brb having a mental breakdown

- Rule of Wolves, Leigh Bardugo (2021)

And that’s the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie, and they lie, and they lie A billion little times

❝ And the woman before him would make sure he protected Ravka. Even from himself. He took her hand, pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “My ruthless Zoya, I’ll load the gun myself.”❞

because he was most likely about to die, he let himself cup his hand briefly to her extraordinary face. her skin felt cool against his fingers. "of course i'll come back," he said.

“You allow the world to think you’re a heartless murderer,“ I tell him. ”And you’re not.“ He laughs, once; his eyebrows lifting in surprise. "No,” he says. “I’m afraid I’m just the regular kind of murderer.”

“Please.” He says “Please don’t shoot me for this.” And he kisses me. His lips are softer than anything I’ve ever known, soft like a first snowfall, like biting into cotton candy, like melting and floating and being weightless in water. It’s sweet, it’s so effortlessly sweet. And then it changes. “Oh God—”

“Tell me it isn’t true,” he says. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m blind. Tell me you love me.” My heart won’t stop screaming as it breaks in half. I can’t lie to him. “I don’t—I don’t know how to understand what I feel,” I try to explain. “Please,” he whispers. “Please just go—” “Aaron, please understand—I thought I knew what love was before and I was wrong—I don’t want to make that mistake again—” “Please”—he’s begging now—“for the love of God, Juliette, I have lost my dignity—”

“Oh God,” he gasps. He jerks back, breaks away. “I can’t do this. I won’t survive it.” “What?” He’s already on his feet and I can only make out enough of his silhouette to see that he’s shaking. “I can’t keep doing this—” “Warner—”

He laughs, once; his eyebrows lifting in surprise. “No,” he says. “I’m afraid I’m just the regular kind of murderer.

“… it didn’t matter how many times he reset the story or remade the introductions. Aaron always fell in love with her. Every time.”

　　　　 　　　 　　　　 　Just once.

I feel us shatter together. Destroyed restored all at once.

want one?