menaces.” Her other hand raises in a fist, knuckles white, and she lets it soar through the air before letting it hand on her knee on which she’d left the rest of her snacks. She takes another one. “Er, you sleep alright?”

.

He worries the inside of his cheek between his teeth for a moment, hesitating for a moment to consider his response. They'd hoped to keep their familial relationship under the radar for a little while longer, but somehow Felix doubts that the circumstances that nature had thrust upon the town would allow for those quiet secrets. He desperately wants the reassurance of his family’s well being and the comfort of their arms around him. What else had occurred out there because of the storm? As much ad they were probably worried about his well being he was of them as well. He didn't know if he could simply tap down that worry if, no, when he saw them next. Pretending his mom wasn't important or relevant wasn't something he thought he could keep up any more. 

"...Yeah, Mara. That's mom," he said fondly, reaching out to gently knock one of the potatoes from the flames. Though it was probably warm through, it would need a few moments before it came to a temperature to easily handle. "She is pretty cool,” he said with a soft smile as he thought of her. “She taught me a lot growing up.” Probably would’ve taught him even more had they not gotten separated all those years ago. It was nice to be able to talk about her openly with pride.

KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

Hm. I think it depends on who it is and the severity of the circumstances surrounding it. I think if the injury/misfortune stems from an act of nature or simple accidental, he'd be more focused on trying to help them. But if it stems from the act of another, while he'd probably try to prioritize the health of them and make sure they're okay, but he definitely wouldn't let it slide under the rug yknow? If it was accidental he likely wouldn't hold it against them, but if it was due to something that was intentional, or the result of a situation that they'd been advised against doing but still chose to do it anyway and it ended up impacting others Felix would probably be pretty angry about that. How he'd express that anger be it words or violence or otherwise would probably depend on the situation to get specific.

MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

CLOVER - do they believe in luck? are they lucky?

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Betrayal and broken trust. He does not deal well with that at all.

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

He has a few bracelets that he wears, one a length of extra tieline that's looped around a few times, to occupy himself when he gets bored to practice different knot types, but he also has an old bit of broken bowstring from the first bow he learned to shoot on. It's an old thing made of sinew from an unidentified animal, but long since it snapped from use, he fashioned it into a small braided bracelet that he's had for ages. He wouldn't be devastated if he lost it, but he'd definitely mourn its loss a little bit.

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

He remembers a memory from the early days when he and his found family had just left Boston. They'd stopped alongside a little river, taking a break from their journey, and he remembers lazing atop a low hanging branch on a tree, letting his bare feet dangle into the cool water of the river ambling along below him. The sun was out that day and he remembers soaking in the aromas of evergreens and the pleasant warmth of sun soaking into his skin. Dad and mom were not far, sitting together on a small patch of grass. He didn't know what they talked about, too entranced by watching small fish dart along below the surface, but he remembers looking up at the sound his mom's laughter, a warm sense of happiness blooming in his chest at seeing the laughter and joy his parents had shared.

🏊‍♂️ SWIMMING - can they swim? or are they afraid of water? how well do they swim? how do they feel about swimming in the ocean?

He loves being in water. Lakes and rivers are more of what he's used to by nature of proximity, but even though he hasn't seen an ocean in years, he's rather entranced by them. They are endless pools of unknowns and life that hasn't quite been touched by the same horrors that evolved on land and he misses the simple wariness that comes with the ocean. Land is filled with all sorts of quantified dangers, but Felix often thinks about the unexplored depths of the ocean with a certain wonder.

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

There were few close calls in the days when it was just him and dad where one them almost lost the other. One time Teddy got very, very injured, and there was a moment where it didn't look good at all. The prospect of losing the rest of his family definitely almost made Felix lose himself a little at the prospect of being alone.

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

Physical touch is a big thing for him honestly. He didn't get much as a child, and when it got to the point where he was getting physical attention from his found family in Mara and Teddy, one of his biggest comforts was physical touch whenever he was upset or uncertain. Honestly just having the prospect of hugs whenever he wanted was a huge thing for him and it took him a bit to get used to it. He kind of melts into physical affection whether it be from his family or others. It definitely bleeds into his love life a fair bit heh. One of his love languages is physical touch (acts of service are another) sooo he can be a bit clingy in that.