ᴇᴢʀᴀ ᴅᴇ ʟᴜᴄᴀ

“i suppose, but even the cult that said they were going back to another planet. i don’t think that ever, ever, started out cool. that was just a bunch of weird people listening to some bald dude and losing all of their rights,” sofia pointed out. “i can’t? if we’re being honest i’d probably follow a few people into a cult. as long as they had cool stuff to offer me and i was having fun, why not? did you hear that there’s a cult in new york right now? like a sex cult thing, sounds pretty great to be honest.” the girl might not have known much, but she watched enough youtube to know some things. “jesus christ, if you take me out to the middle of nowhere and this breaks down? i’m going to kill you.”

“hey, there are some people who’s idea of a good time is going up into space. you can’t just discredit their interests like that.” he said, reaching out to grab a bottle of liquor and twist the lid off. he snorted slightly at her words, shooting her a bemused look, “you want to be part of a sex cult? i mean, all you’d have to do is upload an instagram story and i’m sure girls and boys from far and wide would be at your service. maybe you’d become the cult leader.” he suggested, taking a rather deep swig, considering he was the one driving. still, he knew his limits and he wasn’t about to do anything to put sofia in danger. well, not too much danger. “you don’t think i’d be able to get us back if the car broke down? i mean, i’m tempted to fake it just to see the way you’ll react.”

chai: i'm just messing with you, wanted to see if you'd be up for it

chai: honestly all this talk is making me want to dye my hair

chai: huh, well, that's refreshing to hear

chai: because if i had a dollar every time someone said brown eyes are boring ... i'd be far away from crawford

ezra: ha

ezra: you're a goof, you know that?

– “JUST ACCEPTABLE?” HER EYEBROWS ARCH ON HER FOREHEAD. “ shut up, you can be such a dick, ” she says with a laugh, nudging his shoulder lightly with her own before finding a rock to sit on by the edge of the water. “ when your dad’s a cop, you get pretty good at finding the best spots to break the rules, you know, ” paige explains, digging through her backpack for an altoid tin that contains one neatly rolled joint. then she’s digging through her backpack again to no avail. “ ah, shit, ” she sighs, taking it back into her fingertips. “ have you got a light ? ” she asks, which she SOMETIMES uses as a come-on to get guys to look at her mouth ( and she’s not against using it right now ! ) but also, her lighter is lost to the recesses of her backpack. somewhere. either way, she holds the joint up to her lips and looks at him expectantly. 

ezra laughed slightly, finally feeling himself truly become comfortable with the blonde when she shoved his shoulder lightly. the view was definitely stunning, and he was taking mental notes to use later in his art, but the last person he expected to expose him to such a beauty was paige. when she explained however, he nodded in understanding. “that makes sense. i’m glad it led you here and not to a dingy alleyway. though i guess that’s where the cops would go first.” he said, dropping down on a rock next to her, watching her rummage through her bag. at her request, he reached into his pocket and produced a bic from it, flicking it on before holding it out to light the joint for her. “maybe this is a date.” he mused, raising an eyebrow at her as his eyes moved to check if the joint was lit, inadvertently glancing at her lips.

“jesus, i know, but can’t you just imagine?” sofia stressed, it would still be something. something more than their life here in their small, boring town. “so you admit it, you think all cults start out cool.” what was there to dislike? drugs, sex, all of the positivity. as long as it didn’t get to anybody’s head, then they’d be golden. it wasn’t like a dream or anything, but it was something interesting to think about, something more than this. once he dropped her arm, opening up the passenger door, she slipped inside trying to hide her eye roll. “sure, whatever you think, ezra,” buckling up. once he joined her in the car, she took the bottle back to bring it to her lips in a large swig, getting ready for their adventure. “okay, don’t let that go to your head, just get me the fuck out of here.”

“i mean, they’ve got to start out cool otherwise nobody would be stupid enough to join them. or, i mean, nobody with any substance would be stupid enough to join them.” he said, correcting himself before walking around to the other side of the car and sliding in. “you can’t tell me you’d follow me to the edge of the universe in a cult, then tell me not to let it go to my head. i’m getting whiplash here, sof” he teased, taking a moment to twist the key into the ignition just right in order to get it to start. “full disclosure, if this thing breaks down, it’s not my fault.” he said, pulling out of her driveway and heading straight for the highway.

chai: FINE

chai: well duh, you have pretty eyes and i like looking at pretty things.

chai: do you not stare back at mine?

chai: or do you think brown eyes are boring?

ezra: why are you mad like i promised i'd dye my hair then didn't do it?

ezra: i never said brown eyes were boring

he didn’t pull away immediately. it was the first thing she noticed when her skin brushed his, her eyes furiously scanning over him, trying to memorize every feature, every line and contour of his face before he was gone, and their time was over again. looking at him now, hand in hers, every fibre of her being wanted to beg him to come back, to love her again. she remembered the laughter, the happiness, how good they’d been together, almost forgetting all of the bad too, almost but not quite. her ezra, her brilliant ezra. but he wasn’t, not anymore. he wasn’t hers. using her other hand to clutch at his hoodie in her lap, she hesitantly pulled it onto the table, almost not wanting to let go of her last tie to him, despite how good the idea had seemed at the time. she had no excuses left to call him once the hoodie was out of her life, so was he. 

the second he pulled his hand back, she felt her heart break all over again, almost feeling like, just for a second, things were the way they used to be again. “i found your hoodie, the other day, in my closet. i just..thought you’d want it back.” it was a lie, she knew it completely. how was she supposed to tell him that though? i just wanted to see you, is what she should have said, just know you’re okay, we never talk anymore. she slid the hoodie across the table towards him nodding. “i still care, you know. about you.”

his eyes flicked to the hoodie she placed onto the table. the one he knew he couldn’t actually ever wear again. it would only ever remind him of her, or this moment. hell, it’d probably smell like her too. his mind stretched back to when her scent was a constant in his life— on his pillowcase, on his bedsheets, on his clothes. she was an endless part of his life and now— nothing. for a moment, he allowed himself to wonder if she also had noticed his absence as furiously as he had hers those first few months. but he quickly corrected himself, reaching out to brush his fingers over the fabric. “so that’s where it was” he said, thinking back to all the times he’d worn it, and the last time he had in her apartment before deciding that it looked better on her, and therefore she should keep it. 

he pulled his hand away and dropped his head into his hands, letting out a sigh, “evie.” he started, letting out a shaky breath before looking up at her, “you can’t say shit like that. not to me, not now. not anymore.” he said, leaning back and finally raising his eyes to meet hers. he didn’t want to cause her pain, but it was hopeless. he knew if either of them showed resolve, they’d end up falling into the same patterns. and he couldn’t allow himself to fall for her again, when even now, he was barely grasping the edge of the cliff. 

chai: are you dying your hair ??

chai: let me do it 😡

chai: blue, so it'll match your eyes

ezra: i'm not DYEING my hair

“i mean, where’s the negative in all of that? you’d go down in history,” she pointed out as she started to actually think about that possibility. “i’d follow you if that makes any difference,” sofia offered with a shrug, the liquor going straight to her head. “you wouldn’t be like a scary cult leader either, doing all that creepy and scary shit, you’d be a really cool one.” was there ever a cool cult? didn’t they all end in ashes? even hot yoga was a messy cult. a smile grew as he got everything ready for them to leave her house, desperately craving to get out for an hour or two. grabbing everything, she stuffed it all in her pocket before linking her arm with his free one, “you’re the best. seriously, i really needed this,” needing to let the other know how she felt as he whisked her away for the rest of the night.

“i’m not really attempting to become infamous, sofia. i’d rather just live this life, then end it. you know that.” he said, shooting her a lopsided smile as the two of them made their way to his car. “all cults start out cool, sofia. they end with kool-aid and some shitty podcast talking about them.” he said, pessimistic as ever. he squeezed her arm against his body for a second when she praised him for showing up, though he wasn’t sure if he should tell her that this was probably more for him than it was for her. something about spending time with sofia reminded him that half the shit he would spend hours moping about didn’t matter. in fact, he often wondered if she knew how much of a positive impact she had on his otherwise overwhelmingly negative outlook. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.” he said, deflecting as he unlocked his car, removing his arm from her own to open his passenger door for her, “but considering i am the best, i guess it doesn’t matter.”

– “MAYBE I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT,” SHE TEASES, tongue poking out slightly from the corner of her lips, turning another corner so they’re pretty much walking underneath the highway, and the sounds of rushing cars overhead sometimes deafen any other sound. so, maybe that’s why his lips touch her ear, but either way it sends a slight shiver up her spine and she does want to ask him what the hell he’s playing at but then she doesn’t want to admit to falling for it, so it becomes like a game, a subtle back and forth that she wants to win. “ i think you’ve got me mixed up with some other girl, ” she laughs, drumming her fingertips on his chest playfully for a moment as she peers up at him, “ i don’t really date. ” and for the most part, she doesn’t get the sense that ezra does either. she trails her fingertip down his sternum before pulling away entirely, rushing ahead to show him the dirt trail that leads under a bridge, “ this way ! ” she calls, ducking under brush until she finds the mouth of the water, standing triumphantly. “ pretty good spot, huh ? ” 

ezra rolled his eyes when she spoke, shaking his head. for a moment he let his mind wander. what would life be like if he actually did ask paige out on a date. he imagined the dates, the nights, the early hours of the morning when the sun crept through his bedroom- the same light illuminating her creamy skin, enveloped in his sheets. as if struck by lightning, he shook his head once more and scoffed, ignoring the otherwise undeniable tingle he felt trail over his spine at her touch. it was an adventure he’d been craving, and paige sure as hell was taking him on one, though perhaps not in the way he’d been expecting. he followed after her when she increased her pace, stopping when he reached her special ‘spot’. he remained silent for a moment, eyes scanning the view curiously. it was true, he hadn’t ever seen or heard of this place, which only made him question how paige had found it. “it’s... acceptable.” he said, taking another step towards it before turning to look over at her, “not the worst thing i’ve seen.”

“a guy like you, huh?” she questioned, a small smile playing at her lips, glossed with her favorite cherry lip balm. “don’t worry. i didn’t tell him any of that stuff,” she didn’t have to specify. he definitely knew what she was implying. “besides, i think he actually really likes you. well, he’s warming up to you recently,” she giggled softly. she raised an eyebrow then. “you don’t want kids?” ronnie questioned, tilting her head a little as she collected all the equipment. “mhm. okay. thats alright. let’s improvise then,” she pursed her lips in thought. “how about you give me something to paint, and i’ll give you something,”

“yeah a guy like me.” he said, glancing sideways at her with a mischievous glint in his eye, “you may know me as a charming, good hearted fellow, ron, but to everyone else i definitely look like the type who’d be up to no good.” he said, settling in and turning towards her. “he does?” he said, a smile full of contentment lighting up his face, “well, that’s good to know. i’d hate to lose this” he added, fiddling with one of his brushes as he thought of the best way to answer her question, “i don’t think i’d want to have to be responsible for someone else’s livelihood, you know? that kid would have some serious issues.” he explained, setting the brush down and letting out a sigh, “alright. improv it is.” he paused, thinking for a moment, “how about you paint the last dream you remember. you know, have the artwork represent how you felt when you were dreaming, or even how it looked.”

she stepped back and held the door for him, a large grin still plastered across her features. “i’m glad,” a soft giggle escaped her lips as she closed the door behind them. following his words, she shook her head. “yeah but don’t worry, he’s busy out the back yard. gardening or something, i don’t know. you’ll be okay. no ridiculous questioning in store today, i can assure you,” she led the way up the stairs to the spare room that her father had ever so kindly converted into a little art studio for ronnie, making it herself and ezra’s main hangout. “how’re feeling today?” she asked. “we’ll turn your emotions into art,”

“i wouldn’t call his questioning ridiculous” ezra said, walking alongside ronnie to the little studio, “i mean, if a guy like me showed up to hang out with my daughter, i’d probably give him a grilling too.” he paused, raising an eyebrow as he thought about what he’d just said, “i mean, not that i’m planning on having a daughter, but, you know.” he added, glancing around the room before setting his own bag down and beginning to pull his own tools and supplies from it. “don’t we always?” he said, shooting her a smirk before shaking his head, “i don’t know, i think i’m going to have to improvise today.”

“you do realize you sound like an insane cult leader right now, right?” she asked, trying to suppress her laughter. okay, if there was anyone in the in her life that she’d follow into an unorganized religion, it’d probably be ezra. free drugs, him trying to spew all of his crap to random people he found, most likely out of crawford, that’d be such a dream come true. “that’s how they get you, by making you feel guilty and saying it won’t be the same, i’m onto you de luca.” looking around her house that definitely wasn’t the most exciting place for once, she knew she needed to get out, plus her friend didn’t need to be in the damaged house. “you could settle for an adventure for me? wow, thank you so much for taking pity on me,” the sarcasm lacing through her words before chugging the rest of what was in her cup.

“i would make a fantastic cult leader, in my opinion.” he said, thinking about what it would be like to live on a compound with a bunch of people listening to his every word. he shuddered slightly, looking back at sofia before shaking his head, “though I don’t know if i want to be responsible for that many people.” he said, following her lead and tipping the rest of his drink into his mouth before grabbing the bottles and nodding towards the drugs, “well, i guess i did promise an adventure. even though it was a complete accident. so grab those, and let’s go.” he said, tucking the bottles under his arm and pulling his car keys from his pocket.

– “WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW THE PROPOSAL ENTAILS MORE THAN SMOKING,” she grins, although she doesn’t like being criticized ! ezra should know that she’s a fun time ! “ i mean, it’s a body of water, you don’t want to go for a swim ? ” she’s not afraid to be cocky, meeting his eyes with a challenging gaze, “ the best spot in crawford, in my opinion. guess i shouldn’t be surprised that you don’t know it, ” she teases, noting that he doesn’t let go of her. she does wonder why, if he’s flirting or fucking with her or something in between, but if he’s messing with her it feels kinda nice anyway, so she goes along with it. “ ezra de luca, are you asking me on a DATE ? ” she jokes, squeezing his hand as she arches her eyebrows back and forth, laughter on her lips, “ just kidding. but i’m gonna hold you to that once we work up an appetite. ” because now that it’s in her head, of course she’s going for a swim ! “ turn left here, ” she instructs, tugging him along with her. 

ezra quirked an eyebrow at her comment, scoffing slightly, “yeah right.” he said, grinning down at her. he could never really tell when paige was being serious, but he supposed that just made the entire interaction more fun. “you know what, paige? if you keep hurting my feelings i’m going to have to do something about it.” he teased, letting her lead him along. in all honesty, the edible he’d taken earlier was just beginning to kick in, so wherever she was going sounded like the place he wanted to be. he leaned down so that he could speak softly into her ear as they walked, “seems like you want me to ask you out on a date, paige bradley.” he replied, staring down at her before finally letting go of her hand and instead, resting his arm over her shoulder, which was fairly easy given their height difference.

seeing ezra, for the first time properly since they had split hit reverie like a ton of bricks. all of the old feelings came flooding back to her, rendering her speechless for a while until she’d found her voice. it was almost painful to see him again, even though she’d moved on from the breakup months ago. they really had been so good together, and seeing the painful ruins of what they had left…nothing at all. she smiled sadly as she looked up at him. 

watching him sit across from her sent a jolt through her, so painfully distant from the last time the pair had spoken, the way they had always been joined at the hip. christ, he couldn’t even look at her. she had never wanted them to get to this point, and as she looked at him now, biting on her thumb nail, she realised just how much distance had been put between them since the split. trying to think of something to say…when had she stopped being able to talk to ezra? to have to look for something to say? conversation had always come so natural for the two of them, everything had.

the silence tore at her heart, etching a frown onto her face as she looked him over once more, unable to meet her eyes. without thinking, she slid her hand across the table, reaching for one of his and taking it into hers. “ez, come on. it’s me. it’s evie, it’s us. don’t shut me out like this.”

ezra froze as soon as he felt reverie’s delicate skin brush against his own. he had memorised the feeling. the porcelain softness of them and their exact temperature had been embedded into his memory, and his senses went into overdrive as soon as he felt them once more. he felt as if time had stopped as he stared at her hand, recalling all the hours he spent, coming up with the exact pigments he needed to perfect her skin tone, so that he could immortalise her on his canvas. and he had, time and time again. 

he thought of those paintings, sitting in his attic, covered in cloth. he wondered if he should give them to her or burn them. As he spiralled into his own mind, recalling the strokes of paint and the touch of her skin, he realised that he’d been completely silent, with his hand in her own. as if he had felt a jolt of electricity, he pulled it back, using it to rub the back of his neck, “alright, evie.” he said, finally looking at her, “fine. why are we here?”

     she would’ve gotten up to help him or at least offered, but the cats were distracting her. stroking her fingers down the sly’s fluffly back she can assume where ezra’s words were going before he had even fully blurted them out. it was kind of him and she appreciated that, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it was a good idea. for the longest time he’d practically pretended like she didn’t exist, only reaching out to give her a little bit when she was used to having him around and in her life everyday. it had hurt then and it still stung and she couldn’t help but wonder what she’d done wrong to cause it. “that’s kind of you.” she mused, still letting her mind topple over the offer. “i don’t want to be in your way, ezra. i know you like your space.” she meets his eyes and gives a little nod though. “if you’re 100% sure.” hell, she’d rather stay anywhere instead of with her mom, but the offer from him was incredibly unexpected. “then, yeah, thanks.” 

ezra’s fingers gently brushed over smudge’s ears as he watched rion processing his invitation. he looked away from her face and back down at the cat when she came to a decision, “well i expect you to respect my privacy. which i know you will.” he said, peeking up at her without lifting his head, a teasing smile playing at his lips, “can’t say i’m sure of anything, rion, but you, staying here? i think we’ll make it out alive.” he said, setting the cat back down before getting up and walking to his kitchen. “do you need help getting your stuff?” he asked, looking over to her as he began to roll a joint, “we could go over there right now. i mean, i’ll probably have to get the spare room ready for you.” he could tell that he was rambling, but he couldn’t tell if it was worry or excitement. he hadn’t actually lived with anyone else besides smudge for years, so he wasn’t sure what it was going to be like, but he felt having rion being the one to break that streak made a weird amount of sense. 

“are you serious?” sofia asked, unsure if he was serious or not. “i’m not dying for anybody, nice try,” bringing the cup back up to her lips to take another drink. “sure, let’s go on an adventure, but not if i’m about to die in the process. i’ve worked way too hard to just give it all up now. again, your heist.” she couldn’t help but roll her eyes as he continued, “well, looks like i can’t be the one on your adventure them, but i’m sure someone else would gladly die for you.”

ezra snorted, looking over the girl with fondness in his eyes. she was one of the only people in this town who shut down ezra’s shit as soon as he served it, and he truly appreciated it. in fact, he was sure she’d do it ever since they were little and he first set his eyes on her. she was damn pretty, she still was, and his young heart immediately knew he wanted her to be around him, even more so when he finally had gathered the courage to speak with her and discovered her insides were just as sparkly as her outside. “that’s a real shame, it won’t be the same without you.” he mused, drinking deeply from his cup before sitting up on the kitchen counter and looking over at her, “i guess i could settle for an adventure though.”

– “I KEEP MOST PEOPLE ON THEIR TOES, EZRA,” SHE SAYS, a slight shrug of her shoulders. “ not everyone LIKES it, though. ” cue a slightly challenging look in her eye, trying to suss out if he minds, if he’s the sort of person who doesn’t mind the challenge. she doesn’t really hold a lot of hands though, never STILL long enough to bother walking side by side with someone. even now, she’s a little antsy, can’t help swinging them back and forth. “ hm, don’t be boring, ” she sighs, “ i’d say we could go for a smoke, i know a good spot by the waterfront, but…i dunno if i feel like sharing with you, ” she teases, “ i mean, maybe you should have to pay me. ” 

“oh, i believe that.” he retorted quickly, noting the look in her eyes as they continued to walk, knowing that to anyone looking on, they’d seem like a regular ol’ couple. maybe even a cute one, considering the way the two were swinging their arms. “boring? me? i don’t know the meaning of the word.” he said, stopping abruptly but keeping a hold of her hand, “you think that smoking in front of a body of water isn’t boring?” he paused, considering her offer, “how good is the spot?” he asked, taking a step towards her and raising an eyebrow, “i’m not going to pay you to spend time with me, but i might consider buying you dinner.”