the hope of it all

Time apart was a scary thing, but maybe Beau had needed it deep down. He had needed to take the time to look inside himself and think about the kind of person he wanted to be and right now in this moment, he was taking his steps towards that person. He was taking ownership of his actions and trying to be honest. He was finally sharing how deep his feelings ran and he hoped that Cora would take that well too, on top of everything else. It seemed like it was the case, from the sight of that beautiful, bright smile that lit up her face. He could hardly believe it. It was just the two of them, her hand cupping his cheek and her eyes staring right into his. 

She loved him too. He smiled, letting out a noise of surprise and relief. “You don’t have to be. I’m yours, okay? I promise. I love you.” Beau promised, leaning into her a little more before he finally sealed his words with a kiss. It was exhilarating to finally be able to kiss the girl he loved once more. A whole summer and almost two months without being this close to her, now he knew he could never let her go. He kissed her until he was breathless and then peppered kisses across her cheeks and forehead. “I’m never letting you go again, Cora Fulton.” Beau hadn’t felt this happy in a long, long time. “So, will you be my girlfriend again?” He asked, wanting to make sure he had it in words before he celebrated too much. There would still be obstacles, his parents would still likely upset him, but he knew now that he could talk to Cora and that she could maybe even help him feel better. 

It’s almost too much - the way she still felt about him. It was the way her heart swelled when he was near and the way she could barely think straight when he was kissing her. There was a soft, content sigh that escaped her, muffled by his lips against her own, as she leaned in closer to him. She returned the kiss, her lips moving against his, tongue pushing past to tangle with his own. She let out an audible little whine as he pulled back, though Cora knew it was for the better. She took a deep breath, that sweet, happy smile still tugging across her lips. Her cheeks flushed and suddenly, this entire party was at the back of her mind. All she wanted to do was spend the rest of the evening with Beau.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t think I wanted you to be. I wanted to be strong and deal with it all on my own, but I couldn’t and I took it out on you. And that’s not fair.” Beau would never, ever blame her for not figuring out what was happening before it was too late. He’d sabotaged them, he really had. At the very least, he was hoping for her forgiveness, even if he had to have her out of his life from now on. Making it right with her meant everything to him. She shocked him when she reached out to him, her gentle hand on his cheek, startling him with the unexpected affection. He didn’t deserve it, a voice in his brain echoed the sentiment, but he didn’t push it away. Instead, Beau lifted his hand to press over hers. “Cora…”

She wanted to come home to him… and she still wanted him. It was hard to fully process what he was hearing. Could that really be true? His brows lifted and his gaze softened and three words left his lips without another thought. “I love you.” It slipped out, partially by accident but the second it was out, Beau knew it needed to be said, before it was too late, before he lost his chance. “Cora. I mean it, I love you. I’m sorry I let you down. I promise, if you… if you give me another chance… if you really do still want me, you won’t regret it.” His heart was quite literally held out in his hand for her as he reached for her cheek, and leaned close to her, pressing his forehead against hers. “I’ve been so fuckin’ scared to say that. And yet…”

It was a lot - all of this right now. Months of not speaking, months of dwelling on the hurt, months of processing what it was like to be just Cora again instead of Cora and Beau. She hated thinking back to the summer, the both of them going through different things and neither one having each other to lean on. There wasn’t anything either of them could do now - it was past that now. All they could do was move forward - together. A slow smile tugged on her lips as his hand pressed on top of her own. She found herself shifting closer to him on the swing, and she could only imagine the things her friends were saying now when they’d realized she’d disappeared with Beau for so long.

Watching her put the bottle down, he considered reaching out to take his own swig, but he didn’t feel like he really could right now. He especially worried she was doing it to give herself courage to tell him to leave her alone forever. That was what it came back to every time she opened her mouth. Still, Beau had that horrible fear of her deciding to leave him sticking out in his brain. And why wouldn’t she? He’d done everything so, so wrong. She was looking at him, though and she was asking him about everything that had happened. He’d at least get to share what was going on for him at the time, though she definitely had a clue about it now, considering all the whispers around town. “I don’t really understand it. I wish I could give you some clean cut answer, but I’d have to lie to you to say it all made sense. My parents were going through this rough, awful divorce and it was all supposed to be a secret. I thought… well, I don’t know what I thought, maybe that you’d think differently of me if you knew about the things they were saying and doing to each other.” He said softly. 

Once it started, Beau kept going, he let it all out. “I thought they loved each other, y’know? And that was what they became. I felt like somehow we’d end up like that too, like that was how everything was destined to end up anyway and it didn’t matter how much I…. how I felt about you. I was in a really bad place and I pushed everyone away because of it and that’s not fair. I know that now.” He explained, his expression genuine. Along the way, tears had sprung in his eyes and he fought them off, frowning and wiping at them as subtly as he could. “I didn’t just go looking for someone else. I thought that night you left that we were basically broken up, that you were moving on with someone else. I’d practically pushed you to do it and then you started texting me before you came back and Addie… she had no part in this. She was just trying to be kind and she ended up trapped in my bullshit, just like everyone does. I should have just been honest with you, but I was a coward and I’m sorry.” 

This was something the two of them should have done a long time ago. Sat down and talked it all out. She had regrets about her actions now. The way they left things when she went away for the summer, the petty things she did while she was away just to get a rise out of him, the arguments when she returned home that were nothing constructive at all. None of them were her finest moments, and the truth was she longed for him. “I just wish I could have been there for you, Beau.” She furrowed her brows, glancing away for him for a moment. She hated that she wasn’t there for him. Granted, she was hundreds of miles away from home when everything was going on... But she just wished it could have been different. The summer before senior year wasn’t what she pictured it to be at all.

There was such a big chance that Cora wouldn’t be coming that part of Beau was berating himself for even asking and for waiting there, like a hopeless fool in love. She hadn’t said anything, so he had no indication from her except the fact that she was clearly still mad at him through her body language. He didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard footsteps. He imagined who it would be, probably one of her friends telling him to go and never talk to her again. And God, he’d deserve it. Still, that wasn’t the case. The person who rounded the corner wore a pink dress and held a bottle of vodka. His brows shot up as he saw her and he dropped his mask, sitting up straighter. 

She got his note. His lips parted, wanting to answer her question, but she never finished it. Instead, she sat beside him on the swing and he turned to look at her. “I didn’t think you’d want me to.” It wasn’t a fully unfair assumption. “After everything with Addie happened, I don’t think it would have been right of me to try and talk to anyone. There was a lot going on that you had no idea about and that wasn’t fair. I shut you out and then hurt more than just you, even if I wasn’t meaning to.” He said softly. “I don’t expect you to forgive me and I know it won’t change the fact that I let you down, but I can explain some of it. Maybe it’ll make a little more sense.”

He made a fair point and she knew it. She hadn’t really given the impression that she wanted to speak to him after all of this. But still, Cora had hoped he would have. It was okay that he didn’t, but it still hurt. Even now, there was an ache in her chest for him. As she let his words settle in the air, she took another swig from the bottle. This time she made a face and decided to set the bottle on the little table that was in front of the swing a bit. There was a part of her that had longed for him this entire time and the other part of her never wanted to speak to him again. They both could have done things better - she knew that. Beau had been hurting and she didn’t even know. What kind of girlfriend did that make her anyway?

Cora Fulton was the brightest spark to light up Beau’s life and now he was listless and lost in the dark without her. Though he’d learned to deal with what was happening with his parents and had a session with a therapist looming on the horizon, he knew that unless he truly tried to make it up to the blonde, he’d never feel fully okay again. He was watching his parents now be the type of people who didn’t communicate and hurt everyone around them, including each other through their choices. Beau didn’t want to be that kind of person. He wanted to be better than them, but that also meant putting himself out there and that was… beyond terrifying. Standing there at the party, his heart beat hard against his ribcage. Cora looked beautiful, as always. The pink dress and the glitter made her look magical and it was hard to not just be in awe of her. Peering around for a moment, he noticed a few gazes noticing them. “I… I know, I… obviously not right here. Let’s go down the side of the house on the porch, where no one is? Or… how about I go and you can come if you want. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I promise.” 

With that said, Beau gave her one last look, lowering his head so he could try and look her in the eye. “If I don’t get to say anything else; I’m sorry, Cora.” With that, Beau slipped the mask back on and went back through the party before too many people caught on to what was happening. He slipped back inside and then went around the side of the porch where it was empty and quiet. There was a little porch swing for two that he sat on, his eyes widening as he stared down at the ground. Some part of him though she wouldn’t come. And why would she? He’d fought with her, he’d taken things personally for no reason and he’d cheated on her, technically. He’d been an awful boyfriend and he’d have to understand if he couldn’t fix that. Still, he had to try. So, he waited where he was, mask in his lap and in the darkness. 

She was confused and she hated that too. Cora was usually one who knew what she wanted when she wanted it, but right now? Everything seemed so unstable, like the ground beneath their feet would open up and swallow them both whole in an instant. There was a small huff at his suggestion, mostly just so he knew that she was still upset with him. Her arms moved to cross defensively over her chest as her gaze met his for the briefest moment. Her lips parted, but not a single word managed to come out before Beau began to maneuver through the crowd. Once he was gone, her friends were back and flocked to her side - a million questions about the three minute conversation. Cora brushed them off, and all but stormed off in the opposite direction.

Showing up at Cora’s party like this? Well, to say it was a risk was an understatement. It had been a long, long summer and the beginning of their senior semester was spoiled by the consequences of Beau’s actions. The rest of the year sparkled out before him like the cobblestones in downtown on a rainy night, full of endless possibilities if he could somehow get her to forgive him. This was his last chance to make things right, to tell the girl he’d lost everything that he didn’t way back then. He wondered if she’d found the note he’d left on her windowsill a couple nights prior, if somehow she would be expecting him. A year ago, he’d been at this party by her side, but now he was striding in and trying to lay low as he moved through the throng of people. On his face was half a Frankenstein mask, concealing his identify as he looked for her. He found her under fairy lights and as her friends stepped away from her he approached. His heart pounded in his chest, nervous and desperate, ready to be thrown out the second she realised it was him. “Cora?” Hesitantly he lifted the mask, meeting her gaze. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me, but if you’d just… give me five minutes, alone. There are some things I need to say to you.”

Every where she turned things reminded her of Beau, and Cora hated it. Nothing felt right since she had gotten back home at the end of the summer. The rumors that Beau was seeing someone else still echoed through her mind and finding the raven haired beauty answering his front door the very day she arrived home? It still hurt. However, Cora put on a brave face, plastered on her best smile, and tried, somehow, not to let every last thing get her mind thinking about Beau. They hadn’t talked much, not really. A brief argument after she went to his house that day. And then just... nothing. She didn’t want to see him, she didn’t want to talk to him. Frankly, Cora didn’t want anything to do with him. As she geared up for the annual Fulton Halloween party, she was finally starting to feel normal again. Maybe. At the very least, maybe she wasn’t so sad anymore. It was her senior year and what good would it be if she was just being sad about a boy the whole time?

Beau could see it, there was a shift in the girl in front of him, the one who usually had a smile like sunshine and a sweet demeanour. She looked dejected and suspicious and in all honesty, he couldn’t blame her. He knew how it looked, even if his intentions had been good. His head tilted to the side as the questions left her mouth, ones that implied there was something more to him asking her to lay low with him. “Addie, I told you… it was to keep us both safe from everyone else’s bullshit. I knew it wasn’t that long after things with Cora and I imploded… it’s not…” He shook his head and stepped forward just a little, but didn’t reach out for her. Some part of him knew that she didn’t want him to touch her. “I… She was?” The description of Cora, happy to be at his door was at odds with what he’d had in his mind this whole time. He didn’t understand, unless… maybe he’d been misunderstanding this whole time. They hadn’t spoken, why would she be excited to see him? Why would she be disappointed to see Addie? “I don’t understand.” He let out weakly, pushing his hair out of his face. “I was under the impression that we were over. I promise you. She posted a picture with some other guy, that night you came and found me by the lighthouse!” He reminded her. “I just knew that it’d be awkward and that people would think what they wanted to think about it if they saw us. I wanted to make sure no one thought you were some… some rebound or side piece because you’re not.” Despite his attempts to explain himself, it wasn’t helping that much. “Addie, I just wasn’t ready for them to all know. Having you this summer felt… special.”

Beau hadn’t even thought about anyone else possibly being at his door. He’d been avoiding his phone all day and with Addie around he had no reason to even pay attention to the outside world. She had been the perfect distraction this summer, not only from things ending with Cora but from his parents and their situation too. Her dark hair and big eyes helped him to stay grounded in happiness for a while longer, though the second he laid down next to her his mind was filled with flashes of green eyes and blonde hair. Although Addie was a good distraction, she couldn’t erase the girl he loved from his mind entirely. That was why, when the other girl entered the room and looked so sad, saying that the person at the door wasn’t the delivery man, Beau looked stunned. Nervousness bubbled up in his stomach as he sat up in the bed. “What? What do you mean? Who was it?”

The thing was, he knew who it was, the second he saw that look on her face. Who else would have come to the door? Beau clenched his jaw and stood up from the bed. “Addie, I don’t… was it Cora?” He didn’t know what to say, so he just asked instead of leaving it up in the air. Why would she come to his door, though? He supposed that he’d kind of left things up in the air, but he thought she’d effectively broken up with him when she left. She had posted a picture with another guy, after all! Still, guilt was starting to fill him up, especially when he imagined the blonde seeing Addie opening the door in his shirt. 

The sound of the doorbell had Addie jumping up from the couch. “I’ll get it!” She decided quickly - she was starving and she was maybe a little bit too excited for the pizza they ordered. They had Beau’s house to themselves for the day and Addie was dressed in one of Beau’s shirts and a pair of leggings. Nothing too scandalous or anything, but just something comfy. However, when she opened the door it wasn’t the pizza guy she found, but instead it was a blonde she’d never met but was familiar all the same. They both locked eyes with one another, each opening their mouth to speak at the same time. Cora seemed shocked to see her here. Not only shocked, but visibly upset. Adalina was under the impression that she and Beau were broken up - at least, that’s what he told her. That’s what she believed. But this didn’t seem like a visit of an ex-girlfriend, but more so... like one that was coming home after being away. Addie took note of the way her hair was pulled back into a perfect pony, her lips pink and her outfit down right adorable. This wasn’t a visit of an ex-girlfriend. Addie tried to explain that Beau was here, that she could get him, but Addie also knew how this must look. Sure, maybe she and Beau weren’t dating... But they were kind of together, weren’t they?