Little Space

Ive heard random noises make the *Ba Dum Tss* sound enough times to assume nature is trying to point out that my life is some bad joke.

Justin Bieber is a Canadian who has a hit song called “sorry”

The laundry is never truly done, unless you’re doing it naked.

If I started a religion, my God would have created everything in two days and then relaxed for five.

If I throw a $100 dollar bill on the ground in a $100 littering fine zone, does it cancel out?

At 4:16 p.m. and 16 seconds today, the date and time will be: 1/6/16 16:16:16.

Beds are like wireless charging mats for people

Instead of giving mass killers/rapists news coverage and nicknames that they want we should give them ridiculous names like “Gayboi Gacy” “Baby dick Bundy” “Rat Face Ramirez”

Without prior knowledge, I’d probably be more inclined to believe in unicorns based on a description than to believe in Platypuses.

I wonder how many parents won’t use my first name when naming their children because they knew me.

What if North Korea is totally chill but have a crazy militant English translator who is messing it up for everyone?

If attractiveness is based on whether a female can get a man hard, then Medusa is the most attractive woman to ever live

Holding my Oreos under milk until all the bubbles are gone is the closest I’ll ever come to feeling like I’ve murdered something

Astronauts are tweeting from space and I can’t get reception from my basement

Apple missed an opportunity by not referring to the items in their app store as “Applecations”

If a zombie apocalypse broke out, I would wear thick layers of Kevlar and steel so I would either survive for a long time or be the hardest zombie to kill.

“Head and Shoulders” should have a body wash called “knees and toes” and a face wash called “eyes and ears and mouth and nose”