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@farblosesrauschen

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Are you still around?
How are you?
Lost. Totally lost.
i just want to thank all those who’ve destroyed me into the person i am today
lmao
“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”
— Juliette Lewis

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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the thing is, somebody cares. i know your best friend seems really busy all the time and is shit at texting but she still loves you and she talks to you more than she talks to anyone else and you’re the only breath of calm she has on this planet. the boy in your science class loves seeing what music you’re listening to on your headphones - he has the same taste and wishes he had the nerve to ask you about it. your english teacher loves the insight you have on your papers. somebody cares. the person who lives down the street from you notices when you are sick because they don’t see you stomping your way to the schoolbus - it’s how they know it’s time to get their breakfast ready. somebody is looking for you at the party, even if they don’t know they’re really looking for you - but when you don’t show up, some part of them is disappointed. somebody is looking for you in the library, in the spot where you eat lunch, in front of that one step you always seem to trip on. i know your parents are a complicated mess and there’s drama between your friends and your love life is sort of shaped like a constant question and everybody seems all caught up in their own lives and their own happiness and nobody really notices: but somebody always does. every face in your dreams is someone you have met, and that means that you are in a million’s stranger’s heads. they see you when they go to bed. and somebody cares. somebody still thinks about you even though you were just a person with a nice outfit or good eyeliner or a great smile or because you were having one of those moments that are so charmingly human in nature or because they regret not asking if you needed help when you fell or because they wonder what you were thinking about or drawing or writing or just because you’re alive, and that makes you fascinating. somebody cares. when you were on break from work and saw a dog hanging his head out of the car and suddenly broke into a smile: there was a girl in the back of that car, and I was her, and I still think about you, and i hope you get more chances to smile like that. and there is you, sitting here reading this, and by some small extension, meeting me, and i am telling you, I care. somebody always does. i promise. i promise. you are loved.
me: I’m bored
what people think I mean: I’m too lazy and I don’t feel like doing anything or there’s nothing to do
what I actually mean: my disorder is causing me to go into a numb, emotionless void where I’m not just lazy, I literally don’t feel like doing anything. even if there’s something to do or even if I’m doing something I’ll still feel bored because it’s not your Typical Boredom, it’s an empty and terrible kind where I dissociate and not have the energy to do anything at all, nothing I do will cure the boredom
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bg1U_0FFOym/
Does anyone else forget that mental illness symptoms aren’t normal? Like, most people don’t want to kill themselves constantly??? That’s so weird.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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the saddest thing i’ve ever done was beg someone to love me the way I loved them
rawest fucking hozier lyrics in no particular order:
i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight
heat of her breath in my mouth; im alive
i’d be the choiceless hope in grief that drove him underground
idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword
and when the earth is trembling on some new beginning with the same sweet shock of when adam first came
every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside
the stench of the sea and the absence of green are the death of all things that are seen and unseen
if I was born as a blackthorn tree i’d wanna be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies
some like to imagine the dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do
before the wave hits, marveling at god; before he feels alone one final time and marries the sea
betray the moon as acolyte on first and fierce affirming sight
i have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me, I have never known hunger like these insects that feast on me
screaming the name of a foreigner’s god; the purest expression of grief
sweet and right and merciful, i’m all but washed in the tide of her breathing
but you don’t know the hell you put me through; to have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you
so i try to talk refined for fear that you find out how i’m imagining you
my head was war, my skin was soaked, I called your name ‘til the fever broke
be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking
remember me, love, when i’m reborn as a shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn
true but how could you forget:
my peace has always been dependent, on all the ashes in my wake
I’m somewhere outside my life, babe, I keep scratching but somehow I can’t get in
And the nights were as dark as my baby, And half as beautiful too
lemme just add
true that love in withdrawal was the weeping of me, that the sound of the saw must be known by the tree
if secrets were like seeds, then i’m lying on the marble marvel of the flowers you have made
why would make out in words a cage for your own bird, when it sings so sweet the screaming, heaving fuckery of the world
Missing your posts.
I’m sorry.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
By Sarah Hobbs