I’ve Been On This Godforsaken Website Too Long

The youth are lost

This is art

honestly given my parents whole [gestures vaguely] i am actually incredibly well adjusted

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

The Star Maker, exhibiting his collection of cosmoses: “This Universe, in its dying epoch, achieved the creation of the transcendent Soul of All, to behold its Creator and the eternal truth of its existence, before passing peacefully into sleep. This universe invented the Infinitely Recursive Reverse Quantum Hyperblowjob then froze to death in the void. Not sure what happened there, to be honest.”

story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”

My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.

I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.

My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????

whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird

when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end

i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now

whenever anyone picks up my daughter or she goes upstairs, she announces “I ASCEND” it’s the best thing

@kaity–did I nominate teaching Penny “I ASCEND”

Penny’s go to is “MAKE ME TALL”

shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

As is tradition in tumblr culture the locals unearth the corpse of a long deceased figure and drag it across the streets merrily, laughing at what is preserved of the person’s words. This custom, seen as morbid in other cultures, is instead done gleefully and with an unmatched enthusiasm

"New Yorkers bite more people than sharks annually" is an excellent example of how statistics can be misleading. Like yeah no shit, do you have any idea how rare it is to even encounter a shark in the wild? They're not exactly urban animals. I'm pretty damn sure that if sharks were living in big cities like pigeons, just strolling down the streets looking for food scraps, you'd see a lot more news stories about New Yorkers biting them.

this is actually like my third or fourth rodeo so i sort of get it but sort of dont

in some ways worse than my first rodeo cause i feel like i should be better at it by now

just gonna start killing people i dont find funny

shut the fuck up

People will talk about Tumblr's amazing hatemail game but its person to person reply game is equally unhinged.

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

it wasn't "some reason", it was 2D animators being unionized and 3D not being unionized. and the simple truth that capitalism kills art.

"A society that separates its lore masters from its horny posters will have its headcanons written by prudes and its erotic fanfic by fools."