gilgamesh cinematic universe

here at frito lays company building, we have always belueved that organic life is aplague upon this world that must be eradicated at all costs

I maintain awareness in all the places I've spilt blood. There is a gravel stone in my driveway growing up where I ate shit as a preteen, there are a thousand thousand bandages mouldering in landfills. Every time a wave crashes on the beach in Maui, a piece of coral jiggles and I lose my concentration on the moment. It is all so aggravating

my family says we have a similar thing going on but luckily im above that. never bled

Come closer

the next dark souls game will have ai-generated attack patterns so you can't cheese the game by memorizing boss movesets

the next bloodborne game will make you an old one therian so you get crippled by dysphoria during the moon presence fight and can't focus

the next elden ring game will have radahn's ghost mean mugging you on the character creation menu to make you scared/horny depending. either way you'll be distracted and build your character poorly

the next sekiro game will stab you with a katana in real life

english major macklemore: i read your granddad’s prose

therapist macklemore: i hear your granddad’s woes

coffee enthusiast macklemore: i drink your granddad’s joes

body mod shop owner macklemore: i pierce your granddad’s nose

pizza chef macklemore: i knead your granddad’s doughs

television network executive macklemore: i make your granddad’s shows

wildlife rehabilitator macklemore: i feed your granddad’s crows

blanket maker macklemore: i knit your granddad’s throws

sir mackle the more, knight of the great kingdom of seattle: i slay your granddad’s foes

rapper macklemore: i spit your granddad’s flows

love how dog breeds are described as like "this breed was developed from a landrace of working dogs that is five hundred years old and noted for its nobility of spirit," and cat breeds are like "this breed was developed in the 1970s from three cats found in a sewer drain in Singapore"

like I may hem and haw over it but like yeah I gotta know what power or horrible mutation I'd get

It’s fine, if you’re super worried about the effects you can always take half and see how you feel, and then take the other half later :)

The author must have been eating woodland salad, candied acorns, turnip pie, plum-cakes, bilberry tarts, arrowroot shortbread, and glazed maple shoots, and drinking flagons of October ale and raspberry cordial when they wrote this