Patron Saint of Impossible Causes

⸻ For Elizabeth her father was indifferent about being a grandfather again because he didn't show any reaction upon receiving the news, and he commented 'whatever' after the news. When he was a grandfather for the first time he hated it, but after a while he learned how to embrace it. Nowadays he enjoys being a 'grandpa' more than he ever being a 'father'.

Jude listened, trying to make sure he followed and kept track. His heart ached for Elizabeth as she recounted the things her father had said to her when she was young. Hearing what the lie had been he completely understood the betrayal that Elizabeth must feel. He nodded his head. "That's a terrible thing to find out. I can't imagine the betrayal you must feel." He stopped so she could continue with her story. It was very tangled and full of hurt.

──an appreciative smile formed on her lips, followed by a nod at the response. “thank you, I would love to,” she smiled once again. she planned on attending weekly, either way, so she was sure that she would get word of the group’s meeting —even though it had been months, and despite appearances, she was still struggling at times with the loss of her loved ones; more with that of her brother than her mother. her blue eyes met his kind gaze and she shook her head, stopped fidgeting with the ring as a gentle smile tugged on her lips. “you sound like you are very busy already,” her voice laced with a soft drawl, “but thank you for the offer. I shall only take advantage of it if it ever becomes too much…” the Aussie truly appreciated the priest’s kindness —she caught herself thinking that there was a feeling of comfort from just being in his presence. he seemed like a truly gifted man.

“it is,” she nodded in agreement. “a different pace of life, too, from where I lived,” she mused. “to be honest with you, I thought I would have a harder time adjusting than I do…” she paused for a long moment. “are there any specific days you hold confessions, maybe?” she asked then, already feeling a little guilt just by standing in the presence of a blessed man for what she had done these past couple of weeks.

Being a New Yorker through and through Jude nodded in agreement, "It can be a lot to get used to. But Christmas and Holiday time in New York is pretty spectacular." He nodded when she asked about confession times. "Yes, myself and the other priests do a rotation. Monday through Friday after the twelve ten mass, Wednesdays from six forty five to seven fifteen, Saturday's from four to four forty five and from six fifteen to six forty five. Then you can also call and make an appointment if you'd like." He waited in case she had any other questions and then said chuckling to himself, "We got pretty far into the weeds there and I haven't even asked your name yet. I'm very sorry. I'm Father Jude Freling." He extended his hand to her.

There had been times, although few, where Mathias would picture a life where he could be free from all the bad. Where he wouldn't have to get his hands bloody, nor feel like a monster. He could live a happy life that he deserved. He knew a life like that was possible, but it would require a lot from him. He wasn't sure if he was able or ready to give it all yet. According to Jude, there would be a time for Mathias to repent and ask for forgiveness. To come to terms with what he had done to others and to himself. That part scared him the most. But Jude had hope for him, so Mathias had to have hope as well.

Mathias may not have know much about love, nor did he really understand it. It was a new and all engulfing feeling, and could be overwhelming at times. But when he felt it, he really felt it. It was like a gust of strong wind, or a warm summer's sun. It was inescapable and it pulled him in like gravity. Mathias loved it. He loved the feeling of being helpless against an emotion that offered him such warmth and security. How could anyone ever blame him for wanting it? How could they tell him he was wrong to run full force towards it.

He smiled at Jude's answer, melting against him as they kissed. It was what he wanted. Jude was who he wanted. It was always so surprising at how easy it was for the older man to make Mathias breathless. As he broke their kiss, he was breathing heavier but there was a happy look on his face. Mathias removed himself from Jude, his body already feeling the effects of their kissing. He pulled his shirt over his head, then discarded his pants, leaving him in just his underwear. Then with one last playful and loving look, he removed the rest of his clothes. Being laid bare and vulnerable to the man he loved. Mathias grinned and turned to walk back to their room, looking over his shoulder and calling out to Jude, "Are you coming Sinjin?"

The next morning

He wasn't sure who woke up first or not. The bed still held evidence of their night before. Mathias was cuddled up next to Jude, tracing over a reddish pink mark on his collarbone that was made last night. The sheets were mixed in with their tangled legs as Mathias listened to Jude's heart beat.

Pressed together on the too small couch, Mathias on top of him Jude tried not to think of all the complicated things that they carried into this. He could feel Mathias' heart beat soft against his own chest. And he got lost for a moment thinking of all the things in a shared space that he could add to give space to the kindness that Mathias was capable of. Jude was aware that shifting the trajectory of a life was no small thing but he'd seen Mathias trying. And he would continue to help however he could.

⸻ In regards to her father, Claude is… ❛ Indifferent. ❜ She confessed. Liz was mad at her own father. ❛ I fought with my father. ❜ Elizabeth found out he was lying to her all those years about her grandparents. Or well, grandfather by mother's side. He sent money to provide for her when she was a child, and he used all this cash. She never saw the color of the dime of it. Instead, she struggled all her life to provide for her and him.

He listened to her, to the hurt and upset in her words. It sounded very messy and complicated. "So your father lied to you and your Grandfather?" Just making sure he understood before listening again. "Understandable. Forgiveness isn't about them. Forgiveness is done for ourselves and our hearts. Not for others." Jude chuckled softly at her aging statement and nodded, "Stress has a way of doing that. And you already have a lot going on."

──the little information the priest provided really piqued her interest. “oh, I would be interested,” she said softly, nodding to further emphasize her response, showing that she meant it; she liked being involved, helping out, donating. ever since she started going to the church back in her home country, she had felt more at peace whilst also helping the less fortunate than her —she had been there, knew firsthand how it felt to struggle. “I would be interested to attend a grief support group if there is one…” she admitted, toying with a ring on her finger a little nervously —she didn’t like talking about it right when she was meeting someone, but this was a priest, not just a random person, she could trust not to be judged.

another coy smile formed on her lips. “must come in handy,” she noted; it always makes people feel a little special when someone remembers them, she had noticed that in her line of work, too. “not really,” she laughed, shrugged a shoulder, lightly. “but I am making friends and my daughter is often available to answer my questions, so…I am managing…”

Jude smiled and nodded, "It's a blessing in many ways. Everyone is important." When she said she had a daughter he smiled, happy that she seemed to have family here. "Well, if you have any questions about the city I'll do my best to answer them. I'm sure it's a bit of a shift from Australia."

It was easy to say that Mathias had made a lot of mistakes in his life. There were things he had done that were not forgivable and he wasn't seeking it either. If Jude was right about what happened after death, then he'd have to face those mistakes later on. It made no difference to Mathias though. Whatever happened to him after death was something to care about when it happened, and not before. Jude might have been the only right thing in Mathias' life. He shone so brightly that it cast away all the shadows and storms. He made Mathias feel like living was worth it.

Both of them loved each other fiercely and in different ways. To Jude, Mathias was the best love out of all the rest in his life. Those words just made him smile bigger. He remembered early on feeling like he was in competition for Jude's affection. Never feeling like he would obtain his full heart. He was glad he was wrong about that. And to Mathias, Jude was his first and only love. He was so lucky to find someone on the first try, and even if others claimed that he was blind, Mathias knew they were meant to be.

Jude had tried and would continue to try to help Mathias understand that everything could be forgiven if forgiveness was asked for. That did take away the possible consequences on Earth. But grace extended to everything. Or it wouldn't be grace. That was the part that made the Priest sad for the younger man, that Mathias didn't seek forgiveness for himself. But Jude held out hope, just like his namesake that one day. One day Mathias might realize he could ask and that it would be given to him. That he was worth it.

Jude would not have compromised so much of his plans for someone he felt lukewarm about. Or a momentary lust. He'd been able to walk away from others. Turn away from different paths to stay on the one that had lead him and kept him in the Priesthood. His feelings for Mathias had changed his trajectory. It was Jude's choices and actions that had brought him here. And he'd made them eyes wide open. He still wrestled with his guilt, with his fear and worry. The deep complications in there connection to each other. He wouldn't have done it if it wasn't a deep and abiding love for the other man.

He nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as Mathias touched their foreheads together, his hands gently running along the other's back. Warm brown eyes opened and met Mathias' at the question. At the open care and love between them. He nodded his head softly. "Yes. If that's what you want. Yes." He slowly brought his lips back to Mathias', kissing him with a gentle but deep passion.

⸻ Upon his first question about how everyone is reacting to the news, her father is indifferent, and her mother is basically a stranger so no opinions are formed… ❛ My boyfriend is delighted at the news. But our children are unhappy with it. I suppose with time they will get over it. ❜ She muses, and those words were also an assurance for herself.

Jude listened to Elizabeth talk about how everyone was handling the news. But she only mentioned her boyfriend and her children. He nodded gently. "Big changes are hard. But they will get over it eventually." He paused before he said, "And your Father?" Because it was important to have a support system around families expecting new children, especially if there were already children in the picture. And four all close in age and twins would be a lot for anyone.

──a soft, polite smile was adorning her lips, a gentle nod of her head as she responded with a “surely, I see myself coming back.” and she would; she had enjoyed the service as well as needed the inner peace it brought to her to be in church. “you are observant though,” Stella smiled again at the prior statement —a fact, but it had surprised her nonetheless to hear he was familiar with those who attended mass; it shouldn’t have, he exuded an aura of calmness, gave of a sense of really caring for what he does and doing it with love. “I just moved here from Australia a few days ago, actually,” she elaborated not a moment later.

He smiled a little abashed when she called him observant. "Just a gift I've always had. Good facial recall." But he looked at the woman and nodded his head, "Well, welcome then. Are you familiar with Manhattan?"

Titles and labels weren't important, and yet it felt so nice to think of Jude as his partner. "...Well if you say so, Sinjin". There was a lot of passion in Jude, and maybe he really didn't feel exhausted. Mathias could maybe relate. Before meeting Jude, he did his own job with enthusiasm and never tired from it. Now was a bit different.

Both of them loved fearlessly and fully. While it had taken Mathias a while to figure out how to best express himself and also understand what it mean to accept love, he was grateful that they could both be comfortable with each other now. He knew Jude loved him, he could see it in the way the priest would look at him, or speak to him softly. It was the same passion behind his devotion to his god, but maybe it was also a little more than that. Mathias never thought he'd be allowed such a blessing.

There hadn't been a plan to fall in love with Mathias. And he knew that the younger man had a lot to answer for. But Jude really did believe that this love lifted them both up. That positive things had come from this unexpected connection of souls. And yes, this love was in a certain sense life ruining. But it would depend on what life they each ended up living. The destruction of the old to create the new. The word love appeared in the Bible almost 600 times depending on the translation. Hate less than 200. And that meant something. It had meant something to Sinjin when he'd been young, trying to figure out where he fit in the world. God focused so much on hope, love, forgiveness, mercy, reconciliation. -And the greatest of these is love.-

He nodded softly as his fingers gently ran through Mathias' hair, mirroring Mathias' touches. He nodded. "I promise you, that I will tell you the truth." He shifted a little to help Mathias above him, one of his hands brushing along the younger man's hip. He smiled at Mathias, an expression full of warmth. "You deserve love, Mathias. I'm happy I'm the one that gets to show you that." He grew quiet, just looking up at Mathias his smile shifted into a grin as Mathias rubbed their noses together. "The couch is a little small..." He agreed with the other. But he pressed a kiss to mathias' chin, each cheek before brushing their lips together again, "I love you. More than I've loved any other person."