Euphoricfilms

if you’re white and are protesting, please, please listen to this. if you’re white and have white friends protesting, let them know

It’s because you’re not doing enough

Swallow your damn ego and use your platform regardless of the site, follower count, replies, likes, or background.

I don’t care what you’ve been doing in silence, people only know action. God may know your heart but if you can raise your hands quietly in prayer and sing songs of anguish for our brothers and sisters who have been facing hatred and racism for hundreds of years then I fucking expect to see those white hands raised in protest and those voices raw with the volume of your screams for justice.

Do better. The movement starts here and only ends when justice is secured. And it’s with OUR VOICES on EVERY platform, that it WILL be secured.

Do not make this about you. Use your white privilege, acknowledge when and if you are called out, and press forward for the cause.

#BlackLivesMatter

I strongly urge all of you to sign this petition demanding justice for George Floyd. It is our duty as citizens of this country to not only raise awareness in any means possible, but take action against positions of power shrouded in institutionalized racism. Join me in demanding justice from Attorney Michael Freeman–the four officers involved in Floyd’s death can not walk free.

I am so exhausted of this world and the hatred that runs rampant in it.

pairing: grayson dolan x reader insert

“Italy, and the spring and first love all together should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy.”

Mother,

To fall in love with Italy takes an ease so unnatural, it feels like the laws of physics have all but disappeared from existence.

However, it is the small villages, not those filled with tourists, that have been untouched by foreign hands where I’ve stumbled upon my state of Nirvana. I felt the love from Gaia course through my veins when I stood in front of her fountain in Siena; Neptune kisses my toes when I stand in his waters on Capriccioli Beach in Sardinia. But, most of all, Jupiter himself still weeps tears of happiness from His throne in the sky when he looks down upon Positano. The pastel buildings overlooking the crystal blue sea where I have spent my last two weeks make me feel more at home than the states have ever done… Which is why I must stay…

pairing: ethan dolan x reader

trope: frat!ethan

When Grayson Dolan decided that he wanted to branch out his junior year of college, he was giddy and amped to start this new adventure. It was going to be the year all about discovering his individuality and finally moving out from behind the shadow of his older brother who – while he loved endlessly – was most likely the reason why Grayson had ended sophomore year with a not-so-impressive GPA, and a hangover that seemed to last the entire second semester.

Moving into an apartment with his friends, Austin and Nick, settling on Architecture as his major, scoring a part-time job as a bouncer at the most popular bar in town, and committing to an intermural volleyball team were all part of his plan for this school year – and he was incredibly excited for it. These were things that Grayson could take pride in. He was entering the last two years of college, and it was time he start establishing who he hoped to be in the future; not like someone he knew who was continually up for “Worst Employee of the Month” at the café in the student center, spent his free weeknights watching too much Hockey and chugging down enough beer to float a ship, and using the blind corner on the ninth floor of the library to do a lot more than just studying with Stacey Haskins from ‘Introduction to Financial Accounting’.

Grayson felt good as he carried the last cardboard box up the steps to his apartment. Sweat glistened beautifully over the exposed skin of his cut-off tank, his biceps were bulging while he lifted the box filled with his speakers and video game consoles to the side to watch his feet in hopes of not tripping blindly over a step, and by what he’d seen so far, his building was filled with gorgeous girls who would strut by him with sly smirks before turning and whispering to each other once they finally passed.  

The knowing smile that spread on his face every time he caught a hint of what was being whispered was enough indication to know that he was going to make this year a good one for himself. He thinks maybe he’ll start with the leggy blonde in apartment 34A and see if she really thinks he’s, ‘a walking Adonis’ like he’d heard her say to her red-haired friend he found equally as beautiful.

Grayson was expecting more memories to be made this year than the last, and he was ready to create them on his own. As a normal, typical, every day college student just trying to get by.

But what he wasn’t expecting was to get sucked into another twister of chaos, landing right back in the magical world of Oz where things seemed like they shined in a drunken technicolor.

pairing: grayson dolan x reader insert

Today was just not your day.

Really, nothing could have rounded out the week sent straight from hell better than this one final instance that had become the cherry on top of the disgusting sundae you called life. And this wasn’t one of those sundaes with vanilla and chocolate ice cream and whipped cream as the final sweet touch, it was one made from all the expired contents you find in the back of your fridge that hadn’t been touched for months with pickles and olives to top it all off – the sundae of your bitter life.

First it was the all-nighter that you’d suddenly been deemed to pull on Sunday after your professor had emailed the class and announced that the exam would be changed to Monday instead of the Friday it was originally planned for. Cramming eighty-six vocabulary words on the functions of the brain while running on three hours of sleep from the night before was like sticking your head down a garbage disposal and just laughing through the pain. And when there was finally the moment you were able to rest, it had been completely ruined by the sound of your alarm as it blared through the early morning.

Following a night of no sleep, life took another swing at you that Monday when you’d been walking home after that torturous exam you’re pretty sure you failed when you hadn’t been paying attention and slid on a patch of ice, legs sliding apart until you bashed your knee against the concrete and wound up in an awkward split with papers flying into the wet snow. It wouldn’t have taken that much of a toll on your life if your favorite pair of jeans hadn’t been ripped right down the middle with no hope of fixing. Not to mention the giant bruise which began to swell on your ass from slamming against your heel when you fell, and now it was to the point where you hadn’t been able to sit without wincing for the rest of the week.

But life just kept steam-rolling right over you as Tuesday had come around, and you’d gotten screamed at by your manager of the local bar you served at for mixing up the orders to the party of twelve in the corner whose specific ‘wants and don’t wants’ had made it incredibly difficult to keep track of. Then on top of the screaming, he’d went ahead and taken the screwy meals out on your next pay check which would only mean you’d have to pick up an additional few shifts to make rent for the month.

Wednesday wasn’t as bad as the rest of the week. But, that was only because you’d decided to take a personal day and skip all your classes to stay in bed and binge an entire season of Criminal Minds while eating too much ice cream and popcorn until your belly felt like it was going to pop. The fear of another horrid day had kept you hidden away in your apartment for the whole day. Even Penelope’s attempt to coax you out for half-price sushi was unsuccessful because all you could think of was how, with your lack of luck, you’d end up choking on a spicy salmon roll and need to take a trip to the ER. Besides, why go out and drown your sorrows in sushi when you’d already been deep-diving into a carton of Breyer’s vanilla ice-cream all afternoon?

Unfortunately, the refreshing Wednesday of nothing turned out to be meaningless when you stepped out on Thursday and the first thing you’d walked out to that morning was a frozen car with about a foot of snow on top that you had to brush off with your gloveless hands because you’d let Penelope borrow your brush yesterday and she’d forgotten to put it back. Then there was a fly in your sandwich that you wouldn’t have even bought from the deli in the student center if you hadn’t opened the cabinet to an empty jar of peanut butter this morning. Next came the horrid grade you’d ended up getting on that surprise Monday exam. And to top it all off as the perfect mess, Binx decided he wanted to be an outdoor cat for the day and sneaked out the front door the very second you got home, leaving you to chase him up and down the apartment complex for thirty minutes too long.

And now it was Friday

And there was a plate of over-runny eggs and burnt toast sitting blandly in front of you.

And you were in the middle of getting dumped by a boy you’d wasted four months of your life on.

pairing: ethan dolan x reader

trope: college!ethan

“You really wanna do this?”

“Hell yeah. We got this!”

“I don’t know… maybe we should have Grayson come too? He’s a lot more responsible than us.”

“No, absolutely not. I’m not listening to him cry for the second year in a row about seeing Mars and her new boyfriend at the Christmas Eve party. We got enough of that already when we flew home for Thanksgiving and he kept worrying about running into her at the bar.”

“Ethan! Don’t be so rude, your brother’s heart is broken!”

“Ow! Jesus! Why do you have to pinch… swear to God, eight years of that shit and it still sucks.”

“Oh, stop being dramatic, you literally tackled me into a giant snow mound while we were walking home from the Student Center the other night because I asked if falling into it would feel like falling onto a puffy cloud.”

“I was testing the theory! Anyways, are you trying to tell me you aren’t sick of hearing Gray whine about Marianna? He’s literally been doing this to you since high school how could you not–”

“Oooo, is that your research paper for Anthro?!”

🥺😌

Part two to KIWI.

Summary: She’s having his baby and it’s “none of his bussniess,” or maybe it actually is? Does Andrea finally let Ethan in and what happens after she wakes up to blood?

Word count: 26.4k

Warnings: Miscarriage, Abuse. Maybe smut?

A/N: italics are flashbacks and texts.. this took me forever and its too long im sorry 

Thank you @erosdolan for the gif and beta reading!! ily.

————–

Her eyes are deceiving her. They have to be. An ambulance’s lights below are beaming into her window in inconsistent flickers that burn her tired, unadjusted eyes. That has to be the red she sees when she lifts her sheets.

Andrea rolls over and flips on the light that sits between her and Hannah’s beds. When the light fills every dark corner of the room, she notices her hands tremble violently. With fingers that feel as though they could sear through her skin, she peels her blanket back again. Her breath drops, the sheets definitely red, and then when she pulls down her underwear to look at them, also red. Dark red. Blood red.

“Oh, fuck. Oh my god. Oh my god.” Andrea lets go of her panties and places her hand over her belly, closing her eyes tight and wishing for the ignorance that is sleep to take her back. It’s a stupid, childish move that proves fruitless because Hannah rustles in her bed.

“No, no, no,” Andrea mumbles, every fleck and flush of color draining from her face. The rest of her skin starts to burn with her fingertips, and her heart palpitates in a way that feels as though it stops between beats.

Hannah jumps up, surveying the room before her concerned eyes land on Andrea. “What- what’s wrong?”

“It’s - I think..”

Hannah gets her footing steady, she moves closer and reaches to pull Andrea’s blankets from her. Andrea cries out, holding the sheets to her chest before Hannah manages to pry it from her grip.

“Oh, shit – I mean.. It’s not bad. It’s not that much blood. It’s okay,” Hannah’s usually confident voice teeters with uncertainty, only working to turn Andrea’s blood colder.

“Do you have cramping?”

Andrea shakes her head no.

“Okay, then you’re fine.”

“You’re not supposed to bleed while pregnant!”

“Fuck- I know, I know. Okay. Do we call an ambulance?”

Andrea’s silent as images flash in her mind of a child with her dark hair and Ethan’s nose; a baby with chubby hands and dark eyes that are wide and so curious for the world. She thinks of how often women say childbirth is the worst pain in the word, but that pain is always temporary, and it’s the most rewarding pain of all. She used to find that so fucking cheesy, but as she lay there now, she wants it for herself. She held a life in her hands, proof of it hanging from the fridge in a grainy black and white photo, and now she can feel it slipping through her fingers like sand on Myrtle Beach. She doesn’t want the last speck to fall away. It was just the beginning.

Then her mind wanders to her mother. As she sees her in her mind, she realizes how much she looks like her… The woman who was supposed to love her the most in the world, the same one who had a habit of telling her she would have been lucky if she bled like Andrea did now.

Maybe the world knew she would end up like the bitter woman who raised her.

Andrea refutes that idea — the world is wrong because Andrea has never loved anything more than the swell of her belly. Not New York, not the cat she had as a child, nothing… A scream pools at the back of her throat, begging to be released for the way life always seems to dangle things in front of you before snatching it away.

“Lets- let’s just get a cab, ambulances’ are expensive.” Hannah stutters. “I’m gonna call Ethan.”

Andrea’s eyes flick open. “Don’t.”

Hannah sighs; she’s poised to a fight, but when her eyes land on Andrea’s face, she sees something she’s never seen before: fear, and more shockingly, tears. So she bits her tongue of anything besides: “okay, let’s go. Can you walk?”

Andrea nods.

In the bathroom, Andrea chokes back sobs and hiccups as she changes her ruined underwear and adds a pad. Part of herself tells her to make it quick, but the other more considerable part knows what waits for her at the hospital, a goodbye she’s not ready for. And yet, she knows life won’t stand still for her no matter what she feels and that this is nothing but a speck of dust on the planet, so what else is there to do besides splash water on her face and hurry out?

Hannah leads Andrea down the stairs, whistling to the traffic when their feet touch pavement in front of their building. By some miracle, one of the yellow cabs slows and stops right before them. They rush down the rest of the steps and hop into the leather seats.  

“Where’s the nearest hospital?” Hannah asks.

“Lenox hill on the east side.”

“We’re going there.”

Hannah settles back into her seat and looks over to where Andrea’s head has lulled to rest on the glass that’s mucked up with fingertips and stickiness. Andrea just watches the lights and people and cars pass as they make their way to the hospital, losing count of how many intersections they fly by. However, she’s certain she can still feel herself bleeding, so she presses her eyes closed tightly and wills herself not to cry – gone were the silent tears, something heavier pooling deep within and she fears that if they start they may never stop.

She tells herself she’s okay, that life will go on, that she’s okay with what the doctors will say to her.

But Andrea finds that’s not her truth. Especially when the cabs halts and Hannah’s hurrying her out. The glass doors to the hospital slide open with sleek efficiency as a security guard sits by the door. The lights are bright and beam against the white floor. Andrea’s feet stop. They just stop.

She remembers the heartbeat that filled the room only a few weeks prior, and her tears slip to that rhythm. Her breath stuck in her chest, any air she sucks in feels deprived of oxygen. Andrea gasps, her hand clutching over her heart. “I need Ethan.” She exhales, growing louder, “I can’t - I can’t do this. I need-”

The staff must notice the scene playing out in the waiting room because suddenly, a wheelchair and three nurses are at her side.

“I can’t - he - I need,” she sobs. Ethan would understand the weight on her chest, he’s the only other person on earth who knew what she was losing, who also heard that steady beat. It would hurt him too, but there are some things in this life that you cannot bear alone.

Another first, as Andrea is gently moved into the wheelchair.

“Okay, okay,” Hannah shushes, pulling her phone from her pocket. “I’m gonna call him. I’m calling him.”

“It’s late, what if–”

“He’ll answer.”

The nurse with blonde hair squats, “what’s going on, can you tell me what’s happening?”

“I-I- I’m twelve weeks, and I woke up to bleeding.”

The nurse swallows. “Okay. Can we take you back and get you checked in, while your friend contacts who you need?”

Andrea nods. As they’re pushing her wheelchair, she hears Hannah exclaim Ethan’s name. She also hears the fear, the trembling in her voice.

Behind the door, her vision is a mess of white. The nurses ask her questions; if she answers them, she can’t recall. They take her blood pressure and her temperature. She thinks she hears them say all that is good.

Andrea sits in a white, cold room that she doesn’t remember being taken to. She remembers them saying something about taking her blood to check her hCG levels, but she does not remember them pushing the needle into her arm. She knew enough about pregnancy now to know that hCG is a pregnancy hormone, and it’s what they will use to tell her her baby is dying.

“Where is she?!” Ethan’s voice booms through the echoey corridors of the hospital. It’s the loudest Andrea has ever heard him speak, the urgency in his voice matching that of what she feels in her gut. Relief runs through her like icy water.

EthanDolan

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