breathing water

  So, you’re volunteering to protect me from a lady who could possibly end up on the show Deadly Women in a few years for murdering me with the help of her asshole boyfriend? 

Sure! I don't see why not. Besides, they're no match for me.

So, this bitch and her ugly ass boyfriend come into the bar and take two seats to wait to be served, right? Nothing was going bad, it was actually a good night until this happened, y’know. But this asshole decides to call out ‘sweetcheeks can we get some attention over here’ , what the fuck, right? Well, whatever. I finish serving the customer I had been serving at the time and then go to service them. This cocky shit has the nerve to wink at me like he’s some hotshot that everybody wants and the worst part about it is that this bitch glares me down the rest of the night as if I was the one who did it. Excuse the fuck out of you, honey you need to control your man and his greasy ass self. Long story short, I may or may not need to go into witness protection now because she could track me down and murder me in my sleep.

Sounds like a dick. You're in a sticky situtation. Luckily for you, I just so happen to be a mega tough superhero.

I’ve been doing nothing but watching Harry Potter lately.