What is love?

Telling Qingpu about CYY's proposal, even her maid is shocked that JinZhao didn't say yes.

JinZhao explains that the more powerful a man is the more concubines he will have = fearing that Yanyun would do that to her too. She's again revealing that her mother's fate is frightening her, and how that could happen to her too.

And she's also finally admitting that she likes CYY, even though it's not right now enough to marry him (i do wonder if there's a deleted scene where JinZhao comes to the realization that she has romantic feelings for CYY).

We are at ep18, and things are slowly coming to progress regarding their relationship.

Yanyun is bothered by his mother again about possible marriages for him.

She mentions how his future wife has to be from noble birth, and shouldn't be coming from a humble origin (like GJZ)...

CYY knows that time is ticking and he can't reject his mother's proposals any longer. So, he orders ChenYi to tell JinZhao to meet him immediately.

When meeting, she mentions how she's aware of his high position, something that apparently was going through her head before meeting him.

In Tongzhu, after some time passed, CYY is visiting to keep an eye on JinZhao and see how she's doing.

Things go downhill when some bandits kidnap JinZhao to get back at Yanyun.

Yanyun appears and tries to bargain with the criminal.

Not wanting CYY to give up his weapon (and bring himself in danger) JinZhao tries to stop him, but with no success.

he handles overpowers the bandit, but JinZhao can't save herself and falls over the cliff, with Yanyun grabbing her in the last minute. Then they both fall down.

Hearing about the news of Jinzhhao's mothers death, CYY worries about her, and already knows her good enough to notice when she's pretending.

When attending the mother's funeral, his face shows his worry and compassion for her. He knows that she isn't fine at all, even if she claims otherwise.

After they interrogate the servant who poisoned the pregnant concubine, they discuss what to do next.

She's determined to bring him to justice, and pays for her mother's suffering. He's making her aware of the punishment a child has to receive when accusing it's parent. She doesn't mind, and he understands her determination and agrees.

Later he discusses with his assitant how to reduce the punishment she will hace to face. . He understands her emotions and doesn't want to argue against it.

Even though it's hard, he's determined to help her no matter what.

Later, we find out that he specifically chose the same day to travel to his ancestors home (Tongzhu) as JinZhao, who's on her way to bury her own mother in her ancestors home - which in Tongzhu.

When learning that she makes also a reast at the same guesthouse as he (of course), he immediately leaves to welcome her.

Hearing about her troubles to find a shelter for the Marquis guards (that YeXian send with her), he doesn't hesitate to offer one of his own rooms. And even though JinZhao doesn't outright thank him, you can see how touched she is by his offer.

At evening, Yanyun notices JinZhao, who tries under hurry to shelter her things from the rain.

JinZhao, who until now organized things to give shelter to her own people, the guards, and her mother's coffin. She hears a bittersweet sound and follows it to see Yanyun, who's the one playing the instrument.

Without asking she suddenly tells him that she doesn't plan to sue her father anymore.

She continues with revealing how impulsive she was, and how she feels gulity for her mother's death.

Yanyun, who listened quietly, has no words for comfort, but offers to play a song for her. She thankfully accpets the offer.

Meanwhile Yanyun is playing another bittersweet sound, JinZhao quietly listens and let her tears (amd plain) flow.

Her mother's death didn't really caused their romance to progress (obviously), but it showed how much this relationship is grounded in truth and comfort. Yanyun, did everything he could to make things easier for her, when her mother died, and knowing her already good enough to understand her way of dealing with it. The fact the planned his own journey to Tongzhu the same day as her, is not only to see her (romance), but to also make sure that she's alright. He worries about her, and no matter how much he years for her, he would never prioritize his own feelings over her well being.

JinZhao, on the other hand, got during her mother's death another proof that she can totally rely on him. From helping her with planning to sue her father to giving shelter to Ye Xian's guards when she struggled with it. He constantly was by her side and offered help, and he did that without asking.

When she told him about her regrets and guilt, she did that without him asking her. It shows how much she already finds comfort with him and trusts him. She's honest with him, so that she can relieve her pain and let things out that need to be out.

Getting informed about the chaos that happens in the Gu family, YanYun is quite disapproving of the fact that YeXian was helping GJZ.

Trying to help her in any way, he brainstorms... heavily.

So tries so hard to find a way to be of any help to her, that even ChenYi can only look perplexed at his master.

Taking the whistle with him and going off to see her, he finally notices his servants totally lost look... 😅

It's so good to see also other characters noticing CYY's how much he totally acts "out of character" now. It's also so sweet to look how desperate he tries to find a solution for JinZhao's family problems, and even though he doesn't really find an answer, he still tries to be of any help to her.

Later JinZhao is getting informed about CYY wanting to see her.

and even ChenYi knows it's now better to leave the two of them alone when meeting.

YanYun is again reminding her that she doesn't have to bow to him anymore.

Why does she still does it? I guess it's just the simple fact that he's not only 10 years older than her but is also in a more powerful position than her. But it's also because she just has this huge respect for him. It's hard to let go of these things.

He gives her the whistle and explains to her that if she ever uses it, people who are loyal to him will come immediately to her aid.

We don't get any other reaction from her than a POV shot of her eyes, which I interpret as her being shocked but also being touched by this gesture of him.

They stare at each other for a short time, before CYY catches himself and informs her where he will be the next day (basically telling her where she can find him).

He turns to leave, and GJZ wonders why he's so kind to her and wants to know why. She blows the whistle (to see of he's one of the people whonwould come to her aid) and he stops immediately. Amused by this he slighty turns to her direction, before he has to catch himself again and leaves.

And girl is happy...

meeting at the the temple

Yanyun, who's at the temple, sees JinZhao waiting for him, and this is how he reacted:

cute, right?

you can see how positively surprised he is, and also a little bit excited.

He starts the conversation with asking her about the situation at home, knowing that there might be a reason for her to seek him out.

She tells him about her parents bad marriage and how bad things got for her mother and her health.

Noticing his lack for words, she grows upset and even wonders why she told him all of that.

She aks her why she's shouldn't have told him and basically tells him that he's just a man, and of course he wouldn't understand. It's her father, a man, that caused so much distress and trouble to her mother, so, why should he as a man understand all of that chaos?

Our boy, who's gotten embarrassed, can only give her the answer "okay" - accepting her reasoning and sentiments.

Seeing how upset she is, he invited her to see his secret place.

He reveals to her that this house is a place of comfort for him, and how he often uses it to find peace.

And then he offers it to her for her mother to recover...

JinZhao, who's touched and grateful, has to point out that things could get awkward if her mother knew that's it his house.

So, he tells her to just claim it's "a friends house", and she agrees. Girl is happy again.

That scene is so heartwarming to watch.

She didn't came to him to ask for help or something, but to just have someone to talk to, someone who understands. So she looked for him, and not her grandma, or YeYian. It reveals how comfortable she already feels with him and sharing those troubles with him.

CYY on the other hand is clearly happy when seeing her at the temple - realizing that she was coming only for him. But he also listens to her and tries to understand what troubles her. Even when he has no helpful answer for her, he knows that she just needs to get it all out, willing to just stand beside her and listen.

When he offers her his own place of comfort, he's also showing her how much he trusts her. He's willing to share his own private place to give her some sense of comfort.

Beautiful.

Later YanYun is meeting with his mother, who wants to gossip about the Mu family's marriage intentions, and that includes JinZhao.

And boy is he not happy

But luckily his mother clarified that it's about JinZhao's sister Gu Lan.

But only to come back to JinZhao as possible bride...

YanYun then wants to know why the Mu's view JinZhao as possible bride.

And oh boy, he's not happy at all 😂

When asked what he thinks of that he just can't stop himself from criticizing all of that, and makes sure that none of that reaches Mrs Ji's or JinZhao's ears (of course).

He then leaves, angered, and even his mother points that out.

He then orders ChenYi to find more information about why the Mu's want JinZhao for their son as bride.

It's a sweet and funny scene, that really shows his growing jealousy over any man that could propose to her. He himself has set his eyes on her, and any "threat" has to be abolished 😆.

It's so fascinating to see him showing more sides of his character, that aren't related to hus work.

The next morning (after the wound cleaning) Jinzhao wakes up to see her brother being found again.

He explains that it was CYY's men who searched for him.

(Look at how he's turning around when hearing her approaching... he's so eager to welcome her gratitude 🤣)

YanYun sending his own men to search for her brother is a sweet gesture of gratitude & understanding. She explained why she was the one searching for her brother, and he listened & understood what she was actually telling him.

Telling her to drop the formalities is indirectly telling her that they're now closer to each other.

After she complained last night about how her family is incapable of taking care of things and there's no one she can rely on, he wanted to support her and then sent his own guards in search for her brother. Wanting to help her, but also show her that she can rely on him when needed. And then giving her permission to seek for him when she's in trouble again

And she's quite happy about it, and must have felt relieved, hearing those words from someone as powerful and capable as him. Realizing that her struggles may matter a little bit to him, and he's not just this isolated, distant persona. And becoming more and more a person she can truly trust.

Taking care of his wounds

The next scene is one of my favorites:

Gu JinZhao is on her way of searching for her brother, but circumstances force her to make stop at a cabin. At the same time CYY, who is wounded, stops at the same cabin.

Seeing how clumsy Chenyi is taking care of CYY's wounds, Qingpu wants to offer her help, but GJZ stops her, and rather awants to do it herself (of course).

Seeing his wounds, she wonders how it came to that, but doesn't ask him.

You can truly see how uneasy and worried she gets when seeing him being hurt.

CYY takes the opportunity and asks what she's doing at this place. She then explains him how no one in her family is able to take care of the situation.

The next moment she takes a look at his older scars and gets unsettle by it, but doesn't question him about it.

You can see how deeply she cares about him, and how worried she gets when he's wounded. She's so tender with him, and doesn't want to cause him even more pain.

The scene itself is actually full of sexual tension, especially on CYY's part.

The nudity, the fireplace, the touching, and then GJZ blowing on his wound...

And his surprised reaction... but also liking it.

Yep, both of them are really down for each other.

As much as this scene is about their sexual tension, it's also shows something similar important: honesty.

JinZhao admits how she has to take care of things regarding her brother, because she's the only one who's able to make those decisions. It reveals how alone she actually is, and has no one to really depend on or to trust.

Yanyun's moment of honesty is more unspoken, but shown. Him being half-naked, with JinZhao able to see his scars reveals what kind of violent and cruel life he's actually living. It's not the first time that he's badly wounded, and likely won't be the last time. His political position puts him constantly in deadly danger - people wanting to kill him just because he tries to do the right thing. That leaves scars, and not only physical ones.

His reaction to her taken care of his wounds reveals also something else - his own loneliness. He's not used to someone taking care of him like this, being openly vulnerable and trusting one another. But he likes it, that feeling of being taking care of, and her tenderness.

It deepens their bond and trust for on another.

The gift

Finally meeting GJZ again, he warns her about the trouble her brother is facing and advices her to act fast. With GJZ thanking for his advice, he takes the opportunity to make sure that she doesn't send any more gifts to him 🤣

GJZ isn't happy about that at all, especially because she brought a new gift with her. And this time it's truly something special.

Sadly, with his comment, GJZ lost all confidence in her gift and is embarrassed.

CYY, who can't resist his curiosity (and motivated by her embarrassment) wants to see the gift, now matter what.

We get the cute scene, where they both fight over the box - CYY, who wants to open it and GJZ, who's wants the opposite.

CYY wins and opens it to see his cloak he wrapped around her after he saved her from drowning (new years eve festival).

We finally get to know why she's embarrassed about it: she cared so much about this cloak and wanting it to be in perfect shape, that she not only fixed it but also re-embroidered it.

He's in awe of it, and GJZ's feeling turns from embarrassment to gladness.

He realizes the care she put into it, and thus acknowledges the gift as something special. He's happy too.

One thing that sticks out is the difference in gifts she gave CXQ vs CYY.

When she believed CXQ to be her savior, she gifted him the inkstone. It's a unique item, but it wasn't bought by her, in fact it was actually a gift she received before giving it away to CXQ.

But with knowing now that her savior was CYY all along, she took extra care when giving him a gift of her gratitude, even caring about the details.

It's a very sweet and warming moment between the two of them. Especially for CYY, who not only was puzzled by her previous gifts, but also confused about it's meanings. But by going out of her way to repair and re-embroidering his cloak, he seemed to understand that her gifts, especially this one, do not come from a place of dubiousness, but one of genuine care and gratitude.

The next episode open with a scene including CYY and his mother, who wants to find a bride for him...

She mentions his first wife (arranged marriage), and assumes that his hesitation about marrying comes from him mourning, which he denies.

He's basically telling her, that the reason he hasn't married again is not tgat he mourned his first wife that long, but that his priority were his duties at work.

Even though he doesn't say her name, we all know who is on his mind -

- but he's making sure that he prepares his mother for his choice, ans setting the stage for GJZ to enter.

He has to, not only because he's aware of the lower status GJZ has in their society, but also because his mother is a "snob".

Their meeting is interrupted by ChenYi who informs that GJZ's brother is in trouble.

The otherwise very duty-minded Lord Chen ends his dinner with his mother, to deal with whatever peril GJZ is eventually facing.

Seeing this an opportunity to meet GJZ again (finally), he uses it as an excuse to invite her for a meeting.

"No matter what, we have to meet." - revealing his longing for them to meet again. It's such a strong declaration from him, that it even startled ChenYi.

His boss, who usally likes to keep a distance to anyone and everything, makes sure about the importance of a secret meeting with a certain young lady... even though a simple message via letter would be enough.

GJZ is visisting her paternal after the New Year festival, where she meets Ye Xian again.

Trying to get to talk to her, which she refuses, he mentions CYY.

"You can afford to offend Chen YanYun?"

- he noticed how different GJZ is interacting with both of them.

GJZ, who feels caught, is shocked and declares is as rubbish.

She denies it, not because of embarrassment or an misunderstanding, but she just doesn't want CYY to be caught up in rumors. She's actually protecting him.

Later, she tries to find the right gifts for CYY, as a sign of gratitude for saving her but is unhappy with the selected gifts.

It's only a few scenes later, that we find out what kind of gifts she had chosen for him at the end.

What stands out to him are the eyeglasses

Seeing it as an insult to his age, he orders to throw them away, before changing his mind again.

We sadly don't really get an explanation for why she chose the eyeglasses, so I can only guess about the why.

GJZ, never send gifts to CYY for jokes or a laugh, so I would say that the simple fact that those items are very expensive and had to be brought from the West, simply means she wanted to have something very unique to gift to him as a sign of her gratitude (and affection). It's just that ChenYi misinterprets the intent of the gift, and thus gives CYY the wrong idea. Luckily, he still can smile about it.

But the true gift she wants to give him us something else, which is revealed in the next episode.

The New Years festival - the turning point

GJZ is attending the festival and goes to watch the fireworks. She sees CYY and stares at him (like always) in surprise.

Unlucky as she is, she loses balance and falls into the water (again), but luckily CYY, who was also watching the fireworks, recognizes her and jumps after into the water to save her (... again).

It's in this moment that our girl finally remembers the night in Tongzhou (when she fell into the river) and finally recognizes CYY as the man who saved her.

Later, CYY is at his home and draws something😍

CYY, subconsciously painted a picture of GJZ, thus revealing the object of his affection and desire.

It's at this moment, that he realizes the depth of his feelings for her. Like GJZ, he developed those feelings unconsciously, so that they could only remain inside his subconscious. But drawing that picture, without him realizing until he truly takes a look, suggests that he's unable to supress those feelings any longer.

Overcome by all of that, he orders ChenYi to invite GJZ immediately over.

When his servant aks for the reason for it (to explain it to GJZ), CYY grows impatient.

The fact that he has no "official reason" for this invitation is unusal for him, especially for someone who plans things in detail. His impatience actually reveals his longing for her, but also his inexperience in terms of love and romance. Inviting a young girl into your home at night, without an official reason would have been "inappropriate".

CYY becoming aware of the circumstances, is calling ChenYi back.

Even though he wants to see her, he knows that this isn't really the right way. But, his change of mind probably also comes from the fact that he has no idea what to tell her. But even though he changed his mind about seeing her, the reason must have been not anything dramatic, because when he looks at her picture again, he's smiling.

It shows that he doesn't feel any kind of denial or resistance regarding his romantic feelings for her, it's quite the opposite - he embraces them.

At the same time, GJZ is telling Qingpu about the fact that it wasn't CXQ that saved her that night on the river, but CYY.

The scene ends with her wondering how she can pay him back = making it clear that she has no intention of keeping a distance to him.

Even though CYY was the only one that realized his romantic feelings for her at the end of ep09, GJZ goes through a similar emotional realization.

She doubted CXQ from the beginning that he was her saviour, and was wondering (and hoping) at the same time that CYY is the one. Now that she has confirmation, her feelings for him start to escape her subconscious and slowly come to the surface in coming episodes.

Next time our couple meets again is when the assassins try to kill the crown prince at the temple. GJZ, unlucky person that she is, stumbles upon a assassin and runs to CYY for help, who does not hesitate to save her. Seeing him killing all those people, GJZ finally remembers the night when she saw him kill Li ChongGuang. Despite this she's not afraid of him and gives him her hand when he extended his to help her up again. Later, he has to pretend to kill her so that the people who he schemed with are satisfied. GJZ plays along and they finally have a moment where they can talk without interruption. She plays close attention to his mood and notices how tired and exhausted he looks. And instead of feeling offended, CYY agrees. They continue to talk about fire works and her displeasure about living in the capital. It's the first heartfelt conversation they truly ever had, and also a very open one. It's also the first time we saw the progress of their relationship. What started as master/subordinate type of dynamic, with GJZ trying to figure out his schemes and her own role in it, has come to some kind of understanding of one another. You can also see how CYY has "warmed" up to her, very different from what we have seen in the first episodes.

Later comes a scene that imo proves that when she's talking about CXQ or interacting with him, it's actually all about CYY in her heart (subconscious).

It's funny how she only recognized CXQ's handwriting because it resembles CYY, and then describing it as "beautiful".

And here again, only caring about CYY's writing influences, but not asking for CXQ's opinion on it.

This is also a very telling summary of the difference between CYY and CXQ.

"Open and strong" = CYY

"stiff" = CXQ

GJZ is too focused on the similarities CXQ has with CYY and admiring them, then to pay any closer attention to his true personality. For her it's CXQ = CYY, meaning that whatever CXQ does or likes, CYY would does or like it too. It's a very ignorant way of thinking, given that's she's supposed to like CXQ and thus should at least care a little about him as an individual.

Another proof of that is when's she's asking CXQ what book CYY advised him to practice.

She's again asking for more information about CYY. If it would be about getting to know more about CXQ, she would have been asking about his preferences, but she only focuses on CYY's likings.

And when they together are practicing calligraphy, what are they copying?

The diamond sutra - CYY's preferred copybook.

It's actually so bland obvious what GJZ is doing, that the only explanation about why CXQ doesn't pick up on this is the fact that he enjoys not only the attention, but also the comparison to CYY - the man he tries desperate to be like.

Later, GJZ aks Qingpu what she thinks of CXQ

and her friensld point out that they actually truly don't know him. GJZ responds is actually hilarious:

She's again clarifying that she has no interest in getting to know more about CXQ, and what his true personality is. Only interested in the idea of him (the resemblance to CYY) and not anything beyond, and revealing how shallow her "interest" in him actually is.

The whole GJZ/CXQ entanglement ends with her waiting for him to meet her and him not attending. Our girl is sad and disappointed for a bit, but when she later attends the street festival, her mood is fine again. She also never truly thinks about him again, until he causes havoc in the later episodes.

I actual plan to make a seperate post about CXQ, that will explore more of his character, but that will only happen after I finish my analysis on CYY & GJZ.

The flower banquet at the Chen residence

Having passed the exams, Mrs Chen is hosting a little garden party for CXQ, with also GJZ and Ye Xian attending. They play riddles, where each person that gives the right answer to one receives a gift. The funny thing is that many attendees have crushes on each other and try to solve the one riddle their crush had put on:

Ye Xian & CXQ try to solve GJZ's riddle.

Gu Lan is trying to solve Ye Xian's riddle.

GJZ wants to solve CXQ's riddle (because he's her "crush"), buuuut the situation changes for her. Our girl puts a very expensive vase as prize, so expensive that CYY's sister asked her brother for something similar unique that CXQ can put as his prize. CYY, who wants to tell GJZ that the prize she put up is too expensive for such a game, gives his sister the jade antiques GJZ had send to him as congratulation gift.

When GJZ saw the jade

She immediately understoods CYY's message

All thought of impressing CXQ and solving his riddle has turned into a mission to clear not only her name, but also CYY's 😅

And this moment was just another proof, that no matter what, when it's about CXQ vs CYY, GJZ doesn't hesitate of abandoning all thought of CXQ when CYY comes into play.

The banquet ends with GJZ having to interpret a painting (drawn by CYY) and describes it as:

It really captures CYY personality, he's smart, strong, and wise, but he also restrainta himself from feeling or showing any deeper emotion. It's understandable why does that, given that he to work with many mischievous people and tries to be a step ahead of them, but it has it's prize and makes him emotionally distant from anything and anyone.

But, because of GJZ's words, which he remembers at evening

- he tries immediately to paint something that is a bit less "hollow" and has more depth. Obviously, it means he will be more "open" and emotional available to our GJZ from now on.

Wanting to send the Chen family a few expensive gifts, and congratulating CXQ for passing the exams, GJZ goes on a shopping spree, where she meets CYY again

CYY carriage broke, and that's why he's standing in front of the shop, but GJZ doesn't know that.

And girl is happy to see him

She even offers him her cookies 😅

And that's when GJZ learns that the reason why he was standing in front of her shop was because his carriage broke... and she gets disappointed.

Having actually hoped that he came to see her, only to learn it was by accident.

CYY misinterpreted the look on her face and thinks it's about the cookies, so he takes one from her, to not hurt her feelings.

And leaves our girl confused... 😂

She's aware that his mood wasn't the best, so she orders that the expensive gifts she wanted to send (in celebration for CXQ) to the Chen family will be replaced with ordinary ones.

The scene is really cute, but because it shows that no matter what thoughts she has about CXQ and how much she wants to gratulate him - CYY and whatever is troubling him is priority for her.

An important moment, that happens after CYY & GJZ's last conversation, is the scene where he orders Grandma Ji to send GJZ to the capital. He doesn't give an explanation why, so the viewer is left without explanation, but I guess the main reason is to keep an eye on her, and make sure that she really doesn't remember him killing Li ChongGuang that night. And the second reason (subconscious) is that she will be more in his reach of course 😉, something he unknowingly hopes for.

Another important moment is the scene where CYY is attending GJZ's banquet, but stealing her "moment" when he receives the imperial degree. GJZ, angry at this, decides to use CYY's presence to get back at her father. YY realizes her true intention and plays along, describing them as even now. It's a moment that shows, despite her admiration and respect for him, she's not afraid to stand up for herself, even when it's about him. And he in return, acknowledges this and gives her credit where it's due. And he's amused by it, because there are probably not many people who dare to challenge him like that. It puts them also in more equal positions, at least intellectual.

They don't meet again until they're are both attending Fu Chuans banquet. GJZ, who just learned about her grandma's dangerous circumstances, sees CYY for the first time since her coming of age ceremony.

And wants to immediately meet him. Alone.

She's obviously trying to get more information about her grandmother from him, but she used a word that reveals also a different reason for wanting to meet him: "finally".

It was seconds ago that she learned about her grandmother situation, but described their first meeting again after some time as "we finally crossed paths today". The word "finally" implies that our girl actually looked forward to meeting him again, way before she got worried about her grandma 😊.

While discussing GJZ grandma's situation, Ye Xian interrupts them. After both, GJZ and Ye xian, left, CYY gets informed that YX was specifically looking for GJZ.

And that was his reaction:

And he doesn't like it. At all.

It's another sign of him falling for her, but also being too distracted by his political duties to notice it + he was never in love and had those experiences ever before, so it naturally takes more time for him to figure things out.

Meanwhile, GJZ, who has fallen for him too, but has to put those feelings inside her subconscious, is now paying more attention to CXQ.

CXQ - the person who she believes saved her from the water, but who also has a strong resemblance to CYY, the man she actually likes. The fact that CXQ has similarities with CYY is significant, because it explains why GJZ "developes" feelings for him in the first place. GJZ, who can't openly pursue CYY, has found someone similar to him, someone who's like CYY but equal to her status in society = CXQ.

When she attends the exam winner event, she listens to CXQ giving a very analytical explanation (like CYY) about those girls who admire him, and approves of those words spoken by him.

It's no coincidence that he even outright says that he tries to be like CYY - a sentence GJZ pays attention to.

It's important to clarify that the 'CXQ is a substitute for CYY in GJZ's mind', is her subconscious trying to navigate her feelings for CYY. She's not aware of that, like at all.

GJZ's personality and psychology is hugely shaped by the fact that she was abandoned by her parents since birth, and feels unloved by them. A person like that - fearing heartbreak and abandonment, would never make the first move when it's about love. She actually said that also at the beginning: "I'll only tend to hearts that have already chosen me". That's why it's so easy for her to "chase" CXQ - she's not emotionally attached to him, which means her heart can't be broken by him.

CYY is the painful choice (her heart), because, remembering their different statuses in society, it's very unlikely that he would be getting involved with her, at least from her POV. Pursuing CYY would only cause heartbreak and disappointment for her, and this is why she's putting all those feelings away and puts her focus on CXQ - she's actually just protecting herself.