The crow in my heart, I remember

in the past year I've had one person I was previously fond of turn out to be a fucking nazi and another turn out to be a scammer, which has reopened a bunch of previous wounds to my sense of trust and confidence in my judgment going back over a decade, so now I feel like an overly reactive dog about everything and everyone around me, I keep spiraling and ruminating endlessly over things that feel like they should be small (unless they shouldn't, unless they're Indicative of Something) but somehow eclipse everything, I don't know whether I should ever express any of the shit that bothers me, I don't know whether or not I'm being reasonable about anything, meanwhile I'm—once again!—both feeling frustrated and hurt about certain things and feeling guilty about feeling that way because fuck me for ever having needs, only other people ever matter, and I can't catch my breath from the shitshow this year has been in general long enough to process any of it, there's always another fucking crisis whether it's with my apartment or my body or Zina or something else