alright.

When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind.

kids these days................

I’ve always had this lingering feeling of losing myself a thousand times over and over again. Like my self worth is determined in the way that I love and the people who love me, and that I am alive, and actually living, and not just existing. And maybe my self worth isn’t just who I am deep inside. It’s not just this scavenger hunt my brain is sending me on, it’s not just moving somewhere and hoping things will be different, because the scenery may have changed, but that doesn’t mean I did. Maybe my self worth is determined on how I exist when my mom found out she had cancer and the only thing I could do was hold my sisters hand as she cried. Maybe my self worth is determined on how it felt to know you in all the ways there is to know a person, that kissing you is what made me my whole and complete self. Maybe the worthiness I so desperately seek isn’t in the way we kissed or the way we touched. Maybe it’s woven into all of the “I love you’s” at the end of my dads phone calls since him and my mom got divorced. Maybe it’s looking in the mirror and finally deciding not to hate how I look because what is that gonna solve? Or maybe my self worth isn’t something others can give me, maybe my self worth was here all along and I was too blinded to see it.