bf!iwa hcs. for my gooner, @yunn13ie
cw: extremely in-character & accurate, showhay cameo
bf!iwa who spoils you with endless designer items, iphones, anything you could dream of, but a few months into dating gets arrested for credit card fraud. now you have to reluctantly give back all those gifts given to you and testify in court.
bf!iwa who starts a gossip youtube channel with you (thanks to oikawaβs suggestion) and to everyoneβs surprise, the two of you quickly go viral & become the internetβs newest favorite couple. once you reach 1M subscribers, he kicks you out of the channel and changes it to a mukbang format β βgobbling with iwaβ, as he calls it.
bf!iwa who scams people by selling them ai generated oikawaβs baby pictures on twitter to pay for an expensive date with you. turns out the buyer was none other than nique niqotine showhay (yes thats her full name) herself, whose lawyers activated like sleeper agents and sent iwa into crippling generational debt.
bf!iwa who surprises you for your birthday by taking you to one of those fancy and extremely expensive restaurants that have year-long waitlists & require a dress code. the menu is full of dishes with names you couldnβt even pronounce without the possibility of making your furniture float. he just mindlessly picks the 67th item on the list, but the waiter warns him about itβs reputation for being one of the spiciest dishes on earth.
bf!iwa, eager to impress you, sends him away and waits patiently for the food to arrive. on his first bite, he realizes he underestimated the warning and immediately spits it out, getting chewed up food all over ur face.
bf!iwa who, during your first time, accidentally uses scented hand lotion instead of lube. he refuses to hold ur hand on the ambulance otw to the e.r because ur palms were sweaty.
bf!iwa who watches u die on a hospital bed because he didnt double check a label. to apologize to ur entire family, he draws triple t guiding you to heaven
bf!iwa who has the most athletic build you have ever seen. the problem? he doesnt let you touch any of it β βmy body is a sacred territoryβ, as he explained for the millionth time. one rainy night, as heβs peacefully sleeping next to you, you decide to indulge in your curiosity and touch whats forbidden. and that is how you found out his muscular body was just one of those inflatable halloween costumes.
bf!iwa who proudly shits with the bathroom door wide open and refuses to use air fresheners because βonly performative guys use themβ.
note: 100% canon bc furudate himself knocked at my door, stole my phone and wrote these down on the notes app. im normal i swear π’π’βΌοΈ
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