erbear

so what do i do? regrettably, i did play into the dynamic a little last night, so i'm toning it back today. i just don't know how to tell him this, i can see how strong his feelings are.

needs editing i know i know its a few months old and v rushed k bye

but the girl who lies above it tonight finally knows what it means to feel seen.

consumption is intrinsically all-pervasive, to the point that consumption itself, consumes. sylvia plath's fig tree analogy resonated with me so deeply that i taped it behind my headboard, her words haloing me as i sleep. the relatability of her prose provides a certain comfort - a sense of familiarity in which i am enveloped as i slip out of consciousness. i too am haunted by the desire to read every book, watch every film, pursue every career; the desire to consume. yet i find myself paralysed by the enormity of this ever-expanding potentiality. i've spent countless hours staring at the ceiling, painting my nails, organising, wasting precious time better spent approaching the ongoing list of media i long so profoundly to experience. no task is truly enjoyable when tainted by the knowledge of time's finitude, but the normality of that discomfort makes it the easier option; the more natural. we instinctively seek refuge in the familiar. only by putting in the effort to resist that instinct may we fulfil our desires. achieve true comfort. freedom. but these days i am too tired for such effort.