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@feignedhues

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"If that's the case, then he's kicking all of us because I thought it was you hitting me right in the shin," He said with a reminiscing wince, his teeth sinking into his lip to demonstrate the forgotten pain. "I just want to know why he's trying to play footsies with both of us. We're two different ends of the spectrum on type, you know?"
Grinning as her interest, he passed the joint to her where its path was painting in the space between them in a small string of white. Like Fern, he'd been good in the beginning. Indulgence was more of a facade to fit in, and Blue never lost his wit when he played the part. He navigated it well. Until recently, Blue never had the desire to be somewhere else when it came to their endeavors. He wanted every climb burrowed into his memory, until he wanted nothing at all. He stalled their rise to fame after that night, and hadn't given a damn since, but the hunger for something more remained. It mixed with the need to forget just as much as the will to move on, and so the splice of nerve ending and inhibition was a lovely gateway back into the gates of whatever heaven was opened by Afternoon Daydream.
"So, what's your take on these people?" He asked her. "You like anyone, hate anyone?"
"If that's the case, then he's kicking all of us because I thought it was you hitting me right in the shin," He said with a reminiscing wince, his teeth sinking into his lip to demonstrate the forgotten pain. "I just want to know why he's trying to play footsies with both of us. We're two different ends of the spectrum on type, you know?"
Grinning as her interest, he passed the joint to her where its path was painting in the space between them in a small string of white. Like Fern, he'd been good in the beginning. Indulgence was more of a facade to fit in, and Blue never lost his wit when he played the part. He navigated it well. Until recently, Blue never had the desire to be somewhere else when it came to their endeavors. He wanted every climb burrowed into his memory, until he wanted nothing at all. He stalled their rise to fame after that night, and hadn't given a damn since, but the hunger for something more remained. It mixed with the need to forget just as much as the will to move on, and so the splice of nerve ending and inhibition was a lovely gateway back into the gates of whatever heaven was opened by Afternoon Daydream.
"So, what's your take on these people?" He asked her. "You like anyone, hate anyone?"
wherever nana looks, cameras flash in her direction, the sea of entitled photographers yelling her name. she always hated the paparazzi, or as sheâd put it, legalized stalkers. they get paid to breach celebritiesâ privacy to get that perfect shot, smack a fabricated story under it and call it a day. theyâre simply waiting for her to paint her as the villain once more, to bare her teeth in front of the same people who captured her career shattering in an instant years prior.
the only thing stopping her is the man whose arm sheâs clinging onto like a lifeline, her play pretend partner, fionn. tonightâs the red carpet debut of their little charade, and her nerves are beginning to fray the louder their names ring in her ears. it isnât until she notices no one is on her left that blue is wandering near the end of the carpet, occupied with the last interviewer. she unlinks arms for the first time that night as she catches up to him, catching the tail-end of the question directed at her.
taking media training since she was a teen has prepared her for these kinds of intrusive questions, but that doesnât mean she still isnât struck by the gall of some of these so-called first-rate journalists. alas, she greets them before responding, âfirst off, i think i can speak on behalf of fionn and me that we canât be appreciative enough for all the love weâve received lately. of course, dating can tread some murky waters, especially in this industry, but weâre all friends here, and the members have all been more than supportive,â she morphs her gaze to one of fondness at blue before darting back to the reporter. âbesides, if anyone has any concerns, we can step aside and talk it out like the grown adults we are.âÂ
a candid, graceful answer that should have been left by itself. yet nothing could have prepared nana for blueâs sudden retort, unprovoked in every sense of the word, nearly lifting the veil of their ârelationshipâ. way to save the best for last. before she can process what just came out of his mouth heâs already storming into the venue. nana leaves her bandmates behind as she follows behind him, a myriad of confusion and shock coloring her features.
âhey, blue⌠i know that was a loaded question just now, but where the hell did that come from? are you feeling okay, do you wanna talk about it?â
Two friendsâ two best friends that had come to him at different points in his life and he never anticipated that they'd ever come together. It was something Blue should have taken with excitement, cherished over the sheer luck of having them both at once, but it was the circumstance that killed it. He had to balance the way he'd been the secret, and now the secret they held together. It was a reunion where everything he knew didn't play a single role.
"There's nothing to talk about."
It couldn't be real, that was the conclusion Blue could stomach. He'd been in the industry long enough to be able to taste the artificial coating sold. He'd just thought that as a product, he wouldn't be indulging himself like the rest. He was wrong.
A huff of air cut the chuckle brought on by the fake smile as he moved away from the swarm of cameras, but he was still caught in Nana's company. What could he say, if she didn't know? Was it just Fionn's play or were they both in on the stunt?
"Nana," Blue looked at her, but dark hues fall back to the floor. She was up to do no wrong, and he could already feel himself sick again to hold it against her. To pin his sentiment on her still meant he had to take the needle and pierce her with it, and could he really her bleed like that? He didn't want to blame her for what he should have buried with Fionn a long time ago. All he muster is a lie, one he should have said in front of the camera instead. "I'm not fine, but there's nothing to be done about it. I'm just getting tired of having to hear about you and your boyfriend instead of the album and what we're doing tonight. After a while, it gets old. Sorry."
Two friendsâ two best friends that had come to him at different points in his life and he never anticipated that they'd ever come together. It was something Blue should have taken with excitement, cherished over the sheer luck of having them both at once, but it was the circumstance that killed it. He had to balance the way he'd been the secret, and now the secret they held together. It was a reunion where everything he knew didn't play a single role.
"There's nothing to talk about."
It couldn't be real, that was the conclusion Blue could stomach. He'd been in the industry long enough to be able to taste the artificial coating sold. He'd just thought that as a product, he wouldn't be indulging himself like the rest. He was wrong.
A huff of air cut the chuckle brought on by the fake smile as he moved away from the swarm of cameras, but he was still caught in Nana's company. What could he say, if she didn't know? Was it just Fionn's play or were they both in on the stunt?
"Nana," Blue looked at her, but dark hues fall back to the floor. She was up to do no wrong, and he could already feel himself sick again to hold it against her. To pin his sentiment on her still meant he had to take the needle and pierce her with it, and could he really her bleed like that? He didn't want to blame her for what he should have buried with Fionn a long time ago. All he muster is a lie, one he should have said in front of the camera instead. "I'm not fine, but there's nothing to be done about it. I'm just getting tired of having to hear about you and your boyfriend instead of the album and what we're doing tonight. After a while, it gets old. Sorry."
Dylan O'Brien for the Ami Paris âThe Castingâ Spring-Summer 2023 Campaign

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Fionn had stopped himself so many times from going to his house. Avoiding every session with the entire band just to put off the inevitable. It had been years since the last time they saw each other and Fionn didn't know what to say to Blue. It was Fionn's choices that caused them to part, a choice that he was scared to make and Blue left, rightfully so. Nothing had changed in Fionn: he was still terrified of being his authentic self. He couldn't avoid Blue for much longer and he'd rather get the reintroduction out of the way without the other members around. At least they could make peace for the craft they both dug into. He was sure Blue knew about him joining, but Fionn was too scared to confront him. It was time to get the awkward moment over with.
Knocking against the wooden door, he could hear a faint sound coming from inside followed by frustrated grunts and the way Blue said you made Fionn sure he was talking about himself when he said you. Another knock, "it's me," he said, hushed before repeating himself, "it's Fionn."
He thought it was someone else, words pointed at nearly everyone he knew at this point. Somehow, for some reason, Blue had finally picked a fight with the world. The shrug he gave chance and fate was suddenly dismissed. For the first time, he felt as though he'd been dealt a hand where everything and everyone was against him and he couldn't reach the strings of whatever puppeteer them. He tried to tell himself over and over that it was his own head playing tricks on him, that he was catastrophizing it all, but he talked himself out of it just as easily.
The record label, the band, the goddamn cover story of the tabloids of the man before him, the endless calls from his parents, the silence from his sisterâ for once Blue could feel the weight of it all. He had retaliated in a form that helped no one, himself included, only to snap at those near by and gnaw at his own cheeks to have wounds to lick clean. It was better than anything else he could think of.
At the sound of that voice, there was only a moment where he felt the exhaustion hit and how he could talk to him in the lull. It was short lived, though. Fionn, who had been everything and then nothing, was suddenly tethered to him again without warning.
"What are you doing here?" Blue asked, pant slick against his tongue. The question, however, wasn't about Fionn in his house. "You never told me you came back. You left, and I thought it was for good, Fi. And now... now you're here of all places?"
open to: nana suwanarat | @mistyblossomsâ location: red carpet
He should have been excitedâ taking the sweet taste of adrenaline and the bitterness of anxiety to make the perfect mixture to get him through the night with little help. His nerves were always swallowed, but he wasnât void of them. All of them had to be nervous at this point, and Blue was no exception.Â
Yet, Blue wasnât nervous. The prick and pull of his nerves wasnât from the stress of saying the right thing or trying to pick out which voice in a swarm of camera flashes and yells to pay attention to. Tension pinned on every part of him came from the two people who stood the closest together. Every and any excuse brewed in his thoughts, claiming his focus to deter from the fact that Blue had simply turned a shade of green above all else. Heâd fallen away to the background, moving along the carpet into the venue that seemed to get longer rather than shorter with every passing minute. Every time he thought he was ahead, heâd get stopped by a set of questions and theyâd catch up.Â
âNow, you know we gotta ask. Whatâs it like having a couple in the band, any fears of following suit of the greats?â The interviewer asked, keeping him in place long enough for at the very least Nana to get close. Attention was almost immediately darted towards her. âOh, Nana! How are you? We were just asking about what itâs like to be dating within the band. So, whatâs your take?â
Blue interjected to finish off the first question, remorse too weak to be felt. âItâs alright. Weâre all friends, itâs bound to happen. But I mean, theyâre not getting each other offâ in front off us, that is, so itâs not weird. If anything, theyâre just something pretty to look at.â
He could feel the knots in his stomach, and he swore that it was words that were acidic above all else. He knew the truth behind the facade they created, what feigned hues of the world stopping and submitting to the single palette of the other. There was a time where Blue had to take that same truth and hide it for Fionnâs sake. It had been their downfall, and what withered hadnât been buried. It simply rotted until they both couldnât handle the stench of it, and they pulled apart for good. No one knew, especially not Nana, and he couldnât help the burn he felt watching someone else take the lie that ruined him and turn it into a pedestal.Â
Dylan O'Brien for Ami Paris 2023
i search the party of better bodies just to learn that my dreams arenât rare
inspired by nervouswreckcollective
mistyblossomsâ:
despite how nana gained more independence and security over the years, the road she took to get there was challenging, to say the least. luckily she met people who proved to her that good things come to those who wait, one of them being blue. not to discredit her other colleagues in the industry, but he was the closest thing to family she had after her short-lived solo career turned to dust. a friend of a friend turned roommate turned bandmate, blue helped her in more ways than one could imagine. afternoon daydream is just an extension of that, and she doesnât want to lose it. though, nana would be found dead before muttering a single word.
âwhat? nuh-uh, thereâs no way iâm letting you skip lunch for this! how about i order something for the both of us and we can work on this while we wait for it to arrive,â nana phrases it like a question, but her tone leaves no room for debate, already scrolling for possible options before the drummer could refuse. âare you feeling pizza? noodles?â
Now they were talking. After all the time they lived together, she knew exactly how to appease him and pull out whatever festering nonsense molted over him. She knew him better than most but it was a silent acknowledgment of knowing every tick, wrinkle, crinkle, and tock. Nodding along to her proposal before it was even in full swing, Blue found himself looking for the cash in his pocket to hand over his portion of the compromise. Two small objects came out with crinkled bills, looking up at him in their tempting glory in perfect proportion for the day.
âWhat would go well with these?â He asked, his offering pinched between two fingers between them.

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kalkalilâ:
âWalking is not your priority?â A thick brow lifts, the bassist blinking twice in disbelief. He doesnât bother attempting to look understanding, condescension heavy in both tone and expression.  âThatâs asinine, Sapphire. Whatâs your plan if not to walk? You going to barrel roll throughout the club, taking out every stiletto dancer you see by the ankles?â He snorts, but it seems the waifish girl heâd planned to drown in for thirty minutes did not find the joke funny, as she turns to go, muttering annoyances that heâs stopped. Â
Kal tsks at Blue, watching as the boy follows and his arms are left empty.  âChrist, Sweeney, your spazzmania is a fucking infection.â He lopes an arm around the drummers shoulder, snaps a finger and throws his hand forward to gesture at the two walking away.  âTheyâre so repulsed by this conversation itâs forced them to abandon a surefire night of decent sex.â But he straightens quickly, his hold gone from the man as easily as it had been given.Â
âBlows?â He shakes his head. âNah, up until five seconds ago Iâd have said it was alright. Then someone fumbled around looking as blue as his name and ruined my fun.â By this point, Kalâs almost pouting, but he finishes the last of the beer in his hand and snorts. âAt least youâre right on that. Poseur couldnât tell you the difference between rushing or dragging.â Kal looked to the aforementioned player and raised an eyebrow. âWas he the one that crawled up your ass and gave you the frown?â
Blue shook his head, though the rare rationality in Khalilâs mouth did make some impression as he made a conscious decision to lock his knees when he staggered off to plant his feet. If he didnât engage, there was a chance heâd bore the other man enough to simply drift away.
As soon as his hot breath bounced back from the bottom of an empty glass, Blue looked back to Khalil. The purse of his lips in an ever-present and disappointed untuck in his direction was met with two cold fingers as though he could silence the sight of it.
âYouâre giving me too much power if you think I ruined your chances of getting off for the night. I think your stellar personality has got some role. Give yourself a little credit,â He started, words smooth under the lull that sat heavily on his tongue. With a shrug, Blue continued with a shake of his head. âThat guy? Absolutely not, not a fucking chance. I think Iâm just stuck between a buzz and being drunk, and my body canât decide where it wants to be. What about you?â
open to: everyone location: blue's home
The sound of his arm slamming into the punching bag came with a sickening sound, a squelch from where the skin that was ripped and torn raw peeling itself on and off of the plastic. It ached, but that was what Blue wanted. He wanted anything but the pit that pulled open from the weight of his own thoughts. This would heal, and that was the most important thing. He could distract himself with this over and over again, and it still had a beginning, end, and resolution.
He needed something more than just his music. It wasn't enough anymore, even though music had been what replaced this in the first place. Then, Blue was forced into silence and then he found a way to expel his thoughts and hopefully make him writhe. He knew he did. He had to. Blue's work was everywhere, and the topic was debated back and forth in just as many places. He'd been writing music for years as a means of cushioning the beginning of Afternoon Daydream's endeavors and while not everyone knew it was his work, the context of his work still created a spark for conversation. Many dismissed it because how could he be behind some of the storylines, and Blue's reputation of writing for other people had very quickly separated him from his work. Some days he didn't mind it because it kept away the backlash, but the ripple he craved for some truths never came.
He heard the gate buzz, but he didn't answer it. Anyone who needed him had a code, and knew where the key to the front door was just as easily. His hands were cut from guitar strings and his elbows cut from the edge of his drums to go and try and open the door himself. Hospitality was long gone.
"Who is it?" He asked, a huff of air parting his lips as he realized how long he'd been holding it. "If it's you, I'm not in the fucking mood."
DYLAN OâBRIEN âNot Okayâ | 2022, dir. Quinn Shephard
mistyblossomsâ:
so far, nanaâs official redebut in afternoon daydream has been going off without a hitch. fans seem to be taking the news positively and itâs bringing even more buzz to the band than ever. everyoneâs curious how her addition will affect the bandâs dynamic considering her previous experience with them as a producer for so long. besides a few quarrels with a couple certain somebodies, she at least has positive rapport with the rest of the members, including the drummer in front of her. but at the studio, business means business when sheâs in charge, and his attention has since been long gone. âlook, if youâre gonna act like you havenât been drowning me out for the past ten minutes, you can at least do a better job,â she releases a drawn-out sigh, peering up from the monitor to her bandmate through the screen. âhow about we take five minutes and come back to this later? seems like you need it.â
Blue wanted to ask for more than five minutes, maybe even five days but he knew better than to entertain even the thought of it. The hum of excitement that hung around Afternoon Daydream should have been invigorating, but there was a small sense of guilt creeping in on him now for seemingly denying them of it so long ago. Blue continued to remind himself that this was a far better break than the one he turned down, but the feeling remained. He blamed it on the bandâs expansion and how nostalgia for how things were had taken a small toll on him. Though, Blue knew if he mentioned to anyone that he was having trouble with change, they would call bullshit. What was it that they said to him, something about being a pisces and going with the flow? And so he kept it to himself, and the pen and paper in his hands.
âIâm here, Iâm here,â He assured her, this time with more effort. He used a heavy sigh to clear his thoughts and land back into the room. âItâs just a hard song to work on when Iâm not feeling... that way right now. I donât have much input for what you want because I donât really have anything on my end to convey right now, but whatever you want, Nana, Iâll do it. I trust you, clearly, because I gave up my one hour lunch break because I believed we could nail it in less time.â

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kalkalilâ:
After parties were a mixed bag. A good after party could take a shitty show and leave Kalâs memories of the night rose colored and sweet. However, a bad after party could ruin his vibe on even the best of nights. Most of the time, the universe landed somewhere in the middle, and tonight? Tonight was prime middle of the road after party. Their show had been good - no major hiccups but nothing sensational- and the groupies were maaaaaaaaybe solid 7â˛s. He wasnât sure, the Midwest wasnât known for its gorgeous people.
For now, his arm was slung across a skinny girl whoâd flashed him at the end of the show, winking at the baggie peaking between her tits. It was predictable for him but he didnât claim to be an enigma. Somewhere between the stage and this clubâs bar, heâd picked up another person too - a thin boy, short haired and glassy eyed. They made an eager duo and Kal saw the night ending in an easy threesome - and that was when he ran straight into Blue.Â
âYou forget how to walk, Cyan?â He catches the man by the shoulder, managing to make the steadying gesture drip with condescension.  âI can give you a tutorial, if you need. Typically, itâs one foot after the other.â Heâs smirking, all jeer, but the worry in Blueâs eyes doesnât escape him - the odd dilation. If he didnât know better, heâd think the drummer was also on something.Â
The familiar scent of his bandmate pulled him out of forced fixation, crinkling his nose as alcohol and perfume from his newfound company for the night made themselves known. He would never admit to it out loud, but some times he was thankful for Khalilâs antics and interruptions. More often than not, it was Blueâs thoughts that clouded his focus than whatever distraction the other man was causing.Â
âNot on the top of my priorities right now,â He said, chin tilted to the empty glass in his own hand but eyes not quite reaching Khalilâs yet. Blue had never preached sobriety since their move to major music scene, but he had turned away from it. It was only now that heâd started to entertain the concept again, especially after the scar on the corner of his mouth had finally healed from the last time heâd drank. Theyâd all seen him drunk plenty of times, but it had been so long that even seeing them through the haze felt odd. âGotta take advantage of the free shit.â
The room seemed to move too slow, and once again he felt his focus pin point on every single thing but what he could curve to his bidding. His body swayed under drunken steps, but he was more focused on how the tone of the music changed to something far too soft and how he could hear his voice from across the rooftop.Â
Finally, Blue found the words again and incredulously announced disappointed into the air in hopes of jabbing it right into the one person whose pedestal should shake, âThis thing blows, am I right? Did you miss the opening number of the latest addition to the label? Guy thinks he defines the entire brand of this place."
fvrnandasâ:
fernanda was never the one to network. she was comfortable with the people she knew and change wasnât something she sought out. she was entirely grateful for blue to always be around , more than ever especially. of course she had her passions and a vision for what she wanted to do in the future , but she had blue to thank for all of the big leaps of faith she ever taken in her life.
she had a habit of tuning people out. it was peculiar. everything externally would make it seem as if she was intently listening. sheâd nod her head and even say a few âyeahâs or 'mhmâs to indicate she was listening , but none of it was actually process in her head. thatâs exactly what was happening the past hour. the only solution she thought would help the situation was taking advantage of the wine that was flowing into their cups. after a small hiccup and a small headache growing on the right side of head , fernanda decided she couldnât sit there for any much longer.
so , she did what she used to do at dinners when they were younger to get blueâs attention. after a few light nudges from her leg to his under the table , blueâs eyes said it all. fernanda tilted her head to the side , towards the direction of the restrooms and slightly widened her eyes. â m'excuse me. â, her voice slightly cracked from not speaking for a while as she got up from the table and moved along towards the restroom. instead of entering , she stood in the corner , waiting for the other , with her arms crossed.
How Fernanda managed to keep him at beck and call was something Blue liked to deny or stay in the dark aboutâ but he knew exactly how she did it. Theyâd known each long enough for him to look to her as a younger sister in certain moments and feel responsible not only for whatever chaos she tried to chase, but her comfort above all. He used to look for her approval, some kind of wonder behind her eyes that ensured him that yes, this is great! but as of late, it was always a search for something wrong as though it was inevitable. Well, heâd gotten it and now it was time to make it right.Â
Her boredom, however, wasnât unwarranted. Though Blue was known for his free spirit, it had been him that turned the casualty of the evening slowly on its head to build opportunity. Business went round and round tucked between sips of wine and laughter, but an easy night died early on. It would have been better had they all not started drinking so early, but Blue would plant the seed to be remembered no matter what.
As he went to make his own momentary departure, he felt the tension that had been holding him upright to be the puppet for their attention. The smiles, the jokes, the lean for keen listening was starting to take a toll. Following Fern, he took her hand and led her into the bathroom where it only took moments for him to find the latch on the window in the shower and crack it open. With the crackle of the lighter by his lips and a joint pressed firmly between his lips, he asked her, âAre you bored yet, or do you know something I should before I go back out there and tell Thomas that whatever joke he makes with his foot in his mouth is funny?â