Stevie King Inc

A fresh new year and a dawn of anew decade brings to you a fresh new podcast and a dawn of new era for Stevie King Inc. After months of trial and error as well as a litany of self-pity, we have found direction and we are moving forward with the initial mission and vision of motivating, inspiring and empowering the world around us through podcasts.

On the debut episode of VIEWSZ… Tebogo Motsepe shares his views his upcoming anniversary of sobriety, reasons that lead to any addictions and what the next decade has in store for him.

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SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/everythingstevieking/viewsz-tebogo-motsepe

Before 9am today, I get a message “I was in a car accident this morning”. My world freezes. Everything goes on mute. And at that second, I read that text, the only thing that matters was whether or not my friend will be okay.

It’s 10:30am now. The Johannesburg heat is still blazing. The construction guys working on the road, across my office, are still working. The phone, in this office, still rings frequently with different requests from management. The world, around me, is pretty much still the same except for my world. In my world, I’m plagued by the fact that, this morning, I almost lost my friend.

The concept of time has been studied, researched, tested and everything else under the sun but we – as humanity – still haven’t truly mastered it. It takes a tragedy (in my case, it takes a near tragedy) to realise how special time is and how little time we have in this world. After today, I remember how we lost Lloyd in his motorbike accident back in December 2014 and how that shook me back to life and made me realise how everything, in this world, can change in the blink of an eye. Today’s accident reminded me the importance of second chances and how you should not waste, the minute it’s given to you. It takes a tragedies, such as these ones, for our eyes to open and for us to life in a whole new light.

So what happens now? I think the only thing, that could best describe what happens now, is that Tim McGraw song called Live Like You Were Dying. That’s it. That’s all it is to it. Appreciate every second that you have and appreciate everyone that shares those moments with you

It’s just before 6 o’clock, on a cool Tuesday evening. I walk into Colbie’s, after a long day at the office, and Carl (my favourite barman here by far) greets me with his welcoming smile and he says “What would it be today; the usual?” A seemingly innocent question and honestly, Carl meant no harm with this question but it made me re-evaluate my entire life.

I’ve been coming to Colbie’s for just over six months now. It started on the day that my wife and I had a fall out in the morning and knowing how she holds on to our disputes, I just couldn’t go back home in a sober state. So that day, the Uber was driving passed Colbie’s, something drew me in and I decided to go in for a drink. As you know one drink became eight and eventually I was too drunk to even request an Uber home until the barman offered to drive me home and that’s how I met, my now good friend, Carl. I started off going in whenever my wife and had a fight in the morning, then whenever I had a bad day at the office and just whenever I felt unhappy. Before I knew it, I was coming here everyday. So when Carl asked me if I wanted the usual; I realised that Carl knows me more, in the last six months, than my wife.

I remember having a conversation with this kid some years ago. The kid and I used to spend as lot of time together and one day, he sat me down and asked me to promise him a few things. He told me that he gets the feeling that he will be leaving soon and he just wants to make sure that even in his absence that I’m going to be all right. He said to me “the two most important decisions that a man has to make are, firstly, choosing to follow God and the second is the woman that he is going to marry” and he made me promise to choose my wife wisely. He knew that, as the kid, I wanted to be a pianist so he made me vow to make that dream a reality. His final words, to me, that day were “Joy is the most important thing to have in your life. With joy, you win in this life thing”. After that day, the kid and I started seeing less of each other and eventually I just could never find him anywhere. Slowly, I had to come to terms with the fact that the kid was gone – maybe forever.

In the kid’s absence, I met Karen. I liked Karen. She was beautiful and smart and she made me see this better version of who I can truly be. She believed in me like no one ever did. She encouraged me to chase the better positions at work and with her by my side; I climbed up the corporate ladder with rapid speed. Without Karen, I would still have my head in the clouds with senseless plans and lack of focus. And for that, I loved her. I really did. Within months, we had moved in together. Within a year, we were engaged. And our second anniversary, March 31st, we got married.

The first few months were amazing, beautiful and breath-taking. Seeing her naked for the first time was awkward but what happened next was pure ecstasy. We would laugh for hours. I loved her TV shows and she tolerated mine. We were great but four months down the line, I began to realise something about Karen; she stopped looking at me like she did before and her touch was slightly colder than before. I don’t know what exactly caused it however, in the back of my mind, I had some idea

She disliked how often I spent my free time behind the antique piano that Uncle Clint gave me on my 21st birthday. Apparently, I had to spend that free time on working on schmoozing potential clients and sealing deals and honestly, she was right. She suggested that I play less and work more and that did wonders for my career. Before I knew it, we moved out of our 2 bedroom apartment into a beautiful unit in McLaren’s Estate. Next thing was the car; we needed a car that matched our lifestyle. I couldn’t quite afford the car just yet so since I was barely using it; we decided to sell the piano. It was very difficult for me to sell it but Karen made sense and you know what they say “a happy wife means a happy life” and now, we have a car that matches our lifestyle yet Karen still didn’t look as happy as I thought she would be and that eroded my happiness as well

December holidays came and went. We were spent time with her family and passed by mine. It was great to see Mom again; I hadn’t seen her since my wedding. We spent New Year’s Eve at Eric and Josh’s place (They were a couple that Karen went to college with). About an hour or so after the countdown, the champagne and the endless hugging, cheering and kissing, Karen and I sat down and had a long overdue soul to soul conversation. I asked her if she was no longer happy with me; she assured me that she is still happy. She said that she is just not happy with the progress that we have made as a couple. She, further, explained how far ahead many of our peers are in life and how frustrating it is to see that on a daily basis. I told her that this year things will be getting better. Mr. Nielson was retiring soon and I have been handpicked to succeed him so that’s another level higher in this corporate world. I saw Karen’s smile, the genuine smile that I fell in love with. I hadn’t seen that smile in a while. We sat on the grass, gazed at the stars and moon until they made way for the sun.

End of January, Mr. Nielsen retired and this was my moment to run with the big dogs. I was excited and nervous but whenever I was reminded of the money that I’ll be making, those nerves ended faster than a Usain Bolt race. I was given a PA (Alyson) and she was this petite darling with a strange accent, fiery red hair and a twisted sense of humour… which made her that much more awesome. She really helped me out with my new position and because of her, I settled in quickly. Karen was not too thrilled about Alyson especially with her popping up in our conversations at home regularly. But Alyson was a breath of fresh. A sweet escape, if you will. Something about Alyson reminded me of the kid that I once knew. Karen started popping in at the office to drop off things or pick things up randomly and that was great because nothing gave me more joy than seeing her when I least expected it. Those visits really made my day.

By the time our first anniversary rolled around, we had been fighting a lot. We were fighting about everything and anything. I left work early, on the day of our anniversary, just so I could sneak in some time to get drink at Colbie’s and chat with Carl like I have been since the sometime in February. Karen and I had an awkward dinner at the Victorian Plaza, went to a dull play with an exceptional pianist and we went home to have sex. No, we didn’t make love that night; that was sex. Sex, so bad and so uninspired, that I think we may have broken this beautiful act of love that God created for man and woman to truly become one. We took making love, with all its beauty, and we broke it.

Since going to that play, I’ve been thinking a lot about my piano as well as playing the piano and the fact that Alyson is a fourth year music student is not making things any easier for me. I suggested getting a piano to Karen; she suggested that I should get my own car now and stop using Uber especially now that I’m in a managerial position. I told her that I like using Uber and besides I really want a piano. Karen saw this is a personal attack on her and me not wanting to cater to her needs. Lord only knows how she got to that conclusion but she did.

I was hearing the kid’s voice more and more lately and he may have not been with me any more but his words kept coming back to me. His words were not just coming back to me anymore, now they were staying with me. They kept coming up every morning when I woke up and kissed Karen on the forehead. They kept coming up every morning when I got to work as well as in every meeting. And I could not silence his words anymore. His words were getting louder and Carl had the antidote that kept the kid silent. Carl also possessed the antidote that made going home to Karen a little more bearable. Carl was no longer just a barman or a friend, Carl was like my saviour to some degree. But tonight, the man that I thought so highly of asked me a question which caused my entire world to crumble. “What will it be tonight; the usual?” is a question which, as a kid I believed, was usually associated with a raging alcoholic who has every bar owner and manager on speed dial. But today, September 23rd, I became the person who I vowed never to become.

What had caused this? Honestly, how did I get here? With every question that my brain asked, my heart had an answer. Maybe it’s because I felt like I could never be as great, as rich, as revered or as internationally known as her ex fiancée and CEO, Trae McConnell. Maybe it is the fact that I jumped too quick into marriage. Maybe it is the fact that my reasons for marrying Karen were, solely, based on how she made me feel about my future success and not my love for her. Or maybe, it’s because in almost 18 months into our marriage, I still struggle calling her my wife instead I just call her by name whenever I speak of her. There are a lot of reasons that are responsible for this walking mess of a man that I’m becoming.

Then again, it can’t possibly be all Karen. It could be this job which I’m really good at and it does pay me very well but I hate with a passion so strong that it can only be compared to the hatred that Hitler had for Jewish people. It is this job that took my passion and my dream of being a pianist away from me. It is this job that gave Karen enough reasons for me to sell my piano. This job had sucked the life out of me with every day that I walk into my office. This job had taken my smile, my piano and my dream of being a pianist and all it gave me in return was money; money that was never enough to make to make Karen truly happy. The only positive, now, was Alyson because she reminded me of the kid: the kid that I let down.

The kid asked me to pursue joy, live my passion and marry wisely and I told him that I would but I feel his disappointment and shame every day. I call him “the kid” because it’s best to give him another identity because if I don’t, then I have to face the fact that the kid is me. I let myself down. I failed me. This is my life now. It’s either I change it or accept it but I’m far in now. I’m that rich, unhappy, married man who goes to the same bar after work, orders the same drinks and walks home staggering to a woman that I cannot call my wife.

With all these thoughts running rampant in my mind, I heard Carl ask me again “You want the usual?” At that point, I felt like I had to choose: do I want something new? Something different? A major change? Or am I sticking to what I know? Am I staying committed to my original choices? This was it!!! I made my decision and looked up at Carl and said “Scotch. Neat”. I saw a smile on Carl’s face as he said “the usual, it is”.

In almost every Hip Hop-related interview that I do, I always ask the same question and that question is “why Hip Hop?”. I ask this to find out what was it about Hip Hop that drew the person in and recently, while I was doing my show, I got a message asking me “why Hip Hop?” and it did throw me off a bit but I’m here to answer that question.

Let’s go back to my upbringing because I feel like it makes sense of this whole situation. I grew up in poverty. Dad left Mom and I when I was 4 years old. Mom is a domestic worker. We lived in back rooms of some real nice houses in nice neighbourhoods. I went to schools and I had friends that reminded me of how poor I was. Life wasn’t really on my side at all and the worse thing was that no one seemed to understand the pain, the suffering and the shame that I was feeling. I mean even my favourite cartoon characters had both mom and dad with them so even my source of escape would remind me about my broken family. I started feeling like no one could relate to my life and I felt like there was something wrong with me because I had no source of reference which assured me that I wasn’t the only one with the life that I was living.

R. Kelly, KCi & Jojo, Westlife and Backstreet Boys and many more were major back in mid to late 90s but as much as I enjoyed their sound but for a kid who was not even 10 years old yet, I barely even knew what they were talking about so it was just music to me. Then came these school holidays, I am not too sure which holidays exactly but what remember is that they were in 1998. I spend those holidays with my cousins and they were listening to something that I have heard before but I have never listened to properly. Amazed by this, I asked what is this? They told me that this is Hip Hop. I was introduced to Snoop, Wu Tang Clan, Dre, Tupac, Fugees, Outkast, and a whole lot of others. They also told me that West Coast Rap is the best and Biggie killed Tupac therefore we don’t really like Biggie. I heard this and I was like “Damn, they know what they are talking so I guess… Westside til I die then”.

Gangsta Rap was ruling things back then and as I enjoyed it but I didn’t know what most of these guys were talking about but it was great to hear about someone talking about poverty on a record so I started listening to more and more of this. And one day, there I was watching Channel O on SABC 1, and there was this angry rapper who was talking about his life’s struggle, how his dad walked out on him and his mom, he spoke about being socially awkward and all that but I was very confused because I thought white people never experienced such things. However, here was this white guy, whose music and life story, I could relate to more than any other before. And it was at that moment when I pledged my allegiance to this bleached-haired, mostly high, aggressive yet so relatable rapper by the name of Slim Shady, Marshall Mathers.

As the years rolled on, I went back and researched more and more about Hip Hop, not just the music but the entire culture and I realized that this is where I belonged because these people knew and understood my life but mostly, they have experienced my pain. They knew the reality that I woke up to daily and one way or the other, they took their lives (as broken as they were) and made something special out of it and that’s what attracted me to Hip Hop.

So to answer the question “Why Hip Hop?”. Well, let me quote Lord Jamar: “We created something from nothing with Hip Hop. That’s what the whole spirit of Hip Hop is” and that’s just it. Hip Hop tool the nothing that society gave it and it rose up from that and inspired other people to do the same. And I looked at that and I said that I may not take the route of being a rapper but I want to do just that everyone who grew up or is currently growing up like I did.

Boys have all gone through that phase where the physical attributes of their dream girl was all that mattered. We would spend hours describing the perfect woman, only to find out that everything that we have described had nothing to do with what’s in her head and what’s in her heart. Now she may be the “hottest” girl – I mean she may make Mila Kunis look like a walrus – but if there’s no real connection between us, that relationship would not last. So I decided to look deeper, search myself and find out what truly makes that ideal woman for me. Beyond her looks, something more and something that made her special enough, amazing enough and more than enough to, someday, be referred to as Mrs Malanga.

She must love God more than she loves me

She must love God with everything in her, and she must serve the Lord all the days of her life. I want a woman who I can raise a family built on Jesus Christ as a foundation because come stormy weather and come everything that the world may throw at us but through the foundation of Christ that we have built our family on, we shall prevail.

She must be a driven woman, but understands the importance of family

I understand that this is the 21st Century and now “sisters are doing it for themselves” (I couldn’t resist) and I love that but family comes first. I love an independent woman, a woman who is driven by success and a lady that knows what she wants in life and she knows how to get it but if all that comes in-between being a mother and a wife. I’m going to make sure of it that comes between me and my family because that’s how I was raised. Family comes first. Not my career, not my friends, not that important meeting with the personal trainer who is slightly overweight herself, nothing comes before family.

We must share similar interests

We must have this in common, it just has to be. I can’t be waking up Sunday morning, getting ready church and there she is coming home from the club. No, that won’t work. I’m not saying that we must do everything together, be one of those weird joint-to-the-hip types of couples, but let be things we do together. Go out to watch a movie, walk through McDonald’s Drive Thru to order Zingers winger and order an Oreo McFlurry at Steers.  Just share normal interests such as those with me.

She must be a motivator

There are those moments when you are down when you need something or even someone to inspire you to get back up and keep doing what you are doing, and I want a wife that will be all that and so much more. When life gets crazy and my career faces its challenges, I need a woman there to keep me calm and help me carry on. A woman motivates me daily without saying a word. A woman that doesn’t force change upon me, I choose to change because her happiness means more to me than anything else.

She must be my best friend

It all starts with friendship. Love, respect, tolerance, understanding, enjoying each other’s company, forgiveness, trust, honest, etc. all fall into place once friendship in established. So before, we even try to build a relationship, a strong foundation of friendship has to be laid. And even the things that I have aforementioned will all just fall into place.

Those are that top five requirements that need to be met in order for any girl to attempt being Mrs Malanga. However that is not all it takes, there’s more. Yes, there’s more. The Malanga surname is one of the most exclusive surnames in the history of the world – not entirely proven but for the sake of this post, just goes with it – and so it takes a real special someone to have the name given to them. So here is what is required of you, some are negotiable and some are a definite must and if you don’t meet them, you are automatically disqualified.

She must be able to sing. I don’t know why but there’s something about a girl who can sing that just drives me wild. Your voice may result in you winning every fight, we will ever have. So it’s more for your benefit than mine.

Michael Jackson MUST mean something really dear to her heart. The man is STILL the greatest artist of all-time and Black, White, Chinese or whatever other race his money could have made him, Mrs Malanga has to appreciate the genius of Michael Jackson.

I plan on watching this show with my kids, some day. I plan on creating dates that I saw on this show. I plan on having How I Met Your Mother and part of my life for decades to come and marrying someone who doesn’t enjoy it or who hasn’t even seen an episode would be a complete waste of a wedding reception. Amongst others, but How I Met Your Mother is the greatest sitcom of the last decade and it’ll stay there for a while.

She mustn’t smoke. It’s a disgusting habit. It smells on everything that you touch and it’s expensive. So no thanks! I don’t mind if used toi smoke but kicked the habit, we can work around that. Nothing more unattractive than a woman that smokes … okay fine, it’s on-par with the east rand (I had to)

As much as I love cooking and as much as I can pull my weight with household chores but let that not be my job. She must be able to cook – cool very well because I’m very good. We must share household duties. I don’t like packing dishes but I can wash and wipe them all day every day. So I wash and wipe and then she just packs them away.

In this day and age, it’s so hard to find them but I’m sure they are still out there. Ladies, I don’t want to be a father just yet, moreover I don’t want to be a stepfather to bad-ass ill-behaved little child. So she has a kid, I’m sorry but she DOES NOT cut it to be Mrs Malanga

The issue of age. WOOOOOOO! Is she too old? Is she too young? It gets problematic. I’ve dated a girl 6 years older than me (proud moment) and I’ve dated a girl 4 years younger than me. So yes, there is something as too young and too old. So how I see it, 3 years younger and maybe 4 years older is the perfect balance. Anything outside of that, I’m so sort but you didn’t qualify

Lenny Williams, Freddie Jackson, The Temptations, Teddy Pendergrass, Gladys Knight etc. all these names must mean something to her because more often than not, that’s the music we’ll be listening to. Lil Wayne, Justin Bieber, Nicki Mang-Mang, etc. will not even make it through the front gate yet alone the door

This is the last one but this one is by far the most important of them all. she has to understand that before she came into the picture, there was my mother. So now just because she’s here, I WILL NOT neglect the person that sacrificed everything to make me the man that I am today. I WILL NOT forget about my mother because I am now married. She must respect and love my mother because I am the man I am – the man that she saw fit to marry – because of my mother. So to be Mrs Malanga, that is of upmost importance. If you feel it won’t work for you, you’re free to leave

They always wondered what was it about them that may have caused them to miss out on a relationship with me, maybe you were lacking one or more of these qualities. Work on it and maybe who knows you could be the next Mrs Malanga

Dear Peaches

I got your last letter and I’ve been meaning to write back but truth be told, I’ve been too busy looking for a tall-enough building to jump off. The saddest part of what I just wrote is the fact that you don’t know whether or not I’m joking. Anyways… I’m okay, man. I miss you though and I thought, by now, you would be back.

Work is work and that’s far as I’m willing to go about that. I actually just want to focus on the last time of your letter (and the fact that we still write letters is too weird but I love it). You asked me a question that has haunted me since I read it. Maybe it’s the reason why I’m searching for a building for me to jump off and no worries, you will be mentioned by name in my suicide note. Moving on, so you asked me “why haven’t I settled down yet?” and today (or whenever it is that you receive this damn thing) I’m going to answer you as honestly as humanly possible.

The reason why I haven’t settled down is because I’m in love with you and from the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that you were the one. Hahahahahaha!!! I’m sorry. I know… I know… And I’m so sorry. OH MY WORD!!!! The look on your face right now!!! I literally feel you wanting to hit me. Like… I can hear you cursing me out right now and yes, I’m sorry. But now, that I have your attention, let’s get real. Truth is, for the longest time, I thought that I was too damaged to even find someone to settle with. But right now, I realised that I’m hung on someone from the past. I’ve tried everything and I just can’t move on or forget about her. She has a hold on me like no one has ever had and I swear, to the God that sent the chariots of fire to fetch Elijah, there is nothing that I haven’t tried to move on from her.

In December, there was full-on doing sinful things to this one girl (remember Nhlanhla’s cousin? Yeah!!! Her!!! And yes, I have pictures) and guilt starts hitting me. I start asking myself “why I’m here?”, “what would she say if she saw or heard about this?”, “did I switch off the stove?” etc. That guilt made me realise that I’m still hung up on her. Dude, what do I do? Emotions don’t have an off-switch. Trust me, I have looked and all I found are some old memories that I have suppressed over the years. And no, I refuse to talk about it. As we continue!!! Here’s the fact, I could move on. Hell, I have options. I have a lot of options. But why don’t I move on? Well… because these options are not her!!!

The most painful thing is that I could start something with someone and really have a blast with her. Go out, do all that Marshall-and-Lily stuff and I could be as happy as you get when you see a yoga studio but believe me when I tell you that will not last. Why not? Because if I know or even get an idea of a window of opportunity opening up with this girl, I would leave that relationship as sure as Hitler is in hell. Hahahahahaha!!! No but seriously, there’s no chance that Hitler made it into heaven!! Sorry, I deviate, as I often do. Leaving a relationship, like that, would be so unfair. It would wrong and uncalled for and most importantly, no one deserves that. I’ve truly done too many terrible things to too many great women and I refuse to add to that tally ever again. So to answer your question, I have not settled down because I’m in love with a woman who I share a tragic history with and who I could never go back to. There’s some real truth for your ass.

I look forward to hearing from you, man. Please send my love to whoever is there and as I promised, Jaryd is in good hands. I check up on him at least four times a week and besides missing you, he’s doing really well. I miss you too, Peaches, but these damn letters are really keeping me sane.

I love you…

MZ Stevens

To the Promise Land to my Moses

I have had you in my life, now, for years and with everything that has happened, in my life, having you here has made it all bearable. I’m not really good with words nor can I truly and openly express myself but I’m going to try and hopeful this letter will do you some sort of justice.

I met you in what has to one of the strangest places that I have ever been in and to this day, I have no idea why I would willingly walk into a bookstore but I believe that God had other plans. There I was walking through the narrow aisles, as if I knew what I was looking for and then, standing at the end of Aisle 3, there you were. I knew I had to something and trust me when I tell that “Hi, do you know where I can find a bookstore around here?” was not that thing. Luckily for me, you cracked a smile and that ignited something exceptional between us.

I remember the first few weeks were amazing. Never have I felt emotions like these before and quite honestly, that scared me. In the midst of that fear, you found a way to chase those fears away and make me experience love that one has only witnessed between Cristiano Ronaldo and his hair. You made me believe in myself like I never did before and you completed every essence of my being. A love so beautiful. A love so pure. A love so strong and comforting that I had no idea what to do with it or give it back. I think… Actually no!! I know that is when the rift between us began to form.

I never meant for it to happen but when life has been so far left that – for a large majority of it – death seemed right, it’s a little hard to take the love that you’re given and simply give it back without a barrage of questions and self-doubt. I really tried though because there was something about you and because of that, I couldn’t just let you go that effortlessly therefore I started working on myself. Ironically, I focused so much on working on myself that I did not notice that I no longer had time to work on us. And it was then when that slight crack became a San Andrea’s-sized crack.

I knew I couldn’t just walk away from this. As much as I felt the distance between us, a part of me believed that I could fix this and damn it, I tried. I reached out again. I called again. I did all those things that I used to do that you loved back then but the difference is they were coming from a place of guilt and regret. They no longer had the purity and innocence that they once did and you saw right through that. But that didn’t stop my efforts. I realised that it may have been too late but I did not want to believe that because believing that would mean accepting that you’re maybe gone forever. And that’s a reality that I refuse to live with especially since my actions had such a strong influence in materializing this reality. But facts are facts, the shine began to fade in my life because the one, who brought it there, was no longer in it.

Days becomes weeks and before I knew it, two years had passed. We bumped into each other and as awkward as it may have been, the nostalgia overshadowed that awkwardness. I cracked a joke. You laughed. My heart melted. Just like old times. It’s crazy how from that day forth, we tried rebuilding what we had lost. Things were different but it felt so familiar. Your hug, your smile, your passion when you spoke about your career and your love for God were still all there but it just felt different but then again, it had been two years. And honestly, I was just glad to have you back in my life and that, for me, was more than enough.

Fast-forward to the present day. Here I am, all suited up and ready for the day is going to change my life forever. The church looks beautiful, filled with happy people who are here to witness love manifest and see people who God brought together to be united in holy matrimony. The organist begins to play The Wedding March and there you are, looking more beautiful than I can ever remember. You glide down the aisle looking like something out of a fairy-tale and I think to myself, “Has there ever been a bride more alluring?” You glance in my direction and you unleash what could possibly be the most gorgeous smile that you have ever smiled. I blow you a soft kiss and mouth “you are breath-taking” as you walk passed me. The minister officiates the wedding and before I know it, you vow to be kept for life and the minister announces the both of you husband and wife. The congregation claps and cheers as you share a magnificent kiss with your handsome groom. And just like that, Nondumiso is married now!!! I was never ready for this. I, now completely, understand what NeYo was singing about in Fade into the Background.

I hope your husband doesn’t make the same mistakes that I did. I hope he realises that there’s something so majestic, mystical and marvellous about you. I hope he knows how to return the love that you give out. I hope he never experiences what life, without you, is like. Because I have, and this is no life at all.

To My Greatest Joy, My Deepest Love and My Heaven Sent

Son, you’re becoming a man now and I couldn’t be more proud of the man that you’re turning out to be. I’m writing this letter to you to urge you not to do things that I did and to urge you to be a far greater man than I could ever be. I know how much you hate having soul to soul conversations with your old man, so I think it’s best I talk to you through a letter. In this letter, I want to tell you about to the time when I almost lost your mother forever.

As you know, I met your mother at a youth centre. We became friends, then great friends and before we both knew it, we fell in love. Five years later, I proposed. A year and half after that, we got married. A year later, we had you and the rest, as you know, is history. But there’s more to this story, a lot more actually and I think you’re grown enough to understand and learn from my mistakes. There was a time when I let pride get the better of me and that almost cost me the love of my life and I want you make sure that you don’t let that ever happen to you. I want you to learn from the mistakes of your old man 

So two years, into knowing your mom (we hadn’t really become anything official yet), my career began to take off. Son, I mean, your dad was flourishing so hard. I was always busy though. I barely had time to sleep yet alone focus on the people around me but this started to cut on your mom’s heart. I could see it but I would always justify it with “I’m building up our empire. I hope she understands”. And to your mom’s credit, she really did understand but bit by bit, I could see and sense the hurt in her. So one day, while I was in Cape Town (or whatever it is that you call it now) to host an event, I got a text from her wishing me luck. It was a short and sweet message but for some reason, it hit something in me which had an affect on me throughout the entire event. When it was finished, I called her to tell her how it all went and I asked if we could meet up. “There’s a lot for us to discuss” I said to her. She agreed. So three days later, I was back home and we scheduled to meet and we did.

We had lunch at her favourite coffee shop (yep, that very same one that we still go to) and we just spoke. For the first time, in a while, we actually sat down and spoke on a very intimate level. It was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful. But unfortunately that beautiful moment wouldn’t last long because I had to tell her something. I had brought to this place to talk about how I was tired of hurting her. I told her that I just couldn’t continue living like this knowing that she is miles away waiting on me to come back and then once in a blue moon, she gets to spend some time with me. This wasn’t fair on her, not fair at all. I asked her if we could just take a break for a while. I told her that I know that we’re not a couple yet but I see where this is going and unfortunately, for now, I cannot give her what we are both longing for. She looked at me, with those big beautiful eyes of hers, and she said to me “You said that we are forever. I believe you. Do what you need to do and let’s see how our future plays out”. I was so happy that she understood and we continued being great friends. In my mind, I knew that I was going to marry your mother and I thought that she knew that too.

Months down the line, I get a call from your mom but I was so tied up at the time that I could not really attend to that. I answered and told her that I’m about to start working and I cannot talk at all. She sounded like she had something important to say but instead she said “Oh okay. We’ll talk when you are done” and hung up. When I woke up the next day, I remembered that I had forgotten to get back to your mom. When I got to my phone, I found a message from her. The message read “Hey. Since, I barely see you these days, I wanted to tell you when I called yesterday but you were busy as usual. I met someone and he’s really amazing. Through the scars that life has put on him, his passion shines through. And it’s such an attractive quality”. When I read that my heart broke, my soul shattered, my entire world crumbled before me and I felt like I had just fallen into this pool of darkness and chaos. Nothing made sense about this. How could she find someone when I’m right here? What the hell is going on? These are the questions that I kept asking myself but as her FRIEND (the friend that I insisted in being) I had to respond and make sure that I make her believe that I am truly happy for her in that response.

Your mom and this guy went on to be together for a while. I gave my all to my career and I thought that I could fill this huge void in my soul with every accolade that I received but nothing. All that meant nothing because I had nobody to share it all with. Months went by, I really did try to be a great friend to your mom and as hard as it was seeing them together, my pride wouldn’t allow me to say anything to your mother about my true feelings. The guy was everything. He was perfect. I could not find any wrong with him. No fault. No flaw. This guy was just amazing. And most importantly, he made your mom happy.

He made your mom so happy in fact that within a year of them being together, your mom agreed to marry him. I was boarding a flight to Sun City when I received the text saying “We’re engaged”. Never, in my life, have I ever felt pain like the pain that I felt when I read that message but again, because my pride wouldn’t alone me to feel that way, I responded “OH MY WORD!!! THAT’S SO MAJOR!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! See you as soon I get back”. I didn’t mean it. Even Stevie Wonder could see that I didn’t mean that but she didn’t which is all that mattered.

We were two months away from the wedding, the preparations were all falling into place and the worst thing about this was the fact that I was free on the weekend of the wedding. I couldn’t be booked to host any shows, perform anywhere. It was just dry out there so I had to attend the wedding. She called to confirm if I would really be present when I asked her if we could meet up at the coffee shop again and I don’t know why I asked her but she agreed. I arrived first, ordered a red cappuccino (yeah, your aunt Carrie taught me that) and I waited for your mom. She walked in and the world stopped and it was just her. It took me back to that time when God pointed her out to me in a crowd and told me “That’s her. That’s your wife”. For some reason, at that moment, I knew why I had called her here. I had to swallow my pride and tell her everything. Son, it was hard but I did it. I told her how I’ve always been in love with her. I told her about how I can’t live another day of my life without her. I told her about how much I wanted her to be my wife and how much I would give everything up just to be with her. I began to tell her about the life that I have planned for the both of us from our home to our children to everything else. It was a lot for her to take in as she said but I could see it in her eyes that she knew that I was being real with her for the first time. She asked for some time to this all in and she left

I messaged her later to check if she got home safely. “Yes. I did. Thanks” she responded. And I didn’t hear from her again until two days later. She asked if we could meet at the coffee shop and I rushed there. I found her sitting there already when I arrived. She seemed emotional which was perfectly understandable. She asked me about how long have I felt this strongly about her and I told her for as  long as I’ve known her. She asked what took so long for me to tell her and I told her that I didn’t believe that I was man enough for her and quite honestly, pride would not let me do it. She burst out crying and told me that the wedding is off. She’s always been in love with me too and she wants the life that I promised her and, son, that was the first day of the rest of my life.

You see, son, pride won’t get you anywhere. My pride drove your mom to the arms of another man. My pride almost cost me my greatest happiness. My pride almost took all that you see around you away from me but most importantly, my pride almost cost me my wife/your mother. Never let pride get the better of you, my son. Never allow it anywhere near you. Pride will destroy you like it almost destroyed me. Look at how happy your mother and I are now. Swallowing my pride brought back the star that shined in my heart, my life, my soul and spirit. Swallowing my pride brought your mother back to me.

Well.. as you know that part is not entirely true because I never did tell your mother how I really felt about her. Your mother did end up marrying that guy. They, now, live happily with two beautiful girls who have her eyes. And as for me, I’m sitting in an airport, waiting for the next plane out while writing a letter to a son who does not exist.

From: Your Father That Never Was

Dear Diary

I’m not one for journal entries or whatever they’re called but right now, I need someone to talk to with no interruptions or judgment so I’m really hoping this works

You know what? If someone had told me the cost of dating an entertainer, I really doubt that I woulda gotten into this relationship. I really love him and I know that he really loves me by since he started to blow up, things haven’t been the same. Before when I texted him, the longest I would wait for a response was 5 minutes but now, it can be anything between 5 minutes to the next day. He’s never online. He never calls me for the hours like he used to. And my gosh, when last did we have a weekend where it’s just us at home in PJs watching series and movies? Now, our PJs weekends are interrupted with performances and interviews and special appearances here and there. I just can’t anymore.

I know this sounds like I’m jealous of his success and I’m not. I just hate the strain our relationship is taking because of it. He asks me to go with him to shows and interviews but most of the time, a fight breaks out between us because I see some of these girls getting too friendly. But now, when I’m not there as well, I get really pissed off because I don’t see what is happening in my absence and the fact that I call and he doesn’t answer or his manager answers and says things like “he’s performing right now. I’ll get him to call you back” just boosts my insecurities. What if he’s not performing? Men cover for each other. What if he’s with some skank? All these “what ifs” flood my mind to a point when he does call back, we just end up fighting again. I’m done fighting and I just want my man back, tle.

Di, I hope I’m not coming across as crazy and I really hope you see my point in all this. I’m really proud of him though. He’s sacrificed a lot to get to where he is at. I just hope our relationship won’t be another one of those sacrifices.

We made vows to each other in front the pastor, our families and more importantly, in front of God, Himself. I promised you that I would love and protect you forever, you looked at me with a straight face and promised me that you’ll never leave me. You promised me eternity. I believed you. My greatest mistake, in life, was believing you because today, you left me. You left me and I do not know how to live or even survive without you.

When I met you, it was at the highest point of my teen life. I was accepted to three different prestigious universities and that day, my friends and I decided to go out and celebrate. It was an amazing night with countless highlights but the girl, standing outside of McDonald’s waiting for her aunt to come pick her up, was my greatest highlight. We spoke for some time and I was so intoxicated, at the time, that I barely remember what I said to you but I do know that I offered to wait with you and I had to forfeit my jacket and my fries for that happen. Who knew that would be the start of something so special? In the midst of the conversation, that I vaguely remember, I recall mentally playing out how I would ask you for your number and by the time, I was seconds away from summoning that courage, a sophisticated woman pulled up in a teal SUV, you got in and thus ending my chances of getting your number, my fries and most tragically, my jacket.

By God’s grace, I stumbled into you months later and by His divine work, a beautiful friendship began to form. As time went on, friends turned into lovers and I got to a point where I could not remember what my life was like before that day, I lost my jacket to the “beautiful girl who left in the teal SUV at McDonald’s that one night” and a few years later, she also took my heart. I gave you everything in me and you gave me all of you. I stole your heart; you took my last name.

I remember the day we got married. The only time that I ever got close to that level of joy was at a Lionel Richie concert and my idol touched my hand. And for years after, I never thought anything could make me happier. We were so overwhelmed by emotions that saying our vows was a bit tough with both of us crying in-between almost every word. As we walked out of the chapel with our close friends cheering and throwing rice, I remember looking at you as my wife and thinking “has there ever been a more beautiful moment than this?” I leaned over and before I could even tell you how amazing you look, you looked over at me and said “I sure hope our marriage is as beautiful as this moment right here”. And that further proved that making you my wife was and always will be the greatest decision that I have ever made.  At our wedding, you vowed that you would never break my heart and you vowed that you would never leave. And here we are… you’ve broken BOTH vows. Both of them, shattered. I don’t get it.

What do I tell our children? What do I say to them? “Mom is gone and she’s not coming back”. How do I explain this to a 3 and 5 year old? How do I convince them that there’s nothing that I could have done to protect their mother from a drunk driver? How do I explain the severity of the accident? How do I come to terms with the fact that I could barely recognise you with so many scars when I had to identify you at the morgue? You broke your vow of always being with me but I broke the greatest vow of protecting you at all times.

Dear Dad

It’s been over 10 years since we last spoke so I just decided to reach out to you for DNA’s sake. Mom has been trying to make this happen for a while now. God bless her heart, she really wanted you and me to know each other and have some kind of relationship but it was mostly your actions that kept putting me off. I’m a little grown up now and as much as I don’t understand why you constantly chose to keep me at a distance, I feel like this is the right time for us to mend things. So this is me reaching out to you and just saying that I need my dad.

Things have turned out quite alright for me. I’m not going to bore you with a decade of information, that don’t really matter to you. I’m just going to tell you that I’m a teacher now. I know. Right? It’s a drastic change from the actor that I once told you that I want to be. As a teacher, I’m just trying to unlock these children’s potential and make them realize just how great they are and hopefully someday, they will let their passion take them real far. I have been exposed to a lot of children with a similar upbringing to mine and I realized just how most of them are consumed by hate for the parent that abandoned them. I just want to tell you, right now, that I have no hate towards you. Not even a slight bit of resentment. I get that maybe your time with my mom was limited and somehow I have tried to understand and come to terms with your decision to leave us and start something new with that other lady. So trust me, when I tell you that you and I are cool. I honestly just want to build a relationship with my father.

I’m nowhere near getting married yet. I guess I’m a chip off the old block after all especially since I have a lot more girls accusing me of leading them on than I do those who I actually want to build something with. I almost had a child once… but I pulled out. Okay. That’s disgusting especially when addressing your dad so can we just move swiftly passed that? Yes? Great!!! But on a serious note, no child whatsoever. Something about parenthood just scares me more than Steve Komphela is scared of winning trophies. (Yes, Steve fears silverware. Why else hasn’t he won any?) Moving on! But yes, parenthood is not something that I’m ready to just jump into. I don’t know, man. I feel like the dating game has changed a great deal since your days. Today, there are lot of girls but not many women. Let me explain what I mean. A girl is someone who you can have fun with and even present to your boys as “that girl, I told you about” but no many are worth bringing home to meet my mom or the family. It takes a woman to do that. Don’t get me wrong, in the years that I have lived, I have found THREE great women who I could have spent the rest of my life. However two of them are married to someone else now and the other is a psychotic, unstable and a holistically-beautiful mess that will forever hold my heart in the blood-drenched palm of her hand. And dad, I’m really struggling with that. I would love to hear your take on all of this. What pearls of wisdom do you have to share with me on that?

I don’t know if you care much about what I’m about to share with you but I’ll tell you nonetheless because she did mean something to you once upon a time. Right? Mom is okay, man. She speaks fondly of you which is weird. I have no good word to share about any ex of mine. Hell most of them are damn near dead to me. She is nothing like that at all. So clearly, I don’t get that from her. Is this something that I picked up from you? Maybe? Back to mom, she’s a lot older than the both of you last saw each other. It’s been over a decade so I’m guessing you, too, are a lot older than we remember you to be. I take care of her the best way that I can and make sure that she is never in need of anything. She raised me well, given our messed up circumstances and truly speaking, she raised a great man even if I do say so myself. Dad, you would be so proud of the man that I have become. I think some way, somehow, she’s responsible for this desire to help the hurt, broken and lost youth and reignite whatever fire has died out in them and reassure them that there is hope. She also says that I look a lot like you and we have countless similar traits which is something that I would love to witness and experience for myself.

So yes, dad, that’s pretty much my life right now. I really would love for us to bury the past and move on swiftly together as father and son. Truly get to know each other, hang out from time to time and just pick up the phone and call each other once in a while. You know? That’s what I truly would have wanted. But unfortunately, I left too late. You passed away five months ago and here I am, reading this letter over your tombstone. I wish we could get a second chance in another life but until then… I love you forever. Rest in peace, Dad.

Your son

Life is unpredictable yet we, as humans, tend to believe that there are certain outcomes which we can predict with the ease of mastering Babes Wodumo’s lyrics. And when nothing comes of our predictions, we are left with a gut-wrenchingly pain which my friends and I discovered when the two people, whom we had predicted for years would end up together, separated.

“I’m leaving for Cape Town at the end of the year”, she told him with a smile in her eye. “Oh?” is all he can conjure from his impeccable vocabulary as he looked at her with his facial expression screaming “please don’t leave me” but because they were friends, he had to be happy for her. So he give her a congratulatory hug, smile and wish her all the best. “Is that all you have to say?” she asks him as he got ready to walk away. He turned around, forced out another heartbroken smile and nodded his head as he began to walk away. Of course, it was not all that he had to say but what was he to say to the girl whom he based his entire future around? And now, she’s moving to a city on the other side of the country. He was not ready for this.

Things, between them, were not always like this though. They communicated beautifully on every level. They would spend hours, on end, talking about a variety of things. Their conversations would effortlessly range from theology to existentialism and their shared love for rainbows and unicorns is something that many did not understand however that never mattered because they understood it and as complicated as they both were, they understood each other. Saying that they had chemistry would be like telling someone that the ocean is watery. But like many people before them, they were about to learn that chemistry – alone – is never enough.

Along the way something changed between them. None of us have any idea what the definite cause was but what we do know is something changed and we witnessed their spark slowly fade away like Despacito’s popularity by October 2017. Maybe it was their focus on building up their respective futures that they forget to make the most of the present. Maybe it was because they were, both, too broken and none of them ever truly believe each other when the one told the other that they love them. There were a whole host of possibilities as to why they never went the distance but we hoped that this time love would prevail like we saw in classic films like The Notebook. I guess we were hoping for far too much especially since reality rarely plays out like that.

Months passed and they had barely spoken to one another. Tragic to witness two people who never went longer than a few hours without talking, go weeks even months without a single “how do you do?”. He told us that he was okay with that; she vowed nothing had changed. However, we saw it and we saw that this separation and lack of communication had begun to eat at them more than ever. Everyone barely saw her now and he would be seen in public but no one ever got a word out of him. We wanted to fix things between them but where do we start? Do we hunt down the girl that we no longer see or do we talk to the boy who never has anything to say nowadays? We really didn’t know. “They will sort things out” we would cheer in hope. Hope was all we had left. It was all we held onto until that Sunday morning.

We saw her for the first time. She came in and sat down at her usual spot. We didn’t know whether to approach her or not. While we were arguing who was going to go check up on her, he walked in and our hearts simultaneously jumped for joy. This was their moment. This was where healing began. We all watched him as he walked across the room, looking at his phone, taking off his earphones and slowly looking up to find himself a seat. She, too, was looking at him since he walked in. He walks towards her and sits down leaving a chair open between them. We, almost simultaneously, grasp for air as we see this. “Things aren’t fixed” muttered Nelly. “I guess not” says Len disappointedly. None of us could recall what the sermon was about that Sunday but our focus was on the both of them; watching their every movement and just waiting for something familiar to happen.

As the service begins, we see him lean over to her, says something and they both began to laugh. Joy flooded our hearts because that moment was remnant of days passed and maybe, just maybe, that was the moment that started the rebuilding process. We would see one steal a look from the other whenever the other was not looking. The service came a close and we all gathered together with them to share a few laughs and check on their well-being. He spoke that Sunday, he laughed that Sunday and he didn’t directly walk out the door, the minute the pastor closed off the sermon. They began to walk out and we followed behind closely, eavesdropping in the least obvious way imaginable. And as we walked cross the threshold of the church, welcomed by the sun in blinding fashion, we hear her say the words that would dim all the hopes and dreams that we had for them.

Eventually, she moved to Cape Town and we barely heard from her again. We would catch glimpses of a beautiful life that she’s living at the coast through social media and it may have taken her a long time but she seems to have created her own happiness. She seems to have reinvented herself and became this phoenix that rose from the ashes of her broken dreams of being with him. Honestly, as much as it hurts to admit this, but moving to Cape Town looks like it did wonders for her and her soul. She needed it. What happened to him? You may ask. He never recovered. We still see him but nobody ever talks to him now because he managed to distance himself away from everyone who once cared for him. He loved her too deeply but the problem is I don’t think he ever fully expressed how he felt for her. I’m not saying that she would have stayed for him if he did but maybe something positive would have happened if he did. Maybe he would be down there with her. If she had told him that she, too, loved him completely and wholeheartedly as we all believe that she did, maybe he would have felt a little more deserving and maybe her departure wouldn’t have taken so much away from him.

Stevie King (real name: Steven Zwakele Malanga) has said that the greatest lesson that he learnt from hip Hop was “it’s not about what you got; it’s what you do with what you got” and not many people have been able to do so much with so little. From Tha Royal Suite to Expresz Yourself to everything that he has done inbetween, Paulmo helps us to get to know Tha King a lot better in 10 questions.

1. A lot of people go to colleges and varsities only to finish and look for jobs, what made you decide to go the independent route to start your own thing?

I think the main reason is because of what I want to achieve through media. I would love to go the mainstream like everyone else has but the problem that I have with that is how the mainstream dictates everything from content, to the playlist to even the guests. And I wanted to have a platform that was open to everyone who’s doing great things. I also wanted to create something that has the sole purpose of restoring hope to those who have lost hope and changing the world and unfortunately mainstream media only allows that in minute doses.

 2. Tell us about your radio experiences throughout the years and what got you to start Tha Royal Suite and thereafter Expresz Yourself?

Radio experience is not much. I did about 6 months at a local radio station down in Port Shepstone (South Coast of Durban) and then last year, I had the privilege of working at a radio station in the West Rand.

Tha Royal Suite was actually started putting everything that I learnt to practice as well as to break into the mainstream radio stations. I wanted to have a kind of “portfolio” set up for when I started sending out my CV.

Expresz Yourself is a whole other thing that was created to change the world through media.

 3. Between being behind the microphone (radio) and being in front of a crowd as a host at events, which one do you like the most?

Hahahahahaha!!! This is a messed question. I don’t like it. Next question. PLEASE!!! Okay… let me try answer it. I don’t see much of a difference between the two. They are both very immediate and I just be myself in both. Being in front of a crowd is more intimidating because there are eyes looking right at you. But overall, I love them both.

4. Where does your passion and inspiration come from?

Great question. Wow!!!! I have no idea. The best source that I would say is God. God put this in me and I never looked back after finding it. And outside sources would have to be other people, before me, who did great things and that left me wondering what is it that I could do to leave my mark on the world.

 5. Explain to us, why the name Stevie King and Expresz Yourself?

The story behind Stevie King is a long and complicated one. But I dropped the name in 2012 and went for something more “formal”. It wasn’t until I was in Cape Town when Carrie Jo (look her up, sister girl is South Africa’s greatest export) and her mom, Linda Bentley, suggested that I resurrect that name and I’m so glad that I listened

As for Expresz Yourself, I don’t know. It’s a name that I’ve had since 2011 but I just never knew what to put it on. And when Tha Royal Suite fizzled out in 2014, I thought this is the perfect time to start something new and the name just fit the goal, mission and vision of what I wanted to achieve.

6. What is it that you want or wish for people to learn from Expresz Yourself and you?

Your circumstances don’t determine your future. I’m a son of a domestic worker and a dad who walked out. Statistically speaking, I am not supposed to be anything either than a criminal and a menace to society but I refused to let that be who I become so I chose this path. So that’s what I would love people to learn from both Expresz Yourself and I.

 7. We all know that starting something from scratch is a huge challenge and sometimes a person gets to that GIVING UP state of mind. What keeps you going everyday and how do you deal or how did you deal with that GIVING UP state of mind?

I’ve tried to walk away from all this more times than I’ve stuck it out. I’ve literally closed down Tha Lab (where I record the shows) and walked away from all things media, more times than a kid asks if a phone has games. But the reason why I have continuously come back is because my brothers and sisters are still struggling, their dreams are dying at a rapid rate and giving up is not a luxury that I have. I won’t say that I deal with it but man, I try my best to shut those voices up and keep my eye on the end-goal.

8. A lot of people go through life shifting from one path to another due to certain circumstances or issues. If you had to go or would go for plan B what career path would you go for?

A year ago, when I left the West Rand radio station, my mother asked me that very question and I had no answer. To this day, I still don’t. I had the dream of being an actor back in high school so maybe that could be seen as a Plan B but not entirely. My entire focus and plan is invested in making this “media thing”, as they call it, work.

9. Being independent or establishing something from scratch comes with a lot of pressure and sometimes you get the pressure from home. How do you deal with it?

Pressure? What you know about pressure? Hahahahaha that’s a young Ace Venture easter egg there. Moving on, pressure from home is the worst especially when your circumstances don’t cater to you going the long route to success. But bless my mother’s heart, as hard as it is for her to support (and even understand) what I’m doing, she tries her best. And as to how I deal with it, again I say… I just keep my eye on the end-goal and at that moment, nothing else matters.

10. Where do you see yourself in 8 years and what can we expect from Stevie King and Expresz Yourself?

8 years? That’s a very specific number that you chose there. Hahahahaha. Well… the team is looking amazing right now so if I could have the same group of people with me in 8 years, I would be beyond blessed. But to further answer your question, in 8 years; I would love Expresz Yourself to be a recognized brand in media not because of who we are but because of what we have done. I want to this brand to seen as the force that I know it’s destined to be and and I would love to reach the point where Expresz Yourself is involved in all fields of media from radio station to print to marketing and all that as well as offer internships in those fields of media. I want hope to be restored in the youth of South Africa as well as have young people believing in their dreams again no matter how farfetched they are told they are and I want that to carry over into the world. I want Expresz Yourself to change the world. All this may not happen in 8 years but then again, what if it does?

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