𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑨𝑿. 𝑰'𝑴 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑫

“We owe it to the people who died alongside us. 

                 𝐶𝐿𝐴𝐼𝑅𝐸 𝑅𝐸𝐷𝐹𝐼𝐸𝐿𝐷  from  the  𝑹𝑬𝑺𝑰𝑫𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑳  franchise.  𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑑  𝑏𝑦  𝐶𝐴𝐿𝐼.

“Just read this fucker and take it to court.”

“Tone down your depositions, A-hole.” 

“He may be a buffoon and a fool, but by God he was innocent.”

*grumble grumble* “Sexist bastards.” 

“I don’t want to come into work without teeth!”

“That asshole better stop fucking with my client or else I’m gonna…”

“There are only two pears left. I’m naming them Adam and Eve.”

“Organic seaweed? What the hell is organic seaweed?”

“You asking me fishing?… fuck YES I’m there!”

“When the weather gets hot, I just step out on my back porch and pour water over my head for an hour or two. Works every time.”

“He is an artist. Use of Comic Sans in legal documents is his creative outlet.”

“Throw some Wingdings on that shit.”

“What does a person have to do to get a fucking cob salad around here?” 

“I’m trying to decide if I should go insane and body-pump or go home and sleep.”

“You can’t just ring a bell, un-ring it, and then ring it again.”

“We lost. We lost big time. But it’s okay. I’m good. It’s cool. I’ve got whiskey. I’m good.”

*applying lipstick to go to the gym* “What kind of a crazy woman wears lipstick to the gym??”

“Are you going to shut up and FISH today?” 

“Do you know of any pet friendly cafes? I’m meeting an attorney tomorrow and he’ll have his non-service hunting dog along. Don’t ask why.”

“Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”

“Keto diet? Is that like for chemo? Ohmygod do you have cancer?!??”

“I don’t have a circle on mine. Where’s my circle?”

“Don’t judge my printouts. Paper is a renewable resource.”

“The stapler has been compromised.” 

“You know that one case? The one with the person from the company whose doing some crazy stuff?”

“I wasn’t fishing. I was lawyer-ing. Much less exciting.”

“For a priest, he’s kind of an asshole.”

“Brownies and bourbon? Sounds like my kinda party!”

GENERAL

“Can you walk?”

“How did this happen?”

“What the hell happened?”

“I hit my head.”

“Did you hit your head?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Don’t close your eyes, stay awake!”

“Come on, stay with me!”

“No no no no no!”

“You shot me!”

“I didn’t mean to shoot you!”

“You stabbed me!”

“I didn’t mean to stab you!”

“Take the knife out!”

“Don’t take the knife out!”

“It was an accident!”

“That/this wasn’t an accident!”

“That looks broken.”

“I think my leg/arm is broken.”

“That doesn’t look good.”

“Am I going to die?”

“You’re not going to die!”

“Calm down!”

“Don’t panic!”

“I can’t help you if you don’t let me!”

BLOOD

“Are you bleeding?”

“Don’t move, you’re bleeding.”

“Is that blood?”

“Whose blood is that?”

“That’s a lot of blood.”

“Do you know how to get bloodstains out?”

“Why do you know how to get bloodstains out?”

“Damn, I got blood on my shirt.”

“Don’t move, you’re losing blood!”

“I won’t let you bleed out!”

“You have blood on your face.”

“I swear to god, if you get blood on me…”

“What’s your blood type?”

“Why in the hell would you need to know my blood type?”

WOUNDS

“That cut is nasty.”

“You have a massive gash in your arm/leg!’

“Don’t touch it!”

“Don’t move, you’ll only make it worse!”

“I’ll get some bandages.”

“You’re going to need stitches.”

“That looks infected…”

“Did you get bit by something?”

“There’s no exit wound, the bullet is still in you.”

“There’s an exit wound, the bullet went through you.”

AFTERCARE

“How are you feeling?”

“How does it feel?”

“It’s still not healed, but it’s getting there.”

“Let’s go home.”

“I just want to go home.”

“Let’s get you into the bathtub.”

“We need to change your bandages soon.”

“Get some sleep, okay?”

“You need to eat something, you’ve been through a lot today.”

“I’ll check up on you in a bit.”

#he will