em

in the end, she forced everything to an end.

I’ve never understood the idea of strangling a connection for self gain love doesn’t work that way.

shed many tears & suffered from this. I’ve learnt my lesson from the experience

I truly believe love doesn’t naturally end that way.

I’m glad i came out of the situation without feeling guilty I’m content, happy and a new person.

god it felt like our honeymoon stage lasted for the whole year

the feeling of seeing you after a while is so intensified, i feel like that’s why it was best we lived apart. especially once things started to get out of hand

i’m not perfect, we both aren’t. i feel it’s human nature, the fights. i never liked to admit that we needed space because i felt we could always work things out but i totally understand it now. i took you for granted when we were together for long periods of time. the only way i’d ever learn & overcome my problems, be able to consistently treat you & her amazing is if something like this had happened.

It’s sad that it’s too late. i’m sorry i made you hit rock bottom. i’m sorry i wasn’t able to find the courage to want to hunt a job, act mature, be a gentlemen.. but with the way things were going around each other 24/7 i don’t think i would’ve ever been able to take a look back, grow and change.

the little time away from each other has taught me so much. i understand even if we ever got back together things would be so different & just the thought of that wisens me. i know that i would only be able to see you at certain time’s of the day, sometimes after work, if lucky. days where you would come over to this house that i’m renting along 3 guys. i would hope you’d get days off where we would go camping with marley as a family. I would not expect or demand anything. if things didn’t feel right to meet up i wouldn’t ever over react. i’m past that. i’m okay with being on my own for days, in the basement suite just on my laptop, studying & hopefully soon working. it could really work.

i know that you need time, but if you ever considered getting back with me i hope you understand everything would be a different dynamic, for the better. i would never take you for granted or be in position to. Our relationship would be finally considered healthy. i’ve also given up on my false ideas of control & manipulation. I’ve done a lot of research this week, especially since being stranded in tye. i’ve learned a lot about myself & I was not okay. we found a lot of the things funny but they really weren’t healthy... I’m changing by the day. August 1st will be my first time renting. i’m a little scared but i know i could do it. $650 a month/ utilities,wifi parking included. The house is pretty huge, bigger than my dad’s. The guys work up north and aren’t home much. so i’ll be here on my own most weeks. i’ll have little to go off on in the month but i’m also applying to jobs. i’ve already called my PO and had it switched over to a PO in ww.

I don’t want you to feel pressured. i won’t force you to contact me, all i could do is paint a picture for you to see a new world that would be better with me in it. a completely different me. there’s nothing stronger than our family, happy on the same page doing our own thing.

I hope if your family sees me working they could have a change of heart. i truly believe everything could work itself out one day. we could all be a family again, it would take time..i’m willing to take the risk.

I hope you see how much i’ve changed one day. my rent agreement is simple. move out when i want, just don’t break any stuff. i met the guys yesterday & their pretty chill. if things don’t seem to work out for myself i’ll go back to edmonton.. i already feel independent & even though this solely seems like an attempt at getting back together it’s not. it’s a life learning experience for me. i feel i’ve matured a lot just this week & i thank you for that.

i contacted Athabasca, and my financial aid was kindly able to mark my last final semester with W grades for withdrawal instead of F (fail) due to all the court stuff i was going through, this allows me to be eligible for another loan.

i’ve also told my dad about everything that’s going on & he’s happy for me. he’s willing to help me out with $1000 when i move out officially the end of this month. It seems i’ll also be getting quite a bit from momma dunns, i’ll find out how much soon. I want to e-transfer you a large sum of this. (keep my email unblocked lmao) The security question will be. Name of cat, answer Fang. I always promised i would pay off your tickets and i feel $1000 is the least i’ve owed you in 2.5y. if you don’t accept the money that’s fine, i won’t cancel. you should know that it’s the least i’ve done. i owe you a lot in rent. i hope you understand and accept the money as necessities not a favour

part of what i wanted to talk to you about days ago was that you only owe $1100 in registry. I think that’s great news.. seeing as we thought it was $3000+ lol

i think miya’s tickets stayed in court?dropped it or switched the case files over to constance once she claimed ownership.

anyways.. i’m still here in wainwright, in tye, give me a text whenever you feel comfortable.

i really hope she has a change of heart

never in a million years i thought the wound was so deep she’d ghost me like this after 2.5years. sigh i’ve really been starting to wonder if we had true love

i know other people might be in her ears but like the rest of the girls in the past #kens it seems to be a trend

what we had was independent to any relation or situation. i wasn’t able to cherish & maintain it enough, but that’s all separate from anyone else’s thoughts or opinion. we all live independent lives & i hope you don’t find understanding in one telling you or us how to live our lives. if anyone judges you for talking with me that’s their opinion. you might not be in the best health state but i’d never deem you as crazy or inadequate. you’re perfect in my eyes.