the minimalist

Everything changed when the angels fell from the sky. They didn’t fall so much as drift on light, feathery wings before alighting on the earth. Every city, every town across the world experienced the same thing. Bright angelic beings, clothed in pure starlight, graced humans with their ethereal presence.

Communication was easy, they spoke every language as if they had been born knowing it. It was easy to rationalize their knowledge, as their dark eyes were endless and full of information that we could not fathom. They spoke to each other in their own strange tongue, the sound sonorous and nearly deafening to our sensitive ears.

Some worshipped them, these heavenly beings foretold by religious texts. These people would bow down in the streets, prostrating themselves before these otherworldly creatures to kiss their feet and beg for their sins to be forgiven. Others called them aliens, as beings so graceful and brilliant could not be of this Earth.

We accepted them with open arms, their peaceful smiles banishing any thought that they might mean us harm.

When people began to disappear, we looked to our own. Humans were capable of such atrocities, so we did not question it. Never once did we think that our celestial visitors could be the culprits. They simply continued to smile and bathe us in all their glorious splendor, while investigators chased leads that were dead before they began.

After a while people forgot about these loved ones, snatched from their beds like a scary children’s story. Life continued on and empty smiles returned, but the blissful looks were devoid of any true feeling.

Eventually the angels left Earth. We could guess that they returned to the heavens, wings beating soundlessly as they ascended to God’s realm. Perhaps heaven was simply another planet, far away from our own blue and green globe.

No one asked questions about the missing. No one asked why the angels left so suddenly. No one asked why they had come in the first place.

Some days, I felt blue. Blues both pastel and vibrant like skies and oceans as far as the eyes could see. I drank until walking felt like dancing and falling felt like flying. I listened to songs that used to make me scream and cry but could only him along in a hushed, flat whisper. Nothing was wrong, but I knew I shouldn’t hold onto that fact. I felt the certain calm that could only be entailed by a storm.

And a storm I am.

Other days, I felt red. I often felt red for days and weeks at a time; reds that warmed your heart but also set your house on fire. It’s blazing, it’s brilliant and no one could touch it. That’s the thing– no one can touch it. I felt red when I was alone, because everything I touched burned. Bridges and homes alike. I would scare people with my intensity, and make enemies because of my audacity. Too much energy. Too much passion. Not enough control.

Lost in my own internal anarchy.

But now, I feel grey. A tinge of something, more like nothing. So subtle and fair, I’m neither here nor there. All I could ever wish to be was purple, to relish in the fruits of my yin and yang.

I feel like I lost my home

Like the was a death in the family The victim of a poetic tragedy Tuesday nights Were the brightest lights If a toough week

A place of Healing when I felt weak A place to find my voice when i didn’t feel I could speak A place where I felt comfortable enough to epically fail Walk home like a dog with it’s legs between his tail Only to be welcome in again Affirmed to step on the stage

As a baby encouraged to walk A place where I could find my footing Find where I fit in In the huge poetic world Filled with hiukus, limericks, and free verse A release from the shackles of cyberspace Definitely not a holy place Yet still one A stage that reminded me of the grander of grace And God’s ability to show his face Where we say a strange place

ah..... It is week 10, when the weeks still make us anxious about the upcoming assignment, not blessed what we learned at the past 2 months. I can’t wait to change my course into game design. It is not because of it I have to be lazy and unproductive on graphic design homework, but I do blessed what I learned from the course. 

Well, I blessed that I had learned non-game design subjects in this semester.

In my lifetime, from the childhood in Hatyai to the primary/secondary school years in Ipoh, I never thought that graphic design is my job, Animation does. Since I being rejected to study Architecture and stuck myself in Utar, being stuck in the thoughts of olders one, I chosen the wrong path, I anxious about my future job.

Luckily, I do have confident on my skills, willing to make it into my job. It will be suck that I can get bored from doing it. But passion, passion beat nothing. There are so many things to inspire, think and do. I could even give myself some space to improve my style, or discover a new style.

Although it is a waste of semester for me, but hey, I learned things here, so many things here. I finally know the feelings of one student, who always late, lazy and bad at doing group assignment. It is because they are forced themselves to get the better job or to become what their family want them to be.

As the game industry grow in my country, I do have hope, I willing to be a part of that community. If it is drop, I do willing to build it up again. 

My passion say so.

I haven’t install the game, yet my phone spec can’t even support the game. Once it installed, the whole phone cracked and lag as hell... But hey, I don’t have the game and it doesn’t mean I’m trendy enough, but you guys are all too crazy enough to just caught one Pokemon monster and parked at the busy street.

Malaysian’s addiction to the Pokemon GO isn’t strong enough, but in the other country, if you carried your phone on the street, especially young people, there is a stranger come after you and told you that he saw there are rare XXX Pokemon on the another street. Silly people would follow this guy for searching that new rare Pokemon monster outside the area. 

Not sure is this stranger a pedophile or kidnapper, the silly people only care about that rare pokemon monster that he can show it off to his friends.

Is the show off more important than your own safety? It is like you carry a ton of gold jewellery and go show off, after being beaten and stolen, he ended up the most awkward dangers in life. Being kidnapped from searching Pokemon? Well, that’s an odd news headline... quite cringe thought.

What if the whole world, the whole universe of the species found the game. When the day we, humanity discovered the new species from the outside of solar system. The whole humanity prepared to meet them with the warm welcome ceremony. As they arrived to the earth surface. “Oh Woah, we finally got Mewtwo from this planet. Our friends are going to be jealous to see us to have this one! :D”

After terror happened at Nice, France, France isn’t longer to welcome the visitor for the safe travelling. Terrorists might strike down some destination anytime, anywhere... Even though for some countries such as United State and Turkey, non-white citizens might ended up being shoot, Turkish might be killed by the military. And so our country Malaysia, the shooting case is anywhere as the terrorists are hiding around the city.

Danger anywhere. We couldn’t estimate when is it happen or how could we escape. Pray isn’t do much for us, even me, I just tried my best to do what the victims need. However, “hastag praying” is just bullshit for me. Several years after Paris being attacked, everyone in the social media were so concern about it and made themselves really emphasis about there. #PrayforFrance or changing their stupid selfie into transparent France flag, write down the long ass post on the Facebook and showing that they really love France.

In the same time, Indonesia also being attacked by the terrorists, but not much people concerned about it, even not the western countries and Asian countries..... I mean seriously dude, where is the world peace and equality for them.

I know France is the first-world country and because of their Eiffel Tower become extremely popular icon in our society. Yet Indonesia is the lower-world country and most people know about it is Bali island only, sort of. As the Eiffel Tower became the popular icon, people were more concerned about that country instead of Terrorist attacked in the other country at the same month. 

Now, France once attacked and so the people continue showing their emphasis on the social media. How about Turkey? How about shooting mass in United State? How about shooting case in our dearly Malaysians? Why do we hashtag #Prayforalll?

Start from when I was 12 years old, the moment when I won the art competition, where I got my first trophy in my life, never felt so satisfying like this before.

But still, there are so many things that can make me feel even more satisfy than winning. Honestly, Malaysian art competition is all about winning, not about learning from mistake. Everytime I was focusing on my works, those parents, “Asian” parents stayed beside their children and told them: 

“No, no, no! Don’t use that colour, not match!”

“Don’t draw like that one!”

“Use blue and yellow colour on that one!”

Noisy as hell... why would you shut up and let your child free to draw everything they want to? Creative right? Old habits die hard. If their parents continue their habits like that, their children will have a thoughts “If you win, you proud of it.” They forgot the purpose of organizing the art competition and never learned their mistakes. Sometime, parents’s art criticism is the worst one. Once their child lose the competition, some parents criticized winners’s artwork badly to their children, try to rebuild their children self-esteem by criticized other children badly and disrespect their success.

Many art contest in Malaysia happened like this, most of the parents want their children win the competition, make proud of them and put their trophy at the living room, letting their guests know that their children were that good. In my lifetime, I only owned 4 trophy, combine with my brother and sister, we got 11 trophies. 

Yet our living room is fully of our parents ‘s favorite “expensive” decorations, not much space for our trophies. Not because our parents do not support what we done, it is because our parents didn’t thought that putting our trophies at the living room.

Luckily unlike others who always comparing their children, my parents never compare us for our result, success and status. They just chilled.

At the first day in university, I was a naive freshman who had a very, very, very short pixie cut, dressed in the nerdy way and had no ideas what is the purpose for having the orientation day.

Until the weeks when I started to hang out with a gang of friends, who vape, smoke, and being swaggy or cool often.

Although they vape and smoke, for me they are the best yet weirdest friends that I even had in my lifetime. They do really care and support each other, like  a group of family who always helping each other. A gang of badasses.

It is really hard to find such a prefect scheme of friendship like them in life. I am so lucky to befriend with them.

Talk about a gang of misbehavior friends: To understand deeply on students, the university will have a parents day on.... Freedom ruined, scary yet weird, why do the parents need to come over and listen to the lecturer’s comments on their adult child?

That day, a lot of parents or maybe some uncle or aunties make the whole Sungai Long more mess up. The traffic jam must be unspeakable, the cars almost crash in the same road... And so SRC members take a role to give the parents a guide. There must be rare to see nobody smoke or vape in the mamak or in front of the university.

Some students, especially in the honor roll students seem today is pretty proud day that they gain a lot of good compliments and make themselve more proud. Yet some students, like us we scared like we did in the secondary schools.

A lot of discipline around our life, we are so tired of people keep taking control on our discipline. Yeah... it is good to see the people who always follow the laws all day long.

Where do they go after life? heaven, hell, flooding around without others notice, or it is all dark in your sight? 

For somebody, they always be prepared to be dead in everyday, they knew their surrounding was so ruined that there will be one day they will be killed. They prepared well, write the letter well and always ready for the pain. This is what the soldiers and refugees felt everyday.

What if you confirmed you will die at one moment: feel the bullet shoot into your heart.The most pain stimulation took over your body, lately you can’t move your body and let it fall to the ground at where you stay.

Your can’t move, but your mind, it’s still with you. The thought of death spread over your thinking and waiting for its arrive. The sound around you, becoming unclear and hard to understand what they want from you. The death is the only path you can process, you just wait.

Your face appeared on the television, everyone saw your smilling selfie on the television, wrote: “The mass murder at XXX...” How are your loved ones feel when they didn’t see you return? Tears, anger, depress, everywhere at home. Social media, the word “rip” written on every section of your comment. People started to notice you, your social media, the things you done, your artworks.... more and more people started to like you for what you draw, sing, and done.Now that you are dead people have cared a lot more even though that's what he needed in the first place.

It is too late everyone, that person gone. Why do he can deserve more care before the death. It is never too late to respect and care everyone around who still alive. When their life ended, they are gone and their care turned into redemption, waste on the lifeless body in the coffin.

Death come here and there somewhere, but we can’t even predict or see where is he. They are cold-blooded, merciless that they do their job without thinking twice on the people. 

Taking care on everyone around us, give them them the best and unforgettable love we had, until the date when their life expired.

It’s week 4 in the degree studies life, and unfortunately I couldn’t get use to it and becoming less motivate than the days in the Foundation studies, even getting more unhappy for what I am doing now.

Now I always told myself, be patience and wait until the October intake, you can change course... Now I started skip classes and not paying attention on my group assignment, even I tried to ask myself, Am I studying it for the stable career or for my passion?”

Yup, art is my passion. I love art to death and I currently study Graphic Desgin... I was unexpected to be in Utar for studying Graphic Design, I just want to enroll here for Architecture course, then god damn they gave me the Graphic Design and showing no mercy.

I used to have my own dream: To be an Animator, work in the game or entertainment industry, own the art studio, and the most important is, I want to be comic artist. Everyone knew I want to be an animator or comic artist, always want to be.... Until one day, one of my aunt from New Zealand unexpectedly want to have conversation with me through Skype 

“Animator isn’t earn much than the Graphic Designer, go be like my daughter who just graduated from Tokyo University, be Graphic Designer or Architect. Animation industry is hard to find the job.”

That’s the summary of her saying to me. And stupid me, I trapped.

Now I “just” fresh, I understand myself that I study for my passion and seeking for the opportunity to learn new stuff, NOT study for how much salary I will get from this field. I study Graphic Design just like others, for the better job and better stable living. I love drawing so much, it does not mean that I love to help my client to create a stupid magazine cover, logo or stationary shit. Listen to the client what to design, try to make something meaningful for their company, and then the client choose the “prettiest” one.

Does other students also like me, study the course for the better salary or respect? 

“Hey, you seem so depressed and complaint about it so much. Why not you come for the Game Design?”

One of my friend, Paul asked me about it. I love art and game so much, why not join the major that suit my interests.

Such a pity... am I?

As the lecturer told her students to go find some inspiration, ideas on the upcoming painting, I wrote down on my memo, put on the right side of my laptop keyboard...

As the game haven’t started, I always take a look of my note or sketch out a bit of ideas while waiting.

Some of my friends, well, told me that I shouldn’t stop my gaming habit and focus more on the studies. I do, but my ways getting ideas isn't the same way as them do. I can call myself a weird designer, or artist.

Beside gaming all night for relaxing and fun, I do wish that I could spend my days having a nice chill in the cafe or somewhere nicer than the environment that is untouchable inside my laptop screen. Yet I don’t have any transportation to go, or not much money to sit along in the cafe.

Ideas come from everywhere, even you go for window shopping, smoking and taking a dump in the toilet. For sure that you should try something new beside your own interests and anything to do for your career. Yup, the designers do need to learn some medical and mechanical studies for extra knowledge and “out of the box” ideas. Well.... for some people, they will find it bored to study those non-art knowledge...

Recently I do some research for my upcoming drawing assignment, self portrait. Beside search for the famous painting and style, I also looking for other ideas such as music field.

Hip hop, Jazz, up-beats, classical, dub-step...... Any beats that I find it amusing will be saved in my list for the inspiration.

And so the things I eaten, it can also create some ideas for me. Like cheeseburger special I just ordered from the stall, well it’s appearance wasn’t complete, but the taste of chili, bbq sauces, the taste of chicken meat cover with the omelette egg... remind me back to my childhood when I sat in my mom’s car while waiting my brother to buy some burgers for me after he bet lose to me.

Then it show my silliness back in the childhood.

Well, if the gender equality accepted in the society, women finally have what they always wanted such as being treated in the same way as men and fair benefits for all gender...... Yet the society gone change for all gender, even in the “fair” way.

How “fair” is the equality between men and women? According to the modern feminists, their ideal movement is to empower women and hopefully allow them to one day be seen as more than the second-class citizens that the majority of our twisted society views them as today. They also mentioned that feminism and the movement of equality are the same as one....

For example, there is the woman abuse the man on the street, the man will defense himself by push and attack her back. In this moment, most people just thought the woman being abused by him and arrest the man to the police report, as the woman play as a victim.

So, is this the equality mean to the feminists? “Empower” the girl over the boy?

The word Equality should be appear on everyone, the fair judge on everyone, the fair punishment on everyone....... yeah boys should know how to defense himself from the attack just like what the society told the girls how to take care herself. Not much female leaders in this society? Then this is the best opportunity for the women learn more and step towards it.

It isn’t mean that I am hating on feminists, they just having the right movement in the false way..... Nowadays....

Honestly, there is some countries such as India, Iraq, Pakistan and other countries do need feminism to prove their strength in the middle of the crisis and improving their society. I compare the first-world and lower world countries for their feminism movement. 

The feminism from the first-world countries do really like little girls crying on the little matters and try to make it bigger and more important, so that everyone are getting into the trouble together...

 Like others, I still not getting use to the degree life and feeling stress out, it’s like a brunch of jobs need to be done before graduate from university.

Luckily, I do manage my time for works, food, sleep and fun before the upcoming weeks crash my brain. Hopefully my creativity and productivity  won’t stuck on my upcoming assignment. Food? Well....... maybe I should eat the economic rice four times a week though... without enough sleep time, my works will turn into the pieces of sketches like it picked up from the dustbin.

And the fun, it is also important for me to gather my strength back to continue my work with new set of ideas. So recently, I brought a game named Overwatch at the first week of class, and it’s awesome!

Oh well, the gamer student started to talking about the new game them just brought.

Nah........ I’m not going to talk about how great is the game and try to promote it on my homework, yet the topic I want to say is what if I become one of the hero from this game, running around the battlefield and kicking some butts to save the world.

Full of strength and fighting for the better world, expert at the skill and become the hero that everyone admire you. You becoming the superhero that creating hope for the children that there still a space for them to build up their dream.

So brave, so strong, so proud to be a hero... 

Until the day when your glory ended there, after what you do to their home, their lose, their life...... They are still alive, but you spoiled their land, everything but bring risk to them... 

People are holding the signs, standing outside your building, protesting you to get out of their country, you are ruining their life. You tried your best to told them your true purpose to become part of their community... Your people, your government, your family, your most beloved person, they worry what you have do and make such a shame and let the world cry for protest.

Finally, the hero fall in the depth of ignorance, give up their hope and plan themselves to be gone from this world. Is this hero still existed? The children are wondering where you are and when you back. Even yourself, you don’t even know when your heart back and gain back the glorious name again.

A coward gets scared and quits, but the true hero gets scared, but still goes on.