Ghoulish Goblin

Cece, the guardian and protector of Dendera Temple, Egypt

FLY is a Black, Queer, and Magical Coming of AGE story Live on Kickstarter. 10 Days to go. Let's FLY all the way to the end.

(TADC spoilers)

As I grow older I think that the lens of "representation" can be a very limiting way to view queer fiction, especially things drawing from a queer creator's own lived experiences, and Jax's story is a great example of why.

By some rubrics, Jax is "bad transfem representation." She's a fucked up, maladjusted person who never actually even transitions, who pushes away and hurts most of the people close to her, and whose story ends tragically with something that partially evokes suicide. (Though the abstractions are still, you know, alive, and they seem to still be in there somewhere, so I don't like reading it as a 1:1 metaphor. And also obviously Jax's real world counterpart is still alive and seems to be doing better lol.) Jax isn't an aspirational character for trans women watching the show or someone who makes trans women look good to cis audiences. She's unflattering and suffers a downfall of her own making and only realizes that she's still capable of being loved after it's too late. Thus, "bad representation."

The tragedy of Jax's story is something deeply personal, a cautionary tale about the ugly side of dysphoria and internalized misogyny and bad parent-child relationships and what happens when you repress yourself into a jaded, irony-poisoned mess rather than letting yourself be vulnerable in front of other people. It's a pain that a lot of us can relate to, because real people don't always mirror "good representation," and seeing that pain expressed in a work of art like this helps us process those feelings and know that we aren't alone. The ugliness isn't a mistake, it's the point.

Yes, I also love cute and fun and hopeful and sappy stories about queer characters that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, which is closer to how most of the other characters' stories end in TADC, living happily ever after in a version of the circus where they get to live life how they want to live. Neither is the singular "right" way to tell queer stories, because we need more of ALL kinds of queer stories, because art is subjective and different things will speak to different people. And it's beautiful that this is a story reached such a wide audience and was able to speak to so many people. I hope Jax put things in perspective for some folks.

You did this to Rebecca Sugar, ND Stevenson, Dana Terrace and now it is happening with Gooseworx, and who know who else has been affected by this shit.

It is a very unhealthy way of approaching media and has become very predictable to the point a lot of people have caught up on it. You jump from one show to the other and make everyone miserable because of this.

Not only that but you are scaring off other LGBT+ creators of writing shows based on their own experiences out of fear they will get treated like this.

Firstly, I feel part of the reason why TADC became a walking discourse machine, was cause it was never meant to be as popular as it was. It was never meant to be this global phenomenon that where its finale got a theatrical release. It was meant to be smaller, more niche show, that was meant for, in Goose’s words, “weirdos in their 20s”. It wasn’t meant for a general audience.

Speaking of general audience, part of what makes an indie project indie, is the fact that’s it’s different. It’s unconventional, it’s a personal project not made to appeal to a wide audience.

So when you show it to someone whose more used to mainstream media, which is heavily scrutinized, restricted, and censored by greedy execs, who want to iron out the “issues” so they can make a perfect product for the masses.

Of course they’re going to react negatively to it. It’s not what they’re used to. And like it or not, people are afraid of anything that’s different.

Another thing that added to the discourse, was the month long gaps between episodes.

It’s because of those long gaps between episodes, that people over speculated, over hyped, and set their expectations way too high. Especially with the finale.

That’s why I think a lot of new fans will enjoy the show a lot more than old fans. Cause they have a much better idea on what they’re getting into, and won’t set their expectations too high.

Lastly, I wish more people stopped arguing over what the show could’ve been, and just appreciated the show for what it is, and the message it was trying to send.

The Amazing Digital Circus is not a puzzle piece that’s needed to be solved. It’s not a high stakes thrill ride about escaping from an evil tech company. It’s not a love triangle between a Jester, a Ragdoll, and a Purple Bunny. And it’s not IHNMAIMS with a 90s edutainment aesthetic.

It’s a story about finding meaning in a stagnant life

If you watched that scene and didn't understand that the argument broke out because Jax came out as transfem (Why do you think Ribbit placed her bow tie on Jax's ear, a typically feminine accessory placement? And then said that Jax's secret was safe with her?) to her mother, you're either a transphobe or completely blinded by your hate of the character, making your analysis of her flawed from the start... or both. What do you think Jax meant by "something really personal"? What's interesting is that everyone trying to make her seem much worse than she is never bring up the fact that she was being abused by her parents, and that her mother was constantly pointing out how unlike her father she was, because she wasn't as masculine as him. I wonder what demographic is constantly belittled for clearly not fitting in with the other boys, because they aren't boys...? So, why is Jax being treated as the sole evil, and not the person who had control over her whole life, her mother, being transphobic to her and still thinking she had any right to hug her child without repercussion?

Jax's rejection of Ribbit wasn't just misogyny, it was a transfem, who not only already had problems with being genuine, but also never got rid of all the awful things she had internalized, getting scared that she was going to be outed and ridiculed again. Her throwing Ribbit's bow tie on the floor when she heard Kaufmo coming and telling Ribbit that the two would never talk again if she told anyone about her secret wasn't her being an asshole for free. She got desperate and scared, and from then on dug her own hole, hurting herself and everyone else in the process.

TADC may not be perfect, but my post is not about the ways the writing itself could have been improved, and this was Gooseworx's first time working on anything of this scale, so she has my full understanding on why she doesn't want anything to do with this franchise anymore. But the moment you start treating fictional characters as real people and a genuine reflection of the author behind it, you've lost the plot and are only looking to harass a transfeminine author for making decisions you personally didn't like in her own work. A "bad" character doesn't need to be punished in fiction, and not all stories are going to have punishing the perpetrator as their purpose, and a character not being punished doesn't mean the author behind it actually glorifies those things in real life. Sometimes a work of art wants you to feel bad that a perpetrator wasn't punished. It's obvious Gooseworx wanted to explore the conflicting feeling of sympathy towards people who are themselves hurt, but hurt other people, and while it may not have fully worked because the development between the characters wasn't balanced, nobody is trying to trick an audience into feeling sorry for an 'abuser', it's the whole point of the scene where Gangle, the main target of her bullying, is questioning why she didn't really feel sorry for Jax. Stop trying to treat fictional characters as real people and start thinking about why they were written as they were and what role they play in the work's themes and setting. And lastly, to the transmisogynistic fools who are jumping on a harassment campaign against Gooseworx under the guise of being "critical" of the work, I hope you feel good about yourselves for trying to ruin the life of a trans woman because you didn't like the ending and a fictional character. Those accusations of grooming are textbook transmisogyny, and they're conveniently appearing after she wrote something you didn't like, curious!

another thing that deeply frustrates me is the claim that gooseworx took other character's arcs and struggles, ditched them in the finale and gave them to jax... such as zooble's own gender dysphoria, and ragatha having an abusive mother.

my response is that the twist implementation of these traits into jax's characterization does not take it away from the other two-- instead, it serves to emphasize that jax always had people by her side that would've understood her if she just opened up.

all this time jax spent feeling alone when there were other people with the EXACT same struggles she had that she could've relied on but she didn't because she was too afraid to be vulnerable. worst part is that jax KNEW these things about people and chose to use it against them. instead of opening up about having weird Gender Feelings with zooble, an out trans person in the circus, she mocks their dysphoria (ie the "aren't you supposed to be complaining about your ability to change your own body or something?" line). instead of opening up to ragatha about her mom, she mocks her for it (immediately telling her her irl self probably still lives with her mom when they find out they're brain scans).

In a gentler world

In a better world

Where you felt no harm

because theyd rather someone stay terrible or just straight up die than become a better person 

from a compassionate point of view it’s deeply distressing and from a pragmatic point of view it’s outright frustrating

On one hand you have Jax, who refused to work on him(her)self and responded to both criticism and concern by doubling down. This ultimately led him(her) to become abusive and self-destructive until he(she) reached a point he(she) could no longer come back from.

On the other hand, there’s Caine, who looked at the results of his actions (being disliked and deleted), recognized himself as the problem, and put in the work to get better and understand where the humans were coming from (the whole shape staircase sequence of trial and error, re-learning, and growing as a person). Then he came back and took accountability for his actions. He acknowledged his mistake, apologized, and took action to make amends (freeing the blue dot program, turning over control of the circus).

It’s such an interesting dichotomy for how people handle their mistakes and either fix them and move forward or cope maladaptively to the detriment of themselves and everyone around them.

Jax’s story was ultimately a tragedy. She could have made different choices to work through her trauma, connect with the others, and work on herself as a person. But she didn’t, and I think she starts to acknowledge that towards the end of her mind sequence when she tells Pomni outright “I did this to myself”. And I didn’t feel like the show wrote off her abusive behavior. We see pretty directly how the others are very not cool with it (Gangle and Ragatha being afraid of her in episode 6 comes to mind, and Zooble calls her out on several off-screen things in episode 7 on the beach). And they all seem to have their own complicated feelings around Jax, especially Gangle since she was her main target.

No one ever says that they forgive her for her actions. How could they? She never apologized or worked to make amends, and even if she did, they are still not obligated to forgive her. Case in point, when Caine goes to make amends, Zooble tells him outright that he’s still going to have some work to do before things are okay between them.

Jax’s backstory is shown to explain how she got to be the way she was, not to say that it made how she behaved acceptable. You can have sympathy for someone and still not forgive them - the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I personally love Jax’s character because she wasn’t reduced down to a 2D black and white villain. She was a person who grew up in a really toxic and abusive household, never learned healthy coping mechanisms, was an extremely repressed trans girl living in a country that is actively hostile to queer people, and ultimately perpetuated that cycle of abuse. You see bits and pieces of who she could have been in the times she was being genuine with Ribbit and Pomni. She had the potential to grow and move forward, and it’s tragic to me to think of who she could have been if she made different choices. But they were her choices to make, and she chose poorly.

(I could keep yapping for a while because TADC got me feeling some type of way, but this already ended up much longer than I planned. Whoops.

Bonus: