#2 – HOW CHEERFUL YOU ARE.

How is it possible for someone to remain so happy throughout the entire day? I can't help but wonder if you possess some magical influence over my friends, as they seem to shower you with compliments non-stop. It's weird to hear nothing but praise for you while I find myself complaining about various things. It's almost as if nobody comprehends why I harbor such animosity towards you, and this frustrates me immensely. Every time I express my emotions, they tell me to laugh and smile more, as if I don't already do it enough. But then, when I contemplate your cheerful and positive demeanor, it becomes clear why they encourage it. You're like the epitome of a model student everyone aspires to be, while I remain the perpetually angry and stubborn person. No wonder everyone wants to spend time with you, and perhaps that's one thing I can agree with others on.

#3 – YOU LIKE THINGS THAT I LIKE.

It's almost like a curse that we share the same interests. It's the reason I keep encountering you everywhere. Whatever I do, you seem to be there, expressing your fondness for the same things with your friends. It's frustrating, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the thought of encountering you even more. Even listening to music has become a challenge, as I know you like the same artists. I purposely skip their songs because they only remind me of you, and I hate being consumed by thoughts of you. I yearn to stop learning more about you so that I can enjoy the things I like in peace, without these constant reminders of you.

#4 – YOU MAKE ME OVERTHINK.

Maybe because of how perfect you seem to be in other’s eyes, I wonder how I look in other people’s eyes too. Am I that awful to hang out with? Am I always seen as this angry person who hates everyone? I’m not that, I know that–my friends do as well. But others? I’m not so sure about that. What confuses me even more is why you persist in wanting to spend time with me despite any perceived flaws or stubbornness on my part. You could easily choose to be with other people who might seem better to converse with. Yet, you continue to stick around, refusing to give up on our “friendship”. And because of this, I can see how others might form a negative opinion about me. My constant push to keep you away could be misunderstood, leading people to believe I'm simply a horrible person.

#5 – YOU LIKE ME.

I'm not sure if you have romantic feelings for me, but I can tell that you consider me a friend. It's interesting because I hadn't thought of you in that way before, but it doesn't seem to bother you. Today, you stood up for me, and it felt really heartening. Normally, I might have felt angry or vulnerable when someone defends me, but this time it was different. I don’t know, it just did feel really nice. Your quick response in telling those people to stop was captivating, even though I didn't express my gratitude at the moment. Lately, I've been struggling with the loud voices in my head, and sometimes I wonder if you could help quiet them too. But now, I'm not sure what I'm trying to convey. You confuse me a lot.

#6 – YOU GIVE THE WRONG PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES.

The other day, I saw you in tears because someone had broken your heart. I must admit, I was taken aback because I had never seen you sad or upset before. It was quite a contrast to the cheerful version of yourself that I'm familiar with. What happened to you that everyone sees all the time? I hope you had someone to tell you your problems too, as it’s not easy for someone who is your rival to be comforting you. I didn’t, so I hope you went home that night filled with less worries because you have someone to talk with.

What surprised me even more was that the very next day, you gave the person who hurt you a second chance. I can't help but wonder why you keep allowing people to hurt you when it's likely they'll repeat the same behavior, ultimately affecting your radiant smile. Stop going back to the people that hurt you once, it’s only going to be a cycle. I wish I could share these thoughts with you, but I hesitate because I doubt you'd take them to heart coming from someone like me. However, I can't help caring despite my own imperfections. It's puzzling to me as well, as you make me feel oddly connected to your feelings.

#7 – SEEING YOUR TEARS.

I never imagined how much I could despise seeing someone cry until the moment I witnessed your tears. Ever since that day, I always thought about it, so how could I let it slip out of my mind this time? I’m sorry for yelling at you today. I’m sorry for saying I hate you. I didn’t mean it, I was just extremely frustrated today, and not at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know how saying this won’t do anything, but I truly mean it. I wish I could rewind time once I saw water fill up in your eyes, but what’s done is done. You made me realize something crucial—that I've always seen you as a rival, whereas you only wanted to be friends with me. I allowed my competitive nature to ruin our chances of a meaningful connection. I fear now that you might avoid me, and I understand if you do. I worry that I might continue to hurt you, just like the people you often encounter, who don't treat you with the kindness you deserve. You deserve better than that, and I'm sorry for contributing to your pain.

#8 – GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I never imagined we'd get another chance after what happened. I tried avoiding you, genuinely attempting to keep my distance. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist reaching out to talk to you again. It's almost as if we both sensed the need to address the situation, leading us to have that important conversation. I still don’t know why you gave me another chance. Did I not say hurtful things to you? How easily are you able to put that behind? Your ability to forgive and move past it leaves me in awe.

It's making me reflect on my own flaws, especially how I tend to hold grudges and struggle to let go of negative feelings. I can't quite comprehend how you do it, but you make me think about you more than ever before. Every word I speak now feels like it needs to be carefully considered, thanks to your presence in my thoughts. Your gesture of offering another chance touched me deeply and brought a smile to my face. I can't help but wonder what you've done to influence me in this way. I think you really did something to me.

#9 – FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS.

We've connected much faster than I anticipated, even surprising my friends. I'm left wondering what you've done to me. You've become an all-encompassing thought – your smile, your laughter, your sense of humor – everything about you fills my mind. At times, I ponder whether I ever cross your thoughts too. Could this be love? My friends have mentioned it, and I can't find a way to refute them. I'm fond of you, immensely so. Isn't that a crazy twist?

It's a strange journey we're on. I started this journal to document the reasons I disliked you, but look at where it's led us. Is it too soon to be feeling this way? The idea of revealing my feelings is terrifying, yet I'm unsure if I'll ever have another opportunity. Please bear with me, allow me to find the right moment. Perhaps soon, hopefully, you'll be in my arms. I realize how absurd all this sounds – what am I even saying?

#10 – HOW EASY YOU WON ME OVER.

You won. You won my heart effortlessly, but I didn't win yours in return. I'm burdened with regret for how I've treated you. My ignorance and neglect weigh heavily on me now. It's painfully clear that he's all you've ever been able to think about. Why did I delude myself into thinking I could make a difference? If only I had treated you with the kindness you deserved from the start. Could that have made you love me instead? These thoughts haunt me.

I've grown aware of my own attachment, and I'm sorry for allowing it to consume me. I apologize for the disruption I've caused in your recent weeks. I can't bring myself to be genuinely happy for you and him, though he does seem like a better man than I could ever be. It's evident that I need to move on for your sake, to make things easier for you. Yet, there's a part of me that wishes I could still claim you as mine. That longing will always remain unchanged.

I doubt you'll ever stumble upon this journal entry, not that I would ever permit anyone to. But regardless, I want you to know that I do love you. It's a truth that's etched deeply within me, even though it pains me to admit it.

💭 — fun fact this was supposed to have a happy ending until i pulled out spotify n listened to lyn lapid…yeah.

It was 1st of August when you realized what those weird feelings were.

‘Y/N!’ You opened the door to the sound of your name, only to be met with a tired and almost teary eyed Jake. He looked up at you, mustering a small smile as you stood before him your mouth agape. 

‘A-are you okay?!’ you asked, pulling him into your house.

‘Um. Not… really’, your friend replied, scratching his neck nervously. ‘It’s just… she kinda broke up with me.’

She. he didn’t even need to mention her name and yet you let the word pierce your heart, a little. Kang Eunji. Jake’s girlfriend, well, ex girlfriend. 

It was her, always her. It wasn’t unusual for you to hear that they both had a fight but you never thought they'd break up. ‘What? Are you being for real?!’ You were shocked to say the least. Jake and Eunji were what people deemed to be the “power couple” at school. They wouldn’t break up, or could they?

He nodded and sat on the couch, ‘We were fighting over one of those petty matters again, she was angry why I was so busy. It was about soccer practice of course! And when I kind of lost it, she said we were over.’ His voice caught in his throat before he let out a small sob.

Your heart sank as you patted his back and pulled him close into an embrace, ‘Ssh, it’s okay’, you ran small circles on his, ignoring the butterflies set free in your stomach at the close contact. 

You could never understand what went on in their relationship. This may have been the first time they broke up but it surely wasn’t the first time Jake came to your house on the verge of tears.

You hated seeing him this way, like a broken record. 

‘What will I do now, Y/N?’ ‘You just broke up, it’s not the end of the world. Plus, you have the entire summer before you, right? We’ll figure a way out,’ You broke the hug, looking straight into his eyes, trying to reassure him.

But they all meant nothing. Getting reassured of a broken heart didn’t mend the damage, you knew better than him. Jake nodded nonetheless, wiping away the stray tears, ‘Goodness, I feel so dumb for just crying like this.’ ‘don’t be. You are allowed to feel your emotions.’

He gave a small smile in your direction and your heart skipped a beat.

‘So’, you turned towards the television, searching for a distraction. ‘You wanna binge watch something? Or maybe some Doraemon?’

Jake grinned, ‘I’d love that! What would I do without you, Y/N?’

You let out an almost sad chuckle, ‘I am the coolest best friend ain’t I?’ The word best friend left a bad taste in your mouth.

4th August was when Jake realized the bookstore was his safe place.

Clink! The door to the bookstore opened with a small chime. You looked up from your position at the counter only to find Jake walk into the shop. 

He smiled before taking a seat beside you, much to your surprise. It wasn't unusual for him to drop by the store. But mostly he came for borrowing a book or having a quick chat with you. 

But never like this.

'So, how are you doing?' You asked, turning towards where he sat, fidgeting with a pen. It was a slow lazy afternoon with barely any customers.

'Oh, uh, I'm fine. At least I'm trying to be. We had so many things planned and like, it feels weird. We were good for each other…' he kept on rambling about his latest break up.

You could feel your heart clench a litte. You understood why Jake was doing so but it didn't help. It didn't help that there were two broken hearts in the same room. It was always you and the second lead syndrome against the world.

Sometimes you really wondered what you had done to be stuck in the loophole of falling for a friend.

You had been friends with Jake since middle school, always finding yourself blush whenever he was around. 

The first time you tried confessing to him during Valentine's Day in freshman year, your hand baked cake (which you had prepared for hours) got destroyed. You kind of gave up on him, treating him as a friend.

Well, that was until Eunji came along last year. Seeing Jake with her brought about a fresh wave of emotions you think your heart had forgotten.

It hadn't. 

The bookstore was Jake's hideaway from the world. He loved everything about it. Loved how calming it was and the people who came in always greeted him with a smile. He was a quaint place, maybe mysterious in a sense that Jake didn't want to uncover the secrets it hid.

He liked how you let him sit there for the entirety of your shift. But mostly he loved the conversations.

Throughout the summer, Jake couldn't remember the number of times he found you sitting with him, flipping through some book as you both chatted away, be it in the lazy afternoon or under the evening sky, where the buzz of the grasshopper was the only thing he could hear. They felt weirdly intimate, like the secrets he used to keep as a kid. He almost wanted to gatekeep them. 

'Sorry do I bore you here?' You asked one day. It was a question bothering you for a while.

Jake frowned, 'What? No. Of course not, Y/N. You could never bore me.' But you were unconvinced, 'No, like, who spends their summer sitting in a small little barely functioning bookstore except maybe be. You must have a lot of plans, right?'

'I wouldn't lie. I haven't ever spent such a quiet summer but turns out, I like a lot. Too much for my own sake. The bookstore isn't boring. Rather, it gives me a sense of escape from reality.' He gave you a reassuring smile.

'Also', Jake added as a second thought. 'You aren't boring Y/N. You just make it all loads better.'

Your phone went off with a sharp ring. Your alarm wasn’t set to ring today. Who could it be? You groaned as you sleepily grabbed it from the nightstand. Without even checking the name, you picked up the call, ‘Hello? Who?’ ‘It’s me Jake, you dummy!’ His excited voice came from the other side.

You yawned, ‘What do you want?’ you checked the time, ‘It’s literal fucking half past four.’ ‘More reason to wake up, right?!’

‘Shut up, I’m hanging up and-’ ‘No no! I really did plan a surprise. Get ready, please, just for today. Please’, he begged from the other side.

Now, you were definitely wide awake, upon hearing his voice. He had planned what…? ‘Okay but the surprise better be good.’ ‘Also! Keep your bicycle ready.’

‘There you are!’ Jake greeted you with a wide smile as you grumbled and walked down the road with your bike where he stood. ‘You don’t get to smile like that after pulling me up from sleep’, you muttered angrily.

But really who were you to complain? It was Jake and you couldn’t deny the fact that you were genuinely excited for what was coming. It was always an adventure when it came to him.

‘You won’t be disappointed, trust me’, he said, boarding his bike and motioning for you to do the same. 

You breathed out a calming sigh, looking ahead at the empty road. Thanks to summer, the sun was already somewhere there on the horizon, spreading a fuzzy glow around you. Everything looked simpler, softer. In the light of the dawn, your thoughts felt less complicated, you almost felt it would be easy to sort out your feelings. Would it?

You turned to look at Jake, cycling in peace, a small grin on his face, ‘Told you! I sometimes go out on early morning rides, especially if I have a lot on my mind.’

‘So, why are you taking me then?’ ‘I don’t know. I just have a feeling you’ll like this place’, he shrugged. ‘Plus, I like spending time with you’, Jake added as an afterthought.’

A blush crept into your cheeks at his words. Stop over thinking you scolded yourself. But you couldn’t help the hope blossom in you. False hope. 

‘Here we are’, Jake spread his arms wide, showing you the view. After half an hour of cycling through empty streets and quiet places, you found yourself on a small hill. It was pretty abandoned, the only sounds that reached your ears were the chirping of birds and the whistling of trees in the cool summer morning.

In front of you lay your town and the forests beyond it. Those familiar buildings looked all new when you saw them from top of a hill. It radiated calmth… and comfort.

Or was the latter because of the person beside you? 

‘Thanks’, you spoke in a soft whisper but then you felt a hand tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your heart stopped as you turned towards Jake looking at you with a fond smile and slowly pulled you closer, resting his head on your shoulder. 

You couldn't process what he was doing. Was it all intentional? No, it was the usual playful Jake you knew, right? But the usual playful Jake wasn't like this. He had pulled you into a hug several times but never like this.

Never so tender in his actions that it made you think otherwise.

'I like the view so much. I hope you do too. It's just… very special, I had never shown it to Eunji either. People ruin things', he sighed, looking ahead. 

You scoffed as an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, 'So, I'm not a person?' 'No, you're Y/N. It's an entire special thing to be in itself.'

You didn't know what it meant anymore. The secret smiles, the small actions. You weren't oblivious, you saw it all but your face masked it behind the friendship.

But was it even friendship? You hoped it wasn't. You hoped you both had crossed the line of being "just friends".

It was the 20th of August when Jake liked mint chocolate ice cream. 

He touched his cheek as a familiar warmth flooded in at the sight of you. What was happening to him? Ever since the day on the hill, he had been feeling weird. Be it when he visited the bookstore or when you both hung out during the day (or night).

The way your laugh sounded in his ears, when you smiled, he noticed the way his heart skipped a beat. But he loved the most when through the afternoons you talked. Just talk, nothing and everything.

Jake had never felt so connected to anyone. You both had always been friends but seeing a friends standing before him, two ice creams in hand shouldn't make Jake blush.

But it did.

'Hey Mr.Zoned out!' You snapped your fingers before him, pulling him away from his thoughts. You handed him his ice cream while joining him on the curb. 

He made a disgusted face at the cone you were holding, 'Ugh. Mint chocolate.' You slapped his shoulder playfully, 'Yah! You are a person with zero taste.' 

'Oh really? Lemme try it then', Jake replied, challenging you. He scooped a bit with the plastic spoon before closing his eyes and tasting it. 

'Ew', he gagged. 'This tastes like fucking toothpaste', he wiped his mouth in disgust.

'Shut up, no need to be so over dramatic about it all', you chuckled and rolled your eyes. 

Jake looked at you as you continued eating and looking at the street in front. It was almost 5 in the evening, the kids were out playing but their shouts were only distant noise because all he could hear was your voice. All he could see was you. You weren't bright like the background but in his eyes, you were glowing. The sun falling on your face, as if highlighting only you in his eyes.

Almost as if on instinct, his hand slowly reached out to your free one, his fingers finding yours and intertwining them together.

You stopped, your heart beating way too fast, you could almost feel the redness of your cheeks.

What was happening? What was Jake doing? Why was he doing this? 

It felt wrong, you knew it. Your intuition could tell it. This was something you had waited forever to happen, but you knew this couldn't be.

Let go of his hand, Y/N. Let go let go let go let go… don't let go.

You didn't, too foolish and in love to walk away. And maybe that was the first mistake you had made.

The first rain of August came on the 25th.

Why was rain often associated with sadness? No, rain didn't mean sadness.

Because on that one day of August, you stood outside the bookstore looking at the dark clouds, the rain gave you hope.

You sighed, no wonder your mother kept on insisting you to take an umbrella. Now, there you were, standing in front of the closed shop.

But a bright yellow thing caught your eye, standing out in the dull gray background. You squinted your eyes as the figure came closer.

Jake.

Your stomach jumped. Had he come for you? 

He ran through the rain, his bright smile evident as you stared at him in wonder.

'What?' He asked. You shook your head, 'You…?' 'I came for you. You always forget your umbrella.' He completed the sentence for you.

Your mouth formed an "O" but a soft smile spread across your lips. 

'Here', he handed you the spare umbrella in hand and took hold of your wrist, pulling you into the rain.

You shrieked, 'At least let me open mine first.' He laughed at your sight, moving closer and holding his umbrella over you.

You noticed every single thing, the things you had noticed a hundred times before. But mostly you noticed his little actions.

The ones that made you fall for him all over again.

'Fuck, if I catch a cold, it'll be your fault, Sim Jake', you threatened the boy standing in front of your porch, grinning. You both had recklessly ran in the rain as a result the umbrellas had been pretty useless… but it was fun.

'Don't worry', he stepped forward, a certain fondness flickering in his eyes. 'I'll be there to bring you the meds.' 

It happened in a fraction of a second, swiftly, Jake bent down and gave a sudden kiss on your cheek. It was soft as a feather, almost like it didn't happen.

But you felt it. You almost felt dizzy, her cheeks heating you. You brought your hands to where he had just kissed you. It had happened, hadn't it?

But before you could say anything, Jake turned around, his head hung low in embarrassment but his stomach full of butterflies and sprinted in the opposite direction.

Had he meant it?

As Jake walked his way back home, his head filled with thoughts of you, a sudden buzz of his phone. He took it out, expecting a text from you.

But no… It was someone else.

His heart dropped. A contact that hadn't been there since 1st of August.

Eunji.

"jake, im so sorry."

But what followed after that day was something you had always feared. 

He ignored you. Every text, every call, no reply. Did he just get awkward? But even an awkward Jake wouldn't be this rude. Or was he angry with you? You didn't even do anything.

The next time you saw Jake, three days later, was when you went on a grocery run.

You could spot him anywhere. 'Jake! Wait', you called out to him. He didn't stop. 'Omg, stop being a shit head would you?! Stop fucking ignoring me!' You huffed, annoyed. 

That's when you saw his figure slowly turn towards you. 'Sorry', he muttered. You ran a hand through your hair. sorry? That's all he had to say? 

'Look, if it's about that day then forget it. You-you never kissed me.' 'What? Of course not, it isn't about that day', he replied. 

You looked at him confusedly, 'Huh? Then why, Jake? I had tried calling and texting you so many times but you couldn't bother to reply to me.'Your voice slowly rose.

'I was busy catching up with Eunji okay?!' his tone matching yours.

There came that name. Her name. Did you hear it correctly? What was she doing in this conversation?

'E-eunji…?' you looked at him, at loss of words. 'I thought yo-you were over her?' 

He gave you a look of disbelief, 'No. That day she sent me a text and I realised… I wasn't.'

Why did the crack in your heart deepen? Why was it always you who got hurt? 

And you couldn't help but ask, knowing the answer would make you feel worse, 'What about us then, Jake?' 

'Us? Y/N what are you talking about? We are friends, we always have been. There is no us.' 

There, the final blow. 'Why did you make me feel so special then? All for nothing? You know how much I like you, so much that everytime we spent time together this summer, I got my hopes up. I was so foolish, because of you Sim fucking Jaeyun. And that day you kissed me, I thought, finally you'll realize but no. It's always her, isnt it?', you didn't scream but the crack in your voice said it all.

And Jake remained silent through it all. because he knew he deserved 'So, this summer meant nothing to you?' You sniffed, a single tear rolling down your cheek.

'Nothing.' But you missed the flicker in his eyes. The flicker that said otherwise.

That it wasn't nothing, it was his eveything.

August 31st was when you lost it finally.

‘It was just a summer thing’, the words rang in your ear, loud and clear. They drowned the voices of all the chatter of classmates. ‘y/n? y/n? Are you okay?’ Lily asked beside you, furrowing her eyebrows in worry.

But you couldn’t respond to her, at that very moment, you thought you couldn’t do pretty much anything except look. Or rather stare at the sight unfolding before you. Before you knew it, the plastic cup fell from your hands, the beer splashing all over the floor and getting the attention of the people in the room, the attention of them. 

In the haze, you met your eyes with his, the soft brown ones that you had fallen in love with, the one which enveloped you in warmth. But now they felt like they were hurting you, the annoyance in them.

A tear rolled down your cheek as you turned around. The room suddenly felt too small, the stares of the people felt accusing. You let go of Lily’s hand that gripped your wrist and ran in the opposite direction.

Did you hear footsteps behind you? Were they Jake’s? You hated to admit it but you wished they were. You wished that he was the one following you, the one who'd hold you back.

For once, prove it to you that you weren’t the second lead.

But he wasn’t there.

You found yourself rushing to the porch, the sounds fading out. But you could hear the blood pumping in your ears, the sound of your shallow breath that you had been holding for so long.

He wasn’t there. What did you even expect?

You were a summer thing for him… but he was your summer love.

permanent taglist open- send an ask- @rikizm @str0l0gy @yenqa @heetoldme @crxzs @s00buwu @nhularin

"Sunghoon. You're delusional. There's no way you dreamed of your soulmate already. We're just 19." Jake, Sunghoon's best friend, said to him. 

"Jake... I saw her though.." Sunghoon mumbled. "I saw her face so clearly, and she just.. she looked perfect.. I know we normally get the dreams at 21.. I know that. But... maybe I'm a special case?"

"Or maybe she's older than you." 

"Doubtful..." Sunghoon sighed, looking at the tattoo on his wrist. "Her birthdate is one year after us.." 

"Oh... Then maybe it is a special case..." 

ONE YEAR LATER 

Sunghoon was walking down one of the many hallways of the HYBE Labels building, heading to his practice room. Just then, someone bumped into his chest. Sunghoon looked down and saw a girl. A trainee. The girl in his dreams. 

"Sorry..." The girl looked up at him. 

Sunghoon gasped. "I-it's fine... What's your name?..." 

"Y/n... You're Park Sunghoon... From ENHYPEN..." She realized. 

"Don't mind that... Do you maybe have time for... a coffee?" 

"I.." She calmed down. "I'd love to.." 

tagging ! @hyhees @flwrshee @nicholasluvbot @kemo1y

Head between your arms, covered by a beanie decorated with star charms and other accents, it was grey and just a few shades darker than your uniform skirt. Hands comfortably covered by the sleeves of your oversized white shirt, fingers clutched tightly to its' cuffs in your comatose state. Feet covered in black sneakers with white stars drawn on the side.

Heeseung had quickly become intrigued with the sight of a newcomer. And now it was a regular occurrence for him to be tapped by the teacher, whispered to by one of his friends, or recieve slight kicks under the desks in an attempt to get him to regain focus.

It didnt work, or maybe it did. He was focused, just not on finding the answers to unnecessary question, but on you. 

+

01 | "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?", a question that never seemed to stop crossing the tip of your tongue over the next few weeks. It was as if it was always supposed to be a thought and never meant to be uttered in fear of the response you may get in return. Fear? Why fear? When there was no reason to be afraid. In fact, you never really gave much thought towards the unmistakable glances being thrown your way on the daily, just passing it off on the fact that you were new. Everyone stares at the new kid right?

Well, that statement was partially correct. There was a short period in which you would receive looks from your classmates. Different days, different eyes filled with, confusion, interest, awkwardness, or just plain blank eyed stares. The last being the reason the aforementioned statement was only partially true.

Even after months of being apart of the school environment you still received these stares, except these eyes contained an emotion you weren't familiar with. Lee Heeseung, the culprit for your new found confusion regarding feelings the eyes could carry.

+

02 | STANDING IN FRONT OF THE LOCKER, Heeseung constantly rocked on his feet. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Like a loop of sorts. His eyes holding a similar movement, darting back and forth along the empty hallway. Clutching tightly to the envelope he held in hand he let out a quiet sigh contemplating if this was the right idea.

He wasnt sure how he ended up here. Standing in front of his crush's locker, whiteknuckling the slightly crumbled envelope, hoping you hadn't decided to leave gym class early. The only reminder being the faint memory of the short conversation he had with his older brother the previous night.

He heard the familiar sound of the school's bell, signifying there was only 10 more minutes left for the classes that were taking place, but nevermind that Heeseung thought, he had business to take care of — successfully planting the letter in your locker undetected and getting the hell out of there.    

But as faith would have it, you successfully spoiled Heeseung's plan.

Being let out from gym early had been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because now you had enough time to change and get your business done without being subjected to the suffocating mass of sweaty teenage girls aka the girls changing room. And a curse because everyone had seen you fall flat on your face earning yourself a bruised lip and a special escort to the nurses office to treat any other injuries.

It also had another advantage — if you could even call it that, spotting Lee Heeseung standing before your locker looking as happy as ever.

+

03 | HEESEUNG DID IT, today was the day. He had slipped his note into the locker with 5 minutes to spare. He had finally made a move and he was gonna be early to his next session. It was probably an overreaction but Heeseung felt as if he were on cloud nine, that was until he turned around and immediately felt his smile drop to a frown. At the thought of him being caught and the sight of the numerous bandages covering your skin.

There you were staring right up at him. Sharp eyes containing slight confusion, head titled slightly and fingers gripping the black bag strap that laid over your jacket covered shoulder. He wanted to ask if you were okay or hopefully get you to relay what had happend, but he kept quiet. Still a bit too shocked and embarrassed.

As he stood there, holding awkward eye contact, Heeseung wondered what he may have looked like to you in this very moment. Did you think he was a creep or a weirdo for messing with your locker? Would you now look at him differently? What would happen when you eventually saw the letter? Would you feel the same? Or would you reject him, leaving him a victim to heart ache? He felt like putting his long legs to use and getting the hell out of there, but he couldnt. Not when you were staring up at him with those pretty eyes he had longed to see.

There was no change in your expression as you slowly signalled for him to shift over so you could open your locker.

And even as you opened your locker — not missing the envelop that fell to the ground, you just continued with your business, not even batting an eye until you were finished and slowly bent down to pick it up. Running your fingers over it, feeling the material as it made contact with your fingertips you looked at heeseung unsure how to respond.

"You left this for me," you let out in the form of a small mumble, still surprised with the sudden attention you were receiving. Although, you tried not to show it.

"Uhh, yeah i was actually planning to you know, not be here when you found it," was the response you got, as you noticed the slight deflate of Heeseung's chest, as he let out a breath neither of you knew he was keeping in.

"Thank you," you returned in a breathy voice, suppressing a chuckle from how awkward this situation had become.

The bell had suddenly gone off again, signifying only a few more minutes till the hallway you stood in would be filled with impatient pupils, eagerly navigating the area to acquire a good seating for their next lesson.

"I think it's time we go now," Heeseung said catching your attention and subsequently stopping you from viewing the letter — which you unknowingly already managed to open, any further.

But unluckily for Heeseung you had read far enough, your eyes and mind stuck on a certain three word phrase, i like you.

"You..." you trailed off at the end realizing you didn't know what to say in response to these word.

Sure, you had developed a small liking towards the boy who stood before you. But to have said boy confessing his own feelings towards you in such a endearing manner had you lost for words.

"Look, it's okay if you dont feel the same, im sorr-"

"I like you too," you interrupted him, a new feeling of confidence surging through your veins.

You didnt receive a verbal response after this, though you did get a giddy smile from Heeseung, who was now decked in pink cheeks and wide bambi eyes that looked down at you with fondness. And you returned his smile in a similar flushed state, as you watched him slowly step away as the area got crowded, once again.

Call me he mouthed, his big grin fading into a small smirk. You gave him an unsure look but it was obvious he was already expecting this as he only pointed downwards — to the envelope you held in hand.

And surely enough, at the back of the crumpled envelope, hastily written in black ink was a number paired with a signature, Lee Heeseung's signature.

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Jake held the wall exhaling slowly hoping he had enough strength to knock on your window. He noticed your window slightly open and the sound of whatever tv show you were watching playing inside.

The knocks startled you and your thin curtain covered just about everything and given it was late at night, you couldn’t see anything.

“What the-” You got up from your bed inching cautiously towards the window and as you moved the curtain, you saw Jake with his head low and matted hair.

His hair stuck to his forehead as he sweated profusely through the thick suit he was wearing. His mask was balled up in one hand while the other held his torso like he was about to collapse— and he was, in just a matter of seconds.

“Jake!?” You opened the window wider and completely dismissed the fact he’s the friendly neighborhood spider-man you admired— you pulled him into your room.

“What the hell happened to you?” You encircled your arms around his waist, noticing his staggering feet. Blood from his open bicep wound began to roll down his arm and pooled at his fingertips.

“I-I need help, p-please,” Jake stuttered out and dropped his entire body onto you. His head falling in the crook of your neck and his arm that held his stomach clenched your shirt.

“Okay, okay. Do you think you can make it to the bathroom?” You asked, trying to get a look at his face but he just dug his nose deeper into your neck.

He was embarrassed by the fact he needed your help. He was supposed to be protecting others, he was the one people called when in danger and here he was stumbling on his feet from a stomach wound?

“I think so, just hold me.” Jake whispered and he threw his other arm over your shoulder with a low wince. You nodded and started walking towards your door and to the bathroom just in front of your bedroom.

Trying to be light on your feet while dragging an entire body was difficult, your parents were asleep and your brother could be home any minute from the party he sneaked out to.

“Where’s Jay?” Jake asked. “At some party, he’ll be home soon.” You replied, shutting the door and locking it before resting Jake on the counter. Jake leaned back letting his head touch the mirror and he let his lips fall open with a moan of absolute agony.

You moved around trying to find the first aid kit, messing up things on your shelf while rummaging. The bright red case found you first and you snatched it quickly, turning back to Jake.

“I don’t think I'm hospital level but I can help you until you see a real doctor tomorrow.” You told him while looking for the alcohol.

“I can’t go to the doctor,” Jake answered and you snapped your head at him with furrowed brows.

“What do you mean? You’ll kill yourself just leaving these wounds untreated.” Jake knew you were getting frustrated, your brows knitted more than usual and you bit your bottom lip.

“They’ll run tests and x-rays and they’ll see somethings not right with me and news will get out that I’m who I am. I can’t Yn, I'm sorry.” It felt like he was saying sorry for something that wasn’t even a matter to apologize for. But it made sense and you didn’t want to agree but you had to.

“I’ll try to do my best,” You sighed and Jake smiled, slipping himself out of the top of his suit. His abs flexed and you gulped, looking away. There were many times you saw Jake half naked— like days you all went to the pool or when your house was so hot he was practically naked. This was different though, it was more intimate.

You poured alcohol on both his wounds and he cupped your waist pinching your skin through your pj’s. Butterflies swarmed your stomach and you tried to not let it distract you. His groans filled the room along with the sounds of you unwrapping bandage after bandage and gauze after gauze.

It’d been about twenty minutes now of you praying to god that you knew what you were doing and you were doing it right.

“I think you’re good now,” You nodded looking down at Jake’s hand that only became firmer around you by every step you took back.

“Thank you Yn, I really appreciate it.” Jake looked up from his stomach, now both of his hands held your waist. His fingers dipped into the waistband of your pants, startling you.

“I should thank you,” His voice suddenly dropped an octave and his eyes grew dark. Jake pulled you into him not caring that you rubbed against his wound.

His nose brushed yours and his breath felt feverish like it was the hottest day of the summer and the wind didn’t help. His lips were just inches away and you felt your eyes closing.

Jake smashed his lips against yours moving at a pace that felt ungodly matched to the racing of your heart. His soft lips molded against yours and he hugged your waist pushing you on him.

One hand held his nape while the other cupped his jawline keeping him in place. Jake smiled against your lips continuing his little routine. And for a while it felt like you had been kissing him for hours, and he pulled away placing his forehead on yours.

“Maybe I should get hurt more,” He grinned, leaving another peck on your lips before hugging you. You smiled, hitting his back lightly.

You had contemplated going to bed early that night but thankfully you hadn’t. You would’ve missed the love of your life confessing his love through a thank you kiss.

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"You know who you're racing yet?" Sunoo asked while walking over to the passenger side. His arm was wrapped around a friend, a friend as he called it.

"Nah, they're not here yet supposedly." Heeseung shrugged while leaning back farther into the seat. His jacket was larger than him and heavier— the big bolded works 'SUZUKI' on the back.

Jay chuckled lowly glancing around the track. They were in their rivals turf, the way richer side of Riverfield and definitely more cocky. Girls were decked out in high fashion brands and skirts that barely fit them while boys found pride in their cars daddy passed down to them.

And while Heeseung was closing his eyes, the sound of revving from behind them silenced everyone else. Loud cheers echoed seeing the familiar car roll up to the start line beside the boys.

It was black and shiny, not a single speck of dirt was found on the mouth watering Centodieci, the prettiest car in the lot.

"Theres your competition," Sunghoon whistled lowly, digging his hands into his pockets. The windows were blacked out and there hadn't been movement inside since the driver parked the car.

Suddenly, the passenger window rolled down. You sat in the seat hiding from the peering eyes. Heeseung’s gaze immediately found your figure and he sat up straighter yearning towards your car in hopes to get a better look at you.

“Finally!” The main coordinator threw his hands in the air walking over to where the driver got out of the car. Lee Donghyuck, your boyfriend— sort of. There was never an established label and he only hung around you to get closer to your brother— the conductor of these races.

You stepped out of the car as well. Being in the tight space of the race car and having hot stares on you was mildly uncomfortable. Your heels met the pavement and you stood up fixing your dress. You were the flag girl for the night after the previous one stepped out.

“Hey,” A voice called as you closed the car door. You turned to see Heeseung, his platinum blonde hair heaved in different directions but he still looked show stopping.

“You new around here?” He was getting out of the car, his figure even larger than you expected. You had watched his races before, concealing yourself in the crowd hoping nobody found you on the opposite side of the tracks. He was attractive, you couldn’t lie.

“No, just never on the road.” He was standing in front of you now and he was sculpted from a god. His long, straight nose made your eyes fall to his plump lips then to his sharp jaw.

“What’s your name?” He asked as if he was out of breath, he wanted to get to know you before the clocked ticked out and he had to be behind the wheel racing a nobody.

“Yn,” You replied.

Heeseung nodded, he furrowed his eyebrows before stepping even closer like it was possible. He closed the space between you two and there was no space for air to pass through.

“You with that asshole?” He tilted his head and you knew who he was talking about. Everyone asked that question and you never knew the answer, but somehow, someway, you decided right there and then in front of Heeseung.

“No. I’m not.” You breathed out. The boy nodded, smiling almost at the words. He couldn’t explain it, there was an attraction towards you he’d never felt before. He’s had girls fall at his feet for nothing but a single greeting and he’s never had trouble getting whoever he wanted, so why was he so nervous around someone he just met?

“Good,” He stepped away as he heard more footsteps coming over. Your brother and Hyuck walking together. Your brother held your flag.

“Alright, listen. I’ve got about two bands here from every single better in the stadium, you make it three laps around the ring and you win this.” Your brother showed the envelope that was about to combust at the seams.

“And the loser?” Heeseung was already glancing at Hyuck with those words.

“Loser gets my sister.” Your brother scoffed out, he was auctioning you off like an old famous tennis racket at a country club auction.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Heeseung tilted his head with a smirk. Never in his years of racing did he ever contemplate losing on purpose but there he was.

“Given you’re winning streak, I don’t think your ego will let you lose for a girl Lee.” Hyuck spit out like venom.

“Yeah, we’ll see Donghyuck.” Heeseung winked at you before he retreated back to Jake’s car. Jay gave him a firm handshake before following the rest of his friends to the sidelines.

You took the red flag from your brother and walked towards the white X in the road. The headlights from both cars shined on you like a spotlight in a school play. They revved their engines signaling their anticipation.

“On your marks,” You glanced towards both cars. You saw Hyuck clenching the wheel until his knuckles turned pale.

“Get set,” You warned.

“Go!” You swung the flag and both cars went wizzing past you making your hair blow. Heeseung was behind Hyuck for the first lap, then the second and the third.

For the first time in his career, he lost. And it was for you.

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As you slowly opened your eyes, the morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow on the room. The smell of pajeon wafted through the air as the door to the bedroom opened. Turning towards the door, you saw Heeseung entering the room, carrying a tray of freshly made pajeon. His eyes met yours, and a tender smile graced his lips. The sight of him, the tray in his hands, and the enticing aroma of the savory pancakes combined into a heartwarming tableau.

You stirring awake. "Good morning," he greeted softly, his voice a gentle melody that resonated in your heart. He carefully placed the tray on the bedside table, ensuring not a single piece of the delicious pajeon spilled. The sizzling sound subsided, but the warmth of the freshly made pancakes still lingered in the air, creating an atmosphere of comfort and contentment.

You couldn't help but smile back at Heeseung, appreciating the thoughtful gesture. "Morning," you replied, your voice still a bit drowsy but filled with affection. "You made pajeon for breakfast? You really spoil me."

Heeseung chuckled softly, moving closer to the bed and sitting down beside you. "Well, you deserve to be spoiled," he said, brushing a strand of hair away from your face with a tender touch. "Especially on a chilly morning like this. I thought some warm pajeon would be perfect to start the day."

The enticing aroma was now irresistible, and you felt your stomach growl in response. "It smells amazing," you said, leaning in to give Heeseung a gentle kiss on his lips. Heeseung returned the kiss with equal tenderness, his hand gently cupping your cheek.

The warmth of his touch and the aroma of the pajeon created an intoxicating mix of sensations, making you feel even more awake and alive. He pulled back slightly, his eyes locking onto yours with a loving intensity.

"I'm glad you like it," he whispered, his voice filled with affection. "I wanted to make this morning special for us." Your heart swelled as he kissed you again. As the kiss deepened, you felt a surge of warmth and love enveloping you. Heeseung's affectionate gestures created atmosphere of intimacy that was difficult to resist.

After the tender moment, Heeseung broke the kiss, his forehead resting gently against yours. "Wake up," he whispered, as you furrowed your eyebrows. "Wake up?" you repeated, slightly confused. Heeseung chuckled softly at your confusion. "Wake up, Y/N" he yelled this time. Jolting from your sleep, you found yourself back in reality, the cozy bedroom and the smell of pajeon fading away. Confusion washed over you as you tried to make sense of what just happened. You were no longer wrapped in warm blankets, and there was no sign of Heeseung or the tray of freshly made pajeon.

Looking around the room in a daze, you sat up hugging your legs to your chest. Why were you dreaming about him? You hadn't talked or even seen him in a while. How long had it been? How many months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds had it been since you last saw him. Grabbing your phone from the nightstand, you checked the time. 6:45 AM. The remnants of the dream no memory plagued your mind. Why now were you dreaming of him?

With a sigh, you fell back into bed. A knock and the creak of your door made you sigh and sit up. Your roommate stood at the door, holding a bowl of cereal. She had a puzzled look on her face as she glanced at you. “Did I wake you?” She asked placing the bowl on your nightstand. You blinked still trying to shake off the remnants of the memory. "You didn't wake me up, don't worry.” She shrugged taking a seat at the edge of your bed. “Sorry that's the only thing we had in the pantry but hey it's your favorite kind.”

Shaking your head with a smile you grabbed the bowl eating a spoonful of sugary goodness. You appreciated your roommate's thoughtfulness. Of course, she had always been thoughtful when she wanted to be of course. "Thanks for the cereal," you said, smiling gratefully at her. "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded, her expression turning slightly concerned. "Yeah, I did. But are you okay? You seemed a bit lost in thought just now."

You debated whether or not to share the dream with her. After a moment's hesitation, you decided to open up. "It's just that I had a really vivid dream earlier. It felt so real, like I was back in that moment with him. You know, the one I told you about a while ago?" She nodded a smile making its way upon her lips one you knew all too well. “You mean your ex-rockstar boyfriend?” You could only shake your head at her and the stupid smile on her face.

“Yes, that one. But those dreams or should I say memories, make me feel as though it just happened, yesterday. We've been broken up for months. Maybe I miss him?” Your roommate couldn't help but gush. "Maybe this is where you finally realize that you want to get back together with him?"

You chuckled at your roommate's enthusiastic response. "I don't know about that," you replied, trying to downplay her excitement. "It's just a dream, after all. Dreams can be strange sometimes, bringing up old memories and feelings."

She raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced by your attempt to dismiss the dream. "Come on, Y/N. You don't just dream about someone like that for no reason. Maybe it's your subconscious trying to tell you something." Shaking your head you were a little hesitant to even think about getting back or even talking to him. Though you knew some part of you wanted to know if what she had said was true.

But even if it was true how could you tell him about these so called feelings? You hadn't had contact with him in almost a year. He could be anywhere in the world, touring, traveling, do anything he wanted too.

You leaned back against the headboard, staring at the ceiling as you contemplated your roommate's words. "Even if what you said was true. I don't even know where he is now," you said softly, more to yourself than to her. "He's probably moved on, living his life, and here I am, stuck with these dreams and memories."

Your roommate scoffed, "I don't believe for a second that you actually deleted his number." You shrugged giving her your phone to search for his contact. With a playful smirk, your roommate took your phone and started searching through your contacts. "Let's see if my theory is right," she said, her fingers tapping on the screen.

Minutes had passed as she continued to search through your contact. A smile made its way upon her lips as she found what she was looking for. “Aha! Here it is! I knew it.” She exclaimed triumphantly as she held up your phone his contact on the screen. You rolled your eyes taking the phone from her hands before calling the number only for it to say that the number is no longer in use.

Watching her smile fade, you sighed and confirmed what you had suspected all along. "See? He's not even reachable anymore," you said, handing back the phone. "He probably changed his number or something. It's for the best.” Unconvinced by your reasoning she shook her head grabbing her phone. Watching her with curiosity you wondered what she could possibly be doing.

“What’s his @?” She questioned holding up her phone with the Instagram app pulled up. Taking her phone you shook your head. “No. We are not going to stalk his page just because I had a dream or memory about him. We are not. Enough of this conversation. I have to get ready for class.”

Your roommate pouted, but she knew she had to respect your wishes. “Alright, alright. I won't stalk his page,” She said surrendering with a playful sigh before falling back against your bed. “But if I am right about your dream or memory. You owe me a month’s worth of ramen.”

You chuckled at your roommate's playful demand. "Deal," you said, knowing that she was just having some fun with you. "But let's drop this topic for now, okay? I need to focus on getting ready for class."

Your roommate nodded, giving you a mock salute. "Understood, Captain. No more talk about dreamy ex-boyfriends for now." She grinned, and you couldn't help but smile back. Leaving you to get ready, your roommate left your room. Sitting on your bed with a huff you couldn’t help but stare at your phone. ‘He moved on. So should you.” Your mind repeated, trying to convince yourself to stop thinking about him. You broke up for a reason so act like it.

Grabbing your phone you finally did what you failed to do all those months ago. As you pressed the delete button, erasing your ex-boyfriend's contact from your phone, a mix of emotions washed over you. Relief, sadness, and most of all regret. Not wanting to dwell on your emotions for much longer you got up and got ready for the day.

Classes were like a welcome distraction for you throughout the day. Much of your mind was focused on class and the upcoming assignments you would have to complete before next week came around. And to your surprise you hadn’t thought about him once. As the day was coming to an end, you finally managed to make it back to your apartment. Your roommate lay on the couch, immersed in her phone, not once looking up when she heard the door open.

You dropped your bag on the floor and flopped down on the couch next to your roommate, feeling a mix of exhaustion and relief after a long day of classes. Shifting you came to lay your head in her lap which finally got her attention. Looking down at you she smiled. One that you knew all too well. Sitting up pointing your finger at her accusingly you spoke, “What did you do?!” She immediately clutched her hand to her heart in fake innocence.

“Little o me? I didn’t do anything.” You narrowed your eyes at your roommate, not buying her innocent act for a second. Pinching her she yelped rubbing her arm. "Okay! Okay! I might have looked at his recent tour dates. And I might have gotten us tickets to attend his concert. That’s coming up soon.” Your eyes widened as you stood up from the couch running your hands through your short curls. Taking a deep breathe you tried your best not to scream at your roommate.

Looking at her in disbelief and and frustration you spoke through gritted teeth, “I literally begged you to drop the subject. And you go and order tickets to his concert? That’s the one thing I didn’t want you to do and you did it anyway. Great.” Plopping back down on the couch, you let out a long sigh and looked at your roommate. “Now what are we supposed to do?”

Your roommate grabbed you by the shoulders looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry but think about it. This may give you the closure that you need. Once you see him who knows your feelings may just disappear or worse come back. But this is what you need so if anything, I’m not sorry for getting those tickets. But hey, at least there’s another month until then so those dreams or memories of yours may go away by then.”

You couldn't help but let out a defeated chuckle at your roommate's persistence. "You really don't give up, do you?" you said, shaking your head with a small smile. "Alright, fine. I'll go to the concert with you. But I'm doing this just to get closure, okay? Not because I want to rekindle anything with him."

Your roommate grinned triumphantly, giving you a quick hug. "That's all I wanted to hear," she said, clearly pleased with her successful persuasion. "And who knows, maybe it'll be a fun night out for us both."

You could only hope it turned out that way. Standing from the couch, you sighed. “Alright enough of that. What are we eating for dinner?” As the evening progressed, you and your roommate decided to cook some creamy tomato pasta for dinner. The comforting aroma of the simmering sauce filled the kitchen, momentarily distracting you from the events of the day.

As you both sat down to eat, your roommate couldn't help but bring up the concert again. "I promise you, it'll be a great experience," she said, trying to reassure you. "Just think of it as closure, as a way to put those lingering thoughts to rest."

You nodded, trying to push away any anxious thoughts about the upcoming concert. "You're right. It's just a concert, and I can handle it. Besides, it'll be nice to spend some time out and enjoy the music."

Throughout dinner, your roommate talked excitedly about the concert, the setlist, and how much fun it would be. You appreciated her enthusiasm, even though you were trying to remain calm and collected about the whole situation.

After dinner, you two decided to call it a night. Laying in bed, you couldn’t help but wonder if you were making the right choice. Because what if seeing him brought back the memories you were trying to not remember. Sighing you lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, lost your thoughts. The uncertainty of the upcoming concert was gnawing at you and the memories of your ex-boyfriend seemed to be even more intense. You tried to convince yourself that attending the concert was just a way to get closure and move on, but deep down, you knew it might not be that simple.

As you lay there, your mind wandered back to the time you spent with him. The late-night conversations, the laughter, the shared dreams, and the heart-to-heart moments. But you also couldn't forget the reasons why you two had broken up. The feeling of your own dreams not being fulfilled, becoming a burden for both you and him. Being nothing but a girlfriend who didn’t have a life of her own and who followed her boyfriend around like a lost puppy.

But then, again, was there a need to break up. Part of you always wondered if you could’ve still been with him and still would’ve been able to pursue your own path. Was there a need to break up or were you just scared? Wrapping your arms around you, the tears had started to fall. You ruined something that was beautiful and meaningful. The tears streamed down your cheeks as you realized the weight of your emotions. Perhaps you hadn't fully processed the breakup, and the dreams were a manifestation of unresolved feelings.

In the stillness of the night, your roommate entered the room, sensing your distress. She sat down beside you, offering a comforting presence. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, placing a hand on your back.

You took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself. “I ruined it.” Your roommate grew confused at your words. What were you talking about? You wiped away the tears, trying to compose yourself as you explained further. "I ruined our relationship," you said, your voice cracking with emotion. "I ruined our relationship. I was so stupid to have wanted to have my own path that I didn’t think that I could still be with him and pursue the life I wanted. So I broke up with him for no reason and now I feel so stupid.”

Your roommate sat there not knowing what to say. Her expression softened with empathy. She could see the pain and regret in your eyes, and she knew that your emotions were running deep. She gently placed her arm around your shoulder, offering a comforting gesture. “As much as I want to understand I can’t. I don’t understand how you’re feeling and I probably will never know but I want you to know relationships work both ways.”

As you took a shaky breath, your roommate continued, "It's easy to be hard on yourself in hindsight, but remember that you made decisions based on what you felt was right at that time. Relationships are complicated, and it's normal to have doubts and fears. It's okay to want to pursue your own path and have your own dreams. You shouldn't feel guilty for that."

Her words offered some comfort, but the weight of your emotions still lingered. "I know, but what if I made the wrong choice?" you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "What if I threw away something beautiful because I was too scared to face the challenges together?"

Your roommate gently squeezed your shoulder, offering reassurance. "Regrets are a natural part of life, but dwelling on them won't change the past," she said softly. "You made a decision based on what you felt was best for you at that time. Maybe it wasn't the right choice for the relationship, but it was what you needed in that moment. Remember, you can't change the past, but you can learn from it and grow."

You let out small laugh, “What if I don’t wanna learn from it? What if….I just want him?” As you voiced your deepest emotions, your roommate's expression softened even more, and she wrapped her arms around you in a comforting embrace. "It's okay to feel that way," she said gently. "Wanting him, even after all this time, doesn't make you weak or wrong. It just means that he held a special place in your heart, and it's normal to miss someone who meant so much to you."

Quietness settled in the room, your eyes fluttered close as sleep overtook you. You blinked letting the cool air hit you as you sat up. Arms had come to rest on your waist. “Hold still.” You remarked lightly brushing a piece of hair away from his face. Applying the last coat of polish to his nails as you finished painting his nails, he looked up at you with a playful smile. "You're really good at this, you know?" he said, admiring the color you had chosen for him.

You chuckled, setting the nail polish aside. "Well, it's not every day I get to play manicurist for a rockstar," you replied, teasing him. "But I'm glad you like it."

He brought your hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on your knuckles. "I like everything you do," he said, his eyes filled with affection. "You make everything better."

Chuckling softly you wrapped your arms around his neck, “So does that mean I can paint them more often?” As you laughed, he playfully squirmed, pretending to be shocked. "Are you trying to turn me into a nail polish addict?" he teased, grinning mischievously. "I think once in a while is more than enough, don't you think?"

You playfully rolled your eyes, "Well, I thought you looked great with those nails," you said, enjoying the playful banter between you two. "But you're right, we don't want you becoming a nail polish connoisseur."

He pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I'll leave the nail polish expertise to you," he said, his tone softening. "You have a special touch that brings out the best in everything."

Your heart swelled with affection, and you couldn't help but lean in, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. The room was filled with warmth and love as you both embraced each other. These were the moments you cherished, the ones that made you feel like you were on top of the world.

Eventually, the dream shifted, bringing you to a different moment in your past. It was a rainy afternoon, and you and Heeseung were huddled together under an umbrella, laughing and splashing puddles as you walked through the wet streets. You both ended up seeking shelter in a nearby cafe, where you spent hours chatting and enjoying each other's company.

The dream continued, taking you through various memories you had shared with him. Each one was a beautiful snapshot of the time you spent together, reminding you of the deep connection you once had. As the dream went on, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of happiness and sorrow. Happy to have experienced such wonderful moments with him but sad to have let them slip away.

The following morning, you woke up with a sense of emotional exhaustion, feeling like you had lived through a lifetime of memories in just one night. The dream had stirred up so many emotions, leaving you with a lingering sense of longing and regret.

As the days passed, the upcoming concert loomed over you like a mix of excitement and trepidation. The dreams continued occasionally, not as vivid as the first, but still bringing back memories and emotions you had buried deep within.

You tried your best to not let the dreams or memories get to you instead letting yourself get sucked into the busy schedule of university and classes. Your roommate didn't utter a word about the concert since that night you had expressed how you were feeling. But you knew some part of her was still excited to go to the concert. And you hated to admit it, but some part of you was excited to go as well, even if you were going to see him.

As the day of the concert drew near, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of nerves and excitement. You had managed to keep your emotions in check and maintain a sense of detachment from the memories and dreams you were having over the last few weeks. But you couldn't shake off the feeling that seeing him in person would bring back all those emotions you had tried endlessly over the last few weeks to push down and forget.

On the day of the concert, your roommate was buzzing with excitement, eagerly getting ready for the event. As much as she tried to involve you in the preparations, you seemed to be distracted. Throwing a pillow your way, she called out, "Hey, snap out of it! Today's the day! We're going to have a great time!"

You mustered a small smile, trying to match her enthusiasm. "You're right, today's the day," you replied, nodding. "Let's make the most of it and enjoy the concert."

Your roommate beamed at your response, knowing that you were doing your best to stay positive. "That's the spirit!" she exclaimed, throwing on her favorite outfit and adding some accessories. "Now, let's get you looking fabulous too!"

You allowed yourself to get caught up in her excitement, and together, you picked out a stylish yet comfortable outfit for the concert. As you got ready, your nerves started to build up, and you tried to push away any thoughts of the dreams and memories that had been haunting you. You didn't want to overthink things, especially when it was just supposed to be a fun night out with your roommate.

The time finally came to head to the concert venue. You and your roommate were filled with anticipation as you made your way through the bustling crowd of excited fans. The atmosphere was electric, and you couldn't help but get caught up in the energy surrounding you. Everything reminded you of the times you spent at concerts with him, the exhilaration and joy of being in the midst of the crowd, sharing the love for music.

As you entered the venue, the stage lights illuminated the massive crowd, and the anticipation built even further. Your heart raced, not just from the excitement of the concert but also from the nerves of seeing him again after so long.

Finding your seats, your roommate couldn't contain her excitement as she chatted with the people around you. You, on the other hand, tried to focus on the performance, immersing yourself in the music to distract yourself from any intrusive thoughts.

As the concert began, the energy from the crowd was contagious. The music filled the air, and the performer on stage gave an electrifying performance, captivating everyone in the audience. Your roommate was dancing and singing along, completely immersed in the experience.

You, too, found yourself getting lost in the music, allowing the beats and melodies to wash over you. In those moments, you felt a temporary escape from the thoughts and emotions that had been swirling within you. The concert was indeed a fantastic experience, and you were grateful to your roommate for convincing you to come.

But even amidst the excitement, there was still a sense of trepidation. The knowledge that he was the one performing on that stage was ever-present in your mind. As the setlist progressed, you found yourself subconsciously searching for glimpses of him, wondering how he looked and how he had changed over the months you had been apart.

Then, finally, the moment came. Heeseung stepped onto the stage, and the crowd erupted with cheers and applause. He looked confident and radiant, and the sight of him brought back a flood of memories and emotions. You felt a pang in your heart, and for a moment, it was as if time had stood still.

His voice filled the venue, and you couldn't help but be mesmerized by his talent. He sang with passion and emotion, and the lyrics seemed to resonate with you on a personal level. You felt a mix of joy and sorrow, realizing that the emotions you had tried so hard to suppress were still very much alive within you.

As the concert was slowly coming to an end, the songs had become slower which accentuated the emotional atmosphere. You found yourself getting lost in the music and the memories it brought back. It was like a bittersweet trip down memory lane, revisiting the moments you had shared with him, both the happy and the difficult ones.

With each note he sang, the emotions swirled inside you, making it hard to maintain your composure. The crowd's cheers and the music surrounded you, but it felt as if you were in a world of your own, just you and the memories that resurfaced.

As the final song approached, he addressed the audience, his voice filled with gratitude and sincerity. "Thank you all for being here tonight," he said, looking out at the sea of faces. "I never take this support for granted, and it means the world to me."

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause, and you couldn't help but join in, knowing how much his music meant to his fans and the impact he had on people's lives. "This next song I will admit, is for someone i hadn't thought I would see again. Maybe some part of me wishes I had expressed everything I wanted to say before you left my life. Before the end. Maybe I should've manned up and asked you to finally be mine forever. Now I can only hope that wherever you are in this crowd of thousands, that this song is for you, and that I miss you and I love you."

Looking at your roommate with widened eyes, you finally saw the small smile upon her lips. ""Surprise, y/n. I know i shouldn't have but I had too. Just listen to the song. I promise, you'll thank me later." Looking back at the stage your heart was racing as the music started, and his voice filled the air. The lyrics were heartfelt, filled with raw emotion, and you couldn't help but feel a lump forming in your throat. It was a song that seemed to speak directly to you, addressing the thoughts and feelings you had been wrestling with for so long.

Tears welled up in your eyes, at a line of lyrics you hadn't expected to hear, " Maybe marriage would've been to soon but the ring I held in my pocket, the one I never got the chance to give you." Your heart ached as the weight of his words sank in, and you couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions—regret, longing, and love—all intertwined.

As the song reached its conclusion, the crowd erupted into thunderous applause and cheers. Heeseung took a deep breath, his eyes searching the audience. Your heart pounded as you met his gaze, and for a brief moment, it felt like the world around you disappeared. There was a connection in that gaze, a recognition of the past shared between you two.

In that fleeting moment, it felt like time stood still. The emotions you had been trying to suppress over the past few weeks came rushing back with overwhelming force. The memories, the dreams, and the love you once shared with him all flooded back at once. You were taken aback by the intensity of it all, and it left you feeling vulnerable and exposed.

Heeseung held your gaze for a moment longer, his expression filled with a mixture of emotions as well. But before you could fully process what was happening, he turned away, thanking the audience once again and exiting the stage with his bandmates.

The concert ended, and the crowd slowly dispersed, but you remained seated for a while longer, trying to collect your thoughts. Your roommate sat beside you, her hand gently resting on your shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"You okay?" she asked softly, concern evident in her eyes. Turning towards her, you wrapped her in a tight hug. "Thank you." You whispered as she hugged you back just as tightly. Your roommate pulled back slightly, looking into your eyes with understanding. "You're welcome and you can thank me by buying me a month's worth of ramen." Chuckling you wrapped your pinkie around hers. "Deal." Just as the two of you were about to leave, you heard your name being called. Turning around you were met with a familiar face jogging up to you, the drummer of the band or as you knew him as a friend.

"Y/N I'm glad I caught you before you left," he said, his voice warm and friendly. "I saw you in the audience, and I just wanted to say thank you for coming to the concert. But I hope you know that's not the reason I'm out here. He wants to see you." Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you exchanged a surprised glance with your roommate. "He wants to see me?" you repeated, your voice filled with a mix of hope and trepidation.

The drummer nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, he asked me to find you after the show. I think he was really surprised and happy to see you here."

Your roommate gave you an encouraging nudge. "Go on," she whispered. "This could be your chance to talk and get some closure."

Taking a deep breath, you nodded at the drummer. "Okay, lead the way," you said, trying to keep your nerves in check. You followed him backstage, the excitement and anxiety building with each step. Backstage was buzzing with activity, and you couldn't help but feel a little out of place among the crew and band members. The drummer led you to a small dressing room, and with a reassuring pat on the back, he left you to face whatever was waiting inside.

Taking a moment to collect yourself, you took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Come in," a familiar voice called out. Stepping inside, you found yourself face to face with Heeseung. The air in the room seemed to crackle with tension as you both took each other in. He hadn't changed one bit which is something you were glad for. He still had that same spark in his eyes and that warm smile that had always made your heart skip a beat.

"I-i-"Your words got stuck in your throat as tears welled up in your eyes. Heeseung's expression softened, and he took a step closer to you. "Hey," he said gently, reaching out to wipe away a tear that had escaped from your eye. "I didn't mean to make you cry." Shaking your head you looked into his eyes, "i ruined our relationship. You should hate me. I ruined something beautiful because I was so dumb and I didn't think that I could have both a future for myself while still being able to be with you. So don't say you missed me or that you loved or still love me. I don't deserve it. I don't. I didn't deserve you."

Heeseung's expression softened even more, and he cupped your face in his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes. "Y/N, you didn't ruin anything," he said earnestly. "We both made decisions based on what we thought was best at that time. I understand why you felt the need to pursue your dreams and have your own path. And I want you to know that I don't hate you, and I never stopped loving you."

You couldn't help but let out a choked sob, feeling the weight of his words and the emotions they carried. "But I hurt you," you said, your voice trembling. "I broke your heart, and I regret it so much."

Heeseung's thumb gently wiped away another tear, his eyes never leaving yours. "It hurt, yes," he admitted, his voice soft but resolute. "But I also understand that you needed to find yourself and your own path. We were young and still figuring things out. And maybe we needed that time apart to grow and learn. But that doesn't mean I stopped loving you or caring about you."

Hearing his words you couldn't help but ask, “Did you mean what you said in those lyrics? A-about the ring?”

Heeseung's expression softened, and he let out a small chuckle. "Yeah, I did," he replied, his voice tinged with a mix of sincerity and vulnerability. "I had thought about proposing to you at one point, but life got in the way, and we both needed time to figure things out. I held onto that ring for a while, hoping that maybe someday the time would be right, but I eventually realized that maybe it just wasn't meant to be then."

You looked into his eyes, feeling a mix of emotions. "I never knew," you whispered, feeling a sense of regret and wonder at the same time. "I wish I had known how you felt."

Heeseung gently brushed his thumb against your cheek, his gaze never leaving yours. "Maybe we were both too scared to communicate our true feelings back then," he said softly. "But seeing you tonight and singing that song, it made me realize that I still care about you deeply. And I want to know if there's a chance for us to try again."

Your heart was racing, and you could hardly believe what you were hearing. "You want to try again?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. Heeseung nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I do," he said, his eyes filled with hope. "I know it won't be easy, and we both have our own paths to follow. But I believe that we can find a way to make it work this time, to support each other's dreams while still being together."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you took a moment to process his words. It felt like a dream, and you were afraid of allowing yourself to hope for something that had once felt lost. "I still love you too," you admitted, your voice shaking with emotion. "But I'm scared. I don't want to make the same mistakes again."

Heeseung gently pulled you into a warm embrace, holding you close. "We'll take it one step at a time," he said softly. "We'll communicate, be honest with each other, and support each other. I don't want to rush anything, but I want to give us a chance to see if we can make it work this time."