faerielle

So, things have been stagnant with my dad. He’s fine, as in, he is in no physical pain whatsoever, he is not ill, he is completely normal. However, that doesn’t mean things are alright; I don’t know exactly how things are going to be in the near future. He got a CT scan with contrast recently and yes, something was found, because his jawbone is getting kind of “eaten away”, the next step is to find out what it is exactly.

I won’t lie, I’m scared. Stressed. But we’re keeping him in the dark about everything, because my dad is like a little child who needs to be told white lies — even more so after his stroke, he became even more “innocent” than he was. We’ll be meeting up with a surgeon soon to find out what needs to be done. Likely, he will need to get all his teeth pulled out and whatever’s in his jawbone extracted.

So, this is it. As for me, well, my own situation is also stagnant as well. Everything has been paused for me, I have no time for anything anymore, I have to care for my dad and the house and food all alone because my mum is the only one working at the moment. Some days I barely get a few minutes to scroll my social media before sleep. Hopefully I will find time to efficiently study, finish my exams and graduate in March. It’s hard not to feel like a failure and a burden, too. 24 and I have accomplished literally nothing.

enjoy this 10k word unpolished monster. george rr martin and isayama plotting my murder as we speak

Chapter 1 of “‘Til the Walls will crumble and fall” now on AO3! who knows when we’ll see chapter 2 hahaha i just hope i come out of this year alive and with all four limbs and my head attached to my neck

i wish i could say things have been perfect, unfortunately they haven’t. while my dad is recovering well from heart surgery, another big issue has come up. i won’t go into detail, but he’s getting a biopsy in the next days, because a surgeon noticed something bad-looking in his mouth.

i’m just so tired. so, so, so tired. it’s been non-stop worrying sick and watching him go in and out of hospitals since april. i got over the stroke, i don’t think i can get over the possibility of “something”. it’s a whole new world.

i wanted to participate in LH week, but i’ve had 0 time recently to do anything. i still want to enjoy myself, for the sake of escapism, for the sake of building a community and not go insane, so i’ll post something i had in my drafts weeks ago. it’s not finished by any means, i did not want it to look like it’s going to look, but i’ll get back to it in the future.

i’ll dedicate a few hours to editing, and i’ll post.

so, my dad got heart surgery

it went very well, thankfully. his surgeon was incredible (even if communicating with him was,,,,meh. gotta love men not talking to me and my mama seriously bc we’re “nagging women” 🙄) and most importantly dad took the anesthesia extremely well. he was up and walking and getting dressed on his own by the next day, which is great. he did not vomit and he wasn’t even that tired post surgery. he had LAAC aka left atrial appendage closure, and he got this little implant that looks like a tiny umbrella, the same device used to close up PFOs.

he has been discharged and now he’s back home. the chances of another stroke should be super low as of now, with a closed appendage, two anticoagulants, and two antihypertensives. he is doing well, he is resting next to me atm. perhaps in the future we might consider surgery to remove his fibrillation, to further lower chances of strokes.

i guess for now i can say this chapter is closed and the nightmare is over. thank you so much for the supportive messages. i’m so grateful.

my grandma died in May 2020, a little after I tumbled into full levihan brainrot, made this blog and began posting my silly art

i went on hiatus both for an art block (caused by hate comments, i won’t lie) and for my studies, then i found myself running back here, with renewed brainrot, after my dad had a stroke

perhaps it is me trying to run away from real life and find shelter in this little bubble i created in this community, the friends i made, the content we share and the respect and praise we have for each other

still, i am so thankful for this fandom. maybe we can call it trauma-bonding haha but yeah

my dad is getting heart surgery to close up the area that likely caused the stroke, and it’ll be very very soon, perhaps even this weekend if we get called in, and i am terrified, though i can’t show it, i haven’t shed a tear since my birthday on April 13th, which is when my dad got the stroke (i know, great way to celebrate my birthday) and i must be “emotionless” for my dad because he is like an innocent child atm and i can’t scare him, but also for my mama because she is fragile and in pain and truly exhausted, and i must take away her burden and bear it myself, i can handle it, i am on autopilot

i am truly scared, but it will pass, life goes on, it’s silly of me to be scared of something before it even happens and i should not let my fears send my brain into a spiral of negativity and worst case scenarios

these are just my late night ramblings, sorry to bring negativity on your dashboards. just treating my blog like my personal diary heh

take care everyone, i love you and i am grateful you exist

get fuckin REKT levi

full dialogue was: “i know you understand me, Levi. Finally, my moment has come, after all this time. Now I only want to put on airs a bit with a spectacular departure. Let me do it, all right?” “Let’s dedicate our hearts” “it’s the first time i hear you saying that”

the forest scene was adapted as: “the two of us could live here together, what do you say, huh, Levi?” […] “if we keep on running away and hiding, what will we gain?” “damn you, so you were listening to me as i was speaking, earlier” […] “you’re not the type of person to stay still and sit on your hands without doing anything” “it’s true, i think you’re right, i can’t”

revamped my clock app account let’s hope i don’t get swarmed by weirdos yelling about other ships this time around 🧎‍♀️‍➡️