ezhevika

I feel like I'm on the edge

Yesterday we had a family gathering, a nature outing. I only lasted until my drunk mother started telling me that I can do anything, that I can be whoever I want and take whatever I want from life. And I just started crying. We were all walking down the street, it was raining lightly, and I hadn't cried this hard in weeks. I never had the courage to say that I didn't want anything at all, but I did admit to having severe social anxiety, and "The thought of interacting with strangers fills me with terror and numbness." But she said, "It's normal, and it happens to most people." Apparently, she underestimated the honesty of my words back then. I don't think she'll ever be able to understand me even a little

I want to go far away from home forever right now and not tell anyone. Meet someone and go everywhere, delve into the darkest pits of society and rise to the top of the world. And never look back

OMFG my mom just burst into my room and started hugging me and showing me other signs of love, like it was normal and that's how we always did in our family. I'm waiting for her to finally ask me about my feelings and really listen, and I can finally say EVERYTHING. Oh, my dreams!