Epic Mischief of the Mind

ETA: It would help if I linked the vid we used.

Agent K:

Ross opens the show by mentioning the boys’ popularity with their fans on their recent tour, including Liam getting his pants stolen in Australia. Liam starts telling the story about how he caught a girl peering around his hotel room door, threw on some jogging pants and rushed out onto the balcony - hence the tabloid photos of him that appeared, “showing his pubes” as Louis puts it. Louis also said he didn’t know that the pants-theft and the tabloid pics happened at the same time, to which Liam replied “It was at the exact same time, I’m sure it was a set-up”. While that may have been a throwaway joke, it does seem very convenient. Especially when Liam continues to say his bodyguard later recognised his pants when he saw a girl wearing them on the beach (“I don’t know why he knew they were mine because that’s a bit strange.” Louis - “but that’s a different story, I suppose...”) and he subsequently got them back.

Indeed, the whole setup of that incident seems off. What celebrity under constant paparazzi surveillance hangs his underwear out to dry on his balcony wall where anyone could photograph (or steal) them? What floor was his balcony on and who was the girl who got close enough to open his door and peer inside while he was sleeping? Where did she go when he ran outside? Why didn’t he pull his joggers up properly before going onto the balcony?

The boys joke it was a setup, but are they really kidding or is that an elaborate double-bluff? Certainly if the story as they tell it is true, someone on their security staff has a number of questions to answer (not least about how he recognised Liam’s underwear!) and it still doesn’t explain why his bandmates wouldn’t know - until Liam decided to mention it on the Jonathan Ross Show - that the tabloid pics were linked to the theft, when surely both events must have been the talk of the tour bus.

  Ross then moves on to relationships, asking who on tour is most popular with the ladies. All the boys look centre, towards Harry and Niall. Harry points to Niall, who ‘reluctantly’ raises his arm, the others then follow by indicating him, to general amusement. Niall is the baby, not the sex symbol, the move is jokey (in a friendly way) and also neatly deflects any further interrogation of the others. (Well, of Harry, as he’s the only other one who claims to be single.)

Then follows the obvious question about which members of the band are in relationships. Note the look between Harry and Louis as Louis raises his hand.

Drew: One thing about body language, the feet are the last thing people think of when looking for tell-tale signs of truth, but they’re the most honest parts of the body. When you’re impatient or want to be somewhere other than where you are, your feet move, whether it’s pointing toward the door/place you want to be, or jiggling. The ones on the spot—Zayn, Liam, and Louis in this instance—are going to be the ones to react to the question. And Louis’ feet are pointed in Harry’s direction. Obviously, not right at Harry, because that would just be awkward, but as close as they can be while still appearing relaxed. Louis’ not talking about El. Not to mention the look they share. Mmhmmm.

Agent K:

When talking about relationships, Ross conspicuously uses the word ‘partner’ throughout. While that might be in deference to Zayn’s fiancée (as opposed to girlfriend) still his repeated use of gender-neutral expressions seems overly conscious.

For example at 3.45, Ross says Harry is “democratic about spreading the love around”— the reaction is interesting as the camera focuses on Harry’s face, he gives a resigned laugh as he realises where the question is going, lowers gaze (closes eyes [Drew: which notoriously indicate avoidance of something unpleasant]), shakes head, covers eyes [Drew: avoiding again] with hand and bows his whole body down and away [Drew: a self-protective gesture]. Niall has been sitting leaning towards Harry with arm around him behind the sofa, Zayn is leaning towards Ross with his arm also over the sofa, the two of them bracketing Harry. At this question when Harry ducks away Zayn repositions himself away from Ross and towards Harry to create a barrier (and rises right out of his seat to do so) in clearly defensive/protective gesturing. The boys are laughing but they’re also guarded.

Ross continues with the questioning, however: “You seem to have a lot of love to give and you’re happy to share it with a lot of people, but at the same time you seem to have a very broad area, uh, catchment area of people you would choose to give your love to. Which is a nice thing, I think it shows you in a great light and also means you have a lot of elderly fans who think they stand a chance as well and that’s a good thing [laughter] but are you looking for someone -- who’s the girl who’s gonna -- {unintelligible -- “I can’t say”?} -- what are you looking for in a partner, if indeed you’re looking for a regular partner right now?”

A lot of that phrasing is overly-euphemistic and used to amuse the audience (‘broad catchment area’ for example, rather than saying he’s been linked to a lot of older women) but it’s also very carefully worded - the repeated use of ‘seem’, for example, implies that Ross doesn’t necessarily believe the press; that appearances may be deceptive. Also the use of his pronouns -  ‘people’ as opposed to girls or women; indeed, the only time he uses a gendered pronoun he stops himself and changes it to ‘partner’.

There’s of course another interpretation of “broad catchment area of people” - that Ross isn’t talking just about age, but about gender, intimating that Harry is bisexual.

Harry’s reply is neutral: (rubs nose [Drew: which is a self-comforting gesture]) “Um, I dunno, I think, (.) I think you just kinda (.) know when you (.) find someone (.) I guess I think (.) just someone who’s nice.” [shrugs]

Note all the pauses - indicated by (.) - which suggest how much he’s over-thinking what he’s saying. He’s basically pausing every two or three words for the duration of what is a very short and simple sentence, implying there’s far more going on internally than the answer would suggest. He’s hesitant and uncertain, and also uses lots of qualifiers - ‘I think’, ‘I guess’, repeated four times  - which are also generally used when someone wants to distance themselves from their words, and are particularly noted both in female speech (allegedly because women are less assertive than men) and when someone is lying. While I don’t necessarily believe Harry is lying here (it’s a very generalised statement he’s making) his caution suggests he’s worried he’s going to be caught out in his words, a conclusion reinforced by the additional way he distances what he’s saying from his own experience - he turns a direct question about himself into a generalisation by using ‘you’ - “You know when you find someone...”. And, as always, he carefully sticks to gender-neutral pronouns.

During his answer Niall and Zayn are both in shot: Niall’s gaze is fixed down, his expression very still like he’s trying not to react to Harry’s words; Zayn starts by giving Harry a very small smile then looks away, his expression fixed, then he keeps moving his head like he doesn’t know where to look - odd behaviour for someone usually calm and still.

Louis laughs loudly then apologises as Harry’s speech ends and they move back into humour, Niall saying “that’s always a good start” [i.e. someone being ‘nice’].

Ross - “Well that’s why I think you need to have a bigger list of things you’re looking for [laughter - led by Louis] because most of them are nice at first, aren’t they, most of the people you meet are pretty nice at first. So are you not looking for any particular thing [like what???(Drew: like a twig and berries)] or...” (prompting response)

Harry - “Um...” (looks away)

Note again the gender-neutral pronouns Ross uses.

Ross continues to say Harry has dated more high-profile partners (that word!) than any of the other guys and Harry responds, “I guess so.” Again it’s distancing language, is he just being modest (especially with Zayn’s fiancée being a celebrity in her own right), or is it because they were never really his girlfriends? Ross asks if he’s worried the high-profile women he’s been linked with will badmouth him. Harry responds “I’m friends with them, if that’s what you mean” - is that all he ever was? Are they speaking at cross purposes?

Ross then changes over to Naill, noting that he’s “under the radar a bit compared to Harry, we don’t know much about your private life.” Again maybe it’s a throwaway (although I doubt it, Jonathan Ross is a canny interviewer) but it does highlight the vast difference between the media attention Harry gets and that the others have. Perhaps that really is because Harry chooses to date high-profile women at high-profile venues, but is it really likely? Surely anyone would want a bit of privacy when entering a new relationship, rather than have a string of romantic failures splashed across the tabloids? And surely if you were the management company of a celeb who was supposed to be squeaky-clean so he could appeal to the pre-adolescent market and he seemed unable to keep it in his pants when women old enough to be his mother were around, you’d do something about that rather than let such behaviour (and the accompanying negative press) continue?

The interview moves on to those who are in relationships:

Ross - “Let me ask if you’re romantic souls, those of you who are in relationships. Do you do romantic things for your partners?”

Zayn - I try to. Do nice things like cook her dinner.

Louis - I’ve only ever cooked one meal, that was pretty nice [he emphasises this word], er, chicken, wrapped in Parma ham, stuffed with mozzarella [says this with actions from earlier interviews]

Liam - “stuffed” [repeats Louis’ slightly aggressive - sexual? - action for the word]

Louis - yeah, stuffed Liam, that’s what Jamie Oliver said

Liam - [repeats ‘stuffed’ with action, even more aggressively amid general laughter.]

Louis - with a big scoop of homemade mash - winner!

Ross - that seems like quite an aggressive stuffing you were giving that...

Louis - this guy [Liam] just got angry... I don’t know

This exchange is interesting firstly for the resurrection of Louis’ romantic dinner story (which was officially cooked for Eleanor, but I believe we established in an earlier analysis that he was telling this story before he even met her...) and Louis uses exactly the same actions to represent the different parts of the meal in this interview as he did in the French one. At the time we noted those actions - and the way Harry joined in, clearly knowing them - indicated an ongoing story that the boys were telling; Louis’ romantic attempts had clearly become part of his repertoire. That would perhaps not be so surprising near the time of the event, yet here he is years later, telling the same story with the same actions. It’s still a part of his repertoire and that the other band members are familiar with the story enough to have made a punchline out of the ‘stuffed’ action implies it’s something they are all still used to hearing.

Every couple has those sort of stories that they tell time and again, but usually they’re marked by being told together (generally one partner defending themselves while the other ridicules). It might be a funny story Louis told the others at the time, but unless they spent a great deal of time with Eleanor as a group, why would they all still be hearing/telling the story about the time Louis cooked dinner for her? Unless, of course, it wasn’t really her that he cooked the dinner for, but someone else they all spend a great deal of time with - Harry.

Also note that despite Zayn first answering the question by talking specifically about Perrie, Louis doesn’t mention who the meal was cooked for. Given his relationship with Eleanor is no secret, you’d think he’d mention her by name once or twice. The other most noteworthy thing to take from this part of the interview - and the thing that also suggests it was indeed Harry the dinner was cooked for - is Louis’ emphasis of the word ‘nice’ coming immediately after Harry said (in a very roundabout way) that he knew he’d found the person for him because they were nice.