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just found out my entire personality is a trauma response

I want to die

Thought I was chill but turns out I’m full of rage lol

but tbf i should have died that day

if you give me a gun i’ll love you for the rest of my life (2 minutes)

guten fucking morgen

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸̬̝͔̤̘̥̰͖̣͆̈́̐͑͂̒͌̀͝͝ȑ̴̙̙̻͕̪͖̺̹̗̝́͛͝ţ̴̡̺̩̞̲̝̙̭͕͇̲͓̐͊̓͛̎̋͐͌̌͛̃͗̍̚͠s̶̡̲̰̟͋̌̽̐͐̚͜ ̴̧̯̥̽̓̇͛̀̃͂̎͛̄͘͠͝ï̶̧̨͕̗̯̲̼̲̬͎̫̪̹͚̱̍̈́̏́̍̇͋̽͌́͝͠t̴͉̙̪͍͘ ̸̬̦͓̫̹͚͆̍͠ḩ̷̫̟̰̘̖̮͍̹̱̒͛́̽̊́͐̎̌͗̂̆͝͠ͅù̸͉̹̭̻͔̹̲̙̆̓̈̌̋͆̐̄r̶̺̲̜͇̝̯̣͇̪̼̟̣̳̩͓̂t̵̨̨̼̺͉̜͎̙̜͐͑̐̐̆̀̇͠ś̵̨̨̱̭̰̫͍̮̫͕̥̤̟̱͌ ̵̢͙̗̬͈͇̟͔̱̱̝̖̣̦̑̊̅͜͝i̸̛̗͕͗͂̽̽̄̿͒̚͝͝t̴͉̻̥̭̙̭͎̠̰̘̂͛̈́͌͂̂͐̋̓̾͜͠ ̸̡̨̢̡̧͓̻͈̫̜̪̗͘h̵̢̨̡̺͍͇͚̺̓̈̑͗͋̿͐͠ų̷̨̛̠̣̰̜̬̟̜̩͎̺̼͓̼̇̓͛̚͠͠r̶̛̯̘̬͎͓͚̥̥͛̀̊̐̅͊̀̿͠ṯ̸̈́͑̚s̶͚̗͐̑́̌̂̍̆́͌̈́͐̈́͝ ̴̡̧̨̛̥̪̲̙̖̙̦̰̲͛̀̂͌̍̿̚i̸̧̧̢̡̮̫̯̬̊͒͒͑͜t̶̫̟̹͇͎͚̻͍̂̃͛ͅ ̷̧̧̟̖̗͔̻̖̖̦̓̈́̑͒̓̉̓͑̕͘̕̕͝͝ͅĥ̷̢̲̼̭͕͉͇͍͇͖͖̈́̓͊͐̋̈́̾̊̕u̷̡̪͙̭̱̻̯̳̎̊ṛ̵͎̖̦͎̤̀̋̓̀͛t̷̡̖͙͈̪͍̩̖͇͇̰̘̎͌̽͒̕͠s̷̠̥͖͇̞͙̤̱͉̭͎͎͆̓̆̉͋̂͆͑͌͊͜͠ ̵̧̛̖̱̉̐̏̉́̀͘͠͠͠ḯ̸̡̡̙͖̰̺̝̻͖̱̭̙͖͗̃͆̒̉͋̅͑͂̕͝͝t̵̨͙̯͙̙̒̔̍̓̅̅̄̄̽̃̚͝ͅ ̵̨͍̫̳̘͓̲͈̮̳͎̮̳̦̍͐̋͛͌̀̋̚͝͠ḩ̸̮̙̜̣͙̱̘̖͎͚̊̈̋̒̓̿̈́͋̇̄͒͝͝͝ų̸̖̦̩̲̻̝̖̝͚̩͋ŗ̶̭̩̻̺͉͌͐͋̽̐̀̃́͛͠͠ͅt̴̗͔̺͎̪͎̋̈́̔͑̃̔̕s̴͖͕̣̩͍̠̼̪̞͕̝͔͌̃́ ̶̰̖̥̘̳̻̺͙͂̂͐̉͐̈́̑̾́͝͝í̵̡̗̻͈͇͓͙͕͈ţ̷̛͈̰͎͕̙̭̱͍̜̑̾̈́͘ͅ ̸̡̧̲̮͇̲̙̫̖̫͎̈́h̸̡̡͓̝̫̘͓͉͖̞̠́̆̒͜ǘ̴̻̬͙̾͌̓͆̃̉̕r̵͖̪͌͆̊͆̍̾̒̏̽ͅț̷̢̡̛̀̃̊͑͊͛̚͘͠͝ş̴̱̪̗̳̺͕̩̘͂͆̓͂͘ ̷̪̒͂͗́̋̂̍̊i̵̛̥̗̲͉͖͑̓͐ͅṫ̷̢͖̞͕͍̗̖̱̘̯̞̑͜ͅ ̸̢̛̪̭͕̗̤̥͈̬̖̗̥̣̱͛͜h̸̢̛͓͓̰̻̮̰͍̃͗̋́̈̏͐̊̂̆̿͠͝u̵̩̤̰̦̮̯͓͒̾̒̎̄̔̉͒͊̆̅͘̕ṙ̵̢̘̟̤̘̺̦̼͎̤̰̣́̄̏́̃́͆̋̍͂̃̕ͅͅt̴̢̤̬̘̜͔̻̦̲̘͍͆̓̂͜s̴̲̯̯͇̦̻̐͐̇̈́̅̋͐̏̊̍̑̚ ̷̧̨̩͙͇̼̫̗̦͍̮̣͍̣̯͗į̷̧̳̥̤̞͎͇̫̫͙̻̤̙̑͊̎̿̇t̴̢̻̮̻̳̭̮̳̾͒̐̓̇ ̶̡̯͉͍͚̭͔̘̩͝ͅḩ̵̦̲͎̬͙͍̣͇̘̤̗̣̠̭̒̐͠u̵̯̣͖͈̝̗̠̥͋̾̾̒̍̇͋̍̃̾͑͠r̸̨̨͚̭̲͍̮̟̳̣̗̯̞̞̱̆̍̍͋̑t̵̢͙̆͑̌͊̐̒ś̸̢̢͓̰̲̮̥̒̿͒̽̾̀͗̽̅ i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸͆̈́̐͑͂͝͝

You know what sucks? Having a anxiety disorder from all the trauma you experienced as a child & when I finally stand up for myself they tell me it’s all ‘In my head’ making me feel crazy rather than taking responsibility and getting therapy