Sofolofo Efen Efefefe

When you reach the point where things are finally somewhat okay and you still feel like something's missing, you begin to wonder whether the problem wasn't really you all along, after all.

You manage to land a decent job, fall in love with by far the most compatible person you've ever met and are fortunate enough to have him correspond with emotions as intense and true as you've ever known... but still, something is missing.

Things are finally okay, the disparity seems to have softly vanished for now.

Family relations are as good as they've ever been and friendships are still solid, despite the hectic schedules and the distances.

Being displaced is honestly not that traumatic at the moment; sure, it eats at you like acid- burning away any sense of stealth, but you still feel able to do for self, somehow.

The problem?

The noise.  The change.  Better yet, the speed of it.  

It's suffocating.

And you can't keep up.

It's too much to take in at once- you don't have to be alone through it either, but it's what you know and take comfort in, and so you push.

Push, shove, reject, expunge, away.

Assistance away.

Is it possible one can be immersed in misery for so long that once things begin to stabilize, you cannot thrive in the cheer?

I don't get it.  Do we cower at the light after being chained to the cave for so long?  Are we choosing to remain in the dark?  Is the light consuming at us so rapidly that we become engulfed in fire, hoping to get burned but instead we end up surrounded by blinding light?  If at least we were burned, we'd know that our original truths did not conceal lies- all things really are as bleak as we play them out to be.  

But no, here we find ourselves lost in the lure of the shining light.  So intense the effects that we are left blind.  Instead of finding comfort in it, like we once thought while plastered to the cave, we confusingly find paranoia and chaos.

Not all that shines promise is so.

Would it then be lunacy to revert to the cave?  If we find that the light is too much to handle, if we loose ourselves in it and feel so vacant towards what has taken place in the self anew, what is there to quest for, really?

Met a guy.  He has manners.  And a college degree.  Therefore not a total nimrod.

His initials are DC, which are very fitting because he's a geek, and I think of DC Comics when I think of him, haha.

I will love him if he promises to love me back.

With the river I go

Flowing with the water

Seeping in the toxins

Of nature's release.

I flow, flow, flow

Trinkle like the rivulets

To the arms of uncertain affections

Pretending that I am permanent

In your eye's desire.

Does it matter,

Your chauvanism?

No-

That which flows knows no lines;

Wiggle, wiggle, feeble, feeble

The lines blur and I am yours

Open to your brutish sense of feeling,

Secrecy never before so appealing.

Erratic as the waves that crash

When the Earth thunders and the world shakes,

My movement varies by the way that you move-

It's the feeling of water in a vessel,

Flowing with the curves and folding at the ridges;

You build a wall and then build bridges.

Seems like your sense of loving is more like

Stagnation-