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Eh…worth a shot.

“Essentially cosmetic” like eat my ass lol like that is such a farce in relation to trans women adapting cis feminine standards of beauty. It is a shield that can protect us although it be faulty and expensive we are still more at risk for trans misogynistic violence and violence in general . People who don’t carefully fit within this paradigm of beauty standards regularly are assaulted, discriminated against in both housing and employment and are regularly harassed. Cosmetic surgery for trans women who wish to a engage with those aesthetics is by no means “cosmetic” it’s gender reaffirming and life changing. It can sometimes mean the difference between life and death for some girls and I am one of them.

You say that the government in California subsidizes transitions or “some shit” as if every girl out here doesn’t know that already lol? It doesn’t mean it’s accessible for everyone. Do you know how hard it was for me to get them to pay for m hormones? Like I have to travel at least an hour away to receive any type treatment and I need about 15-20 dollars worth of gas to get there plus another 10 or so for bridge toll and I have to pay for parking. So that’s 40 or so dollars just to get out there and I did all that just to the doctor then have them tell me there was a block on my insurance (which I’ll hopefully have figured out this week) so I didn’t even get to be seen by a doctor. There is like so much red tape exists a wall of a bureaucracy in which there are multiple hoops to jump through in order to receive treatment and I might not fit an archetype of what they deem necessary of needing to medical transition. There’s a lack of control when you partake in these services and it’s not as easy as it sounds to receive any care.

I never felt comfortable explaining the ins and outs of medically transitioning to cis people who come at me like this because it sounds very voyeuristic off putting. Especially when its not even coming from a place of curiosity or intersectionality there always gawking or prying in order to try and get me together over some minute point critiquing my femininity while not understanding the implications of living in between presentations and not understanding how although i might have had certain experiences in my past life that doesn’t follow me the moment i decide to medically transition that include job resumes. I can’t even use any of my old work experience cause it’s all under my dead name. I can’t get a job with out experience and i can’t give my experience with out outing myself and potentially putting myself in danger and although there are trans friendly establishments that doesn’t mean they will hire someone who is trans visible or not cause you know most of those places are franchises ran by individual owners.

Also trans friendly doesn’t mean that everyone on staff will be cool with my identity or that i won’t face violence at the hands of co workers which has happened multiple times before with other trans women but you wouldn’t know that because employment isn’t this complicated for you. Its really easy to ask why i am not doing this or that but ask yourselves this why the fuck would i be doing this if i had literally any other options???? I have been on countless interviews gone to every job fair possible and had really great networking opportunities but my presentation doesn’t match my id and the logistics of hiring a trans woman seems daunting and not worth it to many employers so that’s why so many of us often turn to sex work. I tried doing sex work but I’m a child sexual abuse survivor and I mentally can’t handle men I don’t want touching me without breaking down so that’s nice.

I just want start hormone replacement therapy again (I ran out of meds a few weeks ago) and finish the long painful process of laser hair removal/electrolysis which is 60 dollars a session.  If anyone could please help me out you can do so by donating to my paypal @ naomihitm3@gmail or use the donate button on my page if ur not on mobile

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Z2KW5H86BG4PC

he won’t be lasting too much longer

Negan Is Coming