Eyes Are Windows To The Soul

I want passion

I want love

I want fire

I want to be burned.

To feel it all.

Once sex is involved it seems to me that all of that passion is put into only sex.

And yeah sex is awesome it’s very intimate but once it’s there the passion that was everywhere else in the relationship seems to wilt.

There is no fire in holding hands,

there is not a burn in kisses if they do not lead to something more than just kisses

there is no wildfire to slow dancing.

The magic in everything else seems to have faded for me.

Why must it fade?

Why must everything be about sex when it is meant to be fire.

I try to be okay. But every time I step on that scale, the thing I hate the most. It just disappoints me. I’ve worked so hard, I’ve had kind of a healthy diet, I’m doing workouts and I’m able to do more things than I used to. But to no avail the Number does not change.

I don’t know how to remain okay with this. I’m looking down at my stomach, oh how I hate how big it is. I see my flabby arms and my jiggly legs and I want to cry. Is nothing I do good enough?

I used to be around the same weight for the last four years, (still way overweight) but recently that number has changed, and not for the better. I hate it even more than I used to and I thought that maybe if I take a weight training class I would lose at least some weight, and get stronger. But I haven’t so far. I keep trying to tell myself that I don’t care about the weight, I just want to be healthy and strong, but that weight impacts my life.

I hate feeling this way because I know people who feel this way and I think they are perfect and beautiful. I am inspired by people that are around my weight or bigger than me, I think they are perfect and beautiful. Someone very dear to me feels the opposite, they are struggling to gain weight. They are perfect and beautiful and I feel so guilty for feeling the opposite way.

Nobody can just have sunny weather. Without the rain the flowers wouldn’t grow.