Not your typical hero story

I've been wanting to put all my hopes and frustrations into one post, pero di ko alam kung pano ko sisimulan. Right now I'm still awake, thinking about the past 9 months na we've known each other. The roller coaster ride that we've been through. I'm contemplating if all the sacrifices, all the experiences, all of it was worth it...

We've never really had a great start. The first time we met each other, parehos tayong naiinis sa isa't isa. Iaiinis ako kasi napaka mapride mo and wala kang cooperation. naiinis ka sakin kasi feeling mo papansin ako and iresponsible. Magkikita tayo sa sa hallways ng pen, babatiin kita pero naiinis ka. Back then in my eyes cute ka sana, kaso ang sungit mo.

Then one day inask ng friend ko to ge Rivkas number. You were there pala when I did it, and yu assumed na I liked her. You had this idea to hook us when you invited me for a movie marathon sa condo nyo. But that night, instead of me and Riv hooking up, it was the two of us who did. Di ko din alam kung bakit ko nagawa yun, ika din siguro malabo sa isip mo kung bakit ngyari yun. Basta all I know is that everything fell into he right place that night.

Although at first, inisip ko lang na it as just a mistake. Inisiip ko why would I hook u with someone like you, di naman kita type. Back then I was in love with someone else, and ikaw, di ko takaga alam what's in your mind that time. Inisip ko dala lang yun ng alcohol.

Ayaw ko mag inlove sayo.

Bakit namna ako maiinlove sayo diba? Why would I even think of falling for you eh di nga ikaw yung type ko, you are the complete opposite of my dream girl. Pinagtatawanan ko lang talaga yung idea na yun for 2 months. T tell you the truth I played with you, sinakyan ko lang yung kadramahan mo nung December hanggang January. Why? Kasi bored ako. Yup, true that.

But then, I saw something in you. I saw that deep sadness. Alam ko outside, you're this happy, childlike intern na binababy ng lahat. But, I fet that sadness na di ko ma explain inside of you. Originally I intended lang to remove that sadness and make you happy.But everyday na makita kita sa Pen, everyday na tayo magkausap sa phone. Unti unti di ko namalayan na I'm starting to like you. 

But still rinereject ng utak ko yung idea na yun. Ayaw ko takaga to fall for you, i ikaw yung type ko, di ikaw yung dream girl ko. Takot din ako sa sasabihin ng friends ko noon.

Pagtatawanan nila yung idea na nag fall ako sayo.

Yes, pag rinerelate nila ako sayo noon, natatawa ako, sabi ko "Tropa, bored lang talaga ako" pero at the back of m mind, I was guilty na I was indeed falling for you. Everytime dadaan ka, I can't help but look at you. Inaabangan kita pumasok or umuwi. Sinasamahan kita hintayin sundi mo sa Service Entrance. 

After that I was decided, "Shit, I'm inlove with Dani" kahit anong gawin kong pigil, wala talaga. Everytime makikita ko eyes mo, yung smile mo, maririnig ko yang voice mo, my heart skips a beat.

Soon after, we started dating, pinagiipunan ko yun, 1 week na baon ko yun pero I don't mind. I was really happy. Back then, gustong gusto ko talaga pag hawak ko hands mo, I felt secure and at ease. Pero I felt na you never really made me a priority ack then, pero for me ok lang. As long as nakakasama and nakakausap kita.

Pero may mga instances na biglang nagbabago mood mo, tiniis ko yun, hinayaan lang kita, naintindihan ko na you're always sick that time. Tiniis ko lahat ng words. Napaisip ako nun "Bakit ko ba itutuloy to eh putangina di ko naman takaga type to" pero I always ended up coming back to you.

February was the happiest month for me. Lagi tayo magkasama, magkausap. At that point diba galing tayo sa isang big problem? Pero you pinatawad mo ko.

Di ko makakalimutan yung Feb 13, hinantay kita sa MRT to give you flowers.Then ater natin magpunta ng Pen nag lunch datetayo. We took crazy photos DP mo pa nga sa Twitter yung pc na yun now diba?

After, birth month mo na.. March. Ganun a rin tayo, laging magkausap, magkasama. Nagbigay ka ng wshlist mo sa birthday mo na almost impossible to do. Ang nabigay ko lang sayo yung Pens tsaka organizer na.. fave color mo. pink. we watched a movie that month, went out again and again. You went to Chine for 1 week, and I felt that I waas lost for 1 week. Pero, on that 1 week you told me something na di ko pa narinig sayo ever.

"I miss you!!!"

I treasured those words. Akala ko you were developing this feeling for me na. But you went home, we went out then ganun pa rin. 

You had summer classes, di tayo nagkita for 5 weeks. Pero we keept on talking sa phone. When something random came up bigla ka nalang tatawag. Every night magkausap tayo. THose moments talagang important for me, I felt na you were finally opening up your heart.

Mali pala ako.

Birthday ko, ikaw yung unang tumawag sakin, pero di mo ko binati kasi diba nahihiya ka? Pero I was super hapy back then, nasa cloud 9 ako. Sobrang saya ko hanggang pagising. Then magkasama pa tayo on my birthday. We talked about the future. That moment will always be memorable sakin. 

Pero 2 days after, I failed to keep my promise sayo. Di ko taaga magets ani gusto mo paabasin when you made me do that promise. Alam mo naman na di ko kaya i fullfill yun diba? Ano ba taaga ang gusto mo mangyari that day? Nagaway nanaman tayo nun.

After that 1 month na tayo di nagkita, ay 2 months pala almost. Nagkita tayo recently lang when I gave you cupcakes 

Bakit ganito?

Dani, di ko lang talag magets kug bakit ganyan ka. Di ko alam kung ano ba tingin mo sakin. Di ko alam kung pnipigilan mo lang emotions mo, nag prereptend ka ba not to care, or talaga you just don't care about me?

Feeling ko kahit kelan di mo na appreciate lahat ng ginawa ko for you. Yung mga small efforts. Your eyes are always at the bigger prize. Pero di mo nakikita na I'm always here for you, na di kita iiwan. Na I'm waiting kung kelan ka maging ready to open up your heart for me.

I was always taken for granted.

Di ko maiwasan isipin na ganito nga yung sitwasyon. Option mo lang ako. Totoo ba? Bakit di mo ko matanggap as I am, even as a friend? Bakit ba gusto mo baguhin yung mga bagay na nag dedefine kung sino ako? Ano? Para maging kapareho ko yung Ex mo?

Dani, I don't want to change. Kung ayaw mo sakin, just say it to me. Masakit pero tatanggapin ko.

Bakit ba ganyan yung pag treat mo sakin? Para akong bata na nanghihingi ng atensyon. Bakit ba ang sakit mo magsalita sakin?Bakit ang feeling ko ang tingin mo sakin napaka walang kwenta? Why do you hate me so much? 

Ang dami kong tanong na gusto ko masagot. Gusto ko maliwanagan, pero aya mo ibigay yung answers. I'm doing everything for you but in tur, parang laht mali, lahat di enough. ANd then yung ibang tao parang napaka perfrct fr you. Friends mo, other guys na sinasabi mo mag gusto sayo. I FEEL LIKE SHIT dahil sayo. 

Pero di ko magawang iwan ka.

Napakatanga ko. Sabi nga ni ng mga friends ko bakit pa ko nagpupumilit pumasok sa buhay mo. Ang dami daw nagkakagusto sakin na magaganda ikaw ang pinili ko. Bakit? Kasi mahal na mahal kita. Alam ko I'm not rich, I'm not you dream guy. I'm not pleasing for you, that's what you make me feel. Pero I'm that guy whose willing to do everything for you, kasi di ko kaya mawala ka sa buhay ko.

Ikaw lang yung babae na kaya kong hinatyin kahit gano pa katagal. Ikaw lang yung girl na kaya ko tiisin na saktan ako ng paulit ulit, tanga na kung tanga. Ikaw lang yung babae na nakapagpasulat sakin ng ganito kahaba. Ikaw yung babae na I want to spend my future with.

Di ko na alam kung pano ko tatapusin to, basta I want to vent out my emotions for tonight. Sana lang alam mo lahat to Dani.

Please don't let me go.

Spam your facebook timeline with your conversations with simsimi. Don't be a fool please? You are the one who taught the application on how to respond to your question and yet you screen cap it just to look like your convo was epic?

Thy shall not post a picture of yourself while taking a bite of the latest fad... MAGNUM. Please? First, there was the starbucks jologs, and now, there's the Magnum jologs... is it the first time you ate an ice cream bar?

 La lang naisipan ko lang magpost ng mga napamili ko todaaay

Drop Dead Shirt

Varsity Jacket

Flip Flops

Other reasons why di na ko nakakapag blog, madami akong pinuntahang happenings, especially last last week? Tama ba? Oo last last week nga yata? Here's some of those:

Up Fair Wednesday- LoveRage (VJ Joyce, Saab magalona or Madelaine of Paraluman? Tought choice chaps!)

Live5 Glorietta- (Jess Bowen, Jordan Witzigreuter or John Gomez? Tough choice, specially when sexuality is on the line, NAAH just kidding)

UP Fair Saturday (Shit just got real, Up Dharma Down, Urbandub, Silent Sanctuary, Moonstar 88, PNE, Kamikazee, Chicosci, Typecast? What more can I ask for?)

A handful of dates, yah know a single guy like me should hang out with single girls WAHAHAH! *evil laugh... naah not a chance

HOHOL (hang out hang out lang) with friends

AHAHA Putangina guys I missed you! HAHAHAHAH! Nothing much, been busy for months kaya ayun hiatus kuno! AWW sa mga Bulacan peeps sorry di ako nakapunta ng meet up, may date este may appointment ako nun ehh! HAHA Sorry talaga! :))))

Depends on the source, I don't trust Filipino news programs, BIASED

NEW GIRL!

 I would like to make this one last post for someone. Before, I said that I just like her. Now I'm not afraid to say... Yes, I will admit it, I feel that it's just not a liking, not a crush, not just an admiration. I love her.

 I love everything about her, her recently dyed red short hair that goes perfect with her face. Her fine body, the way she walks as she keep my heart on her sleeves. The way she says hello to me every time we would meet each other by accident at the corridor. The way she smiles as she tries so make her eyes chinked for me. The way she moves, as she dances her way slowly into my heart.  Even though it seems that she's not the most beautiful girl I've met, everything she does compliments her and makes her more beautiful in my big, gleaming eyes.

For a boy that seldom experiences loving someone, because most of the time I waste my time complaining about the world, bragging about my little accomplishments and savoring every moment of my life, this experience made me a believer. A believer in love, which once I already given up.

Frustrations have been creeping under my skin lately, maybe because I am angered by the totality of myself. recently I started asking my self why am I like this. I'm a coward... I can't gather my strength and tell to you straightly and with conviction how much I love you. I can only wish everytime I see you striding from the window of our cold classroom.

The tough part of being a friend to you, even if you are this close to me, I can't even be with you. My position maybe one of the nearest from you, but also the farthest. I can't confess how my heart shatters every time you tell me something about your love, how you admire him, and how you force yourself about  in believing on something that doesn't exist.

As one friend told me, I'm not in the right position in embittering myself, fistly because we're just friend, the'res nothing happening between us, second is I'm not making any move in making this possible. Fvck, I'm a loser.

If only I can loan your heart (this doesn't sound right HAHA!) well whatever. You already have mine, up on your sleeves without even knowing it. 

The lesson I learned from past experiences is that you don't need to wait for a right timing for things. There's no such thing as destiny, and nothing will be served in a silver platter, you must earn it. Maybe I need to move already before someone will return the favor to you. if that happens, there's no one to blame but me, for my weakness. If I don't have the courage to tell you everything, will I have the courage to stand up for you? I guess not.

Yesss, true that. I'll be resting this blog for a little. These past months, my blog suffered from giving it's readers "quality post". Maybe because naging busy ako, sa kung san san.

This blogs have been the "haven" of my thoughts for the last couple of years. Naging kasama ko to nung panahon na I'm broken, panahon na masaya ako, panahon na umigbig ulit ako, panahon na nagtanga tangahan ako. Lahat na, this blog is one of my "best friends", maybe because mas amdami siyang alam about me than my real friends HAHA! (sarcastic laugh)

Bakit nga ba wala na akong ma post na matino? Hmmm ewn? Maybe because I've found friends na sasama sakin through the hardship of times, na pwede na akong mag open sa kanila without being awkward or something. Also because my was caught by someone special to me. Wala na kong ma post dahil lagi nyang occupied ang utak ko... hehehe ang corny right?

Those who've been with me through my ups and downs, yun mga naging friends ko dito, sobrang dami to mention actually, na nakasama ko din in real life, salamat sa inyo! DI nyo alam kung pano kayo nakaapekto sa buhay ko... SRSLY!

Salamat sa lahat ng bumasa, nakiramay, nagpasaya sa kin from this Tumblr community. Kahit marami na sa kanila nag quit na rin ata dito sa Tumblr, err 2 years na nga pala akong nag bloblog.

Napagiwanan na yung blog ko by the new breed of Tumblr users, even thoughdon't know if it's good or bad. Hmmm I think it's on the bad side.

When I first started blogging, I was fascinated becayuse of the knowledge na nakuha ko from the pioneer bloggers dito, napaka rich ng ideas na na iimpart nila sakin, which made me what I am as a blogger, although this account is kinda random. But recently, Tumblr community in the Philippines suffered from lack of substance, issues, awayan, pasikatan. Puro blog about existing issues, puro about sex, puro about ganoon. Nakakaumay, nakakasawa, iyan ba talaga ang gusto nyong i impart na knowledge sa followers nyo? Diba may responsibilty tayo na bigyan sila ng proper knowledge at wag maging bad influence sa kanila.

Kung imemessgae nyo ko at sasabihin nyo na "blog ko to, so what" it's too late, di ko na gagamitin tong blog na to for at least... I don't know, maybe a year?. Yun lang :)) Don't be mad at me...

Someone named Jessica, elem days, she's pretty, super fair, super red lips, chinita.. Oh my!

Coffee!

Friends, pero mas gusto ko mag isa

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