Butterflies Are Free

You never learn who you are when everything goes right. I’ve stood up for myself so much over the past year or so. And it has mostly paid off. I’ve learned I’m much stronger and more capable than I thought possible. And I assume it’s this way for everyone if they really allow it to happen.

Things unknown What you were taught to fear Can share space with you Peacefully

A midnight parrot fish amongst friends. I’d never seen the blue and black beauty before. Knowing that in some places sea life still flourishes, sustains me. And as I get older I cherish my time at the sea more and more. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is given. Every day is different, especially at sea.

For people who say they don’t like to dance… I don’t comprehend. “Dancing” can incite fear in folks and I don’t understand why. Maybe it’s preconceived notions about what dancing actually is. Movement, of any kind, can be considered dancing. Pretty much everyone moves… swaying to a song or even to the wind I consider dancing. When I’m near the sea and I’m inspired to move… I consider it…

I’m starting this year out soft instead of strong. Yes, I have things that I want to work on this year, like more mindful eating and putting myself and my energy first. I am going to try hard not to lose sight of that, but I want to keep everything realistic and not overwhelming. I tend to put a lot on my to-do list each day, so I’m going to keep things to a manageable minimum, especially before…

… just wow. I’ve not been so impressed with a novel in a long time. Some of the different perspectives and time hopping left me a little disoriented and confused, but I’ve never been good with books not being more or less linear. Just how my brain is. I would be curious to see if others have had that same issue. This story is fiction but I would bet that something similar has occurred in “real…

I think I’m slowly recovering from my funk. But I don’t want to overdo it and overwhelm myself. I’m allowing myself alone time and rest. I have trouble enjoying the “now” sometimes, wishing I were farther along in my process. But somehow when I’m at sea that doesn’t seem to be an issue.

So. I thought maybe I was still just exhausted from this semester and then I realized … my melt down today was about scheduling. As it usually is, though sometimes in disguise. I had an opportunity to meet up for lunch with some people. A time wasn’t given. So I showered. Felt rushed. Then the place of rendezvous vous altered. But I was told: “It’s fine. We’re just shopping/not waiting in you.…

The last week has been filled with me grading finals papers/projects with next to no energy. The second to last final I graded really moved me. It was for my Human Sexuality course and the student presented on intimacy during hospice care, as she is a hospice worker. She emphasized how hospice isn’t just for older folks and she works with family’s of infants too and that for some folks, intimacy…

Grieving and CPTSD Healing

Even though I’ve intuitively known this… going through it my self has made it that much more real, and interesting. To heal from relational trauma, you have to grieve. May seem like, well, d’uh. But you might not realize all you have to grieve. It’s not just a recent relationship. It’s what you didn’t get that you needed from your parents. A missed opportunity in childhood to connect. To hone…

It feels like the day never started, at least not for me The inertia to get out of bed feels too great. Breaking up the bare minimum I have to do Into smaller chunks Still feels like too much. The prompt for today was what could I do less of? I’m not sure I could do less or be less today. I haven’t done much of anything. Graded a couple papers was all I could really manage and attend…