Trans Tony Stark Headcanons P1
Seeing cishet men compare El*n M*sk to Tony Stark has annoyed me a lot so I was talking to a friend about trans!Tony head canons and it got away with me because âšprojectingâš
Disclaimer: I'm not a trans man, I'm gender fluid/enby but I do relate to a lot of trans masc experiences. If any part of this post is problematic, please call me out and correct me.
Howard is very pleased with how masculine his "daughter" is, even from a young age. This is, of course, until he realises it's because his "daughter" is actually his son. I'd like to think that Tony's known since he was pretty young, like 3-4. When Tony first says he "wants to be a boy", Howard dismisses it as Tony wanting to be more masculine and doesn't care much. He actually likes the fact that Tony seems like a suitable heir.
Jarvis takes it very differently. When Tony's pretty young, he asks Jarvis why Howard is 'Sir' and he isn't. So, Jarvis starts calling Tony Sir (or, little/young Sir) and Tony realises it makes him very happy. This is also one of his earliest instances of gender euphoria, and also why he makes sure to program JARVIS into referring to him as 'Sir' as well.
Tony goes by Toni for a really long time, and everyone is cool with it because they just think he's being a tomboy. This works very well for him, except for when it comes to fancy events and everyone fawns over how smart "Antonia Stark" is, how brilliant she is "for a girl", and how beautiful she looks in that designer dress, but what a shame about the short hair, and how Howard and Maria joke about Tony having a "tomboy phase". He hates fancy events. Even after transitioning, he still remembers them as the places that made him feel most dysphoric and always feels uncomfortable.
When he goes to MIT, he realises he's bisexual. He's always known he's into guys, but he didn't know he was allowed to like girls. But, he also thinks of himself as a boy, so maybe he's supposed to like girls and not boys? He goes through a huge sexuality crisis, where on one hand a lot of people thinks he's a lesbian pretending to like men, he thinks he's actually a straight guy and his attraction to men was gender envy. Then, he learns about the word bisexuality, and that solves a LOT of stuff. He does question whether his attraction to men is real or not for a while later, but settles on the bisexual label pretty soon.
He absolutely despises puberty. He was prepared for it, but was hoping he could try puberty blockers. He tries to get some stuff that can help, but it doesn't make much of a difference. He turns to binding, and it is a disaster. His chest always aches because he doesn't bind safely, or with a real binder (he doesn't realise he has the option of one at first), and keeps it on way too long. But it helps a lot with the dysphoria and sometimes he thinks he actually does look a lot like a boy. Rhodey, however, is really concerned. At first, he doesn't get why Tony would do this to himself but after Tony explains, he asks whether Tony wants to get rid of his breasts or get their size reduced and Tony realises, hey, that's actually a thing I can do!
Rhodey helps Tony get top surgery without Howard realising. When Tony goes back home at first, he stuffs a bra so that Howard doesn't get mad, but he comes out as trans properly to Jarvis. Jarvis is really worried at first, but after he realises that Tony is actually totally okay and very happy, he is nothing but supportive. He encourages Tony to come out to Maria too. Maria doesn't get it, either. But she loves Tony so she agrees to use he/him pronouns, even if she doesn't think of Tony as a boy.
It's a whole process, because Howard still doesn't know. Jarvis and Ana are very supportive, Maria slips up a lot more, but she's trying and Tony's so happy, he really is. He begins to notice that Maria is getting better, and that makes him feel very happy. They're all very careful not to slip up around Howard, and Maria begins to feel really sad about having to misgender Tony around Howard. She talks to him about it and says she thinks she understands it a little better now.
The first time someone (either Maria or Jarvis) calls him son, he wants to cry.
Howard gets concerned that his "daughter's" "tomboy phase" has lasted so long. He's very lesbophobic towards Tony as well at this one point, and they have a huge argument about it, which ends with Tony crying and yelling. He comes out as both bisexual and trans and the end of it.
Howard says that he still intends for Tony to be the heir, as long as Tony continues to act like a girl. He asks Tony to grow his hair out more and be more feminine. Maria gets angry and yells at him.
Tony begins to consider cutting himself off from Stark Industries, because being able to live as trans is more important to him. But then Howard and Maria die, and Obadiah doesn't know about Tony being trans. This is also his one big regret with his dad. He always wanted Howard's validation and he always felt like maybe with time, Howard would become more understanding. It's his big "what if" and he always wonders whether things could've been better.
When Tony meets Pepper, they figure out a plan to make sure that Tony can publicly transition without it affecting SI too much. He holds a press conference and it's horrible. He goes through a really tough time after that because of all the transphobia he faces. He's terrified of talking to people because strangers begin to try and approach him and ask invasive questions. There's also a lot of lesbophobia (linked to transphobia), homophobia and biphobia that he faces and it's very traumatic. He hires Happy at this time.
He realises that he loves Rhodey, Pepper and Happy very much, and that they're all wonderful and supportive. He starts getting better, and for the first time since he was a young boy and someone called him 'Sir' for the first time, he feels hopeful.
Anywho, that was the end of P1! If this gets enough notes, I may do P2 with the IM movies and MCU canon. Or if I get super bored and wish to procrastinate on my schoolwork again.
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