Daniella

“i think some people stop looking at the stars because the great up there is too vast and when you stare up into space, suddenly you’re standing in your front lawn of the house you always meant to move away from and your job and your degree and your small human successes mean nothing and suddenly your hands shake and your heart is pounding and you realize you should have called her back and even though it’s been too much time some part of you still yearns for someone who gets that the closest we will ever get to the stars is holding onto someone else who has been lost in them but if you look down and keep your shoes clean and try not to remember that the moon is one fourth the size of the earth and try not to think about how far away we are from anything else and try not to think about how far you are away from her now - sometimes you can rest easy then. sometimes you can learn to love the walls of a prison cell. decorate your cubicle with pictures of anyone except her. don’t look the night in the face. don’t tremble when you hear yourself echo with that exact same empty. and i think the reason i get called a dreamer is because i call her back. i hold onto people long enough that they sear into my skin. i stare at the stars as often as they’ll come out for me. long enough that my lips get blue in the winter wind, long enough that everything under me feels weightless. long enough that i know i’m gonna die soon. a blink. a moment that the stars won’t even notice. i am only given so much of their warmth. it is up to me how i spend it, and i am in the business of paying back that loan with as much human kindness as this small body can manage. i cannot be a star. i can only be fusion reactions. i can only bring people together. i can only stand on the front lawn of the house i meant to move away from and pack my things. i can only carry the night with me as a beautiful thing. i can only call her back and make something out of nothing.”