bisous

YN had known that Harvey was going to propose to Yasmin for a while, so she wasn’t too shocked when the announcement photo went up on Instagram, or when the wedding invite came through her door a couple of months later. She knew it was only going to be small, with only close friends and family in attendance. The one thing she just hadn’t quite anticipated that it would take place in Positano. Looking back though, she probably should have. Italy was one of YN’s favourite places, and one of Harvey’s and they’d had their fair share of holidays there with Yasmin too. It made sense that they wanted to celebrate their love there.

Yasmin was perfect for Harvey. Whilst Harvey could be a little over the top, always high-energy and bouncing between one thing and another, Yasmin calmed him. She was stiller, highly organised and kept him in line — exactly what he needed. They were in YN’s eyes a perfect match, and she couldn’t wait to watch them get married and start the rest of their lives together.

Now, that was one thing. Seeing the two of them get married at the end of the week was its own thing, in YN’s mind. The wedding itself, the week long event that they’d rented a villa for — that was the thing that YN was dreading.

The siblings were as close as they have ever been, especially after their mother died. Their father hadn’t been in the picture, so it had always just been the three of them, well now two. No matter what swirls in YN’s head about the event — she loves her brother and would always be there for him. They’ve only got each other now.

But, saying that, they were different.

YN was twenty-six, Harvey was thirty. There was a significant age gap between them that never mattered when they were younger, but grew more as they did. When YN started university at eighteen, Harvey had already graduated and was making a name for himself in the music industry.

Their lives were very different, and that meant their circles were very different.

Harvey had more friends that YN could probably name, making them throughout his long career as a music producer. It was actually how him and Yasmin met, when she was recording backing vocals on an album Harvey produced five years ago.

YN had studied English Literature at university, and worked as a junior editor for a publishing firm. She had one friend, Olive, who had been her rock throughout university and beyond, and that was pretty much it. She had acquaintances, and people she spent time with but not a lot of true friends.

Their lives were very different, and that wasn’t a bad thing but it did mean that YN often felt slightly out of place in Harvey’s circle. They were all in the music industry in some capacity, living a life completely different to what YN was. There was nothing wrong with that, it just made her slightly uncomfortable. And if she was honest, slightly insecure. She didn’t have the most money, or the biggest flat but she had worked hard for every penny, and every step she had taken in life.

There was another thing. Another thing that niggled in the back of YN’s brain, and had done since she met him eight years ago.

Harry Styles. Harvey’s best friend and partner in crime.

It was a storyline that YN had read a hundred times over, and no matter how many times she had told herself that she wasn’t going to allow herself to fall victim to something so common — she couldn’t help it.

YN had been eighteen when she first met Harry. It was actually her eighteenth birthday, and he had been twenty-four. YN was going out in London with Olive and some of her friends from college as a last hurrah before university. Harvey had asked if he could drop in with a friend or two. YN had said yes, obviously, having not seen her older brother in a while. What she hadn’t expected that night was Harry Styles to be the friend he was bringing.

YN had taken one look at him, standing next to her brother, head tipped back as he laughed at something stupid Harvey had said — and that was it. She was done for.

𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐲, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖

YN has had too many shots. Categorically, too many shots.

It was her eighteenth birthday after all, obviously drinking had been on the cards but she just hadn’t expected to quite have so many in such close succession.

That was why when Olive had pulled her over to the bar, arguing that they needed to have more shots, YN had backed out.

They had rented out the top floor of one of their favourite bars for the event, or Harvey had. When he heard that his little sister wanted to celebrate her birthday with her friends in London, he had insisted he helped. YN wasn’t going to say no, especially when she knew her and her friends would all be safe if he did that.

“Water, please,” YN had all but gasped to the bartender.

“Boo!” Olive had drunkenly slurred from the side of her, “C’mon it’s your eighteenth, YN!”

“Yeah and I would like to live to see nineteen!” YN retorts, face lifting in joy when the bartender placed a pint of ice cold water in front of her.

YN watched as Olive picked up another shot of what YN was guessing was tequila and threw it back, taking a bite of lime afterwards.

Olive and YN were platonic soulmates. Both girls knew it and weren’t going to let anything come between them. They were slightly different though, with Olive a lot more outgoing than YN was but they balanced each other well. Despite their differences, they hardly ever argued or got annoyed with each other and if they did it was always small and easily fixed.

YN pretty much drank the entire pint of water in one gulp, feeling slightly refreshed afterwards and ready to get back to it.

“Come on!” Olive grabbed her hand and started to pull her towards the dance floor, “I wanna dance.”

YN allowed herself to pulled a step or two and then her phone vibrated in her pocket. YN pulled her arm out of Olive’s hold and held up a finger.

“One sec!”

YN stopped, watching as Olive found a group of people to dance with in the middle of the floor. Pulling her phone out, she saw a very unflattering photo of her brother (one she had chosen especially for his contact photo) and swiped to answer.

“Harvey?” YN practically shouted down the phone, trying to be heard over the background noise around her.

“YN?” He shouted just as loudly back, “We’ve just got here! Where are you?”

“Upstairs!” She called back, “Harv, I really can’t hear you.”

“Harry!” She heard Harvey call, quieter than before, “Upstairs mate!”

“Where are you?” YN asked, trying to push past the bodies towards the entrance. Just as she got there, she spotted her brother walking towards her, “Oh, I see you!”

“Jesus, YN, how many friends do you have?” She watched as Harvey, phone to his ear still scanned the crowd for her. It was only when she started to wave her arm around like a mad woman that he finally spotted her, “There you are.”

YN closed her phone and placed it back in her pocket, smiling as she bounced over to her brother. Just as she started to move, she spotted that he wasn’t alone. Well, YN knew he wasn’t alone from the conversation they had earlier, but she hadn’t quite expected that this ‘friend’ of his to be none other than Harry Styles.

YN froze.

She watched as Harvey said something to Harry. Surprisingly, it must have been funny because Harry tipped his head back in laughter, his eyes closing as it shook through his body.

“You gonna say hi or what?” YN was in that much shock that she hadn’t even noticed that the duo was now standing directly in front of her, staring at her expectantly.

“Oh,” she plastered a smile on her face, “Hi.”

“Happy birthday, squirt,” Harvey extended his arms out, and engulfed YN in what could only be described as a bear hug.

“Thank you,” she mumbled into his shoulder, “Thanks for…” she motioned to the party around them, “This.”

“Don’t mention it,” Harvey shrugged, dropping his hands into his pockets, “This is Harry… Harry this is my little sister, YN.”

YN never thought that she would have a book moment in real life. She had read so many books, so many romance books at that and she never thought she would ever experience anything like book characters do on a page. But, as she stood there in the middle of her eighteenth birthday party, and Harry Styles’ eyes settled on her, the world stilled around her. The music quietened, the people seemed to disappear and all she could focus on was the green of his eyes. Eyes that were staring directly at her.

“Happy birthday,” He gave her a smile, “It’s nice to meet you, Harv’s always talking about you.”

YN froze all over again, “Thank you… It’s… uh nice to meet you too.”

The problem was, YN hadn’t even been that big of a fan of one direction. She’d enjoyed Harry’s first album, but Harvey had helped produce that one so she felt like she had to. But, even minus her brother’s involvement it was a damn good album, and Sign of the Times was a fantastic song to sing in the shower.

“There’s a lot of people here, squirt, I didn’t think you had that many friends,” Harvey commented, looking around the room once more.

“I don’t think I know who half these people are,” YN admitted, brushing a piece of her hair away from her face, “I think they’re treating it more as a final college bash than a birthday.”

“You’re having fun though, yeah?” It was Harry that asked. It was at that point that she also realised he hadn’t stopped looking at her, “You only turn eighteen once.”

“Yeah… yes I am,” YN nodded.

“Great,” Harvey tapped her on the shoulder, “Well… we’re going to get a drink, do you want anything?”

“No thank you,” she managed to squeak out before they walked away from her and towards the bar.

It was almost as though her feet were cemented into the ground. She couldn’t move. Of course she knew that Harvey and Harry Styles were friends, but she hadn’t the slightest clue that they were close enough for Harry to tag along with him to his little sisters birthday party.

“YN,” Olive appeared directly in front of her, the girl’s hands resting on her arms and giving her a shake, “You still with me?”

“I… I think so,” YN muttered, looking at her friend with the same shocked expression.

“Is that fucking Harry Styles with Harvey?” she asked, shock evident in her own voice.

“Yes?” YN’s response sounded more like a question than anything else.

“Harry Styles is at your birthday party?”

“Yes?”

“Why is Harry Styles at your birthday party?”

YN just shrugged, “I don’t know… Harvey said he’d be bringing a friend but I didn’t know that it was going to be… him.”

“Jesus.”

“I know.”

“He’s even prettier in real life, if that’s even possible.”

“I know.”

That was the first of three things YN learnt on her eighteenth birthday. The second being that tequila is not her friend and never will be.

The third was that meeting Harry Styles on that day was one of the best and worst things to ever happen to her.

𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐲, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟔

A crush had blossomed somewhere in her chest, and she hadn’t ever been able to get rid of it. That was the tale, the one as old as time — the younger sister falling for her older brother’s friend.

That eighteenth birthday party had just been the start of something that grew. All of a sudden, Harry was everywhere. Every time she saw her brother, he was there too. They became inseparable.

That’s why when she had heard the news that Harry was going to be Harvey’s best man, she hadn’t been the slightest bit shocked. But, it did cause an anxiety to blossom within her chest.

When she had arrived late last night, she had bypassed the rest of the wedding party that was already here and gone straight up to her room. She had sent Harvey and Yasmin an apologetic message, saying that she was too tired and yucky from the flight and just wanted a shower and to go to bed.

That wasn’t the truth though. What had really happened was as she arrived at the villa, she was as the message said exhausted from the flight but she just couldn’t face it. She had been directed towards the patio, and the first thing she saw was Harry Styles, in a pair of shorts and a linen shirt dancing with one of Yasmin’s bridesmaids.

She was beautiful, far too beautiful and they both had big grins on their faces and that was enough for YN to decide that she needed another night, just one to be able to face him.

YN had that one night and yet she felt no better.

Instead of showering and relaxing, she showered and then clad in the villa-issued dressing gown, towel wrapped around her hair - YN laid on the plush bed in her room and stared at the ceiling. Telling herself over and over again that she was being silly and she needed to get over it, then she would remember something, a small snippet of Harry that would cause those feelings to just come rushing back.

Sleep hadn’t come easy, and she somehow felt worse this morning than after her flight. She had dragged herself up and out of bed, showered again because she thought it would help wake her up (it hadn’t) and got dressed for the day. She’d settled on a pair of linen shorts that stopped just above her knee and a flowy white top with small flowers on it, and short straps.

Thanks to Yasmin’s very detailed itinerary, YN knew that they would be meeting for breakfast imminently and yet she just couldn’t move. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, messing with a loose thread on the edge of her shirt.

She was being silly now, and it was frustrating her. Yet every time she tried to shake her nerves, it just didn’t work. She didn’t want to see him, to have to be with him and pretend that his eyes weren’t the ones that plagued her dreams. It was so silly, and yet to YN it felt like the end of the world.

YN groaned and dropped back on her bed, arms spread at her side. She stayed for a second before she heard the sound of her phone vibrate on the bedside table.

Sitting up, she reached over to grab it. Groaning once more when she saw the notifications pop through one after another.

Harvey: Oi

Harvey: Yas’ going to be sending search and rescue in a minute

Harvey: Get your arse down here

With a sigh, YN sent a very passive aggressive thumbs up in response and pushed herself up from the bed.

Somehow, miraculously, she put one foot in front of the other and made it downstairs.

“God,” Harvey dropped down at the table across from Harry with a thud, an espresso on each hand, “I’m exhausted and it’s only day one.”

“Oh, thanks mate,” Harry went to reach for one of the cups but Harvey pulled it closer to him.

“These are both mine,” He explained with a furrowed brow, “Get your own.”

Harry was gobsmacked. He didn’t even know what to say, he just laughed and shook his head.

“I didn’t even think you were that bad yesterday,” Harry said, leaning back in his chair.

“I wasn’t,” Harvey sighs, running a hand through his hair and taking a sip of espresso, “But between Yas and my sister I’m going to go into an early grave.”

Harry tried to ignore the way his heart lurched when Harvey mentioned YN. Instead, he tapped his thigh with his finger and tried to keep his face as still as possible.

“YN’s here?” He asked, praying that Harvey didn’t notice the way her name got caught in his throat.

“Yeah she arrived late last night,” Harvey explains, running a hand over his face.

“I didn’t know,” Harry shrugs, “I haven’t seen her.”

“Nobody has,” He shakes his head, “She got here, messaged me she was tired and was going to bed and nobody has heard a peep since. Yas is freaking out because she needs to know if her dress needs steaming and if it does it needs to go today and… argh.”

Harry watches as Harvey drops his head back in his chair, both hands coming to rest over his eyes. Harry tries really hard not to laugh, but it’s impossible not to and a small chuckle escapes his lips.

“Mate, it’ll be fine,” Harry offers in support.

“I know,” Harvey sighs again, “It’s just… I sent her message five minutes ago and she replied with a thumbs up but I’ve not heard anything else.”

“See,” Harry points at Harvey’s phone, “You’ve had a sign of life, she’ll be here. It’s YN, she’ll have spotted a bookcase and become so distracted that nothing else in the world will matter.”

“It’s just…” Harvey looks as though he was contemplating sharing his next remark, but he does anyway, “I’m just worried about her… she’s been really anxious about coming here and I don’t want it to have stressed her out.”

That immediately perks Harry’s interest, “Anxious? Why?”

“She, uh, struggles with,” Harvey waves his around at the people milling around them, “This… she thinks that because she’s not in the industry or something she doesn’t fit in.”

“That’s bullshit,” Harry frowns, “Of course she fits in.”

“I know that and you know that,” Harvey recites and then shrugs, “It’s a bit harder trying to get her to realise that.”

Harry lets that settle with him. As much as he agreed that there was a part of YN that felt like she maybe didn’t fit in — he can’t help but think that there was maybe something else in it. Harry found himself looking away from Harvey, hoping that overnight his friend hadn’t turned into some kind of mind reader and could read into all his thoughts.

Then he heard it.

The sound came from just behind Harvey, at the double doors at the back of the villa that lead to the patio that they were sitting on. An unmistakable sound, a laugh that could make a smile grow on even the grumpiest of faces.

It was YN, walking down the steps. She was chatting and laughing with Yasmin, the two of them with the biggest smiles of their faces. It made Harry’s heart skip a beat. She wasn’t wearing or doing anything special, just a pair of shorts and a flowy shirt, her hair down but pinned back from her face. She looked slightly tired but he presumed that most of the wedding party were after the travel.

He looked away, especially when he realised there was no air in his lungs and Harvey had realised that he was staring intently at something.

Harvey turned, saw the two women walking down the steps and raised his arm to call them over.

“Well, well,” Harvey joked as YN slipped into the seat next to him, “Look what the cat dragged in.”

“Hello to you too, Harvey,” YN just beamed.

“You’d get a nice hello if you hadn’t caused me to sprout grey hairs a few days before my wedding,” he retorts.

YN just rolled her eyes, a smile still on her face.

It was then she turned to look at Harry, and he watched as her smile dropped just the slightest. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to anyone else, but he saw it and he tried to ignore the way it made his heart plummet.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hi.”

A silence grew around them, thick and all encompassing. It happened again. Just like the first moment they met, at YN’s eighteenth birthday. His mouth became insanely dry, and his heart started to beat ten times faster in his chest. All he could hear was static, and all he could see was her. YN. Smile faltering just because he was there.

“YN?” It was Yasmin’s voice that interrupted them, causing the girl to flinch and look away from him, “After breakfast will you come and find me with your dress? They need to leave by this afternoon to be steamed in town before Friday.”

“Of course.”

Harry watched as Harvey leaned over, placing his hand on his bride’s thigh, “I thought we said no getting stressed about wedding stuff today.”

“I never said I wasn’t going to get stressed,” Yasmin responded, “You did.”

Harvey rolls his eyes, “We penciled out fun for today. The pool; maybe a walk. A couples of days to relax before the rest of the guests arrive tomorrow and we’re on high alert.”

“And we’ll get to that,” Yasmin nods, “But that doesn’t mean that everything can’t be perfect in the meantime.”

As the couple bickered back and forth, Harry watched YN. She was watching her brother and Yasmin with a smile on her face, yet there was something vacant about her eyes — almost as though watching them was hard for her somehow.

“I’m gonna..” YN pushed up from the table, “Go and get some breakfast.”

Without a second thought, Harry pushed up from the table too, “I’ll come with.”

YN didn’t say anything, and instead just gave him a small nod. They walked together back up the stairs of the villa and towards the kitchen. Harry kept a safe distance away, but all he wanted to do was reach out and touch the slip of her hip that was showing between her shorts and the way her shirt was sitting.

Harry noticed the espresso machine at the entrance to the kitchen and slowed, “Coffee?”

YN looked positively relieved at its mention, “Yes please.”

She lingered to the side, eyes seemingly trying to focus on anything and everything that wasn’t him making her a coffee.

“So,” Harry started, clearing his voice from the lump that had formed there, “How have you been?”

“Good,” It’s a short response, and Harry doesn’t like it, “You?”

“Busy… but good,” he nods, trying to focus on the coffee, “How’s Olive?”

“She’s good,” YN nods, “Wish that she could be here but kids don’t leave school for another week.”

Harry hums, “I forgot that she was a teacher… I bet she’s good at it.”

“She is,” he doesn’t miss the smile that crosses YN’s lips, “She’s insane and the kids love her… it’s the perfect mix.”

Once Harry had finished the coffees, he passed YN hers and she thanked him. They then made their way further into the kitchen, where a magical display was in front of them.

Maria, the villa’s caterer, had put on what Harry could only describe as a fantastic spread. Bread, cheese, meats, fruits, pastries. The whole spread was enticing, and Harry’s hunger grew tenfold.

“Oh god I want it all,” It seemed as though that was the same for YN.

Harry laughed, picked up two plates and passed her one. She placed her coffee to the side and looked like a woman on a mission.

He followed her around, watching as she put a blend of everything on offer on her plate, piling it up until he couldn’t see her plate anymore. He just laughed and followed suit.

“Keep going!” It was Maria that called out to them, “I like big appetites here.”

YN just giggled, continuing to place a medley of fruit on her plate. She went to pick up her plate but Harry shook his head.

“Grab the coffees,” he nodded to them, “I’ve got them.”

“Oh!” Maria gasped, “Such a gentleman… you’ve got yourself a good one there.”

“I…” Harry watches as YN hesitates, a myriad of emotions crossing her features before she finds the right words, “He’s just showing off. It’s all a front, Maria.”

Harry’s lips parted in shock, and then he couldn’t help the barking laugh that escaped them.

“I don’t believe that for one second!”

Harry followed YN out of the kitchen and towards the table where Yasmin and Harvey were still sat. Yasmin had moved so she was closer to her husband to be, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder.

Harry placed YN’s plate down, and then his. YN hesitated slightly when she realised he’d placed hers down right next to where he was sitting. But, it was only for a fraction of second and then she dropped down in the seat.

Harvey, seeing the mountain of food on her plate reached forward and grabbed a grape. YN immediately smacked his hand away, but it was too late and he popped the grape in his mouth.

“Mine,” She pointed at herself, sending her older brother a glare.

“C’mon, you’ve got enough food for a small army there,” He reached over again but she was too quick for him this time, and smacked his hand away with more force.

“Yes and Maria said a healthy appetite is good — this is all mine,” she motioned to her plate, “If I don’t finish it all, you may have some.”

“Honestly, Harvey,” Yasmin shook her head, “You’re like a child… Maria’s put on a full spread in there go get your own.”

“Thank you Yasmin,” YN nodded, continuing to butter some of the bread she had picked up, “You may take what you want from my plate… just not the grapes because they’re my favourite.”

Yasmin reached over and grabbed a piece of melon, humming when the sweetness hit her tongue.

Harvey, on the other hand looked gobsmacked. He turned to Harry with his eyes wide and lips parted.

“Did you see that?”

“See what, mate?” Harry laughed, munching on one of the pastries he’d grabbed, “What your life is going to look like in the future?”

“Exactly that,” Harvey shook his head, “I’m going to be outnumbered.”

“You already are,” Harry laughed.

Harry swore he saw the corners of YN’s lips lift up at that.

Harvey and Yasmin went to get their own plates shortly after, leaving YN and Harry sitting there in silence whilst they munched on their breakfast.

It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence at all. It was just two people sharing space with each other in the Italian morning sunlight, with the sea breeze dancing through their hair.

Harry just let it settle between them, not forcing anything. Even though there were a thousand things he could’ve said, he just didn’t.

He just wished he didn’t regret it as much as he did.

“Black and white polka dots or navy and white stripes?” YN asked, holding two bikinis up at Yasmin who was lounged across her bed, already sporting a figuring hugging yellow swimsuit and matching cover up.

“Jesus, YN,” Yasmin’s eyes widened when she saw them, “Who are you trying to impress?”

“No one,” YN answered a little too quickly to be convincing.

Yasmin just raised an eyebrow at YN, but she didn’t push.

“The polka dots,” She responded, “The stripes will be better for the boat trip tomorrow.”

“You’re so right.”

After breakfast, everyone had split up to do their own things. YN had returned to her room to have a nap, which she was more than thankful for. After seeing Harry her nerves had dissipated slightly, and an overwhelming exhaustion at the whole situation had washed over her.

She had managed a good two and half hours before Yasmin all but bashed the door to her room down, ordering that she get her swimsuit on because they were going to the pool. Scared of creating a bridezilla, YN had just said yes.

Normally YN wouldn’t wear something so revealing, but she had to get something out of this trip for herself and if topping up her tan-lines was the only thing, she’d be dammed if she didn’t get them.

The bikini tied around her neck and back, the cups flushing perfectly to her boobs. The bottoms were high waisted, and hugged her curves perfectly. Just as Maria had said earlier, YN had an appetite and it meant that she wasn’t the slimmest in the world, but she had come to embrace her curves the older she’d gotten. They were a part of her, and she wouldn’t change them.

The cover up was a thin, black lace tie-up that sat around her hips. She tied her hair up in a mess on her head, just so it didn’t get drenched and placed her sunglasses on her nose. She then stood with her hands on her hips in front of Yasmin.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

The pool itself matched the grandeur of the villa. It sat just beyond the patio, overlooking the cliff and the sea that stretched to the horizon. Some of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were already on loungers when they got there, but Yasmin and YN secured a spot underneath one of the umbrellas, shielding them from the early afternoon sun that was fierce and mighty.

Yasmin slipped into the pool first, whilst YN sat on her lounger applying a heathy sealing of suncream to her skin.

“Oi!” It was Harvey, popping his head up from where he’d been laid on the grass just to the side of the pool, “Suncream.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yas.” It was more of a warning than anything.

“Have you got ours?”

“Harry’s got it.”

It was then that YN saw Harry, sitting on a lounger a few away from them. Yasmin climbed out of the pool and made her way towards the lounger where she’d deposited her towel. Harry held out the suncream for her, and she accepted it with only a slight glare.

“Gimme a sec,” She turned to YN, “Just going to get Harv to do my back.”

YN just hummed, trying not to grow embarrassed at the fact that she was unsuccessfully trying to get her own back and was about to ask Yasmin to help her.

YN could feel Harry lingering at her side, and she tried and tried so hard not to look. He was wearing green swim shorts, low on his hips. He knew exactly what he was doing, the band of the shorts exposing the ferns resting on his toned stomach, highlighting the deep V that dipped in between his legs.

“Do you…” she hears him start before he clears his throat, “Do you need any help?”

“I’m alright thank you,” YN responds, her pitch increasing at the end.

She was struggling, but she didn’t want to admit that. She could only reach the top of her shoulders and the bottom of her back, the middle section was just completely unreachable. But, she didn’t want to say that to Harry.

“C’mon,” Harry tried again, “You’re missing your entire back, pretty much.”

Sighing, YN dropped her arms and held out her suncream to him. Harry looked at her, waiting for her to nod before taking the suncream off her. He dropped down on the sun lounger next to her. YN heard the cap go, before the sound of him squeezing the bottle. He rubbed his hands together before he placed them on her shoulders.

“Sorry if it’s cold.”

YN bit her bottom lip, “It’s fine.”

YN tried to stay focused on literally anything in front of her but she couldn’t do it. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hands started to work across her shoulders. His thumbs every now and then pressed into her muscles, and she almost whimpered. His hands worked across her shoulders, all the way down her back. They slipped under the tie of her bikini, his fingers almost brushing the cups of her bikini. Then his hands slipped lower, getting the bottom of her back.

YN gasped when his fingers brushed the plushy flesh of her hips, dangerously close to the tie in her bikini bottoms. She was frozen, completely. All of her senses had been taken over by the feeling of Harry’s hands on her, and then all of a sudden they weren’t.

Harry pulled away, jumping up from the sun lounger and passing her the suncream back.

“Uh…” he scratched the back of his neck, “Done.”

“Thanks,” before the word was even fully out of her lips, Harry was stalking off and making his way towards the villa, his steps quick and his head down. YN was slightly taken aback with how quick it had all happened.

Yasmin dropped down on the lounger next to her a second later, skin shiny with her own suncream. Her eyes were watching Harry, just like YN’s were.

“What got up his arse?”

YN shrugged, “I don’t know.”

The problem was, YN did know what was wrong with Harry, because it was the exact same thing that was wrong with her. It was the exact same reason that she pushed herself off the lounger and made her way towards the pool.

At first, she dropped herself down to the poolside and slipped her feet under the water. With it being an outdoor pool, the water wasn’t warm but thanks to the blaring Italian sun it wasn’t freezing either. After her feet became acclimatised to the water, YN slipped her whole body into the water, allowing herself to float.

Looking back, she should have said no.

She should have said no to Harry and waited for Yasmin to come back. She shouldn’t now know what it feels like to have Harry’s hands brushing across her body like that. She shouldn’t be able to wish that they were still there. It hadn’t even been a full twenty-four hour period yet in Positano, and YN’s chest felt even tighter than it was when she arrived.

YN hadn’t the slightest clue how was she was supposed to survive this week.

This crush was fine when they were miles away, when he was on an international stage and she was at her desk in her small office in central London. All YN worried about then was seeing his face whilst she scrolled through her phone.

But here, where she could walk around any corner and there he was going to be, standing in front of her — it was stressing her out more than words could explain.

“YN?” Yasmin called from where she had just slipped in the other side of the pool, “You alright?”

“Good,” YN nodded.

“You look like you’re going to throw up… please don’t throw up in the pool.”

YN shook her head lightly, “I’m not going to throw up.”

Just as YN said that, her eyes focused on a table on the patio. Sitting at the table where they had been a few hours earlier, sharing breakfast in each other’s company was Harry, laughing away to something one of the bridesmaids said. It was the same bridesmaid that YN had seen him dancing with the night prior. YN’s stomach turned. It twisted painfully when she saw her drop her hands to his shoulder, and then run it down his arm. He didn’t flinch, or push it off — he just let it happen.

She was pretty, insanely so. It was one of Yasmin’s friends from the industry, Evelyn. She was exactly the type of girl that YN imagined Harry would be with.

YN may not have felt sick before, but she definitely did now.

“Are you having the time of your life without me?”

YN was sitting at the small dressing table in her room, phone propped up against the mirror with a fierce concentration on her face as she attempted to pin her hair up. Olive, in a very similar position except for the fact she was cooking her dinner, was on facetime, wanting to know anything and everything about the trip so far.

“Its…” YN struggled to find the right word, “…nice.”

“Nice?” Olive deadpanned, her nose curling up slightly, “That’s all I get? Nice?”

“I don’t know what you want, Olive?” YN asked, slightly frustrated with her friend in a way that she definitely didn’t mean, “Sorry.”

“No it’s okay,” Olive responded, but YN could tell by her tone that she wasn’t fully convinced, “Something’s obviously happening.”

“It’s not… I’m…” YN shook her head, flinging one of the grips she had in her hand down to the desk, “I’m just… in my head.”

Olive hummed, “What’s he done?”

YN furrowed her eyebrows, “What’s who done?”

“Harry.”

YN froze in the middle of applying her lip gloss, her eyes settling on Olive who was staring at her with an expression that let her know she wasn’t going to get away with not saying anything this time.

“Nothing,” YN shook her head.

“Liar,” Olive retorted immediately, “Tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Olive groaned, “Right. I don’t get to be there and see the two of you pining after each other in person so please, I’m begging you to give me a verbal recount of the events that transpired today.”

YN fell silent, “… we do not pine after each other.”

“Yes you do! And I know you’ve been hiding something from me for a while, and I’ve given you the space but this is literally the perfect opportunity for you to make you move.”

“Make my move?” YN furrowed her eyebrows.

“Yes!” Olive exclaimed, “You’re in Italy, at a wedding — romance is literally in the air YN. You need to finally grab life by the balls and do something for yourself… or grab Harry by the balls, maybe he’d enjoy it.”

“Olive!” YN all-but screeched down the phone, “Please stop talking about balls.”

“Look… I don’t know what’s happened, or what’s going on right now with the two of you but he used to make you happy,” Olive sighs, “You’d come back from seeing him and Harvey so happy, YN, and now… you just get so sad whenever anybody mentions him.”

“I don’t,” YN shakes her head, “And nothing’s happened… I’m just… I think I’m just tired.”

Olive just hums, not convinced at all, “Well… I’m here if you need me. Now get your sexy bum down there and enjoy your nibbles and drinks.”

“Thanks, Ol.”

“Anytime, babes.”

YN watched her phone go black, and she sighed. She dropped back in the chair she was sitting in and ran her hands down her thighs, her palms having clammed up under Olive’s questioning.

YN knew that it was coming from a place of love, but it pained YN to not tell Olive the whole truth. She wanted to more than anything to tell Olive everything but how could she explain something that she hadn’t even full come to terms with and understand herself? It was completely impossible, and it stressed YN out more than she could admit.

All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and go to sleep, but there was a cocktail and nibbles party going on downstairs that she had to go to. Maybe she would go, show her face, enjoy one to many cocktails and divulge in some nibbles — and then she would go and curl up in her bed.

The dress she had chosen was a deep maroon colour. It plunged at her neckline, and had short sleeves that landed in the middle of her upper arm. It cinched at her waist and flowed out down to her ankle. She had paired it with a plain pair of sandals, not wanting to kill her feet too soon with heels.

She wasn’t trying to prove anything, she didn’t need to. But despite the mess that was currently in her brain, causing the anxiety to bubble deep in her chest — she at least wanted to feel confident in her appearance, so that could shield her from everything in her brain.

The cocktails and nibbles were being held on the patio. It had been transformed, with floral arrangements sitting on the table and lanterns hanging on strings above them. The whole thing felt so cosy and so beautiful, that YN couldn’t help but smile.

The party had seemingly already started by the time she arrived, with people milling around with colourful cocktails in their hands, or some with small plates full of whatever deliciousness Maria had cooked up.

Her first stop was for a cocktail, knowing that the evening was going to be a lot easier to handle once she had the buzz of alcohol in her system. The cocktail she had chosen was fruity, the kind of sweet that could make a person completely forget they were drinking alcohol until they woke up the next morning.

Her next stop had been the nibbles. When she saw Maria had made small half-sized bruschettas, she immediately put three on her small plate.

“Oh!” Mid bite into one the many mini bruschetta’s YN had piled onto her plate she heard a hybrid of a gasp/squeal next to her, “I love your dress!”

It was Evelyn, standing next to her with a small plate in her hand, with only one mini bruschettas on it. She was wearing a lacy camisole and long flowing skirt, dolled up to the nines. YN’s heart sank slightly just looking at her.

“Oh,” YN managed to slip out, “Thank you.”

“Where’s it from?”

YN hesitated, “I don’t know… I might have thrifted it.”

“Oh,” YN watched as her nose curled up ever so slightly, “I wish I could thrift things like that! I never find anything!”

YN just hummed, wanting nothing more than to shove the rest of her bruschetta in her mouth but she resisted.

“You’re Harvey’s sister right?”

YN furrowed her eyebrows slightly, “Yes?”

“Oh how sweet!” Her voice goes up in octave once more, “Harry said that his little sister was here but I didn’t realise how cute you were!”

Cute. CUTE.

That was it. That was the final straw for YN. Without a care she placed another small bruschetta onto her place, totalling to four small bruschettas and gave Evelyn the sweetest smile she could muster.

“Excuse me,” YN gave Evelyn the sweetest smile she could muster before making her way towards one of the empty tables on the patio.

YN had officially had enough interacting for the day. She felt socially wrung out, her head hurt slightly and all she wanted was to eat her bruschetta and drink her cocktail in peace.

She ended up just people watching. She watched as Harvey and Yasmin made their way around everybody, chatting and laughing and obviously enjoying their wedding celebration so far.

They looked happy. Truly happy. Without even meaning to, YN started to spiral. Well, it wasn’t a big spiral per se it was more her wondering if she’d ever get that. She’d watched Harvey and Yasmin fall so in love with each other over the years, becoming each other’s person. She wanted a person. She’d thought she’d found her person, or at least one of them. But, maybe she hadn’t.

“I’m happy for them, I am but I don’t know if I could do the one girl forever thing,” YN heard a voice say behind her, slightly boisterous from the obvious alcohol intake but not one that she recognised.

“C’mon man, you’ll find the one,” Another man spoke, and this time it was a recognisable voice. It was Harry. It wasn’t as loud as the other one, but it was still audible from YN’s seat.

Part of her wanted to turn around. They obviously didn’t know that she was there, or if they did they didn’t care that she could hear their entire conversation word for word.

“Coming from you!” the boisterous voice replied, “Got no plans to settle down either?”

“Nah,” the word turned YN’s stomach in an indescribable way, “I don’t think my life’s built for it, mate.”

“You could have your pick of anyone,” the voice replied, “You could choose any girl you fancied.”

“Yeah,” Harry voice was quieter this time, as though it felt unsure, “Not on the cards for me, mate.”

That was enough for YN. She’d heard enough, and from the way that her eyes were watering she wanted to get as far away as she could before they fell. Pushing back from her chair, it made a clattering sound against the patio but she didn’t care. All she scared about was going back up to her room.

She clutched her glass close to her, and made sure that her plate of bruschetta was safe before climbing the steps into the villa. Just as she got to the door, Harvey walked out, almost knocking her bruschetta out of her hands.

“Hey,” He held his hands out, almost as though if the bruschetta did fall he was going to be there to catch it. He took one look at YN’s teary eyes and his expression hardened, “You okay? What happened?”

“Nothing,” YN shook her head, blinking rapidly in hopes that it would stop the tears from falling, “I’m fine.”

Harvey just gave her a look, “You’re not. You look like you’re about to cry.”

“Harv just drop it!” Her words came out harsher than she meant, “I’m fine. Go enjoy yourself, I’m just going to go up to bed.”

“No, come on,” He pointed to the patio, “It’s still early… Yas said that she wanted to talk to you about something anyway.”

“I’ll catch her in the morning,” YN gave him a smile, “I think it’s just jet lag… I’ll be fine in the morning, I promise.”

“Okay,” he nudged her arm lightly, “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right? I know that I’ve maybe not been the best these last couple of years but…”

“I’m fine I promise,” YN interrupted him, “I’ll see you in the morning, Harv.”

He just nodded. YN took that as her opportunity to slip away, making her way towards the staircase without bumping into anybody else.

Somehow, she managed to get all the way to her room before she let any tears fall. But, when they came they were hot and they were fast. She placed her drink and her plate down on the side, and then leant her hands against it, hoping that it would at least centre her in some way.

She was stupid. So, so stupid for thinking that she could handle this. For thinking that her heart could handle seeing him in this way after everything that happened. She couldn’t, and apart of her had always known that.

She just needed to stay as far away from Harry as she could. She needed to create a distance between them, one that had needed to be put in place for a long time.

Her heart couldn’t take it anymore.

Harry watched YN walk away.

He had just watched her walk away.

As Harry sat on the balcony looking over the sea, legs spread out on the table in front of him — it was all he could think about. When Ryan had been talking to him, way too drunk for it being that early in the evening, Harry had pretty much zoned out. He’d been polite, responded to his questions and that was it. Harry knew Ryan, but definitely not enough to start divulging in his deepest and darkest secrets — so he hadn’t.

If he’d have known that YN was sitting in front of her, he’d have chosen different words.

All he had to do was take quick scan. He hadn’t seen her come down so he’d just assume she wasn’t outside yet, but he was wrong.

There was some truth into what Harry had said to Ryan, but there was also more to the story. He would have explained that it’s complicated, that there’s more to the story than just finding someone to settle down with, that real feelings often complicate matters.

He just hated that he’d upset her.

There was so much unspoken between them, so much unsaid and yet neither one of them seemed to be able to find the words. So they danced around it, they avoided it and they just pretended that nothing was happening, which it wasn’t. But, Harry just didn’t think that they could carry on the way they were without something changing.

As he stared out at the still water, the moon’s reflection showing him the ripples of the waves in the distance, he decided that something did have to change. Both of them were not going to be able to enjoy the weekend unless they spoke about it.

The problem was, Harry didn’t think that YN wanted to talk about it.

He couldn’t blame her, it wasn’t an easy thing. There were so many levels, so many reasons as to why ignoring it would be better for everyone involved and yet Harry didn’t want that. He wanted them to lay everything out on the table and get everything off their chests.

This wasn’t going to end once the weekend was finished. They were going to be in each other’s lives, well, forever. They could avoid each other, but they both cared about Harvey, and therefore they were going to both be at important events for Harvey, together.

There was just something about being at the wedding that just made Harry want to sort everything out. It wasn’t just Harvey and Yasmin’s life that were going to change, everyone’s were. Dynamics were going to change, it was inevitable.

Harry was so deep in thought, in his own spiral that he hadn’t even heard the door open beside him. Not until he noticed Harvey dropping down in the chair next to him.

“You alright, H?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, “Just enjoying the quiet.”

“It’s so fucking peaceful out here,” Harvey sighed, extending his legs out in front of him just as Harry had, “Perfect place to get married.”

Harry smiled, “Anybody could tell you that… how come you’re out here anyway? I thought you and Yas would in pre-wedding bliss, planning the future.”

“She’s in with YN,” Harvey said after a few seconds or so.

“YN?” Harry asked, slightly too quick but he didn’t have the capacity to care, “She okay?”

“Yeah,” Harvey nods, and Harry could tell by his tone that he was telling the truth.

“Is Yas okay?”

“Yeah, they’re both okay, H,” Harvey nods, “I just… YN said something to me earlier and… I think she just needs family around her right now. I thought Yas would be better than me… I just… I don’t know.”

Harry nodded, “I’m sure she would’ve appreciated you checking on her.”

Harvey shrugged, “I don’t know if I might be part of the problem.”

Harry’s heart started to beat quicker in his chest. They were both dancing around something, as Harry seemed to be with both siblings, and yet neither of them wanted to say anything.

“You know what YN’s like,” Harry tries, praying that his voice came off strong enough.

“I know,” Harry watches as he rubs a hand over his face, “She just gets in her own head.”

That was something they had in common. It was so easy for everyone to get in their heads the harder things became, to ignore the problems in front of them or avoid it.

As Harry sat there in silence, sharing the space with one of his best friends in the entire world he realised something. He realised that if they didn’t talk, if they didn’t let everything that they’ve been holding in out — it wasn’t just them would feel the consequences.

Harvey was already feeling them. He didn’t know exactly what it was, and maybe he didn’t know the truth about Harry’s involvement. But, he could tell that there was something there.

Tomorrow.

Harry was going to talk to YN tomorrow. He had a full night to think about what he was going to say, and staring out at the sea whilst he did it seemed like a good idea to him.