runaway

It’s still September 21, 2017. It’s my second shift of the day, a noon to 6pm. I’m working for another 44 minutes. After this, I will go to the library to study. Or should I go home and nap first? I’m really sleepy either way. I drank a little coffee just now, but I don’t think it will take effect till later. I need to study for my test tomorrow for abstract algebra. It’s a 50 minute class, so the test shouldn’t be that long. Still got to be prepared for it. I also have to check my homework for combinatorics. I probably mentioned most of these things last post, but I need to collect my thoughts again. I think I’m going insane. Only thing keeping me going is my brain and sleep and whatever. I’ll just keep typing until I feel better.

My thoughts:

          Today is September 21, 2017. It is currently 5:26 AM. I’m at work currently till 6:00 AM, so I have a little over 30 minutes to type. What am I doing? I’m a math major here at Virginia Commonwealth University. Speaking of math, I have an upcoming test tomorrow. I should be studying. I need to finish chapter 4.1 homework, so I can study all the homework I’ve done. I guess I’m typing this because I’m unsure where I am currently in my life. I know, 21 years old is a young age. I have technology to blame for that. I feel like a materialistic freak; I’ll probably talk about that later. I feel the millennial inside me screaming. I hate to admit it, but instant gratification from the internet has ruined my image of the world. I don’t want to travel, I don’t want to go out, and I don’t want to talk to anyone. Everything of the sort can be done on the World Wide Web. My work consists of me going to a desk, sitting there and typing names of the residents and their guests. It gets pretty boring, but I feel like it is worth my time as I can study and find myself more by thinking. Although, I will probably quit this job closer to graduation, I think it’s great. I’m guessing that typing this out will help me figure out more and more about myself.

           Lately I’ve been feeling sort of jealous. Jealous of Alexis’ friends and cousins. Alexis never hung out the way she does with them with our friend group. She never put us on her story on IG. Again, the millennial inside me screams for the gratification from a friend who was once thought of as ‘close’. Whatever. I don’t care (but I really do). I also miss Jesse. He’s in Japan right now, but he should’ve been back in June. I’m glad he’s able to do the things that he wants to in Japan. I wish I could’ve visited him when he was there. He’ll be back in January. Also if you find this blog, great, congrats. Now you know what I’m thinking. It’s not like I’m hiding this on purpose, it is available to the public, you just happened to stumble upon it now. Why haven’t I told anyone? Well I don’t want to have any bias from anyone, but perhaps it is better to let it out somewhere. I hope to understand my feelings more.

           Every time I go home back to Virginia Beach, I sleep on the couch. I do many things when I go home, but there is one thing I always try to do, visit my Lola at Melissa’s house. I feel selfish and mean because I make the effort to visit my Lola, but I should go see Lolo, Grandpa, and Grandma too. It was nice seeing Grandpa, Grandma, my aunt, and my cousins. I end up eating out a lot too. Mostly sushi with Edwin, RJ, and Carlo. I get to go to the bank to approve the credit limit raise. I wonder what everyone thinks of me. I’m glad I have Claudine. She is my support. Sometimes I think she is tired of me. I’m not good at being clean, but I’m good at loving her. I hope we get married, she’s the one for me.

           My shift is about to end. It’s 5:42 AM now. Today Josh, you have to Study for your test, check your homework for combinatorics, go to work noon to six, and pack for the weekend. Let’s eat lots of sushi and enjoy family time this weekend. Hopefully the QC for your Jordan 1 Off White comes soon!