i am who i must be

“      not even a little peek?      ”      he mused,      hand against the wall to guide himself down,     submerged in his own darkness.       truthfully,     dorian wasn’t used to surprises                           the ones where people tried to kill him?     yes.      but a genuine heartfelt surprise from someone he loved?      no.     that was a new one.       he felt the wall surrounding the stairwell disappear into open space,     figured he was at the bottom,      and halted for just a moment.

he had no idea where he was going.

eyes were still closed,     though his brow did raise slightly as he felt the other’s hand slip into his.      he squeezed nyx’s hand,     and allowed for himself to be dragged off to wherever.     “       tell me:     is it a naughty surprise?      did you finally get that fancy tevinter wine imported?       oh          !    please tell me its the wine.     i can’t stand what they’re serving in the herald’s rest anymore,    and josephine will yell at me if i steal another bottle of the antivan wine.      ”

HE CAN’T HELP BUT LAUGH AT THAT .   it’s a small gesture ,   more for dorian than for himself ,   but it’s the lightest he’s felt in days .   almost carefree ,   inconsequential in the great scheme of things .   laughter dims into a quiet amused chuckle .   he shakes his head ,   despite the mage’s temporary lack of sight .     ❛   if you don’t want her to yell ,   you should stop stealing those wine bottles .   ❜     to be honest ,   with so many other things going on ,   he’d kind of forgotten about that request .   he clears his throat loudly before they stop at their destination .     ❛   sorry ,   not a naughty surprise either .   ❜     but maybe some other time .   the privacy of the little nook is certainly more appealing than the one in the library ,   where everyone can see .   he doesn’t let go ,   not yet ,   but he turns to open the door with his free hand so he can pull him closer .

IT’S A SURPRISE——     kind of .   actually ,   it might be a better surprise if he’d bothered to clean up the place ,   or at the very least ,   dust it off .   but it’s too late now ,   with his hands firmly planted on the mage’s shoulders ,   carefully guiding him down the stairs .   he keeps one eye on dorian’s back ,   the other on the steps ,   to make sure there are no sudden accidents .     ❛   keep them closed ,   ❜     he repeats ,   for what must be the tenth time .   teeth bite down on a lower lip ,   the urge to grin winning once they reach the bottom of the stairs .     ❛   no peeking .   ❜