An Escape

I hate going out, each time I go out and go back home, the minute I see everybody leaving with their loved ones crushes me. I was so looking forward into finally moving out. Finally having a life partner and living as an independent adult. We did the apartment, we dreamed and dreamed about living together and sharing every aspect of life with one another. But no, it have all gone to waste. I don’t blame him. He is obviously suffering from some sort of mental illness. But what I hate about it is the fact that he didn’t realize it sooner, he didn’t deal with it sooner. He kept admitting the problem but not really facing it. Which now reflected on me. Now he left and broke my heart. He tried so hard to fix it, but I couldn’t do it to myself. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I ever let him hurt me again when I know he will, maybe unintentionally. But he will, because he did it multiple times and I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t do it again. 

He messed me up so hard, but I know that time heals, and I know that I will move on eventually. I just need more time to reflect on myself, and go back to my old-self. It’s gonna be a long journey but I’m sure I’ll complete it with a better version of myself.