whatever

i'm going to finish the book before summer, im going to finish the steps, im going to move to la in the fall....

today was the last day of renfrew iop and feeling weird about it, like part sad because i don’t want to leave everyone, part happy to move, part like disassociating because i can’t even process the feedback from everyone and this major transition. I’m feeling grateful though for the whole experience though because treatment was so hard and recovery is really hard but my life felt so bleak for so long after i stopped drinking and i have like one shred of hope for a future now.

prayers to fully surrender this time

also not like i don’t hate myself now i was just more unaware of it then lol

when i read what i wrote on here in 2022 i feel incredibly cringed out by myself and crazy judgmental but also deeply sad because i was so sick and lowkey hated myself so much and too prideful to ever ask for help

i feel like joan didion in goodbye to all that when she talked about being a bitch because she didn’t like new york anymore