Yssa

my Sidney died last month and i felt so broken hearted i cried so much. Few days after i received my keepsake necklace, i felt a little better. But yesterday, on Thursday, I dreamed of him and I thought it was actually real but later on realized I was just dreaming. And waking up, it felt good seeing him in my dream and ofc sad at the same time. And today, at midnight, i woke up. And then few hours later, I cried because i miss him so bad. Conversely, it made feel better for letting my sadness out. At 4:59 am, i am falling asleep.

Lord please guide me and help me understand my family's poor decision making and budgeting skills 😭😭😭 I cannot. I am so tired na talagaaa

dreamt of him last night. but not him, him. it was more of a fantasy. an imagination. it was a feeling of having a boyfriend that's not him, but psychologically sees that it's him and even call him the way i call him. it's weird. after all this trying not to think or fantasize about him, i still end up dreaming about him, or atleast, thought it was him. i clearly remember calling him the way i call him, and this guy turned around and smile, but as far as i can remember, it was not him. it was a different guy, yet, i was pretending it was him. i am crazy. this feelings, this desire, it makes me psychotic. i don't like it. but why do i feel happy and relieved to think of him, to mention his name in my dream. gash it's weird. whoever reads this will think i am a pervert person but idk. i just can't stop this feeling of wanting him, it's honestly annoying and depressing. how do i freaking stop

badly wanna go beach rn and lay down at the sand while looking at the sky and just breath. u know that

I just wanna leave asap.

Times like this I just want to message him and talk to him and ask him his opinion but it'll be weird I think. So let's back off.

I kind of need to get out of here.

I'm sad but I don't want to tell my friends i'm sad.

I never wanted to see your name again, but how come i'm feeling happy to see it now.

If he really cares for you, he would have messaged you by now.

stay focused on the goal.

am i having doubts and regrets?

this is so hard.

I talk to myself a lot and it worries me tbh.